Am I handling this well?

[Lostsoul85]

I don't doubt that things may be platonic right now.My point of the post was to get her to meet up with me again after her asking for a raincheck even of it is platonic.In the meantime,i will talk to other women for sex options.

 

[VladPatton]

I just don't understand something. Haven't you had a crazy night with this chick yet, where you're both getting a bit hammered and you get touchy-feely with a few pints of liquid courage in the two of you? How safe are those dates, man? Isn't that what 2 horny people do when they're having fun and loose inhibitions? Make her sit on your lap and tell her she's giving you a raging boner or some shıt, who cares!

I think the dates are just too low key and not fun enough. Don't take any of this dating shıt too seriously. Next thing you know your #1 girl doesn't wanna see you anymore and you've wasted a lot of time and money. Play with these girls for fun, and if it gets serious act accordingly. Until then, it's an all-out free for all.

 

[Kailex]

Newsflash: He thinks he's been going on dates. She doesn't.

I just think there is a lot of inconsistencies and incongruence on display.

"I like this woman."
"I don't doubt things are platonic now."
"I don't want her to be my fvck buddy."

No one is saying pump and dump. What we are saying is that if you are trying to get her involved romantically, you are going about it the wrong way. You are already saying you like this woman but you are going through the friend route to get there... which is exactly what these forums advocate AGAINST. Don't you understand that?

Are you okay with just being her guy friend, forever? You are in her Meetup group, you hang out with her, maybe you kiss her... but nothing has happened. Kissing means nothing anymore. It's not even an indicator of romantic involvement. Do you know how many women I've kissed that never saw me again after even though I thought they were interested?

You said you wouldn't stick around if you were paying... but you have clearly stated that you really like this woman. What's really going on here? Be honest with yourself before trying to be honest with us.

I think you have a oneitis in full bloom but it hasn't hit you yet.

I think I'll take the cue from narcissist from now on. He definitely has this right on.

 

[Lostsoul85]

So you guys are saying you have never heard of instances where people started off as friends.The reason i ask is because in REAL life i have heard from friends and coworkers that some of their relationship started off as friends.Now i am not talking about the ones where you listen to all her problems,agree with every thing she says,let her vent,do her homework all in an effort to get into her pants.Basically act like a gay male girlfiriend,which i do not and refuse to do.I dont do ither of these "sympathetic behaviors" and many times i disagree with what she says.The key is space and not making yourself available.Which is why i never see her more than once every couple weeks.Really only you put yourself in the friendzone through your actions.Yes it is true i am ok being cool with her i just wont kiss her anymore.If she wants to she can if not great.So yes I am ok with just being cool with her for now and although I would like to be intimate i am ok of that doesn't happen.

You see my mistake was texting her to say hi after she invited me to the zoo date.I should have waited til the day before the date just to confitrm.Im not a
Inniuendo kind of guy over text so i should have just done nothing but confirm the date.When eh cancelled i should have accepted the tickets and went ghost like nothing ever happened.instead of saying we can still go out this weekend if you are free.Thats where i messed up and she could smell it.So my mistake was that i invaded to much space and wasn't indifferent to her first cancellation.

 

[Lostsoul85]

...

 

[Willard]

So you guys are saying you have never heard of instances where people started off as friends.The reason i ask is because in REAL life i have heard from friends and coworkers that some of their relationship started off as friends.Now i am not talking about the ones where you listen to all her problems,agree with every thing she says,let her vent,do her homework all in an effort to get into her pants.Basically act like a gay male girlfiriend,which i do not and refuse to do.I dont do ither of these "sympathetic behaviors" and many times i disagree with what she says.The key is space and not making yourself available.Which is why i never see her more than once every couple weeks.Really only you put yourself in the friendzone through your actions.Yes it is true i am ok being cool with her i just wont kiss her anymore.If she wants to she can if not great.So yes I am ok with just being cool with her for now and although I would like to be intimate i am ok of that doesn't happen.

