Am I being AFC?

[bootlegger]

I've been with this amazing girl for about 11 months now. She awesome. We have so much fun together, and this is the first girl, I've ever talked about the future with. I'm 29, and I'm pretty experienced. However, I feel like I may have let my guard down, and became an AFC.

Heres the deal.


She recently went on a vacation with her best friends family, she spent a few days there. She didn't have cell phone service, so she emailed me and I was able to call her. The first time we talked, lasted about 5 minutes. We were talking about her making it safely there, and how the resort was. Then she said, that she needed to go because her food was getting cold. So I obliged. (terrible excuse on her part?)

The next night I called her before going to bed, within 30 seconds she said that she was tired and ready for bed. No real conversation. So I obliged. (terrible excuse?)

I didn't talk to her the next day, then on the fourth day, she began calling and texting whenever her cell phone worked again.

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This week, she went and stayed with the same friend. She has spoken to me for about 10 minutes total all week. She's not distant. She's the same person. She just made excuses both nights to get off the phone, (sleepy and movie is startings)

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This girl loves to talk on the phone, and I don't mind it. But when she is with this friend of hers, she forgets that I exist.


Am I being AFC? Is my gf gay?


I just expect more quality conversation from her, considering I haven't talked or seen her all week. But she just makes excuses to get off the phone.

Be brutal guys. I can take it.

 

[darkstarrr]

That's a tough one. I don't think you are being AFC at all. It's not like you are showing up there or something along those lines, right?

How well do you know this chic? What you know about her past will likely dictate at least in part her present and future.

Is she a righteous girl and her friends family is wholesome? Most importantly, tell us what you know about this friend of hers? Is she a ho or an AW? Does she have a boyfriend or is she single? How does she get along with her bf if she has one? Answers to those qustions will help us to tell you if you should suspect something is up or not.

 

[decades]

you need to start making her want to talk to you by being more scarce and mysterious. Swap roles with her. Make her chase. Just do what she has been doing to you. I would go on mini trips without her and then talk to her for five minutes. If she starts chasing you then you've still got her. If she continues to drift and doesn't take your bait, then you have problems.

 

[thedeparted]

Maybe. Or maybe she's banging a guy and using the BF as alibi. Either way, get a life, and stop calling. When she calls, cut her off after 5 min's.

 

[horaholic]

I've been with this amazing girl for about 11 months now. She awesome. We have so much fun together, and this is the first girl, I've ever talked about the future with. I'm 29, and I'm pretty experienced. However, I feel like I may have let my guard down, and became an AFC.

Heres the deal.


She recently went on a vacation with her best friends family, she spent a few days there. She didn't have cell phone service, so she emailed me and I was able to call her. The first time we talked, lasted about 5 minutes. We were talking about her making it safely there, and how the resort was. Then she said, that she needed to go because her food was getting cold. So I obliged. (terrible excuse on her part?)

that one seems ok

The next night I called her before going to bed, within 30 seconds she said that she was tired and ready for bed. No real conversation. So I obliged. (terrible excuse?)

This one, I dont buy. Who goes to bed early while on vacation? O.K., I guess It can happen, but people dont rush to get off the phone, cuz they're tired.

I didn't talk to her the next day, then on the fourth day, she began calling and texting whenever her cell phone worked again.

------------
This week, she went and stayed with the same friend. She has spoken to me for about 10 minutes total all week. She's not distant. She's the same person. She just made excuses both nights to get off the phone, (sleepy and movie is startings)

Im a little confused on the time frame of these events. Who is this friend, and why does she spend so much time with her?
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This girl loves to talk on the phone, and I don't mind it. But when she is with this friend of hers, she forgets that I exist.


Am I being AFC? Is my gf gay?

I cant say if you were AFC or not, but now that you bring up the next line, it does make me wonder. I've seen it happen. Need more input about her friend. Honestly, who the hell knows? I know a lot of girls, who fvck around with other girls, while in a relationship, but it doesnt seem to affect it, and the guys either dont know, or are OK with it. Better than another dude, I guess, but to me, I would still feel lied to.


I just expect more quality conversation from her, considering I haven't talked or seen her all week. But she just makes excuses to get off the phone.

Be brutal guys. I can take it.

Without knowing more about the situation, I'd say she's losing interest. Your post is pretty vague, however, to make assumptions.

 

[STR8UP]

Women who change their pattern of behavior are generally up to no good. Even if she ISN'T banging some other dude (or some chick for that matter) it's nto a good sign.

Like everyone said....give her a taste of her own medicine and see what happens. Just don't be afraid to get rid of her if things don't go well.

 

[bootlegger]

good posts. I really feel like the girl has some bad ADD. Just my opinion.

When she is not with this girl, we talk fairly often. When she is with this girl. We rarely talk. I don't call her. I wait for her to call me. She sais it's because she doesn't want to be rude.

I'm fine with it. I don't like talking on the phone anyway...But it just makes me feel kinda powerless, and that's not good. I would expect her to WANT to talk to me often, and then she doesn't.

