An LTR story (Looking for help and offering a bit of advice)

Dav Cole

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Hey, I'm just gonna tell yall a bit about whats been happening to me in my current LTR. If ya can offer advice, it would be appricated. But, theres a lesson to belearned form this too, so I hope it helps you.

I really don't know how to handle my current situation. My girlfriend and I have been going out for five months now. The first three months were fine. Me and her were at college, we were both happy, we both got some at a regular basis. Life was good.

Then summer started, and in the beginning month or so, things were fine. We saw eachother pretty much once a week and talked on the phone almost every day. But, as of recently (past month or so) We've started drifting apart.

Things went downhill fairly quickly for us. From the time we had our first real fight (4 weeks ago) Weve seen eachother more and we talk more: but at the same time, she says shes confused about what she feels, that she doesnt know if we're going to last once school starts up (We both have mad busy schedules), we haven't done anything sexual beyond making out with both of us copping feels, and to top it all off she no longer says "I Love You" anymore (Which in return, I cut down on saying it)

I have my own theorys on why we've grown apart. Maybe its because we had a really physical relationship in college, and now we're not used to not being able to be together physically. Perhaps its the fact that we both lead very different lives from eachother at home that communication broke down. or perhaps its even the fact that we both had our first and only fight and neither of us are sure how to deal with it.

But regardless of the reasons I gave, they all, in a way, lead back to one thing we lost. Common Ground.

At home, i dont think that either of us really has a common or familar ground to talk about stuff or do stuff. I mean this in the physical place idea and in the metaphorical sense of a place where we both intellectually connect. And thats my advice to you all...If you have that common ground, no matter what it may be based on, dont lose it...it accounts to alot more than one may think.

I sincerely hope that once school starts up again, things will get better. I hope they will. But, I need help dealing with things now. I just need to think of a way to....i dunno, find time to be more intimate with her, maybe see her more, or just advice on how to handle myself and this situation in general.

Thanks yall :D
 

Bible_Belt

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we haven't done anything sexual beyond making out with both of us copping feels

After five months? This should be your progress after five dates. Maybe you are moving too slowly, and she is bored. You don't have to jump straight into hardcore sex, but push her boundaries. Lay in bed with her, get her shirt off, then back off and tease her. Two steps forward, one step back, like David D'Angelo says.

Also, not talking every day is probably a good thing if you want to keep her interested. When you're away from her, do research into topics that she enjoys so that you can casually bring up these things in your next conversation. Do not in any way be jealous or act scared of losing her. Ambivalence and mixed messages will keep her interested.
 

Dav Cole

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sorry, that should be clarified. Weve done stuff before. Me and her have basically done every thing but sex (We're both virgins) I just meant in this past month. Before that, like in college, we did stuff atleast twice a week. And in the first month of summer, we did it once a week. Just in this past month we havent had time to do anything and the tension between us is starting to effect it.
 

drZaius09

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Originally posted by Dav Cole
Maybe its because we had a really physical relationship in college, and now we're not used to not being able to be together physically.
You have never had sex with this girl. Your relationship is the exact opposite of "really physical."

At home, i dont think that either of us really has a common or familar ground to talk about stuff or do stuff. I mean this in the physical place idea and in the metaphorical sense of a place where we both intellectually connect.
Nobody know what the hell you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

I sincerely hope that once school starts up again, things will get better. I hope they will.
They won't. If you really want to do something about it now, start looking for other options. And this time, have sex with them.
 

Finch

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Want a solution? Show her an unforgettable night. Spend half a day with her doing all kinds of crazy and exciting things that you both haven't done before. The dates don't have to be extravagant, but they should be actions dates or exciting dates. Just go out and have fun with her and don't spend so much time worrying about what she's thinking, worrying about the relationship, and anything like that.

When the night is beginning to end you should take her back to a private, or even romantic, place and turn her on! Tease her and make her want you. You will be able to tell when she's turned on, so when you're doing something to turn her on stop! Then start all over again. Bud, I think it's about time you had sex with this girl. I don't understand why you haven't. But if there is no significant reason why you haven't had sex with her then I would defiantly try and make a move soon. It's been a long time. My guess is that she's bored waiting for you to make a move.

The key to this is to remain ****y and funny. Always appear that you are confident. Lastly, you have to just let go sometimes to enjoy someone's company. I think you're tense right now because of the circumstances.

Some date ideas could be: Go camping, go bowling, visit an amusement park, etc.

If you wanted to go for a more romantic angle you could always cook for her, set up a picnic, etc.
 

Dav Cole

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Well, the main thing about the sex thing is that weve tried a coupla times but...erm...im just a bit too big for her :p

Ive been trying to loosen her up (Literally) But like i said, we havent really had the chance to do stuff over the summer.
 

Black_Italian

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You’re a strange guy.