You see my mistake was texting her to say hi after she invited me to the zoo date.I should have waited til the day before the date just to confitrm.Im not a
Inniuendo kind of guy over text so i should have just done nothing but confirm the date.When eh cancelled i should have accepted the tickets and went ghost like nothing ever happened.instead of saying we can still go out this weekend if you are free.Thats where i messed up and she could smell it.So my mistake was that i invaded to much space and wasn't indifferent to her first cancellation.

Yes when they start off as friends then after you know the girl for while something sexual happens after drinking or what have you. In your case you started off as dating and then you got friendzoned for whatever reason. You didn't get friendzoned because of the text you sent it was for a reason you will never know.

Also it happens in romatic comedies and disney movies, but not in real life. I don't know anyone who would go to this much trouble for a "friend".

The advice you are getting is to help you deal with this situation and keep your dignity, why woud you want a damaged 37 with mental problems as your friend? Why don't you go out to clubs with her and pick up other girls and use her as a wingman for social proof and have her pay, then you will get real value out of her. Anything else is just a waste of time.

 

[Lostsoul85]

Ok Willard I have no problems going out as friend.To get her to meet up eventually even if its just as a friend won't be a problem right?

 

[Willard]

If you are just friends then there should be no problems and no games.

 

[Lostsoul85]

So just wait for her to get back to me after she asked for the raincheck?
i said hope you feel better and let me know when you are free and she said thanks and will do.

 

[The_411]

Lostsoul, what you are saying about friends first doesn't happen the way you are describing. The usual reason something like this happens has to do with a lack of timing i.e you are dating someone and she is dating someone or one is and the other isn't but there's no waiting around waiting for the other's relationship to fail the two people know each other but for whatever reason there are things that are perventing them from getting together. Even it's not like this happens all the timke and if you asked your parents' friends they'll proabably tell you they were dating someone else and when that didn't work out it happened with this person.

You two are going out and timing has nothing to do with it.

The point here is twofold. 1) You are escalating incorrectly. You go from hugging on the first date to inviting back to her place on date two. Unless there's a lot of build on date two you just went from going 15 to 120 without "shifting gears". How slow or fast a woman gets up to speed can vary but you need to be shifting gears quickly. That's the exhiliariton of going fast.

2) Enough with the madonna/***** complex. The sooner you sexualize women and realize that women need sex more men the sooner you'll move in the right direction. Women want to be desired and ravaged and they want men to act like ... wait for eet ... men! The idea is to meet a woman go out get her aroused and then keep escalating. Just because you have sex doesn't mean you can't have other aspects of relating to this woman. You just get to have both and not sit around being frustrated thinking you are wasting time. Otherwise you get bitter and when she finds someone else guess what you'll have nothing she'll be getting slammed by someone else and she'll spend most of her time with that guy and you might see once in a blue moon. Then what?

A sexual relationship needs sexual frame right up front. If show a friendship frame that's what you will get.

Test a woman early. If she's not into you then stop wasting time with her. It's not going to get better she'll jsut make it seem better to keep you reeled in as an oribter, meanwhile you're pissed that guy are doing the pump and dump with her and you're getting nowhere....

 

[Kailex]

Lostsoul,

Let me tell you a little story about a "friend" of mine. Over a year ago, I was going through a transition in my life. At the time, there was a co-worker of mine who got real close with me. We were friends at the time. She helped me through a lot, and there was no real attraction... because we were co-workers and because she wasn't at that point and I wasn't at that point.

As months went on, I finally was able to move onto a better job and she stayed working at the same place. We were such good friends, that after I left, we kept contact and kept hanging out and going out as we usually did all the time.

Eventually, we started spending so much time together that the interaction and the dynamic change. We realized we were really compatible and could actually see us dating each other at some point. Once that happened, it switched. I was congruent the whole time though. Never once before that point had I seen her as anything more than just a friend. I wasn't measuring "dates" or gauging "kissing interactions". I just saw her as a friend and nothing more. She heard of all the times I went out and there were women and we'd talk about it. She knew I was socially active and it wasn't a problem for her. I always knew she was cute, I just never thought of her in that way until the last few months. Maybe she saw me the same way. Maybe she didn't. Who knows? Who cares?

