AFCs I've known

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's amazing the sheer amount of guys I know or have known who I'd classify as being AFCs. I'd like to say that pretty much every guy I've known has been an AFC with a handful of notable exceptions. Some grew out of it with experience, others were budding DJs, PUAs or simply naturals who backslid or devolved into AFCs, and still others have been "lifers"; men who still don't get it into their old age.

I was having a discussion about the legion of AFCs that most women have to sift through with my assistant where I work. She's an attractive (HB7.5-8) young woman of 26 who's been dealing with an AFC long distance and non-exclusively for well over a year now. Her frustration comes from the multitudes of AFCs she meets in her dating life - in fact after working with me for more than 2 years now she instantly identifies guys as AFCs. She's familiar with the mindset now; the lack of decisiveness, the neediness, the wish-washy yet possessiveness, and all the other Qualities of the AFC. All of this got me to thinking about the AFCs I know or have known and their individual circumstances.

Dave L
Dave L. is perhaps the most pitiable of AFCs I've known. His story, as he tells it, began with his very overbearing and domineering mother. He came from a very strict Baptist family and so dealt with a very guilt-conscious mother for the better part of his life. Interestingly he transitioned from an authoritarian mother to an authoritarian wife. He'd only ever slept with one woman, Sue, whom he met in the military in his 20s. She was a sexually abused (by her uncle) single mother of 2 delinquent sons who saw in Dave L. what she never did in the other men in her life - a guy she COULD control. They've been married over 25 years now and had a daughter. In this time he has been little more than a slave to her. Their history is one of a constant brow-beating by her as he perpetually tries to find ways pacify her in the exact way he tried to pacify his mother's insecurities. Every decision he's ever made has been to appease her and has never been "good enough".

When I met Dave L. his daughter had learned from her mother how to control him just as strictly. It was as if she had been passed his leash so she too could learn how to discipline him, and to keep him in check. When we first met I used to butt heads with both his daughter and his wife (and unwittingly so) because I would openly challenge their authority over him by questioning his autonomy as a man. They of course instantly jumped to his defense and maintained he was a "real man" and I would be too if only I would defer to women's authority.

Ron
For a time Ron was one of my best friends and not a guy you'd really want to arouse to anger. He had my back in a lot of bad situation and I was his confidant and counselor for many years. But for as in control and assertive as he could be, Ron was an AFC. He had the Bad Boy posture that women loved, but he defeated himself with his soulmate-ONEitis mythology. He married Kris at 19. They met in the Navy, and he got her pregnant fairly early which prompted the marriage. Kris was beautiful and one of 3 women Ron had ever been with. He "did the right thing" and married her, and they stayed married, having 2 more children throughout their 20's. Gradually, Kris left Ron to himself and the kids more and more as she felt she'd missed out on her 20's and spent more time with her single girlfriends in the evenings. She began to resent Ron, who by now had let his physique go while she stayed in good shape. Ron didn't see the signs, because he'd been progressively pushed into a position of having to qualify to his wife and internalized the thinking that it was "the right thing for a man to do."

Ultimately at 29, Kris cheated on him. I was on the other end of the phone with him after he'd been searching all night through the town in which they lived for her car - with their children in the back of their mini-van. He'd tracked her down to a motel and had been waiting in the parking lot since 4am for her to come out so he could kill her. I managed to talk him out of that, and he tried to "make it work" after the incident for another 4 years, but this was really last stop before toll. At present, she's planning on marrying another lover she had and their family/children is in shambles.

While Ron wasn't the cause of this, his AFC responses, rationales and inaction only contributed to his present condition.

