Age

[zekko]

Most of you know I live with my girlfriend and I'm a loyal fellow so I'm not even in the game, really. But in the last three months I've had a 22 year old and a 25 year old basically offer themselves up to me, and I wasn't even trying to game them, I just talked to them and joked around with them. There's no question I could have banged either one of these chicks whenever I wanted. And neither one of these girls were the sleazy type, I knew them through social circles.

I'm not saying this to brag, it's just to point out that there's no question that a guy in his 50s can date girls in their 20s. I've been having some identity struggles with being 50+, but now I have to believe the evidence in front of me, it really makes no difference. I always felt that age and maturity was an advantage for me when I was in my 30s and 40s, but I thought that advantage expired once you hit your 50s. Apparently it does not.

Now I bet if you would ask a young girl "Would you date a guy in his 50s?", they would probably say "Eww, no way!". But when you take the question out of the abstract and actually know them, it's different.

As a man, who is wired to be attracted to youth and beauty, it's hard to understand why a young girl would be attracted to a man so much older. But attraction triggers for females obviously really are very different than for males.

And there are guys on here who turn 30 and think they can't date girls in their 20s anymore because it's "creepy". Self limiting beliefs, gentlemen.

 

[PeakIV]

I was 39 she was 24 when we started dating....

I thought it was my cool looks, charm and wit....

no... she had daddy issues and was looking for a white knight..

 

[SSBS]

That's why you enjoy the ride for what it is.

 

[PeakIV]

yup, knew it wouldn't last , had a good time though....

oh apart from the massive comedown at the end....

 

[Tictac]

Don't ask the question in the 1st place. Follow your instincts.

If she's interested, she's interested.

I'm 61. I don't approach women who aren't 50 or so. But when a younger woman hits on me (it happens more than I ever would have thought), I go with it.

 

[Itsjustme]

If a girl that young is wanting to date you/**** you that's a red flag right off the bat. If all you want is a lay it's great i'm not that far yet, once I get the lay I still want more and unless you actually laid the chick you're never gonna know if you truly could have done it, they could just be attention *****s. The validation does feel good though.

 

[Three]

Thanks for the post, Z. I turned 42 last month and just filed divorce papers last week. My STBX is 31 and I get a lot of attention from younger women and, oddly, I guess, a lot of attention from married women around my own age.

My take on the age thing has been that younger women are definitely attracted to older men, even if logically they don't think it would work out in a relationship. Attraction is a powerful force, though.

Edit:

Oh, and Peak: That describes my second wife I'm just now divorcing to a tee. Mad as a hatter, but hot young thing. BPDs are never worth the comedown...

 

[zekko]

If a girl that young is wanting to date you/**** you that's a red flag right off the bat. If all you want is a lay it's great i'm not that far yet, once I get the lay I still want more and unless you actually laid the chick you're never gonna know if you truly could have done it, they could just be attention *****s.

Nah, I'm sure I could have nailed both these girls. I'm 51 years old and have been dealing with women all my life. Plus I tend to err on the conservative side when it comes to gauging women's attraction to me. I know, I can tell, this was very clear.

And I know these girls, they aren't attention hos. I consider myself something of an expert on attention hos, I've known so many of them. Attention ho tactics set off immediate alarms of suspicion in my head.
These are nice decent girls, and that tends to be the type of girl I attract.

I don't consider their interest in me a red flag, either, I'd say that's a sign that they have impeccable taste. I mean I'm just an average looking guy, unlike all the guys on here who claim to be "8s" or above. But I do have a quirky sense of humor, I don't take myself too seriously, and most importantly I have my sh!t together.

I've always been able to attract younger women, I don't know what it is. My girlfriend is 15 years younger than I am. By the same token, I tend to get along with people of all ages, male or female. I've never been the type of person who only hangs out with people from my age group. I don't discriminate.

As 40+ men, we generally have confidence and sexual experience that younger men do not have, and I believe, it oozes out of us.

I don't know if I'll ever fully understand this whole "confidence" thing.
The funny thing is that during the period that I attracted these girls, I wasn't feeling very confident because I was worried I was past my prime, I was thinking that I'd be looked upon as old because I was in my 50s now. And yet I attracted these girls anyway. Just like when I was in my 20s, I was never particularly confident, but I still got laid. I just knew enough that I should fake it.

I'm confident in myself as a person, I know what I'm capable of, and what I'm not. I just don't always trust that women will be smart enough to see it.

When people say "Be confident", I always think that they mean some sort of over the top demonstration that they think they are a big ladies man or something. Which sounds insecure to me. I'm not nervous to talk to girls or to be myself around them, whether they are attracted to me or not. That's probably closer to real, actual confidence than the type of swagger that usually comes to mind when you think of "players".

