After giving it some thought, turns out my fear of rejection isn't *really* a fear of rejection

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

It's not " understandable ".

This dude uses his autism as the ultimate excuse. It's like that weapon in the game that's overpowered: you can never beat that argument IF he wants to use it against HIMSELF.

The understandable part is misinterpreting perceived IOIs.

I can relate to that, which is why I called it understandable.

Whether or not his autism had something to do with such a miscalculation, is debatable.

But speaking from a non-autistic person, I can relate.

 

[GoodMan32]

The understandable part is misinterpreting perceived IOIs.

I can relate to that, which is why I called it understandable.

Whether or not his autism had something to do with such a miscalculation, is debatable.

But speaking from a non-autistic person, I can relate.

Even neurotypicals are prone to misreading IOIs.

The difference, however, is the frequency at which a man misinterprets IOIs. Male autists misinterpret IOIs at a much higher rate than male neurotypicals (the rate at which I've misinterpreted IOIs being a classic example)

In a nutshell, I've misread so many IOIs in the past, I'm convinced any IOIs I "pick up on" at this point are imaginary.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

What age range do you think this is?

Let me clarify..

At the gym, mostly everyone has earbuds/headphones, regardless of age.

But outside the gym, on daygame...I hardly ever see women ages 45+ with earbuds...unless they are actively speaking to someone on the phone.

Especially if she is 60+.

That's just me and my experience.

 

[SW15]

At the gym, mostly everyone has earbuds/headphones, regardless of age.

Almost all the women at my gym are under 40. Almost all of them are wearing earbuds/headphones on the general gym floor, either in the cardio section or weights section.

But outside the gym, on daygame...I hardly ever see women ages 45+ with earbuds...unless they are actively speaking to someone on the phone.

That's just me and my experience.

Outdoor paths tend to have a lot of women with earbuds. The most popular outdoor walking path in Dallas is the Katy Trail. I have linked my December 2023 review of the Katy Trail to this post. Almost all the women on the Katy Trail are under 40 and earbud wearing is very common.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

I didn't update this thread during October 2022 so I missed highlighting a key annual event every October in Dallas. The Saturday on every Columbus Day weekend in Dallas is a big deal. It's the second Saturday during the State Fair of Texas. It's also when the annual football game between the...

www.sosuave.net

White Rock Lake Trail (reviewed in the post below what I linked) has more middle aged women on it. I'm there less frequently for pickup because of quality of women's looks are far superior at Katy. The majority of women I have seen at White Rock are also wearing earbuds but I think the 45+ women are probably less likely to wear earbuds. I'll try to pay attention to that when I am at White Rock next.

Grocery stores are good because women of all ages tend not to wear earbuds at the grocery store.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I had a decent amount of luck from tech methods in 2012. Chances are they would have turned me down if I made an in-person approach.

One good thing about tech methods is that they give me a chance to hide my social awkwardness when making a first impression.

Yeah, but your social awkwardness isn't what got you the date, it was your physical attractiveness..which is presumably all the woman will see, using those tech methods.

With how oversaturated tech methods have become since 2012, however, even tech methods are an unrealistic option for me now.

I will always maintain that cold approach is superior over any other method.

Tech methods can't hold a candle to cold approach.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Almost all the women at my gym are under 40. Almost all of them are wearing earbuds/headphones on the general gym floor, either in the cardio section or weights section.

Damn.

There are lots of seniors at the gyms I frequent.

Some of the oldest seniors are still rocking earbuds.

Smh.

Outdoor paths tend to have a lot of women with earbuds. The most popular outdoor walking path in Dallas is the Katy Trail. I have linked my December 2023 review of the Katy Trail to this post. Almost all the women on the Katy Trail are under 40 and earbud wearing is very common.

Not surprising. Hell, you gotta get through the workout somehow.