Dave B
Dave B is a textbook example of insanity - repeating the same mistake over and over. His first wife was his ONE, so was the second, so was the GF between wife 2 and 3 and so was the third. With wife #1 he had two daughters. After their divorce she gained custody of them and was awarded spousal and child support. Wife #2, another daughter, but only after they'd divorced once, made up, had sex and she got pregnant "by accident", then they divorced for good. She too was awarded spousal support and child support for a daughter he never sees. After #2 Dave "met the ONE" again and moved her and her son and daughter from 2 different fathers into his home. After the teenage son was picked up for burglary of some neighborhood homes he got into a verbal argument with the GF. Dave B made the mistake of merely snatching the keys to the car he'd given her away. That was enough to have him restrained from entering the home he was paying for, driving the car he was paying for, and Dave B went to live with mom & dad for a spell until that was sorted out. Now Dave B is on wife #3; another single mother of 2 daughters. In the meantime wife #1 self- destructed and he was order by the court to assume custody of his first 2 daughters (which is what he wanted anyway) after they'd been abused by their stepfather and wife #1 turned up to be a meth addict. Turns out all that money he'd been paying for years went to feed her habit and the habit of the abusive step-father.

I'll add more more later.

 

[azanon]

I know several like these too. It blows my mind what some men put up with daily.

 

[frivolousz21]

those seem like really extreme examples.

or maybe I just don't see those things.

I do have a couple friends who may let that happen

 

[STR8UP]

It's not a husband's "fault" if his wife cheats, per se, but it is his responsibility to do what he can to ensure it doesn't happen.

All of the moral crusaders talking about someone ELSE contributing to the situation, yea, I guess so, but only to a point. It has WAAAAY more to do with the cheating being a symptom and NOT the disease.

That said, now that I think about it, I know a lot of guys who lean toward being DJ's. Sure, there are some AFC's sprinkled in here and there, but to be honest most of the guys I know have a pretty good grasp of how it works. I'd say at least 60%??

Now when I go out on the street it's a different story. I overhear convo's that make me cringe. You could almost put female voices to them and think it was two chicks talking.

And another thing. Even the AFC's I know tend to pretty good with women, at least in the beginning. They don't have much of an issue attracting them, but then the old social conditioning kicks in and they fukk it up by relinquishing their Manhood.

Actually, I used to be just like that myself......

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Shawn
Shawn is a guy I know who basically ONEitised on EVERY girl who EVER dated him. He'd been married for about 2.5 years to a fairly religious girl who told him she "wanted to be a pastor's wife" only to have her eventually cheat on him with a guy who was the Bad Boy and ended up in Las Vegas. Shawn went on to get a master's in education, and moved to a string of "coulda been" GFs, who'd date him for about 2-3 weeks, figure out his Disneyesque views of love, LTRs and men & women in general. He was a very good songwriter until he found himself in one of these "coulda been" ONEitis spells. Then every song was about the girl he thought was his "gift from above" and he proceeded to smoother her in his clingy-ness and idealize her on a pedestal. He went through about 3 or 4 of these while I knew him until he met his 2nd wife. Mary was a single mother of one son and technically his step-cousin (his step-fatehr's, brother's daughter). She'd "accidentally" gotten pregnant by a black guy on the college basketball team and according to her very strict father had disgraced the family, but them being religious she had the baby and began her life as a single mom. Shawn adopted the Cap'n-save-a-ho persona and started this whirl wind ONEitis crusade to "do the right thing" and not only marry her, but legally adopt her son. Mary of course was happy to have the help, but saw Shawn for what he is; desperate and a romantically idealistic AFC. Mary was actually a pretty good friend of Mrs. Tomassi for a time and she'd confide in her that she wished he had the ambition and drive that I had. The short version was that she wanted a Man she could respect - similar to her authoritative father - and while Shawn was welcome help, she just wasn't hot for him. Now Shawn is legally bound to her and the child he never fathered and has little respect for him.

 

[azanon]

It's not a husband's "fault" if his wife cheats, per se, but it is his responsibility to do what he can to ensure it doesn't happen.