You guys in your 30s and 40s shouldn't even give your age a second thought, seriously.

 

[Desdinova]

I can't say I can boil it all down to "young women are definitely attracted to older men". The fact is women are attracted to men who can move them emotionally regardless of age.

I was actually a bit concerned with my age when I split from my ex-w even though my mistress was 22. After I landed my gf who was 21 at the time and talking to a friend who was marrying a woman he met when she was 20 and he was 35, it really changed my mind.

Age really doesn't matter when it comes to women qualifying men. I believe that works in our favor. A man can land a woman in her early 20s who's low on baggage and not jaded towards men instead of landing a single mommy of 4 who hates every man who's broken her heart.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Zecko,
Posts similar to this come up every year like the Daffodils.....The last time I addressed it,I described the quite bizarre situation of an Old Guy on my Argentine Tango Scene,who had quite stolen the heart of a far younger Lady .....This guy is round about 55-58,recently retired,divorced with several kids,very stylish dancer....She is about 26 Uni graduate,great job,about a 7.5,very nice girl,just learning her dancing....Well things have run their course on this one...He ended up taking his Paramour to Buenos Aires,on a Tango holiday...Don't know what transpired,but after three months they are back and are no longer even on speaking terms...It would have been an interesting experience for them both,but maybe a tad bitter-sweet in its closing stages though!

 

[Phaedrus]

Solid, solid advice.

Rollo has a good post about why this is (http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/final-exam-navigating-the-smp/); an earlier Solomon post (http://solomonreborn.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/proverb-14-the-marriage-zone/) describes the same idea, but Rollo's analysis (and follow-up: http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/smv-in-girl-world/) is much better. There's a pretty good argument in there for the ideal age difference between men and women to be about 12-15 years, and not hard to go higher.

It seems very true in my experience: 40 yo, dating a 25 yo now and a couple similarly aged girls over the past year. Solid 7s and 8s; I could have never gotten them when I was their age.

I wish I'd known this earlier, it's much easier than you'd think. Maybe not every young woman is up for it, but enough are that (if you're in shape and confident and just reasonably successful) you will definitely get some real IOIs from girls a deade or two younger than you if you put yourself out there. And then it's just a matter of following up.

And there's some corollary advice here for the younger guys: spend your twenties working on yourself: stay in shape, make your place in the world and gain the kind of confidence that can only come with age and experience. You'll eventually pull the kind of girls who are currently blowing you off. (I mean: damn, I wish I'd been told this stuff 20 years ago.)

 

[zekko]

I can't say I can boil it all down to "young women are definitely attracted to older men". The fact is women are attracted to men who can move them emotionally regardless of age.

Right. I certainly would not say that every young girl is going to be attracted to a much older man. I think statistics show that on average, a woman prefers a man to be about four years older than she is. The point is that young women CAN be attracted to older man, and that it's not at all unusual. You know the expression: Don't come up with reasons why a woman won't fvck you, that's her job.

Some people say "May/December" romances are a bad idea because they lack common interests and experiences. I don't really see this as a problem at all. I think that the biggest problem with big age differences is probably lifestyle. For instance, I've "slowed down" a good bit since my 20s. A young girl is going to want to go out and party a lot, and I've long since lost interest in making that part of my regular routine.

But these differences shouldn't come into play if you're only looking for quick and easy sex. I have a friend who is my age, divorced and balding, he goes through a string of girls in their young 20s for pump and dumps, that's what he's into. And while that's not my current style, it shows what is possible, and that young girls can and do become attracted to much older men.

 

[Desdinova]

Some people say "May/December" romances are a bad idea because they lack common interests and experiences. I don't really see this as a problem at all.

I've been thinking about this subject for quite some time. I've dated lots of women who have common interests with me. It makes for easy date planning, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she is much more compatible for you.

I don't have a whole lot in common with my gf, but we can still figure out stuff to do together. It just takes a bit more planning. So what if I'm not taking the easy way out?

What makes her compatible with me is her temperament, her values, how she treats me, and yes - her looks. She respects my opinions and values, and that's more important to me than liking the same music or enjoying the same foods. You can work around having different interests, but you can't work around a woman who treats you like a piece of 5hit.

I think that the biggest problem with big age differences is probably lifestyle. For instance, I've "slowed down" a good bit since my 20s. A young girl is going to want to go out and party a lot, and I've long since lost interest in making that part of my regular routine.

Not all young girls want to go out and party. I find it's more of a matter of maturity and overall life experience. A young girl is going to do more stupid things than you will because she just doesn't know any better. If you stick with her and give her some time, she will eventually learn from experience what stupid things she shouldn't do (although she never will completely stop doing stupid things - remember she's a woman and she functions primarily on emotion ) The learning of avoiding stupid things is called 'maturing' and it takes time.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Zekko,

I think that "confidence" is simply a buzzword that is used for "social calibration" or "social ease". If a man can hold a conversation and display some wit he is prceived as "confident".

