After giving it some thought, turns out my fear of rejection isn't *really* a fear of rejection

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

It's not " understandable ".

This dude uses his autism as the ultimate excuse. It's like that weapon in the game that's overpowered: you can never beat that argument IF he wants to use it against HIMSELF.

The understandable part is misinterpreting perceived IOIs.

I can relate to that, which is why I called it understandable.

Whether or not his autism had something to do with such a miscalculation, is debatable.

But speaking from a non-autistic person, I can relate.

 

[GoodMan32]

The understandable part is misinterpreting perceived IOIs.

I can relate to that, which is why I called it understandable.

Whether or not his autism had something to do with such a miscalculation, is debatable.

But speaking from a non-autistic person, I can relate.

Even neurotypicals are prone to misreading IOIs.

The difference, however, is the frequency at which a man misinterprets IOIs. Male autists misinterpret IOIs at a much higher rate than male neurotypicals (the rate at which I've misinterpreted IOIs being a classic example)

In a nutshell, I've misread so many IOIs in the past, I'm convinced any IOIs I "pick up on" at this point are imaginary.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

What age range do you think this is?

Let me clarify..

At the gym, mostly everyone has earbuds/headphones, regardless of age.

But outside the gym, on daygame...I hardly ever see women ages 45+ with earbuds...unless they are actively speaking to someone on the phone.

Especially if she is 60+.

That's just me and my experience.

 

[SW15]

At the gym, mostly everyone has earbuds/headphones, regardless of age.

Almost all the women at my gym are under 40. Almost all of them are wearing earbuds/headphones on the general gym floor, either in the cardio section or weights section.

But outside the gym, on daygame...I hardly ever see women ages 45+ with earbuds...unless they are actively speaking to someone on the phone.

That's just me and my experience.

Outdoor paths tend to have a lot of women with earbuds. The most popular outdoor walking path in Dallas is the Katy Trail. I have linked my December 2023 review of the Katy Trail to this post. Almost all the women on the Katy Trail are under 40 and earbud wearing is very common.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

I didn't update this thread during October 2022 so I missed highlighting a key annual event every October in Dallas. The Saturday on every Columbus Day weekend in Dallas is a big deal. It's the second Saturday during the State Fair of Texas. It's also when the annual football game between the...

www.sosuave.net

White Rock Lake Trail (reviewed in the post below what I linked) has more middle aged women on it. I'm there less frequently for pickup because of quality of women's looks are far superior at Katy. The majority of women I have seen at White Rock are also wearing earbuds but I think the 45+ women are probably less likely to wear earbuds. I'll try to pay attention to that when I am at White Rock next.

Grocery stores are good because women of all ages tend not to wear earbuds at the grocery store.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I had a decent amount of luck from tech methods in 2012. Chances are they would have turned me down if I made an in-person approach.

One good thing about tech methods is that they give me a chance to hide my social awkwardness when making a first impression.

Yeah, but your social awkwardness isn't what got you the date, it was your physical attractiveness..which is presumably all the woman will see, using those tech methods.

With how oversaturated tech methods have become since 2012, however, even tech methods are an unrealistic option for me now.

I will always maintain that cold approach is superior over any other method.

Tech methods can't hold a candle to cold approach.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Almost all the women at my gym are under 40. Almost all of them are wearing earbuds/headphones on the general gym floor, either in the cardio section or weights section.

Damn.

There are lots of seniors at the gyms I frequent.

Some of the oldest seniors are still rocking earbuds.

Smh.

Outdoor paths tend to have a lot of women with earbuds. The most popular outdoor walking path in Dallas is the Katy Trail. I have linked my December 2023 review of the Katy Trail to this post. Almost all the women on the Katy Trail are under 40 and earbud wearing is very common.

Not surprising. Hell, you gotta get through the workout somehow.