I don't agree with the first part necessarily. I think a wife can be completely vindicated by cheating if she has a completely loser or abusive husband. There's always divorce too, but I don't necessarily subscribe to the "divorce first" rule.

I think a lot of guys that get married think they now have the right to not take care of themselves, drink beer and watch ESPN every day, ignore their wives and not spend time with them, etc. and still think they can expect her to be faithful to him because they're married. Many of these guys eventually find out their thinking is wrong.

That said, now that I think about it, I know a lot of guys who lean toward being DJ's. Sure, there are some AFC's sprinkled in here and there, but to be honest most of the guys I know have a pretty good grasp of how it works. I'd say at least 60%??

Wow, where do you live? I'd put it at 80% AFC here.

 

[STR8UP]

I don't agree with the first part necessarily. I think a wife can be completely vindicated by cheating if she has a completely loser or abusive husband. There's always divorce too, but I don't necessarily subscribe to the "divorce first" rule.

I don't think anyone can ever be "excused" from breaking a commitment. I can understand a woman's reasoning behind what she is doing, but if you are that unhappy in your relationship it's time to get out of it.

And the only reason I say this is because once the trust bond is broken, it's all but impossible to get back. If I found out my wife was cheating I don't care what situation we were in, she would be gone. Of course there is always "What they don't know won't hurt them", but even if there isn't proof, there is almost alwasy suspicion and that in itself can lead to trust issues.

I think a lot of guys that get married think they now have the right to not take care of themselves, drink beer and watch ESPN every day, ignore their wives and not spend time with them, etc. and still think they can expect her to be faithful to him because they're married. Many of these guys eventually find out their thinking is wrong.

I myself have become complacent in LTR's, and I have felt the repercussions.

In the past I didn't understand that the commitment stage is just the beginning, and that the second apathy sets in, you're doomed. Women just don't sit around hoping you will change back into the man she was attracted to in the beginning, she will actively take steps to secure a new source of intimacy, should the current one not pan out. Monkeys, anyone?

Wow, where do you live? I'd put it at 80% AFC here.

I didn't say a lot of guys who live around here, I said a lot of guys I know.

Matter of fact I only live about 30 minutes from Rollo.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think a lot of guys that get married think they now have the right to not take care of themselves, drink beer and watch ESPN every day, ignore their wives and not spend time with them, etc. and still think they can expect her to be faithful to him because they're married. Many of these guys eventually find out their thinking is wrong.

I understand the reason this is a popular idea, but you have to think about what leads a guy to fall into this lethargy trap. When women "give up" or "let themselves go" after marriage or an LTR it's usually in response to being too comfortable in their situation. No competition anxiety means she can relax, have sex on her terms and decide how in shape she really wants to be. Men on the other hand enter the comfort zone too, but the guys who let themselves go accept the idea that after marriage you unavoidably get fat (feminized social convention passed on to males for affirmation). Many guys find themselves at a point where they think "if she doesn't care, why should I?" The hot sex that was so urgent when she was single dries up and swilling beer watching TV seems time better spent than dealing with the stress married life comes with. Not saying this is right, just how it happens.

 

[azanon]

I understand the reason this is a popular idea, but you have to think about what leads a guy to fall into this lethargy trap. When women "give up" or "let themselves go" after marriage or an LTR it's usually in response to being too comfortable in their situation. No competition anxiety means she can relax, have sex on her terms and decide how in shape she really wants to be.

Exactly. So going on exactly what you say, what kind of behavior maximizes "competition anxiety"? Logically, it would seem 1. Being successful 2. Maintaining attractiveness/physical fitness 3. At least giving the impression that she has to work to keep you from other women.

Men on the other hand enter the comfort zone too, but the guys who let themselves go accept the idea that after marriage you unavoidably get fat (feminized social convention passed on to males for affirmation). Many guys find themselves at a point where they think "if she doesn't care, why should I?" The hot sex that was so urgent when she was single dries up and swilling beer watching TV seems time better spent than dealing with the stress married life comes with. Not saying this is right, just how it happens.

