TheBends86
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 14, 2005
- Messages
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Advice Please!
LONG POST - Skip to bottom section in bold if not interested in background story (in a nutshell: recovering AFC needs to consoldiate female contacts).
Hello,
Here's my brief background before we get into things. I am 19 in a few weeks time; during my short life, my relations with girls have generally been very miserable, and very AFC. Trying, but (thankfully) failing to hook up with a girl with rotten teeth while drunk; dumping my first girlfriend out of fear of 'not knowing what to do'; my first relationship was with an Italian exchange student with an enormous nose; I've shot myself in the foot when it comes to girls so many times.
However, 2 years ago, I met a girl, bla bla bla, we fell in 'love' (biggest mistake of my life so far) etc etc. For 18 mths we went out, it was great. Then she cheated on me with my "best friend" (I have not spoken to him since and will never speak again), dumped me and started going out with him instantly. I was crushed. This was 2 months ago.
I decided I'm come back to a site I haven't read for years -- this one. Because I realised, I had become what I always feared I was: an AFC. I am an AFC.
Although I've had several encounters with girls, it's only ever been through my bizarre sense of humour, or alcohol. Basically, I could never attact a girl on pure merit. Since the end of my LTR in such bad circumstances, I've decided that the AFC-TheBends86 is going to become a thing of the past.
I looked around and though "OK, no, let me think how many girls I know ... oh hang on, NONE. I have zero female contacts". Tough road ahead folks ... but I've been trying to get some contacts (I realise one can't go from total-AFC to being a chick-puller overnight; for now it's important to be around girls and tune my terrible skills). So far, I have actually done reasonably well considering I started as a massive-AFC with no female contacts at all. I have been having lunch with a girl at uni the last few weeks (we share some classes), and I've started to get to know a female work colleague enough to sms her, go to a party with her, etc.
Now ... why am I telling you this? Because now, I have passed step 1 -- that is talking to some girls. Now, what I need to do, is lock these contacts in, and make them more than "someone I see once a week". Basically, what I want from these 2 girls is at least one I can call a "good aquaintance". At this point in time, I am honestly not trying to ask either of them out: I realise in my weak position as a recovering AFC, I can't push my luck (however, they are both nice girls, I certainly wouldn't decline them). With these girls, I need to accept the inevitable friendship ladder, but at least be positive: girls have friends ... and those friends are chances.
Basically, I want to consolidate my "friendship" with them and get to know them enough that I may be able to "network" a little, and maybe meet some of their friends, and find new oppurtunities.
The Uni girl is the reason of this post. Now, I have lunch with her every Thursday for the last few weeks. We have a nice time, but I guess I'm a "friend". So be it. A recovering AFC will get caught in the friends ladder easily. However, what I DO want to do, is make this girl someone I can go out with ... as opposed to "someone I see once a week". There is a big football game coming up in a few weeks time, that I'd like to go to with her, to lock her in as a "good acquantaince" (however as I said before, I'm certainly not against more; just realistic).
I mentioned it to her in passing "hey we oughta go to a game sometime" (AFC curse strikes again...), and she was "oh yeah for sure"... so I said I'd email her the details if a game comes up. That was a few weeks ago. What I want to know is, how should I word an email that does this purpose: asks a girl out on a 1-on-1 basis (ie. just her and me) , but without any pre-conceived desires (as a friend, or as a date, either is fine). The last thing I can afford to do is scare her off, atm I need to get a foothold into the female world (she recently got 'freaked out' by a guy who asked her to a movie; I don't want to be reject #2, especially when I am not pursuing romance). Secondly, with my self-esteem already dented badly due to my broken-LTR, I can't afford a harsh smash-down. I want a low-risk, low-return message, that will best ensure that she'll be there with me at that game.
How should I go about this seemingly simple problem. To many of you, this will seem like such a petty question. However you must realise, I am still very much gripped by the curse of AFC-ness.