Anyway I think she’s getting tired of you. You said you talk every day on the phone spending every moment together is not healthy for a relationship. Have you ever heard of exclusivity? The less your there the more she wants.
 

drZaius09

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Originally posted by Finch
Want a solution? Show her an unforgettable night. Spend half a day with her doing all kinds of crazy and exciting things that you both haven't done before. The dates don't have to be extravagant, but they should be actions dates or exciting dates.
Will you people please stop supplicating yourselves to these broads?!? I don't care how you try to disguise it, "Do something YOU think is fun and just bring her along..." BULLSH1T! You are supplicating, pure and simple.

Dav Cole, if you want to go out and have an "action date" and have fun, bring your damn friends. With your friends, you KNOW you will have fun. Why? Because you won't be with some chick who just doesn't like you anymore, and who's b1tchy attitude has the ultimate power to ruin a perfectly good time. There are soooo many girls out there. FORGET THIS ONE. Do not supplicate any further, take your licks, learn your lesson, and move the f#ck on.
 

Black_Italian

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i dont see the whole action date thing either i settle for coffe or movies. I would never take a girl on any of my Ninja quests with me its just to dangerous.

What do you say anyway:

You: Hey bae were going to for a run then play some basket ball and take a few karate lessons"

pfft action dates are usless. movies/dinner/coffe/yourplace/her place. Those are dates
 

Finch

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Originally posted by drZaius09
Will you people please stop supplicating yourselves to these broads?!? I don't care how you try to disguise it, "Do something YOU think is fun and just bring her along..." BULLSH1T! You are supplicating, pure and simple.

Dav Cole, if you want to go out and have an "action date" and have fun, bring your damn friends. With your friends, you KNOW you will have fun. Why? Because you won't be with some chick who just doesn't like you anymore, and who's b1tchy attitude has the ultimate power to ruin a perfectly good time. There are soooo many girls out there. FORGET THIS ONE. Do not supplicate any further, take your licks, learn your lesson, and move the f#ck on.
lol, you're an idiot.
 

drZaius09

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Finch, isn't it time for some back-to-school shopping or something? Your two-bit input isn't needed here.
 

Finch

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Good one. You feel real mature now, huh? If you wanna fight with me like a little computer nerd then private message me. Otherwise spare me.. have a good one :rolleyes:
 

drZaius09

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When you have something of substance to contribute that amounts to more than just regurgitated DJ bible lore, then I will be happy to discuss it with you.

In the meantime, Dav Cole needs some useful advice for his situation. Recycling the same misguided bullsh1t over and over isn't helping anyone. Next time you want to start in with the ad hominem attacks, YOU PM IT. That way the rest of the board doesn't have to be subjected to your insecurities.
 

Finch

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haha, listen to yourself. You're just totally full of yourself, aren't you? This guy here asked for advice about his relationship. All you suggested was that he dump his relationship with this girl because you ASSUMED that she was a *****y pain in the ass. How ****ing helpful is that? Not very.

You may not think that this relationship is good for him, but that is for him to decide. They're both young adults and still virgins. They have a connection already, but they just haven't been seeing each other very often. BIG DEAL. You don't ****ing dump your girlfriend because you don't see her often after a fight. That's ridiculous. If that's your theory on life.. to run when **** hits the fan.. then I feel sorry for you because I'm sure you live a terrible life. If she continues to show zero interest in him then I totally agree, DUMP THE *****.

Now I don't know what you were thinking when you decided to insult me. Is there some personal glory in it for you? Does it make you feel like a bigger man? Because you come off like an idiot.

Regurgitating the bible? lol ok.. that's fine. Call it what you want. It's better then your half ass advice to up and run.
 

drZaius09

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Originally posted by Finch
haha, listen to yourself. You're just totally full of yourself, aren't you?
Yes, I am. Just like everyone else on here SHOULD be. That's why we're here!

you suggested was that he dump his relationship with this girl because you ASSUMED that she was a *****y pain in the ass.
No, I made the suggestion because her interest level in him is NIL. I can't see how anyone could read the original post and not make the same deduction.

If she continues to show zero interest in him then I totally agree, DUMP THE *****.
Oh, I see. So just how much dignity should he sacrifice? Just how much should he supplicate before he "dumps the *****?"

Now I don't know what you were thinking when you decided to insult me.
Only a cursory glance at this thread will show that you started with the personal attacks by calling me an "idiot." No doubt because you had no rational defense for my critique of your advice. Next time think out a credible argument before you respond.

As a matter of fact, on second thought, I would like to invite Dav Cole to try exactly what Finch suggested. Take her out, show her an "unforgettable night." Symp and supplicate to your heart's desire. Then see where the relationship heads from there and report back to us. That will end this argument once and for all. I look forward to the results, Dav Cole!
 
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"Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, oh Dr. Zaius,
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, oh Dr. Zaius,
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, oh oh oh Dr. Zaius."
 

Dav Cole

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Heh, thanks for the info yall. We did end up breakign up. Which is good, im alot less stressed and i got a sh!tload more time on my hands. Apart from the mini flame war at the end there, ya'll helped alot. Thanks!:D
 
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