Age

[zekko]

You're younger than me zekko but heck, I'd date you

Hmm, well you do have that nice house, so it's tempting. I'm not going to be treated like a cheap tart however, I'll have you know.

Now if a girl is attracted to you, THAT'S a red flag??

I think it's time to retire the red flag if it now signals what most guys are looking to achieve.

Ha, good point. I notice some posters can't get past a younger girl dating an older man without raising the "daddy issues" problem. I'm not even sure what the daddy issues problem is exactly, maybe someone can enlighten me?

You gentlemen will love this:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/the-mature-man/

I don't always agree with everything you say, but that's a good article, I've read it before. Lots of interesting tidbits in it. For instance, stay in shape, further your career, try to accomplish something, all good advice that should pay off long term.

I notice it's aimed mainly at the 30 & 40 year old, which I think is correct. I always thought my age/maturity was an advantage in my 30s and 40s. I'm not sure that I would extend that advantage to my 50s, I'm still coming to terms with what being in your 50s means from a sexual value standpoint. But whether it's an advantage or not, these recent events show me it's clearly not a dealbreaker.

And we get another statement on the definition of confidence:
"These Men are not trying to relive anything; they’re newly aware of their own sexual market value – and nothing both frightens and attracts a woman so well as a Man aware of his own value. That’s the foundation of confidence. This represents a problem for women though. They want a Man with the confidence and maturity (derived from experience) to make important decisions, be an initiator, a good provider, etc."

I like the bit about how you shouldn't be trying to fit in with the young girl's world instead of vice versa, and how that is what makes you the creepy old guy. Good point. I wouldn't think of walking into a club these days, in fact I don't even drink anymore (someone in the licquor business may not care to hear that).

I've never really bought into the "younger girls have less baggage" idea, but seeing both you and Des talk about it, I'm beginning to think I should give it more thought.

________

Finally, I'm noticing something from somewhat older women lately. Several of them seem to be talking to me about their career ambitions and how thier furthering their education. I've listened, but of course those things have never really interested me much, certainly those things don't do much to raise their sexual market value. But maybe it does in their mind. Since I'm already established in my career, could these women be trying to qualify themselves tp me?

If so, they should probably understand their career goals don't really matter to me lol.

 

[Desdinova]

Finally, I'm noticing something from somewhat older women lately. Several of them seem to be talking to me about their career ambitions and how thier furthering their education. I've listened, but of course those things have never really interested me much, certainly those things don't do much to raise their sexual market value. But maybe it does in their mind. Since I'm already established in my career, could these women be trying to qualify themselves tp me?

Most women wants to be valued, desired, and envied. They're going to brag about anything that makes them feel that way.

Ha, good point. I notice some posters can't get past a younger girl dating an older man without raising the "daddy issues" problem. I'm not even sure what the daddy issues problem is exactly, maybe someone can enlighten me?

Perhaps it's just an overused term that occurs on this board, much like "BPD" is thrown around.

 

[zekko]

Most women wants to be valued, desired, and envied. They're going to brag about anything that makes them feel that way.

Ha, yeah, you're right about that. It's just recently I've been wondering if they're trying to impress me on more than just a superficial level.

Perhaps it's just an overused term that occurs on this board, much like "BPD" is thrown around.

I agree BPD is thrown around waaaay too loosely around here.
But those type of women should definitely be avoided.

Here's what I'm fuzzy on:
If a girl has "daddy issues", how does that hurt me?
What kind of behavior is she going to display that I'm not going to like?

 

[Itsjustme]

Now if a girl is attracted to you, THAT'S a red flag??

I think it's time to retire the red flag if it now signals what most guys are looking to achieve.

Maybe i'm bitter because I just lost my younger girl lol It just seems like with that big an age difference your fighting a constant battle. It did eventually get to the point where she was telling everyone that the age difference wasn't a problem at all but I think deep down inside it bothered her when people would bring it up. The most awkward one being when we were at a party and someone asked her if I was her father.. She proudly said no he's my boyfriend. At first I was offended thinking they were insulting me but then I realised 16 year age gap I damn near could be her father.

 

[zekko]

I realised 16 year age gap I damn near could be her father.

Not just damn near, you could be.
I actually bring this up with my girlfriend (15 year gap) sometimes. I'll just and say "They probably thought I was your dad" or such. Make a joke of it. The main thing is, if it bothers you it's more likely to bother her.

Also, people break up. Most couples break up. Most relationships you get into will break up. You can't just say "oh, it only happened because of age" even if it was an issue. If it isn't that, it will be something else.

 

[Desdinova]

If a girl has "daddy issues", how does that hurt me?
What kind of behavior is she going to display that I'm not going to like?

My former fvck buddy is the only girl I know of who has genuine daddy issues. The guy fvcked off when she was 8 years old and treats her like garbage. She has absolutely no clue how to deal with a man and she's one of the most unintentionally rude women I've ever met. She has never let the father of her two boys live with her.

I did notice that the worse I treated her, the more attracted she became.

This is only one experience, so I'm not sure if other women who have genuine daddy issues behave this way or not.

 

[Itsjustme]

Not just damn near, you could be.
I actually bring this up with my girlfriend (15 year gap) sometimes. I'll just and say "They probably thought I was your dad" or such. Make a joke of it. The main thing is, if it bothers you it's more likely to bother her.

Also, people break up. Most couples break up. Most relationships you get into will break up. You can't just say "oh, it only happened because of age" even if it was an issue. If it isn't that, it will be something else.