Her interest level seems so high UNTILL she gets with this girl. They don't see each other that much. These past two times are the only time they have seen each other longer than one day. That is the reason she sais that she is so far up her arse (no pun)


As far the the bestfriend goes. Shes seems to be a good girl. Not a ho by any means. She annoying as can be.

 

[bootlegger]

Women who change their pattern of behavior are generally up to no good. Even if she ISN'T banging some other dude (or some chick for that matter) it's nto a good sign.
.

I see what you are saying, but is this really a change?

I know that if I was on vacation, I would probably do the same thing. but the difference, would be that I would talk to her longer, with better quality, because that is what she needs.

 

[bootlegger]

One thing to add. Her friend and her have stayed with me one weekend. Things were pretty much the same. They talked and laughed to each other... I watched football in the same room. I wasn't in on their jokes or conversations.

I was pretty much invisible. Which was fine, because I love football.

 

[Jitterbug]

How well do you get on with her best friend?

When this happens, it usually is because the best friend doesn't like you and your girl doesn't want to upset her.

 

[bootlegger]

How well do you get on with her best friend?

When this happens, it usually is because the best friend doesn't like you and your girl doesn't want to upset her.

We get along pretty well. We've hung out before, and had a good time. She's my girl friends friend and I treat her as such, I'm not her best friend by any means, but we definately don't dislike each other.

 

[jophil28]

This girl loves to talk on the phone, and I don't mind it. But when she is with this friend of hers, she forgets that I exist.


Am I being AFC? Is my gf gay?

I guess that you are detecting a possible detaching or reduced connectedness between the two of you and you are wondering whether you need to be concerned.

Sometimes women feel that they "owe" their girlfriends their time, energy and priority when the girls get together.
This thinking leads to some women acting "differently" when they take a call from their B/f.
Yeh, I know it sound fuked up, but women often do not make sense.

I would follow the advice to distance yourself and do it for more that one day. GO get involved in other activities,hang out with some men. Go fishing.
The idea is to let her know that YOU are not spinning your whels waiting for her to come back to "make you happy". IF she wants the relationship to continue she will act accordingly and chase you.

And please do not torture yourself with some vague fear that she is 'getting some' with another guy. You have NO evidence to support that.

 

[bootlegger]

I guess that you are detecting a possible detaching or reduced connectedness between the two of you and you are wondering whether you need to be concerned.

Sometimes women feel that they "owe" their girlfriends their time, energy and priority when the girls get together.
This thinking leads to some women acting "differently" when they take a call from their B/f.
Yeh, I know it sound fuked up, but women often do not make sense.

I would follow the advice to distance yourself and do it for more that one day. GO get involved in other activities,hang out with some men. Go fishing.
The idea is to let her know that YOU are not spinning your whels waiting for her to come back to "make you happy". IF she wants the relationship to continue she will act accordingly and chase you.


And please do not torture yourself with some vague fear that she is 'getting some' with another guy. You have NO evidence to support that.

Thanks bro. I'm not torturing myself about that at all. If it happens it happens.

It's simply boils down to, why isn't this girl NEEDING to talk to me more?

Typically, I'm the one getting off the phone with excuses....but when she is with this girl. I don't exist.

 

[jophil28]

Thanks bro. I'm not torturing myself about that at all. If it happens it happens.

It's simply boils down to, why isn't this girl NEEDING to talk to me more?

Typically, I'm the one getting off the phone with excuses....but when she is with this girl. I don't exist.

Remember her comment about her, " ...not wanting to be rude.."
That is the clue to her behavior. SHe believes (like many women) that she OWES her loyaty to her G/f when they are together. SHe demonstrates this "loyalty" by being a little "indifferent" toward you. She cuts her calls short with you, is "tired" and "busy" ... These gestures are designed to assure her G/F of her loyalty and commitment to their friendship. She "shifts" her focus onto her G/f because she thinks that is required to cement their friendship. .Unfortunately, this is juvenile behavior, and it is unproductive because she is doing these actions at YOUR expense.
THis is VERY common female behavior. You are expecting more from this woman that she is willing or able to provide yet. SHe is immature and not a fully functioning adult because she does not understand what she is doing and the potential consequences to your LTR.
IF you stop expecting women to act like stable rational men you will be less disturbed when they "go all girly".

I would just be indifferent in response and go do some 'man shyte ' that appeals to you. She will come around.

 

[edger]

Bootlegger, my ex was the same way...except my ex was like this with ALL her friends. I always felt like I didn't exist and she didn't care, which was the truth. If they cared, they wouldn't do it. It goes to show ya who's more important to them. You aren't as important to her as her friend. I'd be wary. I'd personally just treat this chick as a f*ck buddy, nothing more.

You're not being AFC, you're naturally concerned as anyone in your shoes would be. I wouldn't say anything to her unless she alludes to it or if she becomes hypocritical and accuses you of doing it to her. But I would do it a nonchalant, confident, unneedy way. Like others are saying; pull away, give her the same treatment, and turn it around.