It's been months and she couldn't possibly see herself going out with anyone else. But did we force the issue or was I sitting there trying to kiss her since Day 1 and saying to myself that I was playing the long game? Absolutely not. That's not my type of interaction.

You are doing completely the opposite. You are purposely trying to get her to be your long-term girlfriend by going the friend route. You can sit here and deny it til you are blue in the face, but you know it's exactly what you are doing... hence the thread and hence the last post. You are TRYING to make it work via the friend route. I almost guarantee you'd have better luck doing that with a 27 year old than with a 37 year old.

i said hope you feel better and let me know when you are free and she said thanks and will do.

Don't be surprised when she doesn't get back to or if she does... she'll probably do so because she is bored and has no other options.

You need to stop pedestalizing this woman. A 28 seeking a 37 year old... the interaction isn't... friends first. I could pretty much guarantee she's disappointed herself in how this is all playing out. She doesn't even get to brag about you with her 40 year old harpy friends... that's a shame.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Holy crap, trap door spider is a hilarious and perfect analogy. I can just picture the confused and blue balled spider waiting and wondering why his woman never came to fvck him?
BTDT, nothing worse than being a blue balled spider alone in your trap.

Ha ha, mtnman, I used that analogy because that's how an old friend used to describe me in my AFC days. He was spot on.

 

[Lostsoul85]

Lostsoul,

Let me tell you a little story about a "friend" of mine. Over a year ago, I was going through a transition in my life. At the time, there was a co-worker of mine who got real close with me. We were friends at the time. She helped me through a lot, and there was no real attraction... because we were co-workers and because she wasn't at that point and I wasn't at that point.

As months went on, I finally was able to move onto a better job and she stayed working at the same place. We were such good friends, that after I left, we kept contact and kept hanging out and going out as we usually did all the time.

Eventually, we started spending so much time together that the interaction and the dynamic change. We realized we were really compatible and could actually see us dating each other at some point. Once that happened, it switched. I was congruent the whole time though. Never once before that point had I seen her as anything more than just a friend. I wasn't measuring "dates" or gauging "kissing interactions". I just saw her as a friend and nothing more. She heard of all the times I went out and there were women and we'd talk about it. She knew I was socially active and it wasn't a problem for her. I always knew she was cute, I just never thought of her in that way until the last few months. Maybe she saw me the same way. Maybe she didn't. Who knows? Who cares?

It's been months and she couldn't possibly see herself going out with anyone else. But did we force the issue or was I sitting there trying to kiss her since Day 1 and saying to myself that I was playing the long game? Absolutely not. That's not my type of interaction.

You are doing completely the opposite. You are purposely trying to get her to be your long-term girlfriend by going the friend route. You can sit here and deny it til you are blue in the face, but you know it's exactly what you are doing... hence the thread and hence the last post. You are TRYING to make it work via the friend route. I almost guarantee you'd have better luck doing that with a 27 year old than with a 37 year old.




Don't be surprised when she doesn't get back to or if she does... she'll probably do so because she is bored and has no other options.

You need to stop pedestalizing this woman. A 28 seeking a 37 year old... the interaction isn't... friends first. I could pretty much guarantee she's disappointed herself in how this is all playing out. She doesn't even get to brag about you with her 40 year old harpy friends... that's a shame.

Next time i see her what do you recommend i do?

 

[thunder_god]

Ok it seems to me that your only listening to advice that you like, and not what actually works nor facing the reality of the situation. Myself, and several others have given you sound advice and yet you continue to chose to ignore it if its not something you want to hear. That's fine, I guess you will have to learn the hard way through pain. They say pain is the best teacher.

 

[MtnMan]

i am the same way, when I first came here, I got lots of great advice that I followed selectively. A couple of failures, and some pain, and I started to realize how valuable that advice that I ignored was. Some people (myself included) need to learn through trial and error. Hopefully what was said here will be in the back of his head in the future, and then he can learn from it.