advice needed with new lady in life

[dingdong]

advice needed guys. iv been on about 3/4 dates with new girl .I was instantly interested after first .we spent a Friday night together,had dinner and drinks .she stayed over but didn't have sex , we both knew we wanted to but held back .she said she wanted to do something on sat .that went great and hung out all day.the chemistry was there ,she was giving lots and lots of compliments etc .
left her of on sat night.on sunday I decided not to contact her and she text on sunday night . I had a few drinks and prob give away a little too much after chatting to her on the phone.cant remember all I said !
text a bit more yesterday and we arranged to meet up tonight .im on a dating site which she knew about ,anyway she was asking how was that going in a bit of a banter way .I said couldn't tell her that as we weren't in a "relationship".it was all a in a jokey way .
I thought that's were we were going with the date conversation tonight. so I was surpised when after we started chatting she said she wasn't sure what we were doing and if she wanted to call it a relationship or not .I was a bit shocked by this due to the chemistry etc beforehand . i thought that's what she was after .I kind of became a bit withdrawn mentioned I had put of another date from the dating website.she said I should go on it . I said it wasn't really my style. I tried to act like didn't bother me but think she knew it did .I said what does that mean then in terms of what we are doing. she said she wants to see me again and to get to know me a bit better.my gut was saying pull back here and abandon ship . left her of at home and we kissed again passionately .she says she want to meet up again and that she figures I will prob go cold on her and not contact her. my normal reaction would be to do this but should I call her out on what she said and thank her for another nice date and arrange another time or go cold again? is this the brush off?thanks in advance for any advice!

 

[Uncharted]

.we spent a Friday night together,had dinner and drinks .she stayed over but didn't have sex

That's the problem. No sex after 3/4 dates means you were not alpha/aggressive enough and were afraid of losing her.

She's not sure if it's a relationship or not because you haven't been aggressive enough.

 

[dingdong]

hi uncharted. do you think is recoverable? should I now be a little more aggressive and try and get her into sack pronto .I can only presume her saying she wants to meet again is genuine ?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I kind of became a bit withdrawn mentioned I had put of another date from the dating website.she said I should go on it .

Normally guys side with guys on here and say NC, NC, NC.

But I'm calling you out. You made a passive-aggressive move by doing what you did above. Leave the passive-aggressive BS for the women to do. Men shouldn't act that way. It is not an attractive quality in a guy.

Pretend like the above didn't happen and hopefully it didn't turn her off too much. DON'T try to overcompensate by being "extra nice". That will only drive her away even more. Just act normal and continue the intensity and escalate.

And no more passive-aggressive BS. Don't talk or gloat about how many dates you have lined up and overdo the whole "be the prize" attitude. When you're already going out and making out with a girl, there is no reason to be like that. Being the prize and casually mentioning how many dates you have should only be done before you go one-on-one with a girl and start inviting her over and making out.

Hope that clears it up.

 

[dingdong]

tillthe end of time .thanks bud. what would you say in text?

 

[JohnChops]

Not being aggressive enough and thinking you'll lose her are a mix for trouble. I lost two plates this way and one became a oneitis. Horrible. Always never care if.you lose her or not and that is just one point. Be aggressive is the other .

 

[dingdong]

I might send something along these lines tomorrow in text .
"following our chat last night and seeing as the chemistry was still there during last night kiss ;-)would you like to come over Friday and see if we can get that going again"
I guess all she can say is no. I reckon as you say I think trying to be over nice isn't the way to go

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I might send something along these lines tomorrow in text .
"following our chat last night and seeing as the chemistry was still there during last night kiss ;-)would you like to come over Friday and see if we can get that going again"
I guess all she can say is no. I reckon as you say I think trying to be over nice isn't the way to go

Don't send that. It sounds too laboured. Be direct and to the point. You must know something about this girl by now. Does she like wine and dark chocolate? Do you know what type of movies she likes?

Be more playful. Invite her over for wine and a movie, or whatever she really likes. Set a date and time. Make sure you sit all cozy together and go for the kill when the moment is right.