I used to not wear earbuds, but now, I can't make it to the gym without em.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

I didn't update this thread during October 2022 so I missed highlighting a key annual event every October in Dallas. The Saturday on every Columbus Day weekend in Dallas is a big deal. It's the second Saturday during the State Fair of Texas. It's also when the annual football game between the...

www.sosuave.net

White Rock Lake Trail (reviewed in the post below what I linked) has more middle aged women on it. I'm there less frequently for pickup because of quality of women's looks are far superior at Katy. The majority of women I have seen at White Rock are also wearing earbuds but I think the 45+ women are probably less likely to wear earbuds. I'll try to pay attention to that when I am at White Rock next.

Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.

Grocery stores are good because women of all ages tend not to wear earbuds at the grocery store.

Very true.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Even neurotypicals are prone to misreading IOIs.

The difference, however, is the frequency at which a man misinterprets IOIs. Male autists misinterpret IOIs at a much higher rate than male neurotypicals (the rate at which I've misinterpreted IOIs being a classic example)

In a nutshell, I've misread so many IOIs in the past, I'm convinced any IOIs I "pick up on" at this point are imaginary.

But that's my point, you shouldn't be trying to pick up on IOI's anyway, because..

1. Not every woman who is interested in you, will give them.

2. Perceived IOI's can be misleading.

Who wants to keep playing guessing games when, if you cold approach, you can take the guess work out, and remove all doubt.

 

[SW15]

Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.

I have been spending more time around bougie White women (White women with a bachelor's degree or higher and some white collar job) as compared to other segments of the population.

When I do in-person approaching, I tend to go where bougie White women tend to be.

I am most physically attracted to White and Hispanic women.

My city is big enough that there are other segments besides bougie White women.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yeah, but your social awkwardness isn't what got you the date, it was your physical attractiveness..which is presumably all the woman will see, using those tech methods.



I will always maintain that cold approach is superior over any other method.

Tech methods can't hold a candle to cold approach.

You're damn right, my looks were what got me dates using tech methods.

Being good-looking but socially awkward, tech methods made sense for me in college.

While I'm certainly open to experimenting more with cold approaching (even though I didn't get much in the way of results from cold approaching in the past), part of me wonders if my social awkwardness will hold me back when doing a cold approach. Even if I have above average looks, a woman I'm cold-approaching might be repulsed by my social awkwardness.

 

[GoodMan32]

Damn.

There are lots of seniors at the gyms I frequent.

Some of the oldest seniors are still rocking earbuds.

Smh.



Not surprising. Hell, you gotta get through the workout somehow.

I used to not wear earbuds, but now, I can't make it to the gym without em.



Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.



Very true.

A male coworker (absolute Chad) said he wears earbuds at the gym.

Even though using earbuds to ward off unwanted attention is mainly a female thing, I wouldn't be shocked if part of his reasoning for wearing earbuds is to ward off unwanted attention. He's one of the few men who could easily get lots of abundance (yet he has a girlfriend even my dumpster-diving self doesn't find attractive; go figure)

 

[GoodMan32]

Talking through my problems on this forum has helped me make all sorts of breakthroughs. As the topic of this thread is about, I've figured out my fear of rejection is more a fear of misreading an IOI (and then being reminded of what an autistic idiot I am every time I run into her from that point on)

Unfortunately, it turns out my problem runs even deeper.

Here's a story I reflected on this morning:

When I left my last job back in 2019, a female coworker from the job I had just left started sending me flirtatious texts. I flirted back. Yet I never escalated to the point of initiating something beyond mere flirting.

I was highly unlikely to ever run into her again. So even if I were to escalate, only to find out the gal had no intention of anything more than flirting with me, it's not like I'd have to deal with running into her afterwards. So why didn't I make a move? Upon the reflection I've done, here's why:

Since a large percentage of my successes have come from tech methods, my skills in initiating/escalating with a woman I met organically are extremely lacking.

Tech methods have been both a blessing and a curse to me. Tech methods (back before they became oversaturated) helped me get opportunities I otherwise never would have had. Yet on the other hand, the shortcut of using tech methods hindered my non-tech development.