 

[zekko]

I've been thinking about this subject for quite some time. I've dated quite a few women who have common interests with me. It makes for easy date planning, but it doesn't necessarily mean that she is much more compatible for you.

Actually, in your case, your romance is more "April/July" than "May/December".

For me, even though my girlfriend is 15 years younger than I am, we actually do have several common interests, and I don't think that's unusual. A lot of younger girls like a lot of the older music and culture, for instance. But I agree that what's more important is where you're going, if you're both on the same page, what kind of values you share, how you treat each other - that's the bigger picture.

Not all young girls want to go out and party.

Right, and I should point out that a lot of older guys do still like to go out and party. No stereotypes here. I was just speaking for myself, I guess.

 

[Desdinova]

A lot of younger girls like a lot of the older music and culture, for instance.

It's really odd where me and my gf click when it comes to music as we both have wide varieties of taste. I generally stick to rock, punk, and alternative while she sticks to techno and british pop. Because of our wide tastes, we've found that we click with new wave and 60s psychedelic, although I've found myself enjoying some of the new british pop she listens to.

if you're both on the same page, what kind of values you share, how you treat each other - that's the bigger picture.

It's also how our personalities work together. I've dated girls where our personalities have clash badly, and it makes the whole situation stressful and difficult. Our personalities work very well together when it comes to decision making, problem solving, conflict resolution, and taking enjoyment in our activities. That is much more valuable to me than having her attend a record collector's convention with me.

 

[zekko]

I think that "confidence" is simply a buzzword that is used for "social calibration" or "social ease". If a man can hold a conversation and display some wit he is prceived as "confident".

From a practical standpoint, that makes a lot of sense, I like that definition.

It's just that reading forums like this, you get the impression confidence is more of a narcissistic swagger, and I'm not sure that's genuine confidence. That sort of exaggeration seems more likely to stem from insecurity and trying to compensate. Can girls tell the genuine article when they see it, or do they want the fake show?

Not that there's anything wrong with swagger, there's a time and place for everything. But what is it about confidence that is supposed to be this big attraction factor? I think a woman wants a guy who is strong and capable. So if she sees a guy who is nervous and unsure of himself, fumbling around, that's not a good sign of masculinity.

As far as social calibration and ease, I do agree with you. But I don't want to give the impression you have to be a very social guy to attract women, because I don't believe you do. I don't think you have to be that life of the party, center of attention guy.

That guy is always going to get his, but the quieter guys can pull too. It helps if he is comfortable in his own skin, as they say. There's a difference between the wallflower in the corner eating his liver because he's not drawing attention, and the guy who is patiently chilling and able to grab his opportunity when it comes up.

personalities work very well together when it comes to decision making, problem solving, conflict resolution, and taking enjoyment in our activities. That is much more valuable to me than having her attend a record collector's convention with me.

I think that's an area where having a younger girlfriend can help. She knows you are more mature and experienced than she is, so she is more likely to defer to your judgement. I know my girlfriend trusts my decision making ability.

 

[Aristippus]

Zekko,

It's no surprise that women in their early twenties could be interested in older men. Just look at the maturity level of many guys in their 20's. Especially in their early 20's. You either have the obnoxious frat boy or the friendly guy with a good personality but with limited experience. So a lot of times what happens is you have guys, because of immaturity, acting either obnoxious or nervous, depending on what end of the spectrum they're on.

This is why it amazes me when a guy in his 30's or even 40's brags about or makes a big deal about a girl (not woman) in her late teens. Think 18 or 19. These girls are immature (meaning, in my book, they are NOT catches) and look at how goofy the guys in her age group or slightly younger are. If she's 18 or 19, she's spent most of her life being approached or surrounded by goofball teenage guys with absolutely no style and no clue. Most of them very awkward, dum, and immature (yes, all teenagers are dum, even the ones that are smart for their age). Just a few short years ago these girls were 15 and 16, being surrounded by 15 and 16 year old adolescent males in their awkward attempts at getting female attention.

Now all of a sudden some 30-something guy thinks he's "the man" because he got together with an 18 year old? This gives me the idea that this guy has a lot to learn. He's still in a "beginner's" and "inexperienced" frame of mind himself. If he compared himself to some goofball pimple-faced teenager, he'd realize there's really no competition there. It would be like Pee-Wee Herman in a boxing match with Mike Tyson.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You gentlemen will love this:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/the-mature-man/

 

[5string]

You're younger than me zekko but heck, I'd date you.