 

[dingdong]

you reckon? I guess im sussing out if she actually wanted to meet again

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

you reckon? I guess im sussing out if she actually wanted to meet again

The problem with your text is that you are verbalizing your intentions too much. You are basically saying "I want to make out with you again". Unless a girl is REALLY, REALLY into you, that triggers an almost automatic "eww" response from a girl. The only exception is if you're already talking dirty, but you aren't.

Don't verbalize your intentions. Don't verbalize that you feel chemistry. Act instead.

 

[dingdong]

would you make any comment on fact things seemed to slow up a bit tonight or just pretty much ask to see her again? I feel the hi,how are you texts are a bit of a waste of time at this stage

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

would you make any comment on fact things seemed to slow up a bit tonight or just pretty much ask to see her again? I feel the hi,how are you texts are a bit of a waste of time at this stage

Just ask to see her again. If she has lost interest, that is the quickest and easiest way to find out.

Any response other than a "yes" or a VERY good excuse with a counteroffer means that she's pretty much gone. Excuses and flakiness are a sure sign to call it quits and move on.

 

[Losther]

Sounds like she's playing you at your own game... Time to take control back

 

[dingdong]

hi losther ;-) what would you do at this stage .would you text today or leave a while?

 

[( . )( . )]

This poor bastards drowning in a sea of AFCism and nobody thought to direct him to the DJbible first? C'mon fellas what happened to teach a man to fish and all that.

No offence OP but all I'm seeing is you mimicking female behaviour and doing poorly at it at that. Ridiculous spoon fed notions such as "chemistry", "holding off on sex", hell even thinking a "passionate" kiss is enough to hold a woman's interest should be stripped from you and a new man made. I know this is no fault of your own, we've all been force fed this rubbish since birth. I suggest you take some REAL time reading and internalizing the fundamentals of game, spend some time reading the DJbible. (the links at the bottom of the page)

Have fun. I mean that literally, your going to have some real fun soon.

 

[dementia]

You were already in comfort with this girl so u can tone down the disqualifiers somewhat. You also sound like all these convos ur having are way to serious to early. My advice, go on a FUN date, reinitiate kissing kino etc and keep it fun. Stop with all the relationship talk. If she brings it up say "stick around and well find out" then continue on just making an experience if whatever ur doing. I would also recommend against booty calling if u didnt fvck yet (which is basically what u were proposing) but do PLAN a date that leads her to your place at the end of it again. You should be able to hit this but you seem to have no clue about phases. You are in comfort now. She likes you, don't come across as weird, keep everything light and fun with kissing and escalating

 

[dingdong]

mauser and dementia . thanks for great replies .mauser I esp appreciate your detailed response!!
so update I text her today about meeting friday at my house for dvd/takeaway .kept it fairly sweet and short . so she responded fairly quickly saying that sounds good but might have family bbq friday or sat so shall let me know.
I guess this is the flake?
how would you respond?

 

[dingdong]

anyone guys ?should I text back as though that's fine and keep the banter going or go no contact at this point until she gets back?

 

[JoeMarron]

This poor bastards drowning in a sea of AFCism and nobody thought to direct him to the DJbible first? C'mon fellas what happened to teach a man to fish and all that.

No offence OP but all I'm seeing is you mimicking female behaviour and doing poorly at it at that. Ridiculous spoon fed notions such as "chemistry", "holding off on sex", hell even thinking a "passionate" kiss is enough to hold a woman's interest should be stripped from you and a new man made. I know this is no fault of your own, we've all been force fed this rubbish since birth. I suggest you take some REAL time reading and internalizing the fundamentals of game, spend some time reading the DJbible. (the links at the bottom of the page)

Have fun. I mean that literally, your going to have some real fun soon.

I don't know why dudes keep giving new posters advice when it's clear they don't know what the hell they're doing. OP don't even bother asking for advice at this stage. Read the DJBible, learn the rules of the game first or you're just gonna end up asking questions about every little situation that comes up in your dating life.

 

[dingdong]

been reading away ,quite a lot to get through just looking bit of advice in meantime;-)