Almost all relationships that are ended by women are already trash before

Baibars

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My observation is that almost all relationships ended by women no matter how she ended it, where already trash for a long time.
Most times she didn’t even have genuine crazy high desire for you to begin with or she lost it. We as stupid and blind we are, just act as if that’s not already a reason to leave that relationship. Maybe we where the ones treating her bad because we didn’t have that desire for a long time but we kept living that way until she pulled the trigger.
When she pulls that trigger no matter what she does even if it’s cheating, it usually doesn’t happen while you where banging her like you used to or she loved you like she used to (if she ever did that).

then someone (like me) comes here asks for help even though all the signs where there. She didn’t end it or cheat out of the blue. Yes, cheating is immoral but it’s not like you two where crazy in love.
 

sevbucmash

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You know who has it good? People who met in highschool and got married and stayed together. They now have children and they don't need anything else.
 

SW15

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My observation is that almost all relationships ended by women no matter how she ended it, where already trash for a long time.
Women end the majority of relationships. There are many well known stats that women are the ones who file for divorce to end marriages.

In non-marital relationships, women end those more often than men end those. The gap isn't as large as women ending marriages though.

Women are also usually the ones ending interactions after 1-2 dates. The "1-2 date, no sex, no extended relationship" interaction is usually ended by a woman, either by ghosting/flaking or a "I had a good time on our date(s), but do not see this going anywhere" text message.

With extended relationships, they often tend to fall apart more slowly than most outside observers would think that they would. The process of de-coupling takes longer than it probably should. This is more true in marriages (especially marriages with children) than non-marital relationships. However, non-marital relationships do often last longer than they should.

In marriages, the "trash phase" lasts longer than it should because people feel obligated to keep it going for a variety of reasons. Some people keep it going longer for the sake of the children (but will usually divorce before the children turn 18), some people will engage in marriage counseling for something like 6-12 months to try to save it. Marriage counseling usually doesn't fix a marriage and just postpones the inevitable divorce. I also think that people often hesitate to start a divorce process because it's a pain to deal with the logistics of it. There are a variety of legal implications and then practical implications like finding a new place to live (for at least one person), finding a new sexual partner (for both), etc.

Non-marital relationships without children are easier to end. The "trash phase" doesn't tend to last as long as a result. Non-marital relationships often have a "trash phase" but the practicalities of de-coupling are often easier. If the two people aren't living together, no one has to find a new place to live. If the coupling is living together, at least one person will need to find a new place to live. There can be complexities with owned real estate and even rented real estate. With renters, a non-marital couple might decide the end the romantic relationship at the end of the lease.

I can't cover every situation in this post but I think this is a good start on commentary.

You know who has it good? People who met in highschool and got married and stayed together. They now have children and they don't need anything else.
There's something to be said for people who meet in high school and college (before ages 22-23 -- typical college graduation ages). They get together young and have the potential to grow well together. It can be a near ideal situation to meet someone in high school or college and have a decades long relationships.

There are also couples who form in high school/college, get married, have children and eventually divorce in their 30s/40s too.

It is interesting to compare couples who form in high school/college to couples who form at age 30 and beyond. When longer term committed couples form at age 30+, they tend to bring more baggage into a relationship. Even in situations when 2 childless 30/40 somethings get together, it does often resemble an awkward corporate merger. The two people had long lives independent of each other. They didn't really grow together like the high school/college formed couple. The same magic isn't there.

There are often couples forming at age 30+ starting new committed relationships with past failed marriages and children from past failed marriages / past failed relationships. Merging households and merging children under 18 together is messy.

Another unpleasant situation occurs when two people 50+ with adult children form a new relationship. Although that's less messy than getting together in one's 30s-40s typically with younger children, coupling up as older adults with young adult children causes friction. The adult children typically aren't enthusiastic about their parent's new partner, even if they are cordial to them. The two sets of adult children usually don't enjoy spending holidays with each other either. Another thing that might happen is that one partner's adult child has employment/financial issues and might need to move in with a parent in their 20s-early 30s. That can cause issues as well for the 50+ couple that lived almost all their lives apart from each other.
 

SW15

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Relationships are impermanent, just like everything else. When you're aware of that, you can direct your energies towards enjoying everything for however long it lasts
That's a very healthy viewpoint on relationships.