Yeah, either someone gets comfortable first or they both do it starting day 1 after marriage.

I never lived with my (now) wife until I got married. I made it obvious to her early on (without even having to verbalize it really) that if she wanted to keep up with me, she was going to need to watch her weight, exercise routinely, and continue to develop as a person.

We've had conversations before about how people can potentially outgrow each other. I know probably many of you have "outgrown", say, old highschool friends. My wife is a smart woman. She sees that I "grow" every year. She's keeping up.

RT, hope you pass through LR sometime soon. We could maybe go eat out somewhere and show off our hot, mid-30's wives. ;-) I take a lot of credit for her current condition.

 

[azanon]

I myself have become complacent in LTR's, and I have felt the repercussions.

In the past I didn't understand that the commitment stage is just the beginning, and that the second apathy sets in, you're doomed. Women just don't sit around hoping you will change back into the man she was attracted to in the beginning, she will actively take steps to secure a new source of intimacy, should the current one not pan out. Monkeys, anyone?

You separated out that first comment of mine then sort of agreed with the second. To me they go together.

What I'm essentially saying is that I am of the opinion that one martial partner can be completely responsible for the other partner cheating if they do little to nothing within a marriage to warrant faithfulness. I don't believe the verbal commitment alone is enough. There's more to that commitment than verbal. If one doesn't pull their weight, then THEY'RE the one who broke the commitment first, AFAIK.

Sometimes it just isn't practical to up and divorce if a "cheat" on the side, kept hidden, is filling in the gap. Always question anyone who gives one-size-fits-all advice. Most of the world is "gray area".

I know of a real-world example (that I"m too lazy to tell now) where cheating is the completely logical and even sensitive, thing for him to do.

 

[slaog]

It seems to be they all have the mindset that if they get a woman they're lucky to have her and must do everything to keep her. A scarcity mindset.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Those stories are shocking and make me glad that I had this resource available to me to unplug before I ended up with a pregnant wife/master.

What I find disconcerting is that you would ASSUME that after one of those relationships the guy would snap out of it and figure out what he actually wants in life. I'm going to make the assumption that it isn't automatic, and that it's very easy for the next girl a newly divorced AFC meets to have such a powerful effect on him that he fails to make the character adjustments he probably promised himself he would make.

I'm going to watch myself very carefully. It'll be a cold day in hell before I even live with another woman, let alone marry one.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I think that part of the reason some guys never learn is that you really can get away with being AFC when you're younger. In my AFC days I still got laid--I just drove girls away by pushing for a relationship because I thought it was "the right thing to do." When you're getting girls consistently and ultimately having them all reject you, it's easy to blame them and develop a deep mistrust of women. Thus, when you find a girl that DOES stick around, you assume she is the "ONE"... by default. This is why PUAs, who often mistrust women, turn AFC when they get into relationships.


The thing is, women have subtle ways of TELLING guys when their interest level is lagging--it's not some hidden agenda. Women are actually pretty honest about what they want, and when they say, "smart, funny, and nice" they do NOT mean AFC. When they say they like bad boys--they do NOT mean AFCs (a lot of "bad boys" are HUGE AFC's with women that can not control their emotions). For all of the stereotyping of AFC's as "nice guys," AFC behavior is actually very selfish--it is done out of need. AFC behavior ALWAYS results in a negative reaction from a woman--albeit a nonverbal one.

What's really sad is when an AFC gets married--by this point, they're so set in their ways that there's no turning back, even as their marriage deteriorates. To them, they already "won" by getting married.

Of course, it works both ways. There are plenty of females that exhibit AFC-like traits, whose attributes include catty, petty behavior, a desire for complete control, constant suspicion, emotional outbursts, and other lovely things. The difference is: Most men will put up with a female "AFC."

