After years of 0 problems I thought I was finally immune to oneitis

[Mr. Delicious]

So back in my really really bad AFC days before i found this site I would get oneitis with chicks i never hooked up with, you know the usual AFC story. I found this site and everything changed. I became more confident, got involved in self improving hobbies, didnt care about rejection, dated some chicks, banged some chicks, and have a couple that have oneitis for me. Well like i said i thought i was finally over ever getting oneitis again after years of it not happening and being rejected by hotties, but it just brought up its ugly head within the past few days.

This past weekend I hooked up (just make out) with this HB7 who instigated the hook up. Story found on this link http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=105598 I may post a pic later. Well I thought i might try to pursue it but it wasnt really a huge deal. Now over the past few days I have started to get those damn oneitis symptoms. I am starting to think about her all the time. I am keeping myself busy but its not helping much. All I had to contact her on is through myspace. I sent her a message and got her phone number. She also told me she is moving back to my city on July 29th and wants to see me asap which makes the oneitis worse.

So whats weird is i am getting oneitis on a girl that already likes me and that i have already breifly hooked up with. That has never happened to me before. I want to date her but at the same time i want to just push away because i know oneitis leads to trouble and AFC tendencies. I keep thinking if i date her and turn AFC it will push her away and it will hurt.The past few years when i dated girls and it ended it didnt phase me cause i knew there were a million more. Thats not working for me this time. So for now i am acting the way i do to any of the other girls i have had success with. I need some advice to get over the emerging oneitis. Find some more girls to work on? Not talk to this one? Try and use all that i have learned from this site to make it work?

I am pissed at myself for letting this happen, but iam having trouble controlling it and i dont know what to do.

UGH

 

[IsiMan84]

When you say you are keeping yourself busy, what are you doing? Whatever it is, it needs to involve other women. You can still date her, but she's not even in town yet and you're just wasting time by sitting around.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I am doing martial arts, car club stuff, soccer, swimming working etc. AS for hanging out with other women that would be my job. there are more girls than guys but just about all of them are married or old. Also, i just moved into a new apt and at the pool usually there are about 10 chicks and a couple of guys. I am going to utilize that more.

 

[JonJack]

If you do turn AFC and it pushes her away, why would that hurt? Is the confidence that you gained from finding this site just a cover?

 

[IsiMan84]

I am doing martial arts, car club stuff, soccer, swimming working etc. AS for hanging out with other women that would be my job. there are more girls than guys but just about all of them are married or old. Also, i just moved into a new apt and at the pool usually there are about 10 chicks and a couple of guys. I am going to utilize that more.

I don't mean hanging out, I mean dating. You can talk to women outside of work, you know.

 

[The Brotrain]

Placing expectations on her now will only hurt you in the long run. Play the field have some fun, and make her compete to win you over again.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

If you do turn AFC and it pushes her away, why would that hurt? Is the confidence that you gained from finding this site just a cover?

No i can feel the difference in my confidence level. and its not just the site its my other hobbies i have been involved in that help a ton. But like i said this one is different to me for some reason. Rejection hasnt hurt me in a long long time but i can feel that this one would.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Well i think i am going to have some help. I talked to my F*ck Buddy and said i was coming into town (Its for a different reason) but she wants to "Hang out" Anyway, everytime i bang a girl no matter who it is, afterwards i like dont feel anything towards girls for weeks. I feel completely neutral like i never ever have to bang again and i dont want to at all. The desire eventually comes back. Maybe its cause i have never banged a girl i acutally cared about. I dont know. So even though, thats a weird probably unhealthy characteristic, maybe it will tide me over for a while.

 

[Krassus]

Haha dude, this isn't a bad thing You're not a chump anymore. Let yourself enjoy love. WTF did you think was gonna happen when you master this? Don Juan himself was madly in love, so what makes you think you should be a rock?

 

[IsiMan84]

Yea some people do tend to associate being a DJ with being an unemotional girl-getting machine. But you will have to settle down sometime.

 

[Gateway]

no worries mate you'll get over one itis your a PUA now

 

[d9930380]

Personally I think oneitus is just another word for love. I wouldn't worry about it.

However oneitus stops us doing what we "know" to be right and therefore can ruin the relationship.

Just don't let those feelings **** it up for you but be glad that you have them.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

UPDATE:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I had been talking to her some before she moved back to my home city. Well last night she texts me to see where we are and wants to hang out. I end up meeting up with her towards the end of the night. lots of kino at the bar between us and my friend who owns the lakehouse was there and he helped me out with a ****block as well. She went up to the bar to get a drink and immediately 2 guys started hitting on her. My friend with (lakehouse friend) saw this and immediately stepped in between them and started talking to her. They had already bought her her drink but after my friend blocked them they said F*** this and got up and left :crackup:

Anyway, my friend her and I go back to his house and everything is cool. I am on the internet actually talking to the nice guy from the original story that had a crush on her. She comes over and sits on my lap and starts talking to him. Well he didnt believe it was her talking and he started confessing how he used to like her so much blah blah blah thinking it was me. oops. She laughed at that. I felt bad for him.