I used to not wear earbuds, but now, I can't make it to the gym without em.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

I didn't update this thread during October 2022 so I missed highlighting a key annual event every October in Dallas. The Saturday on every Columbus Day weekend in Dallas is a big deal. It's the second Saturday during the State Fair of Texas. It's also when the annual football game between the...

www.sosuave.net

White Rock Lake Trail (reviewed in the post below what I linked) has more middle aged women on it. I'm there less frequently for pickup because of quality of women's looks are far superior at Katy. The majority of women I have seen at White Rock are also wearing earbuds but I think the 45+ women are probably less likely to wear earbuds. I'll try to pay attention to that when I am at White Rock next.

Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.

Grocery stores are good because women of all ages tend not to wear earbuds at the grocery store.

Very true.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Even neurotypicals are prone to misreading IOIs.

The difference, however, is the frequency at which a man misinterprets IOIs. Male autists misinterpret IOIs at a much higher rate than male neurotypicals (the rate at which I've misinterpreted IOIs being a classic example)

In a nutshell, I've misread so many IOIs in the past, I'm convinced any IOIs I "pick up on" at this point are imaginary.

But that's my point, you shouldn't be trying to pick up on IOI's anyway, because..

1. Not every woman who is interested in you, will give them.

2. Perceived IOI's can be misleading.

Who wants to keep playing guessing games when, if you cold approach, you can take the guess work out, and remove all doubt.

 

[SW15]

Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.

I have been spending more time around bougie White women (White women with a bachelor's degree or higher and some white collar job) as compared to other segments of the population.

When I do in-person approaching, I tend to go where bougie White women tend to be.

I am most physically attracted to White and Hispanic women.

My city is big enough that there are other segments besides bougie White women.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yeah, but your social awkwardness isn't what got you the date, it was your physical attractiveness..which is presumably all the woman will see, using those tech methods.



I will always maintain that cold approach is superior over any other method.

Tech methods can't hold a candle to cold approach.

You're damn right, my looks were what got me dates using tech methods.

Being good-looking but socially awkward, tech methods made sense for me in college.

While I'm certainly open to experimenting more with cold approaching (even though I didn't get much in the way of results from cold approaching in the past), part of me wonders if my social awkwardness will hold me back when doing a cold approach. Even if I have above average looks, a woman I'm cold-approaching might be repulsed by my social awkwardness.

 

[GoodMan32]

Damn.

There are lots of seniors at the gyms I frequent.

Some of the oldest seniors are still rocking earbuds.

Smh.



Not surprising. Hell, you gotta get through the workout somehow.

I used to not wear earbuds, but now, I can't make it to the gym without em.



Yeah man, admittedly, your quality of women is more upscale than mines hahaha.



Very true.

A male coworker (absolute Chad) said he wears earbuds at the gym.

Even though using earbuds to ward off unwanted attention is mainly a female thing, I wouldn't be shocked if part of his reasoning for wearing earbuds is to ward off unwanted attention. He's one of the few men who could easily get lots of abundance (yet he has a girlfriend even my dumpster-diving self doesn't find attractive; go figure)

 

[GoodMan32]

Talking through my problems on this forum has helped me make all sorts of breakthroughs. As the topic of this thread is about, I've figured out my fear of rejection is more a fear of misreading an IOI (and then being reminded of what an autistic idiot I am every time I run into her from that point on)

Unfortunately, it turns out my problem runs even deeper.

Here's a story I reflected on this morning:

When I left my last job back in 2019, a female coworker from the job I had just left started sending me flirtatious texts. I flirted back. Yet I never escalated to the point of initiating something beyond mere flirting.

I was highly unlikely to ever run into her again. So even if I were to escalate, only to find out the gal had no intention of anything more than flirting with me, it's not like I'd have to deal with running into her afterwards. So why didn't I make a move? Upon the reflection I've done, here's why:

Since a large percentage of my successes have come from tech methods, my skills in initiating/escalating with a woman I met organically are extremely lacking.

Tech methods have been both a blessing and a curse to me. Tech methods (back before they became oversaturated) helped me get opportunities I otherwise never would have had. Yet on the other hand, the shortcut of using tech methods hindered my non-tech development.

