ebracer05
Senior Don Juan
I'll make the point I've been trying to make from your essay:
It sounds like most of the people in this discussion are short term pragmatists.
But if you do believe in absolute truth, you're taking a very weak stance by saying that adding your view on morality is adding bias to to your premise (perhaps even if you don't) because in essence, you're saying you don't have enough confidence in your moral position advocate it. There's a part of me that understands why you take the position you do, and I can appreciate that, but that's another part of me that feels like it's a big cop out.
The second thing here is first, whether it's possible to separate the moral dynamic from the dynamic itself and second, if doing so would ultimately result in any meaningful change. Relationships are a fundamentally human thing, and what you're doing when you refuse to incorporate a sense of ethics in to your discussions is stripping a large portion of humanity away from something that is fundamentally human. That doesn't make any sense.
Don't take this is as disdain for or a failure to appreciate the work you've done with your blog... I think its fantastic and have probably read all of it.
And this does not sound like something an "alpha" guy would say at all.... that I should for some reason be worried because if I pursue something I may want, other people are going to have a problem with it and look upon me with aspersion? That goes against so many of the things you've written. Obviously to a healthy point, I don't think the opinion society and others has on what we do should prompt us to give a d@mn. Am I supposed to choose my dating partners and perhaps a wife based on the way society is going to "feel about it?" The fact that I'm exerting myself as a man in the first place is going to arouse of all the white knights out there anyways... it's not going to matter if I happen to find a woman along the way that happens to have a very good understanding of what it means to be a woman and we have a great relationship. People that would get on your case for marrying a unicorn would get on your case because you were the sort of guy who would marry a unicorn. Actually going out and doing it won't change anything except give them something tangible to point to that they can use to say they are right.
I'm not saying that a breakdown in any of this is something that's going to destroy my psyche or cripple me as a person. Come on guys. Like I have said about 10x, this is an ideal.
It may be a mistake to tie up the entire act of sex in to some cosmic existentialist thing that you're going to spend the next 10 years opining about, but it's just as much of a mistake to eradicate the meaning it does have. There is just as much ego investment in this as there is in making a statement about relationship psychology that has been stripped of its morality. Guys, especially alpha guys, don't want to think about the real psychological consequences that comes with fvcking just for the sake of fvcking because there's a component inside of all of us, whether we have accessed it or not, that understands that every time we do that with a woman, we're leaving her changed in a fundamental way. And I am not being a white knight here... anyone who places them in a potentially deleterious situation informed of its dangers has nothing to complain about if the sh*t should hit the fan. All I'm saying is that there are meta level consequences to fvcking for the sake of fvcking, but no one wants to even address this either because of an ego investment they have or because doing so would require them to acknowledge a problem they are either directly or attempting to contribute to (which is an ego investment).
Actually I agree with this a lot. The problem is that it's a lot more of a platitude than a statement and doesn't offer any clear direction. I would add the following test: Self repression becomes a virtue when it is done to serve the purpose of a legitimate greater good. And unfettered indulgences become a freedom when they done with a mindfulness of how they will impact the totality of what it is that the man is doing. If they will impact it deleteriously, they are a vice. If one is self repressing in a way that does not serve a purpose, that is a vice as well.
The point is, there is a balance.
Do you think this would happen if men in general exerted a standard that this was unacceptable behavior? If a man wouldn't take a woman that was using another man as a springboard to something better, consciously or unconsciously, it would stop happening because it wouldn't work.Rollo Tomassi said:but from a moralistic perspective it is pretty ****ed up that, due to hypergamy, women have an innate capacity to feel little compunction about divesting themselves emotionally from one man and move on to another much more fluidly than men.
This comes down to what I was saying before, what philosophical bent do you come down to? Do you believe in absolute moral truth? Are you a Deontolgist, are you a pragmatist, or are you something else?Rollo Tomassi said:If I approach the topic in a fashion that starts with, “isn’t it very unjust and / or ****ed up that women can move on more easily than men?” not only is my premise biased, but I’d be analyzing the moral implications of the dynamic and not the dynamic itself.
It sounds like most of the people in this discussion are short term pragmatists.
But if you do believe in absolute truth, you're taking a very weak stance by saying that adding your view on morality is adding bias to to your premise (perhaps even if you don't) because in essence, you're saying you don't have enough confidence in your moral position advocate it. There's a part of me that understands why you take the position you do, and I can appreciate that, but that's another part of me that feels like it's a big cop out.
The second thing here is first, whether it's possible to separate the moral dynamic from the dynamic itself and second, if doing so would ultimately result in any meaningful change. Relationships are a fundamentally human thing, and what you're doing when you refuse to incorporate a sense of ethics in to your discussions is stripping a large portion of humanity away from something that is fundamentally human. That doesn't make any sense.