Anyway, she layed on the floor and asked for a massage so i of course obliged. She was like you are so good at this (my dad's girlfriend is a massuese and showed me a few things ) Your hands feel soooo good. My friend looks back and has the WOAH look on his face. He helps and says "uhhhh i am going downstairs to make some coa coa krispies" He always knows how to play it right and how to help in time. He is like my brother. Anyway, i have her shirt up massaging her back and she says hey you want me to reciprocate so i am like ya sure. She sits on my back and begins giving me some mediocre massage. After about 2 minutes into it she rolls me over sits right on top of me and begins making out with me hard core. So we are making out for a little while and she is like "i need to go home and sleep" I said "sleep is for wussies" she was like but i am tired but i also dont think i know how to get home??? (note she has lived in this city her entire life except college haha) So of course i say "hey just come back to my apt you can crash there" She says "ok but nothing more is going to happen i am too tired to fool around" I am thinking ya ok whatever once you get there i am going to get some"

So she follows me to my apt and literally the second her head hit the pillow she was out :cuss: I was like oh well i can get some when we get up. We wake up (post teeth brushing) she really isnt kinoeing much or doing anything. Even kind of resistant. so nothing else happened. She ended up wanting to swim with us today so her and her friend swam with me and friend. She ended up leaving to go home and shower but she wants to hang out again tonight. I am probably not going to cause i want to do something different. I may try and get her over for round two and make it count this time.

As far as the oneitis goes i am actually getting over it with her. After being around her for an extended period of time i noticed little things about her that i didnt like. For example she has some toe hair on her big toe she forgot to shave or something ugh. Also some other little things. Basically now i am thinking short term with her for one main reason. She has a tendency to make really friendly conversations with random dudes so it will be hard for me to not be jealous and i really dont want to handle all that crap. Anyway, i still like her alot but i want to kill any of that and just hopefully use her as a **** buddy. I know right now there would be no way i could trust her. Its not because of last night either. There were a couple of other incidents that happened that i didnt mention in the story. Sorry this is so long but its just now heating up.

Also what should i have done to finish the job instead of letting her just pass out immediately?

 

[JJMcLure]

Oneitis absolutely sucks and it's very interesting what you posted. What I have come to believe is that attention wh0res are sometimes able to generate initial feelings of oneitis in even experienced guys (which I think must be resisted). Part of the cause cold be the uncertainty they instill in the "relationship" (they retain/take an element of control with mixed signals and calling shots).

I'm not necessarily saying this chick of yours is an AW, but she does seem to have some of the characteristics:

1) Appears to have guys who have oneitis for her (AFC stable of followers to boost her ego)
2) Very confident with guys, takes charge both in terms of plans and sexual agression (1st time, she came into your room woke you up and made out with you, 2nd time again SHE started making out with YOU)
3) Controls the agenda, wanted some action (on her terms) the night before, wanted nothing the next day (mixed signals - red flag)
4) Flirts with a lot of guys (as you said above makes convos with random guys)

I think you have to trust your gut feeling in these situations. Oneitis is never good, you get clouded vision and lose control. Even if it went on to a relationship with a chick like that, it would be an emotional roller coaster.

 

[STORMCLOUD]

Oneitis absolutely sucks and it's very interesting what you posted. What I have come to believe is that attention wh0res are sometimes able to generate initial feelings of oneitis in even experienced guys (which I think must be resisted). Part of the cause cold be the uncertainty they instill in the "relationship" (they retain/take an element of control with mixed signals and calling shots).

I'm not necessarily saying this chick of yours is an AW, but she does seem to have some of the characteristics:

1) Appears to have guys who have oneitis for her (AFC stable of followers to boost her ego)
2) Very confident with guys, takes charge both in terms of plans and sexual agression (1st time, she came into your room woke you up and made out with you, 2nd time again SHE started making out with YOU)
3) Controls the agenda, wanted some action (on her terms) the night before, wanted nothing the next day (mixed signals - red flag)
4) Flirts with a lot of guys (as you said above makes convos with random guys)

I think you have to trust your gut feeling in these situations. Oneitis is never good, you get clouded vision and lose control. Even if it went on to a relationship with a chick like that, it would be an emotional roller coaster.