 

[jophil28]

It's simply boils down to, why isn't this girl NEEDING to talk to me more?


.

Partly because her "needs" for closeness, emotional intimacy, and connection are being met by her G/f.
Women connect with the person immediately in front of them as PRIORITY.

Kind of like a kid at Baskin Robbins.

 

[bootlegger]

Remember her comment about her, " ...not wanting to be rude.."
That is the clue to her behavior. SHe believes (like many women) that she OWES her loyaty to her G/f when they are together. SHe demonstrates this "loyalty" by being a little "indifferent" toward you. She cuts her calls short with you, is "tired" and "busy" ... These gestures are designed to assure her G/F of her loyalty and commitment to their friendship. She "shifts" her focus onto her G/f because she thinks that is required to cement their friendship. .Unfortunately, this is juvenile behavior, and it is unproductive because she is doing these actions at YOUR expense.
THis is VERY common female behavior. You are expecting more from this woman that she is willing or able to provide yet. SHe is immature and not a fully functioning adult because she does not understand what she is doing and the potential consequences to your LTR.
IF you stop expecting women to act like stable rational men you will be less disturbed when they "go all girly".

I would just be indifferent in response and go do some 'man shyte ' that appeals to you. She will come around.

That is a very interesting statement. And it's weird to see it typed out like that. She is immature. I left that out because I didn't want to corrupt opinions. She actually said once "me and so-and-so are going to be friends forever".... Which reminded me of some "Fox and the Hound" type shyte.

I think the guys were right about me making myself scarce. I'm usually available when she calls, if I'm not I'll call her back. When I'm with my friends, I usually MAKE time to call her... I'm giving too much, I do beleive.

This just goes to show you, how as soon as you let your guard down, you get punked.

 

[bootlegger]

Partly because her "needs" for closeness, emotional intimacy, and connection are being met by her G/f.
Women connect with the person immediately in front of them as PRIORITY.

Kind of like a kid at Baskin Robbins.

So she's not gay? LoL


Thanks for the insight. I've never had a GF will such a good best friend, so this is unchartered territory.

 

[STR8UP]

I guess that you are detecting a possible detaching or reduced connectedness between the two of you and you are wondering whether you need to be concerned.

Sometimes women feel that they "owe" their girlfriends their time, energy and priority when the girls get together.

A woman who has proven IL will NOT engage in this type of behavior. You know better. Women who have "eyes" for one man will diss the g/f over the man any day of the week. When the dynamic has changed it's different. Hence, this post. He KNOWS something is wrong. The gut doesn't lie. Or as Karma would say "Trust your little man".

This is an 11 month relationship, not a chick he has dated for two or three weeks. One month, one year, or one decade, a woman who is into her man WILL NOT behave this way.

I just re-read the OP. You want my best guess as to what is going on? Probably the same thing that happened to me in my last LTR. Something caused the chick to lose interest or worry that you are about to dump HER (as was my case). She starts "hanging out with her friend" more often (going out of town is the icing on the cake!). Instead of staying on the phone because she "loves to talk" (to YOU that is) she cuts conversations short because she has either a) started to lose interest to the point where it might not be salvageable b) "seeing" someone else (cheating emotionally), or c) cheating.

Based upon my experience, I would go with B. If she is on her way out and actually sleeping with someone else there would likely be more red flags. I would GUESS that she's looking for a new branch.

 

[bootlegger]

A woman who has proven IL will NOT engage in this type of behavior. You know better. Women who have "eyes" for one man will diss the g/f over the man any day of the week. When the dynamic has changed it's different. Hence, this post. He KNOWS something is wrong. The gut doesn't lie. Or as Karma would say "Trust your little man".

This is an 11 month relationship, not a chick he has dated for two or three weeks. One month, one year, or one decade, a woman who is into her man WILL NOT behave this way.

I just re-read the OP. You want my best guess as to what is going on? Probably the same thing that happened to me in my last LTR. Something caused the chick to lose interest or worry that you are about to dump HER (as was my case). She starts "hanging out with her friend" more often (going out of town is the icing on the cake!). Instead of staying on the phone because she "loves to talk" (to YOU that is) she cuts conversations short because she has either a) started to lose interest to the point where it might not be salvageable b) "seeing" someone else (cheating emotionally), or c) cheating.

Based upon my experience, I would go with B. If she is on her way out and actually sleeping with someone else there would likely be more red flags. I would GUESS that she's looking for a new branch.

Point taken, but that still doesn't explain why she only does it when she is with this girl. We were together all weekend, and everything was normal as usual. But Monday is when she started this. She's already talking about spending this weekend with me, even after she has been MIA all this week.

And she did actually say that for the past 11 months, she has neglected her friendships. Which she probably has, because she hasn't really spent any time with anyone but me. It started with the trip though... and she is also on break from school right now.