Don't take this is as disdain for or a failure to appreciate the work you've done with your blog... I think its fantastic and have probably read all of it.
I'm not worried about any ethical reasoning. And bro, come on... enough with this hyperbole about some shooting star one and a million woman. It's getting old and played out and I've said at least twice now that I am not expecting to find some Disney fairytale woman.Rollo Tomassi said:But yet, men, even marginally unplugged, red-pill men, are going to wring our hands over moralism about all this? We're gonna worry about pleas to honor or take some ideological high ground because we're worried about coming off as Machievellian? You are the easy tools for gynocentrism. You are meat and potatoes for the society that heaps rewards on the Kate Bolicks of the world.
And even if you found your albino unicorn 'quality girl' in some southeast Asian paradise, all fem-centrism will do is use that as proof of your male guilt and further promote itself as the only legitimate perspective. You're not "Man" enough to handle a 'real' woman. And while the feminine imperative is tearing you down, it also uses your sweet, respecting, feminine girls as an example of the results of the horrible patriarchy and turns her best intentions to a gynocentric purpose.
So tell me again how you're worried about ethical reasoning?
And this does not sound like something an "alpha" guy would say at all.... that I should for some reason be worried because if I pursue something I may want, other people are going to have a problem with it and look upon me with aspersion? That goes against so many of the things you've written. Obviously to a healthy point, I don't think the opinion society and others has on what we do should prompt us to give a d@mn. Am I supposed to choose my dating partners and perhaps a wife based on the way society is going to "feel about it?" The fact that I'm exerting myself as a man in the first place is going to arouse of all the white knights out there anyways... it's not going to matter if I happen to find a woman along the way that happens to have a very good understanding of what it means to be a woman and we have a great relationship. People that would get on your case for marrying a unicorn would get on your case because you were the sort of guy who would marry a unicorn. Actually going out and doing it won't change anything except give them something tangible to point to that they can use to say they are right.
I get the impression that because I've been advocating that men should exert a certain standard of chastity upon women that I'm also trying to assign a higher value to the act of sex with a woman with limited or no previous sexual partners. The point is, as you have said in your own blog Rollo, that if you actually care for your woman and see her as a woman you want to marry, cohabitate with, or some other form of long term arrangement, if you are right, that the ability of a woman to pair bond proportional to the number of previous sexual partners she's had... if that is true - then this doesn't become a statement. It becomes a fact. The sex would have to mean more because the pair bond would be stronger.Rollo Tomassi said:If you choose to derive your personal value from some esoteric sense of what sex ‘should’ mean, more power to you, but I find it’s a much healthier position to accept a balance between our carnal natures and our higher aspirations. It’s not one or the other. It’s OK to want to **** just for the sake of ****ing – it doesn’t have to be some source of existential meaning. If you think it means something more, then that’s your own subjective perspective – even in marriage there’s ‘maintenance sex’ and there’s memorable, significant sex – but it’s a mistake to think that the totality of the physical act must be of some cosmic significance.
I'm not saying that a breakdown in any of this is something that's going to destroy my psyche or cripple me as a person. Come on guys. Like I have said about 10x, this is an ideal.
It may be a mistake to tie up the entire act of sex in to some cosmic existentialist thing that you're going to spend the next 10 years opining about, but it's just as much of a mistake to eradicate the meaning it does have. There is just as much ego investment in this as there is in making a statement about relationship psychology that has been stripped of its morality. Guys, especially alpha guys, don't want to think about the real psychological consequences that comes with fvcking just for the sake of fvcking because there's a component inside of all of us, whether we have accessed it or not, that understands that every time we do that with a woman, we're leaving her changed in a fundamental way. And I am not being a white knight here... anyone who places them in a potentially deleterious situation informed of its dangers has nothing to complain about if the sh*t should hit the fan. All I'm saying is that there are meta level consequences to fvcking for the sake of fvcking, but no one wants to even address this either because of an ego investment they have or because doing so would require them to acknowledge a problem they are either directly or attempting to contribute to (which is an ego investment).
I agree with this.Rollo Tomassi said:It is as equally unhealthy to convince oneself that self-repressions are virtues as it is to think that unfettered indulgences are freedoms. There is a balance.
Actually I agree with this a lot. The problem is that it's a lot more of a platitude than a statement and doesn't offer any clear direction. I would add the following test: Self repression becomes a virtue when it is done to serve the purpose of a legitimate greater good. And unfettered indulgences become a freedom when they done with a mindfulness of how they will impact the totality of what it is that the man is doing. If they will impact it deleteriously, they are a vice. If one is self repressing in a way that does not serve a purpose, that is a vice as well.
The point is, there is a balance.