 

[WestCoaster]

Continuing on this, AFC's I have known:

BOB

Married first serious girlfriend after living with her for six or seven years (after one year you know the girl -- and the drill -- get on with it or get out of it), divorced after five years or so (I wouldn't want to live with him). Instead of playing the dating pool, within a year he met another gal, perhaps only the second girl he dated in that year. Got married at a later age and I went to the wedding -- both middle aged, she looked stupid in a white dress (second wedding for her, too), just have it at the courthouse or a private ceremony. They've been separated on and off, he's never played the field and is equally miserable single or married. I told him he never dated enough; he looked at me like I was speaking Swahili. One thing about dishing new DJ language to AFC's, it really throws them. You have to explain very slowly, it's like teaching them how to read a first grade book.

JEFF

This one is painful because this guy is one of my best friends. Met him in college, he was b-nging a fair number of hot women, including a tall, blonde whom he dumped. I thought he was nuts ... he agrees with me today, some 20 years later. Flash forward a few years, he meets an average looking gal, moves in with her. She has treated him like s-it from day one, yet he takes it. Apparently he was at a bar with about 20 friends once and while he was living with her (no marriage yet), she storms in and reads him the riot act in front of everyone for not being home. Another one of his friends said, "That was a deal-breaker, why do you put up with it?" Stupidly, after five years of living together (again, one year you know the drill ... actually I'm against living together, and not for moral reasons, for DJ reasons, but I digress ...) they get married. It's living hell, she's landed on him when I've been at his house, he just goes to the other room and doesn't deal with it. After many childless years they foolishly have a kid -- I was praying this wouldn't happen. They thought it would bring them together; it didn't. The guy has GQ looks, great personality, good career ... when we go to bars, women approach him. He refuses to get out of this nightmare of a marriage. His wife is a total beyotch.

KEITH

Guy I went to college with, married the first woman he porked. Got married, though they never liked each other. Tried to make it work, had two kids, divorced. Freaking moron.

GREG

Meets a homely gal, nothing special. He has a full-time job in construction and owns some rentals. His big passion is coaching high school baseball and does this on the side. He's a very good coach. I met the beyotch in waiting, we go out to dinner, she barely makes eye contact with me, i.e., horrible people skills and she's not very hot either. She says, "When we get married, you're no longer coaching." He says nothing; I should've spoke up and said, "Greg, don't kill your passion for this." They have a kid, get divorced, she takes him to the cleaners, they share custody and have to drop off the kid at a midway point in the Northwest where they each have to drive 150 miles. I think she cheated on him, too. Second or third marriage for her. Just pathetic. He has ZERO D.J. skills. He would be befuddled by this website.

ME
Dated a few women like the above, mean, b-tchy, not very attractive, felt I needed them because I was an AFC. Believed in the "one" theory of dating, thinking there's "one" woman out there for you, when in reality you could fall in love with millions of women on this earth. I limited my options, would get very upset at women dumping me and so forth. I slowly wised up, this website helped that, though I was on my way before I found it. I'd hit some breaking points. The difference between me and my friends listed here? I got out of it, they didn't. I no longer embrace the painful AFC lifestyle. I'm far from being a perfect DJ; I just know I'm not an AFC anymore and it feels good.

I know many more AFCs, mostly guys who have thrown away their lives for mean, b-tchy, and often ugly, unattractive women. I don't get it, never have, never will. They all have one common trait: They thought singlehood was horrible thing for men after age 25, and others couldn't imagine being lonely. Now instead of lonely, they're just miserable ... and some, broke.

 

[mtnkng]

The biggest AFC I've ever known....me.

I won't share my story (just check my first coupla posts) - besides...its just an average story of an average boring life.

I read the referenced post from Rollo (Qualities of an AFC)....I think a huge indicator for AFCs is codependency. The rescuer, the caregiver. The guy who marries the AW with children from several men. And adds to the population.