It's true, I guess the age thing is just an excuse to some extent if you're in a relationship with a 15 years younger girl then obviously they don't all end the same. It just seems like the younger the girl is the less ready to settle down she is. She might be at certain points in the relationship but then that whole i'm young and got plenty of time thing rears it's ugly head.

I could never date a woman my own age though, I don't feel as old as I am, I've always hung out with a younger crowd. It's funny I look at women my own age and think damn she's old lol I guess i'm a hypocrite.

I would say though that 9 times out of ten if you get involved with a girl that much younger she's looking up to you more as a father figure than a partner. It's kind of creepy when you think about it.

 

[zekko]

My former fvck buddy is the only girl I know of who has genuine daddy issues. The guy fvcked off when she was 8 years old and treats her like garbage. She has absolutely no clue how to deal with a man and she's one of the most unintentionally rude women I've ever met. She has never let the father of her two boys live with her.

I guess it logically stands to reason that if a girl's father treats her like garbage, she's going to be attracted to guys who treat her like garbage. Since that's the male role model she grew up with. Is that really what PUAs mean when they talk about daddy issues? I thought according to them every woman wants to be treated like garbage (I do think women want to be dominated).

I could never date a woman my own age though, I don't feel as old as I am, I've always hung out with a younger crowd. It's funny I look at women my own age and think damn she's old lol I guess i'm a hypocrite.

Men are hard wired to want a young healthy woman because they are more likely to bear healthy children. Besides, women don't age as well as men, generally speaking. You shouldn't feel guilty for finding younger women desireable.

I would say though that 9 times out of ten if you get involved with a girl that much younger she's looking up to you more as a father figure than a partner. It's kind of creepy when you think about it.

Right when I think you're making progress, you slide right back. If she really looks at you as a father figure, then why is she fvcking you? That doesn't really make sense.

A girl of any age may see you as an ersatz father in the sense that you make the decisions, protect her, keep her safe, etc. That's just part of the male role. Just as in some ways a wife will always be at least partly a reflection of your mother. That's just basic psychology. To call this creepy is playing into the hands of the feminists who want you to date an old, ugly, fat girl lol.

 

[Jitterbug]

I see two categories of daddy issues:

1. Girls abandoned / abused by their fathers.

2. Girls who have a father growing up, but he's a supplicating beta who is bossed around by her mother.

#1 is a significant minority these days, but #2 is very common, and I'd say is the majority.

#1 is seriously fvcked up. I've dated one who eventually sued her father for childhood abuse, and I'm not sure whether to believe her allegations or not... but she's batsh1t crazy.

#2 has no respect for men in general. Lots of sh1t tests. Constantly trying to challenge for the frame. Very typical modern Western women.

They're both daddy issues IMO because none of those women has had positive masculine figure to look up to growing up.

 

[PeakIV]

I did notice that the worse I treated her, the more attracted she became.

This is only one experience, so I'm not sure if other women who have genuine daddy issues behave this way or not.

True Desdinova, towards the end of the relationship, treating her really well - walking on eggshells = no sex.

After dumping her, threw herself at me, had sex after we broke up as much as I want??!!

knew then this was some fuc*ed up biatch, no normal person does that..

 

[Itsjustme]

Right when I think you're making progress, you slide right back. If she really looks at you as a father figure, then why is she fvcking you? That doesn't really make sense.

A girl of any age may see you as an ersatz father in the sense that you make the decisions, protect her, keep her safe, etc. That's just part of the male role. Just as in some ways a wife will always be at least partly a reflection of your mother. That's just basic psychology. To call this creepy is playing into the hands of the feminists who want you to date an old, ugly, fat girl lol.

Yea I get it, it's not like she looked at me as her father and wanted to **** me. I do think I filled in some holes there and gave her some things she lacked from her childhood. She loves her father to death but she often complained about him not being around for most of her years growing up. I'm just relating my own experiences and thinking back there was a dynamic of "taking care" of her that we both thrived on. It doesn't neccesarily make it daddy issues though it's just caring about someone and wanting to be there for them but when they're that much younger it's hard not to look at them as a child.

 

[PeakIV]

That why I left, I realised she just wanted a carer not a boyfriend...

 

[Desdinova]

If she really looks at you as a father figure, then why is she fvcking you? That doesn't really make sense.

I think women are naturally inclined to look for men who possess the same positive traits that their father has (if their father exists in their life). Most of the women I've dated have fathers who are fantastic at working with their hands which falls in line with the kind of work I do. I've also read somewhere that women will be attracted to men who's pheromones are identical to their fathers'.

Now, if you take away the woman's father, she becomes completely lost in the woods when it comes to selecting men. She has to use pure emotion when selecting men instead of emotions influenced by positive traits. She doesn't look for the construction worker, she looks for the welfare bum who treats her like crap.

 

[5string]

Most women wants to be valued, desired, and envied. They're going to brag about anything that makes them feel that way.



Perhaps it's just an overused term that occurs on this board, much like "BPD" is thrown around.

Ya know, BPD is probably thrown around too much but, most of us are not doctors who could DX it. That said, I really do believe that there are many more BPD chicks out there than even we know about. The only evidence I can rely on is the number of BPD threads that pop up on here and the shear number of guys that came to this site to research it, myself included. Maybe not so much BPD, but cluster B disorders in general.

Just sayin'

 

[PeakIV]

it's funny you say that 5string, whenever someone starts a post with BPD or cluster B, you are guaranteed it will run for a few pages at least if not more....

something to be said for that.