Over to you folks.
LONG POST - Skip to bottom section in bold if not interested in background story (in a nutshell: recovering AFC needs to consoldiate female contacts).
Hello,
Here's my brief background before we get into things. I am 19 in a few weeks time; during my short life, my relations with girls have generally been very miserable, and very AFC. Trying, but (thankfully) failing to hook up with a girl with rotten teeth while drunk; dumping my first girlfriend out of fear of 'not knowing what to do'; my first relationship was with an Italian exchange student with an enormous nose; I've shot myself in the foot when it comes to girls so many times.
However, 2 years ago, I met a girl, bla bla bla, we fell in 'love' (biggest mistake of my life so far) etc etc. For 18 mths we went out, it was great. Then she cheated on me with my "best friend" (I have not spoken to him since and will never speak again), dumped me and started going out with him instantly. I was crushed. This was 2 months ago.
I decided I'm come back to a site I haven't read for years -- this one. Because I realised, I had become what I always feared I was: an AFC. I am an AFC.
Although I've had several encounters with girls, it's only ever been through my bizarre sense of humour, or alcohol. Basically, I could never attact a girl on pure merit. Since the end of my LTR in such bad circumstances, I've decided that the AFC-TheBends86 is going to become a thing of the past.
I looked around and though "OK, no, let me think how many girls I know ... oh hang on, NONE. I have zero female contacts". Tough road ahead folks ... but I've been trying to get some contacts (I realise one can't go from total-AFC to being a chick-puller overnight; for now it's important to be around girls and tune my terrible skills). So far, I have actually done reasonably well considering I started as a massive-AFC with no female contacts at all. I have been having lunch with a girl at uni the last few weeks (we share some classes), and I've started to get to know a female work colleague enough to sms her, go to a party with her, etc.
Now ... why am I telling you this? Because now, I have passed step 1 -- that is talking to some girls. Now, what I need to do, is lock these contacts in, and make them more than "someone I see once a week". Basically, what I want from these 2 girls is at least one I can call a "good aquaintance". At this point in time, I am honestly not trying to ask either of them out: I realise in my weak position as a recovering AFC, I can't push my luck (however, they are both nice girls, I certainly wouldn't decline them). With these girls, I need to accept the inevitable friendship ladder, but at least be positive: girls have friends ... and those friends are chances.
Basically, I want to consolidate my "friendship" with them and get to know them enough that I may be able to "network" a little, and maybe meet some of their friends, and find new oppurtunities.
The Uni girl is the reason of this post. Now, I have lunch with her every Thursday for the last few weeks. We have a nice time, but I guess I'm a "friend". So be it. A recovering AFC will get caught in the friends ladder easily. However, what I DO want to do, is make this girl someone I can go out with ... as opposed to "someone I see once a week". There is a big football game coming up in a few weeks time, that I'd like to go to with her, to lock her in as a "good acquantaince" (however as I said before, I'm certainly not against more; just realistic).
I mentioned it to her in passing "hey we oughta go to a game sometime" (AFC curse strikes again...), and she was "oh yeah for sure"... so I said I'd email her the details if a game comes up. That was a few weeks ago. What I want to know is, how should I word an email that does this purpose: asks a girl out on a 1-on-1 basis (ie. just her and me) , but without any pre-conceived desires (as a friend, or as a date, either is fine). The last thing I can afford to do is scare her off, atm I need to get a foothold into the female world (she recently got 'freaked out' by a guy who asked her to a movie; I don't want to be reject #2, especially when I am not pursuing romance). Secondly, with my self-esteem already dented badly due to my broken-LTR, I can't afford a harsh smash-down. I want a low-risk, low-return message, that will best ensure that she'll be there with me at that game.
How should I go about this seemingly simple problem. To many of you, this will seem like such a petty question. However you must realise, I am still very much gripped by the curse of AFC-ness.
Over to you folks.
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