This thread is ok....it points out what not to do....what not to be. Im really diggin on the threads about how to be - how to get out of being an AFC. I already know being an AFC is clearly not working.

So....I have my orders, Im on the hump. Basic training....time to leave boyhood.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

MACAVOY PMed me to ask why I started this thread and MTNKNG kind of hinted at the reason. Recounting the stories of AFCs we've known is educational in that it illustrates the commonalities of conditions these guys (ourselves included) face and the mindset that accompanies them. It's very easy to go all self-help-motivational on people and tell them what they ought to do and ought to believe about themselves, but stories like this make the conditions real for us. I wont argue the merits of bolstering your self-esteem and taking action to make a positive improvement in yourself toward becoming a capital 'M' Man. There are hundreds of threads on SS that address this, but recounting the wreckage of lives that AFCism (for lack of a better term) puts the reasons why a guy needs to "improve" in sharp perspective. It's like seeing the emaciated starving children in 3rd world countries on Unicef commercials as a prompt to do something.

I didn't start this thread as a warning sign for AFCs, nor did I start it point out what not to do. It's an illustration of the sheer scope of the problem and the very real impact it has not just on men's lives, but their families, the women they paired off with, their children, their friends, etc. That might seem negative, but it's reality. I could've just as well posted a thread about DJs I've known (which would've been a lot shorter), or glossed my own marriage of 12 years in an effort to point AFCs in the right direction, but powder-puff enthusiasm tends to only come off as conceit. And in the end, the AFC still thinks his best course to a fulfilled LTR/marriage is doing exactly what he is doing.

More stories to come.

 

[##17]

It seems to be they all have the mindset that if they get a woman they're lucky to have her and must do everything to keep her. A scarcity mindset.

I also think that there is this concept of GUILT. Many a AFC guy has this misguided notion that he is HURTING a woman if he is having sex with her without giving her a commitment. This belief is used against him in myriad ways...

 

[WestCoaster]

MACAVOY PMed me to ask why I started this thread and MTNKNG kind of hinted at the reason. Recounting the stories of AFCs we've known is educational in that it illustrates the commonalities of conditions these guys (ourselves included) face and the mindset that accompanies them. It's very easy to go all self-help-motivational on people and tell them what they ought to do and ought to believe about themselves, but stories like this make the conditions real for us. I wont argue the merits of bolstering your self-esteem and taking action to make a positive improvement in yourself toward becoming a capital 'M' Man. There are hundreds of threads on SS that address this, but recounting the wreckage of lives that AFCism (for lack of a better term) puts the reasons why a guy needs to "improve" in sharp perspective. It's like seeing the emaciated starving children in 3rd world countries on Unicef commercials as a prompt to do something.

I didn't start this thread as a warning sign for AFCs, nor did I start it point out what not to do. It's an illustration of the sheer scope of the problem and the very real impact it has not just on men's lives, but their families, the women they paired off with, their children, their friends, etc. That might seem negative, but it's reality. I could've just as well posted a thread about DJs I've known (which would've been a lot shorter), or glossed my own marriage of 12 years in an effort to point AFCs in the right direction, but powder-puff enthusiasm tends to only come off as conceit. And in the end, the AFC still thinks his best course to a fulfilled LTR/marriage is doing exactly what he is doing.

More stories to come.

I find it very educational, and of course I contributed to this thread and it's a big theme of mine: Alerting men to the dangers of AFCism.

My take on a message board is that some of it has educational value, such as this. I quickly go down this board and find the posters I like and read their threads, that's how I got to this one. Or I look at topics I'd be interested in and open those. It's pretty free wheeling, people can open what they want, though I think this one is extremely educational.

I vowed to myself many years ago -- even in my AFC days -- that I didn't want to have multiple marriages and kids scattered throughout the country, that I'll be single the rest of my life before I do that. Nothing is guaranteed. si it could happen to me, you never know.

