An Introduction - Finally

[Dj Tiesto]

Hello DJS.

I decided to finally join this board after a really long period of being a lurker. It is mainly the motivational posts by photo1 and pook that made me join the board.

I am 21 and am extremely shy among chicks (been diagnosed with social anxiety)
I never had a gf and as things go now, probably never will.

It kills mereading all those supposed to be inspiring and motivational threads that deal with issues such as "start living ur life today" or "embrace ur masculinity and act like a man". It kills me reading the dj bible and other succees stories and knowing that I cannot accomplish that and most of all, that my ****in' life passes by b4 my eyes and I'm completely aware of this but still being idle.

I'm not a bad looking guy, Im not fat, not skinny. I'm the perfect case of a "nice guy". Sometimes girls smile at me and all the cool ppl at school or college have always been friendly with me and invited me to be in their company. I never have the guts to smile and can't really talk with a hot chick offline or in a sober state. I examine every word that I say to a chick and always feel stupid and worthless afterwards cuz it never goes as planned.

Deal is, I just can't approach women. I actually never tried and therefore never succeeded/was rejected. Of course when not counting the times when I was drunk and tried to grab some ass at the club.

My life is full of missed opportunities and misery because of that. Led to a big depression and all that chaos.

(I'm sorry that this post is kind of long but I really feel the need to express this ****.)

Today for example, I went to my college and I couldn't even look at hot chicks. I even saw an HB7 who went to a parallel class in high school but I couldnt even find the guts to say "Hey, did u use to go to that school?"
When I go home fridays I always feel like I'm missing so much in life by not being social and have a circle of friends like many others do. I'm always depressed cuz of it but it goes round and round ina freakin vicious circle which lasts years.

I read all the possible internet materialabout the fear to approach and "get rid of ur shyness". Read allthe advices I could, read many books about, did a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, took Paxil. BUT NOTHING WILL ****IN' HELP.
Its like that part of my brain is missing when its time to act and all those advices I read are shattered.

Maybe I should post in the "**** life I wanna die" forum but I'm still hopeful and I'm really commited to a change; so that is why I posted here.
The problem is that I don't know how to change myself.

Sorry for the long post. I really needed to rant.

 

[E-Z Rider]

Forget about your social anxiety bull****.

You're letting it kick your ass.

There is simply no excuse.

If paralyzed people can learn to walk again...you can sure as hell get off your shy ass and talk to chicks.

Here's your plan for tomorrow: Wake up. Shower. Dress. Take hand. Place firmly on nuts. Gently squeeze. Go out and talk to a chick you don't know.

Then come back here with a better attitude. We'll help you, if you're willing to help yourself.

 

[Dj Tiesto]

First, thnx for replying.

Gigalo: I can go to clubs. Problem is I'm goin alone so it sux as u know. Ppl look at u differently and I always end up drinkin and then socializing becomes easy. But maybe I should go alone again tonight and givemyself a goal to talk to a chick when I'm sober.

E-Z: I just don'tknow how to talk to chicks, stranger chicks...
I can handle talking to my friend's gf (HB 7).
I can never talk to a random chick. I'm even afraid to dance with a hot chick when I'm drunk. Even though she smiles at me and dances infront of me. I can never really look her in the eyes and smile.

What can I say, its all ****ed up.
But the period when I felt pitty for myself has ended long ago.

 

[icepick]

Haha! You must be me from 3 years ago! The only difference is I have always had alot of friends, so I knew alot of people, and alot of girls, and there were a few chicks that "did all the work" for me. (If ya know what I mean.)

So, I offer you 2 choices:

1. If you want to be a loser the rest of your life but still getcha d*ck wet:

- Always hang out with people. Find a friend or two that knows many people. Always meet new girls (friends of friends, whatever.) You will come across some girl someday (maybe?) that will see something in you.

2. If you actually want to become a man:

- Stay here and read the DJ Bible.

- Stop downplaying your own opinions and feelings. They are the only thing that truly exists for you, and if you deny them, you deny your own soul.

- Take the initiative in social situations. Don't think too far ahead. If you start talking to a person, that doesn't mean that you are "Friends Forever" or anything. When you say something to a girl, that doesn't mean she is your next wife.

- Grow some balls, and get ready for some tough and embarassing times, BUT you will be 100x better at the end of it as long as you DONT GIVE UP!

 

[Dj Tiesto]

 

[Ice Cold]

What city do u live in?

 

[Dj Tiesto]

Montreal.

 

[Dj Tiesto]

 

[showtime17]

yo u live in montreal? i go to mcgill...same situation with me...21..never had a girlfriend...although i think one of the problems is that mcgill chicks are so stuck up and all the ones that are worth anything have boyfriends, so i never even bother...best i got was a date or two and when she mentioned her bf, i just made up some excuse and left a few minutes after...didnt even try

 

[Lifeforce]

1. Stop apologizing
2. Close your eyes and remember the time when you saw that girl from your paralell class.

Now... discribe to me what is stoping you from approaching. Discribe your feelings.

 

[Dj Tiesto]

yo u live in montreal? i go to mcgill...same situation with me...21..never had a girlfriend...although i think one of the problems is that mcgill chicks are so stuck up and all the ones that are worth anything have boyfriends, so i never even bother...best i got was a date or two and when she mentioned her bf, i just made up some excuse and left a few minutes after...didnt even try

Yeah, Mcgill chicks are bunch of geeky study freaks. I'm goin to Concordia for sure.
I guess the only hope is the nightlife and its pretty good in our city eh???

Now... discribe to me what is stoping you from approaching. Discribe your feelings.