 

[sevbucmash]

The fact I could ask total strangers for sex (knowing that's a recipe for almost certain rejection), yet can't ask out a woman I know well

Did you ask men to come over for sex? I don't get it here, you speak like strangers are not of female sex.

 

[GoodMan32]

Did you ask men to come over for sex? I don't get it here, you speak like strangers are not of female sex.

I'm only sexually interested in cooch. This is a straight man forum. I thought it was implied I was talking about female total strangers when I mentioned inviting total strangers over for sex.

Incidentally, however, even though I've never asked men for sex, men have asked (even begged) me for sex. One man even repeatedly invited himself over (I turned down his invites)

 

[jhonny9546]

You're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success because you wouldn't know what to do with it.

Relate to this. What is the source?

 

[GoodMan32]

Relate to this. What is the source?

The Book of Pook mentions a fear of success (I've read some of the book)

Here's the example given in the book: A woman accepts a man's ask out. Yet then the man is scared because he has no idea where to go for the date.

I can relate to that example. On the off chance a woman were to accept my ask out, I'd have a hard time thinking of a place to go.

I wouldn't call that a fear of success, however. Here's a more accurate way to describe the fear: A fear that even if you initially secure a woman's interest, the relationship will fail relatively early (I say that as a man who's had a hard time keeping a woman)

 

[BPH]

Relate to this. What is the source?

Personal experience.

Like somebody self-sabotaging in an otherwise happy relationship because they'd rather fail on their own terms than realize the possibility that their significant other ends it at some point down the line.

They want control, and to be able to place the blame on others rather than themselves.

 

[GoodMan32]

Personal experience.

Like somebody self-sabotaging in an otherwise happy relationship because they'd rather fail on their own terms than realize the possibility that their significant other ends it at some point down the line.

They want control, and to be able to place the blame on others rather than themselves.

The woman I had my last date with started giving me attitude a mere 4 days later.

I held out for a few hours (to give her a chance to redeem herself). By the end of the day, however, her attitude had only gotten worse. So I told her I wanted to part ways.

I wouldn't say this was a case of me realizing she might end it down the line. I'd say this was a case of me realizing she was going to end it pretty soon.

The analogy: I jumped out of a reckless car before the car had a chance to drive off a cliff.

 

[BPH]

The woman I had my last date with started giving me attitude a mere 4 days later.

I held out for a few hours (to give her a chance to redeem herself). By the end of the day, however, her attitude had only gotten worse. So I told her I wanted to part ways.

I wouldn't say this was a case of me realizing she might end it down the line. I'd say this was a case of me realizing she was going to end it pretty soon.

The analogy: I jumped out of a reckless car before the car had a chance to drive off a cliff.

I don't really care dude.

I responded to @jhonny9546 's question because unlike you, he tends to listen to the answers he gets.

It is exhausting trying to help you.

 

[GoodMan32]

I don't really care dude.

I responded to @jhonny9546 's question because unlike you, he tends to listen to the answers he gets.

It is exhausting trying to help you.

I wasn't asking if you care.

If you don't give a damn about me, get off my thread.

I was sharing a relevant story to the general topic you mentioned of a man deep-sixing a relationship because he likes to be in control (and NOT a 10 year old field report; a field report from 2023)

[By the way, the words "I really don't care" (in response to something I said) is way at the top of my list of things that piss me off. I've seriously nexted a gal for that before. She cried. Oh well. Should have thought of that before pressing my buttons.

If you were a woman, you could give me the best head ever, you could fvck my brains out, yet I'd next you just for saying those words]

 

[jhonny9546]

A fear that even if you initially secure a woman's interest, the relationship will fail relatively early (I say that as a man who's had a hard time keeping a woman)

Well this seems to be a good point.
But what could the source be? This make it sounds there is an internal "self-esteem" problem?

Because I could go to a dating, get the women, and don't know where to go or what to do, but just be in the car with her listening to music and make that moment special somehow.

They want control, and to be able to place the blame on others rather than themselves.

So this is me? I am not like that in any way

If you were a woman, you could give me the best head ever, you could fvck my brains out, yet I'd next you just for saying those words

Did you forget her?