I have friends with kids in different locales, kids they don't see, ex-wives cleaning out their income, and others living daily lives of hell with mean, spiteful women. I vowed to try my best to not get involved in that drama, and that's what it is: drama.

Drama is for women, men sadly have gotten pulled into this drama. Why? AFCism. It's a damaging emotional mind-set.

 

[Magma]

I see so many examples of AFCism every single day and it INFURIATES me. All my friends are AFC's except for one, who is an absolute natural.


Here is an extreme example of an AFC, and I just got word this morning that this former friend of mine died of a heroin overdose three days ago. He was found dead in his apartment.

Ben was an amazing artist and musician. He could have had a record deal. He was Bob Dylan reincarnate, I swear. He got hooked up with the wrong chick, and he spiraled into intravenous drug use because of her and her addiction. Then, he got her pregnant.

One night, they were having an argument (read: she was yelling and screaming at him) and he tried to follow her into the house. While he had his hand around the door to push it open, she turned around the KICKED the door shut with his hand in the way. She broke nearly every bone in his left hand. That was the end of his musical career.

Did he leave this b1tch? Nope. Instead, he decided that it would be a good idea to have another child with this she-devil. He tried to clean up, but it was hopeless. She was the accelerant in his downward spiral, and he KNEW IT. My friends and I finally had to kick him out of our lives because he broke into my buddy's house and stole his checkbook and forged checks all around town.

He left town and moved with this cvnt to Washington state. Right now, she is in the hospital with failing organs and will die soon. Ben is now dead. He died with a needle in his arm. Now there are two children without parents.

He could have gotten out while the getting was good. The signs were there like a neon sign in Vegas. He chose to ignore those signs. He chose to stay with this woman WHO KILLED HIM! SHE RUINED HIS LIFE!! Because he couldn't play music anymore, he sank into a depression which was fueled by drug use and a realization that he now had two children with this she-devil.

RIP Ben. You deserved much better.

 

[WestCoaster]

I see so many examples of AFCism every single day and it INFURIATES me. All my friends are AFC's except for one, who is an absolute natural.


Here is an extreme example of an AFC, and I just got word this morning that this former friend of mine died of a heroin overdose three days ago. He was found dead in his apartment.

Ben was an amazing artist and musician. He could have had a record deal. He was Bob Dylan reincarnate, I swear. He got hooked up with the wrong chick, and he spiraled into intravenous drug use because of her and her addiction. Then, he got her pregnant.

One night, they were having an argument (read: she was yelling and screaming at him) and he tried to follow her into the house. While he had his hand around the door to push it open, she turned around the KICKED the door shut with his hand in the way. She broke nearly every bone in his left hand. That was the end of his musical career.

Did he leave this b1tch? Nope. Instead, he decided that it would be a good idea to have another child with this she-devil. He tried to clean up, but it was hopeless. She was the accelerant in his downward spiral, and he KNEW IT. My friends and I finally had to kick him out of our lives because he broke into my buddy's house and stole his checkbook and forged checks all around town.

He left town and moved with this cvnt to Washington state. Right now, she is in the hospital with failing organs and will die soon. Ben is now dead. He died with a needle in his arm. Now there are two children without parents.

He could have gotten out while the getting was good. The signs were there like a neon sign in Vegas. He chose to ignore those signs. He chose to stay with this woman WHO KILLED HIM! SHE RUINED HIS LIFE!! Because he couldn't play music anymore, he sank into a depression which was fueled by drug use and a realization that he now had two children with this she-devil.

RIP Ben. You deserved much better.

That's one of the saddest stories I've read, AFC being one of the causes of his death.

This begs the question: How did we get to this point? Many decades ago women looked up to men as providers, caretakers, fathers, and all around good guys. How did we get to a point where even the term AFC was invented? Sure, there were probably AFC's in the 40's and 50's, but I'm guessing there weren't a lot of them. Today, there's way more AFC's than real men. It's sad that we've gotten to this point.