Mainly the fact that I never did it b4 in my life.
I don't fear rejection. It's just that I wanted to approach girls for years. I dont mean 2-3, I actually mean 8-9 yrs. I actually remember liking one girl in high school and never talking to her in the whole 3 yr period I was in class with her.
So yeah, its mainly due to past expiriences or "lack of trying" in the past. Obviouslty, all this tension (illusional fear) has built up and makes me numb and frozen when the situation to approach arises.

 

[Lifeforce]

I think I have a great thing to you then. this:

https://www.ordercourse.com/seduction/products/RJ56.asp

It is a little expensive though so some people might even download it from ***** instead. But it do help, if you follow the exercises and really get into those tapes.

 

[Evo]

join bootcamp really helps trust me by week 2 ur shyness goes away but thats if u work hard and complete ur goals each week

 

[Dj Tiesto]

I'm really not sure if audiotapes would help me. As far as I know, most of those products are just another way to make money, marketing. I regard them in the same way as "enlarge your penis" sites. But maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. I tried Anthony Robins, but it didn't help...

Bootcamp sounds cool tho. But the only problem is that I'm not in college. Hopefully the beginning of next year I will be.

 

[Lifeforce]

Anthony Robbins will give you good techniques but you will have a very hard time implementing the stuff he teaches. That's because he is so generall about it. Ross Jeffries specializes in seduction and his stuff will be much easier to fuse into. Try those audiotapes, they ARE good and they will most likely help you in gaining alot of confidence with women. Talk from first hand experience.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

dude - if you have socail anxiety - the only way to overcome it is to b social but let someone else set up the social setting for u - they have these social clubs in major cities that host events for singles to mingle - make friends with other people that have the same anxiety as u - hell u might solve each others loneliness - there r many girls that r extremely shy and nervous too - they'll make u look like a social butterfly. u r only 21 and u seem as if time is against u - u just started to grow hair on your balls - don't fret u have plenty of time - take dance lessons or a music class - find someone with common interest and you'll at least have a natural progression that leads to conversation

 

[Pacstar]

Tiesto, 2 years ago I was a very similiar situation. My freshman year of college, I had 2 friends, and I didn't go out at all. I just stayed in my room playing stupid **** games like Everquest. My sophomore year of college, I decided that it had to change. This is how I changed ( I have not suddenly become a DJ or something, but at least I no longer have anxiety when meeting people ).


Over the course of a week, there are people (men AND women) that you just KEEP running into. In my case, it was the kids waiting for the bus to take us back to the dorm. We all had similiar schedules, and I'd see the same people waiting for the same bus everyday.

One day I decided to just say hi to someone I always see at the bus stop. Nothing more: "Hi, how are you, I'm <my name>" . That's it, if they want to say anything more, that's great. And I didn't just do this with girls, I did it with men too. The point of this excercise isn't to pick up some girl, or meet some dude that can introduce you to a bunch of people. The point is just to help you become comfortable with other people, and having conversations with them.

Here's some tips for you to talk to people.

1. Greet people with a smile. It's hard at first, but after a while you'll get used to it. If you look excited and happy to meet someone, they'll be excited and happy to meet you.

2. The sound (conversationally) that people love most is that of their own name.

3. Most people enjoy nothing more than talking about themselves. Ask questions that are revealing, but not invasive. Don't become the Spanish Inquisition, but asking simple questions like that show that you're interested in the person you're talking to. For example, if someone has a unique name, ask them what it means.

4. If someone doesn't feel like talking to you, FINE. **** them, they probably suck anyways.

 

[showtime17]

yeah girls in montreal are pretty hot, sometimes at eaton centre...wow...concordia is much better for chicks...there are so many hot ones..i am considering of going to "study" into their library sometime, i just have to get off my lazy a$$ sometime...problem with montreal clubs though is that they're small and usually end up being sausage fests

 

[Dj Tiesto]

Thnx for the replies.

There's not much to conclude.
I think, or I should I say I KNOW that theonly method to beat this $hit is through exposure to social situations. Meaning talking to strangers as much as I can (sales people, ppl with whom I stand in line in the pharmacie, ppl who browse around in cd stores).

I consider things like tapes or advices on this board as a motivational tool; not really 100% practical. Mainly due to the fact that ppl are different and there's no single advice that can suit all.
Same with DJ'ing I guess. There's no universal approach that will work on all chicks. But there are approaches who come close and they are synonymous to the well written advices on this board which, in a way, make u work harder to achieve ur goals. In the end, its all about that and using the motivation u can get from all the advices U can become better (happier). And then, u would be able to build ur own unique approach; whether to chicks or to life.

 

[Dj Tiesto]

yeah girls in montreal are pretty hot, sometimes at eaton centre...wow...concordia is much better for chicks...there are so many hot ones..i am considering of going to "study" into their library sometime, i just have to get off my lazy a$$ sometime...problem with montreal clubs though is that they're small and usually end up being sausage fests

Yeah, Eaton Centre has some nice saleswomen. My goal now is going to malls and talking to them and ask questions to become more comfortable. Its good cuz the can't "reject" u, they can't kick u out of the store. Now that I think about it, seems like a good way to build confidence.

I agree with u about clubs. Last week, I went alone tho and I know what u mean. But it really depends in what club and if u try hard enough, u can easily spot 2-3 chicks that dance without any guys trying to shell them. And if u got the guts, u can be that one.

btw, I recommend Jet, La boom and Extreme. If u feel the need to try some approaches, go to the club early (b4 11pm) , when girls sit and chill with Smirnoff's.