If that is your viewpoint, then there are a few different ways to pursue women and relationships.

The most common paths would be short term interactions (being a player) and non-marital serial monogamy.
 

Fortune_favors_the_bold

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My observation is that almost all relationships ended by women no matter how she ended it, where already trash for a long time.
Most times she didn’t even have genuine crazy high desire for you to begin with or she lost it. We as stupid and blind we are, just act as if that’s not already a reason to leave that relationship. Maybe we where the ones treating her bad because we didn’t have that desire for a long time but we kept living that way until she pulled the trigger.
When she pulls that trigger no matter what she does even if it’s cheating, it usually doesn’t happen while you where banging her like you used to or she loved you like she used to (if she ever did that).

then someone (like me) comes here asks for help even though all the signs where there. She didn’t end it or cheat out of the blue. Yes, cheating is immoral but it’s not like you two where crazy in love.
They try to punch above their league and while they can get sex, they cant get commitment from those men despite in their mind the sex happening seals the deal (they simply dont get that men are much more generous when it comes of requirements for sex).

At some point they still want the happy settled life and have to get it from the men willing to (those from their own league) yet they are dissatisfied, they got used to upper dogs and think they deserve one.
In the long run the poor guy basically pays with his money and mental health for their dissatisfaction.
 

BaronOfHair

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The most common paths would be short term interactions (being a player) and non-marital serial monogamy.
Kids being in the picture is, and always has been, the only compelling motive to marry. Even marriages don't last forever though...

One spouse dies by suicide, both die after being attacked by four masked assailants while visiting their cabin in the rural Carolinas, they divorce after the union runs it's course, or one spouse decides they've been gay the whole time, then run off to San Francisco
 

Doctor Doom

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Exactly why I will never enter that world (relationship) again. The man loses all power.

Only deal with good-looking chicks who bring along more good-looking chicks.
 

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Many of these issues could be prevented or at least be spotted a lot earlier if men were as in touch with their emotions as women, generally speaking.

Hate to say it, but the average woman is a step above the average man in that regard.

I'm tempted to say it's not fvcking hard, but then I remind myself that many men don't have the slightest clue about how this works. It's sad.
 

BaronOfHair

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I'm tempted to say it's not fvcking hard, but then I remind myself that many men don't have the slightest clue about how this works. It's sad.
Luckily for us, emotions are just a byproduct of our thoughts, beliefs, and schemas. Start becoming aware of those + Identifying the many distortions present in them
isn't easy, nonetheless it's an endeavor very much worth the effort
 

corrector

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My observation is that almost all relationships ended by women no matter how she ended it, where already trash for a long time.
Most times she didn’t even have genuine crazy high desire for you to begin with or she lost it.
This is a good cope thread for getting dumped.
 

jhonny9546

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You know who has it good? People who met in highschool and got married and stayed together. They now have children and they don't need anything else.
Not sure this is 100% a statement, because mostly those people are togheter because they didn't wanted to "know" themselves first, or to fight other problems.

But I can give credit to this
Kids being in the picture is, and always has been, the only compelling motive to marry
And then divorce?
So many single moms out there lately

I'm tempted to say it's not fvcking hard, but then I remind myself that many men don't have the slightest clue about how this works. It's sad.
So there is a test to know it?
 

BaronOfHair

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And then divorce?
So many single moms out there lately
In Post-Industrial nations, full-blown single motherhood(no father in the picture at all)is a phenomena largely confined to the poor. The middle and upper classes waiting till the kids are grown, then divorce afterwards
 

SW15

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In Post-Industrial nations, full-blown single motherhood(no father in the picture at all)is a phenomena largely confined to the poor. The middle and upper classes waiting till the kids are grown, then divorce afterwards
There's truth to this. Full blown single motherhood is more of a thing for the poor.

There are plenty of middle class single moms in the USA. These are typically previously married but divorced single moms. The father is involved at some level in the majority of cases. One exception would be if the father is a substance abuser. Then, he's not likely to be.

I haven't seen a lot of waiting until the kids turn 18 and divorcing. I saw that happen once with an affluent Boomer parents waiting until all their Millennial children were 18+ to divorce.
 

jhonny9546

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There's truth to this. Full blown single motherhood is more of a thing for the poor.