JJMCLURE,

You are spot on with this one. Uncertainty is the key to their game. The one thing I've noticed about an AW I've dealt with, is the strong need for power. Everything is about controlling the situation. Making up crap to create drama. She even told me she thought she was dying to garner sympathy:crazy: .

They play the hot and cold game effectively. One minute they are into you. The next thing they are saying is they don't want to lead you on. WTF! They are masterful at playing the game, which most of aren't skilled enough to overcome the disease of oneitis.

The way I've dealt with her is to focus on what I want out of the situation. It's not about her. It's about me. And above all I no longer tolerate bad behavior i.e. c-teasing, etc. When she gave me a little "I'm don't want to lead you on speech", I assertively told her she can put her mind at rest because if it's an issue with her then I'm outa here. No biggie.

Indifference and withdrawal seems to be the most effectively tool in dealing with an AW. Now, I'm not wondering whether or not I should continue pursuing her or whether she makes contact with me. I suspect she will come around to boost her ego. By showing any kind of emotion i.e. anger it confirms her effect on me. Hey, if she comes around we're cool, but I've got a life to live. I'm not out to make her jealous or do anything else to attract her because it only prolongs the game. Remember, they are addicted to your attention and many other males.

Mr. Delicious,

This girl sounds like a headache ready to happen. She comes in teases you on your little trip and then does it again by sleeping in your bed. It's a common ploy to get you to chase without giving up too much.


You say what can you have done to finish the job? Hmmm...

You give her a nice sensual massage. Right when things are getting hot and heavy she stops you in your tracks by offering you a two minute massage and some heavy making out (enough to give you blue balls) before she pulls the plug. My guess is she wants to keep the pace very slow until she is certain of her feelings (which I doubt) or she's just toying with you for her own satisfaction. Either way, no matter how hard you try, I think you would have come up empty handed.

Also, if she can sit in your lap and laugh at your friend because he spilled out his feelings about her. What's that say about her? I imagine in her mind, she laughs at you too. She probably sees you like a little puppy sitting there with it's little tail wagging. Toss you a bone to make you do tricks. Get your power back! Don't be an a$$. Just don't be your nice friend, either.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I think you guys are right. I didnt even think about her being an attention ***** but now seeing someone's outside perspective i believe you guys are right. Thanks alot that really helps and it helps me better able to regain control of the situation. Like i said after seeing some of her characteristics i am losing the oneitis I had for her (Thank God). This helps more cause i definately dont want a relationship with someone who is going to act like that. I am not going to be anyone's play toy.

However, as any guy would i do want to bang her if i cant its not a huge deal but it would be nice icing on the cake. I need to go back and read the strategies of dealing with attention *****s but in the meantime what do you guys suggest?

Thanks guys This is why this site can be so awesome!

 

[itishe]

One-Itis blows.

In the past couple weeks I had random girls calling, asking to hang out, etc. ones I don't even talk to! Now that I have a bit of one-itis I only feel like hanging out with this girl, pretty much leaving the other ones in the dust, and to top it off I'm too much of a ***** to call since I'm so used to her calling me everyday.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Actually i am having trouble finding those good articles i read on attention *****s. Anyone have any links? thanks

 

[STORMCLOUD]

Do a search under histrionic personality disorder or just the word histrionic. Plenty.

Your girl might not necessarily fall into the category, but might have strong similarities. The thing most striking about AW's is the constant need for attention. That is why they come on so strong. They actually adopt everything you like. Tell you what you want to hear. Every form of emotion is adopted just to control you. These girls are not normal. Mine talked 90% about herself. Just pathetic.

She already has you thinking she's the prize because all you're thinking about is fvcking her, but is it worth all the headache and ripping you up inside emotionally to get into her pants? That's why you must refocus everything back onto yourself and really ask yourself what does Mr. D want? What's the plan? This will allow you to set limits and decide when you've had enough. Remember you are the the one that decides who spends time with you. Not her.

Above all else, don't get into a cat and mouse game with her. The moment you start showing interest, she will run. To maintain control take everything slow. Don't obsess, analyze, fantasize or do the other things we foolishly do to get the girl. Is she really worth getting? Probably not.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Actually i am having trouble finding those good articles i read on attention *****s. Anyone have any links? thanks"

http://www.psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=143

Go here if you want to read about HPD's.

I'm a mod on that board about them and much of my research of them is posted all over the site along with professional articles on them and some HPD's themselves talking about how they think.

Its all quite interesting and frightening.

Anyway in closing know that borderlines, histrionics, narcissists and anti socials can all be the hated manipulative attention wh0re but the standard AW's that most people are victimized by are the histrionic and borderline personality disordered.

All the types I just mentioned are in the Cluster B of personality disorders and each type is a breed of sociopath with the Anti Social Personality Disorder being the full and complete version of this previously known as psychopath.