There are plenty of middle class single moms in the USA. These are typically previously married but divorced single moms. The father is involved at some level in the majority of cases. One exception would be if the father is a substance abuser. Then, he's not likely to be.

I haven't seen a lot of waiting until the kids turn 18 and divorcing. I saw that happen once with an affluent Boomer parents waiting until all their Millennial children were 18+ to divorce.
So, my cousin had to get a divorce because his wife was cheating on him. They have two kids, aged 8 and 3. My cousin is lower class; he pays the mortgage and has a regular job, and so does his wife.

Their marriage lasted five years, but she started cheating on him after that, specifically with a coworker at work. My cousin didn’t let her go without anything; they were always traveling—maybe even too much. However, I have to admit that he was too much of a doormat, doing housework even after a long day at work. Their relationship was too much of a 50/50 partnership when he should have taken on more of a traditional role, perhaps an 80/20 split.

In my opinion, it’s really rare to find a woman who feels comfortable in a 50/50 relationship.

It's hard for me to understand the reason why a "richer" couple would stay togheter until their sons would be adult.
Why?
 

SW15

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It's hard for me to understand the reason why a "richer" couple would stay togheter until their sons would be adult.
Why?
In the United States, the general idea has been for parents to stay together until the children are legal adults to give them a stable household during their formative years. There have been statistics that have shown that children have better outcomes in 2 parent households. Some parents will try to game the system with that and stay in a loveless marriage until their last child turns 18 and leaves the house (typically for college).

I think this was a more tactic for the Silent Generation (late 1920s-1945 births) and Baby Boomers (1946-1964 births) in the 1970s-2000s than it has been recently. The Boomers' kids typically turned 18 by the early 2010s. Generation X (1965-1980 births) members have been the parents of people turning 18 in recent years and I haven't seen this trend as much in Generation X. I haven't done much research on this topic lately.

This might not have been a trend in Italy or the rest of Europe.
 

SW15

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Curious about this scenario which I don't see here in Italy, since people would just cheat or divorce
Loveless and sexless marriages happen in the United States. Infidelity and divorce happens in USA marriages too.

It's possible for infidelity to happen and marital sex to be very little if nothing.

With infidelity, men usually want to do it more and have fewer opportunities to do it. A good portion of married men are betas with unimpressive game. Women don't want to do it as much (lower sex drive due to less testosterone) but have far more opportunities to do it up until a certain point (somewhere around 45-50).

It's easy to see how sexless or near sexless marriages can happen. The woman loses interest in sex with her husband over time. This often happens when the relationship has lasted 5+ years. This is my "relationships have a shelf life" idea. These married men are often game lacking betas who can't find new sex easily. It's common for people to stay in bad marriages longer than they should, even in instances when they divorce. Having children together usually postpones a divorce to some degree. There are people who wait until all the kids turn 18 to divorce but that's becoming less common in the USA. In the USA, the typical divorce happens before the oldest child is 13-14.
 

SW15

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You know who has it good? People who met in highschool and got married and stayed together. They now have children and they don't need anything else.
Not necessarily no. The truth is somewhere in the middle. It depends.

From the 1970s-2000s, the common knowledge was that earlier in life marriages were more likely to lead to divorces. Both average/median age at first marriage has increased since the 1970s. It has steadily increased over time.

In the US, early marriages now are often now done in deeply religious communities. People meeting in Christian communities in high school or the more religious colleges where Ring by Spring is still a thing.

In the past, when average/median first marriage ages were younger, early age marriage was not always related to devout practice of a religion.

Men from these types of communities rarely ever make it to SoSuave or similar type forums.

It is possible for people to be happier when they meet someone early in life and stay with them. It's less common statistically. Even those marriages are prone to the shelf life that I promote as well, where relationships tend to decline in quality after 5 years. One thing that helps those relationships is that the women tend to have had fewer sexual partners before marriage. In most marriages today, that's difficult to find. Keep in mind that the 2010s data is from marriages in the early 2010s (I think 2011-2012) and is somewhat older. It's doubtful these numbers are getting much better in the 2020s, even if a lot of Gen Z isn't having that much sex.

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I see how it can be possible for an early in life couple to form and be happy though many people won't see a lot of these couples in their social circles.
 
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