Advice for the Lady

[##17]

I have not made SG out to be anything.

I am going against the extreme argument that she is some bitter evil woman for leaving an abusive relationship, one of which we know nothing about. The argument is that a child needs their father no matter what. Most people know that is not the case.

I don't think a lot of us are arguing that she is a bitter woman for leaving the relationship so much that we think that she was SELFISH for marrying a guy in the first place, who showed the signs ALL ALONG of being an abusive father. She owed it to her unborn kids to screen for the guy's character, and she did not do that. And no I don't think that's just 'a mistake' on her part. I mean, she HAD to know what she was doing when she gave her marriage vows. That is the point I think a lot of guys on here are trying to make.

 

[jophil28]

we think that she was EXTREMELY SELFISH for marrying a guy in the first place, who showed the signs ALL ALONG of being an abusive father.
.

WE only have her word to go on. I am sure that this alleged "abusive father " also has his story to tell -and he is entitled to do that. There are always two sides .

I have dated at least 15 divorced or separated women with children in the past 20 some odd years, and ALL played the innocent victim - some more that others. All believed that they were faultless in the demise of their marriage and ALL tried very hard to sell themselves as the "rescuer" of their children from the birth father.
THere was only one women who ever uttered any words of regret regarding HER own behavior and that was confined to her acknowledging her "mistake" in choosing the wrong man. However this woman was a "good catholic girl " who went on to mother EIGHT children by the same " Alcoholic abusive" man.
I asked her when she realized that he was an alcoholic and she relied , " He got fall down drunk at our ENGAGEMENT party.. "

THis is #17's point - if we are to believe these women's OWN account , it is obvious that these women knew ENOUGH to avoid the marriage or to bail early in the realtionship BUT choose not to do so for reasons of selfishness and convenience. They CHOOSE to proceed to enter into a breeding arrangement with totally unsuitable men . They then subject their children of this marriage to an appalling upbringing and then cry foul many years later when they have reached the limit of THEIR tolerance , or the guy leaves them.

Need we say any more ?

 

[iqqi]

...if we are to believe these women's OWN account , it is obvious that these women knew ENOUGH to avoid the marriage or to bail early in the realtionship BUT choose not to do so for reasons of selfishness and convenience.

We don't HAVE SG's account of her marriage, just that it wasn't a good one, and that her children are better off without the man. Seeing as her thread has nothing to do with her marriage, there is no point in speculating, or projecting worst case scenarios, or worse, generalizations, onto her situation.

I'm not sure you can always call marrying the wrong person just 'a mistake'. I will say it again: If the signs were there that your partner is abusive, low character, ect, and you marry that person and have kids with them anyway, it isn't 'just as mistake' so much as it's pure SELFISHNESS on your part. I mean, on some level you knew that what you were doing was bad for your unborn kids, but you're doing it anyway. See, now the kids have to grow up with at least one parent who is not up for the job.

I don't disagree, but unfortunately not everyone's standards are as high as mine, and maybe yours, when it comes to marriage. And no, the signs ARE NOT always there. That is the point I was trying to make before. It is all fine and dandy for men here to scream victim when they find out their sweet angel is really a monkey branch swing H0, or their wife is a slvt sleeping with Tom D!ck and Harry from work, but it is some godawful sin for a woman to discover the man she has married is equally horrifying as some of those just described women.

People put up good fronts, some for a very long time.

I don't think a lot of us are arguing that she is a bitter woman for leaving the relationship so much that we think that she was SELFISH for marrying a guy in the first place, who showed the signs ALL ALONG of being an abusive father. She owed it to her unborn kids to screen for the guy's character, and she did not do that. And no I don't think that's just 'a mistake' on her part. I mean, she HAD to know what she was doing when she gave her marriage vows. That is the point I think a lot of guys on here are trying to make.

I already made the point that she may have been decieved for a very long time, and she may have just been dumb enough to marry a man who exhibited a red flag, who knows. I don't think it is selfish for her to stay with an abusive man. Many women who do so are weak, and she may have actually been empowered by thinking of her children to finally leave. We don't know! And there is no point in speculating THAT point.

I don't think a lot of us are arguing that she is a bitter woman for leaving the relationship so much ...

I was replying to posts like this one:

There it is gentlemen -the warcry of the bitter modern divorced woman

When SG said that she and her children were better off without their father in the picture. There is a great chance that is the truth! To bring your own views of divorce and separation into this argument is projecting something onto SG that she doesn't deserve. And has nothing to do with the main and original post.

 

[jophil28]

We don't HAVE SG's account of her marriage, just that it wasn't a good one, and that her children are better off without the man. Seeing as her thread has nothing to do with her marriage, there is no point in speculating, or projecting worst case scenarios, or worse, generalizations, onto her situation.

Instead of twisting and distorting every reply here to pander to your addiction to arguing in the absurd, why not just let SG speak for herself.
For Pete's sake shut up !
You have contibuted nothing to this thread - except a lot of sideways meanderings and foolish speculation.

LoveShack awaits ICKY -you would love it over there ..If any male disagrees with a woman on LS, then all it takes is a girly whine to Uncle Tony and the guys post gets zapped. Perfect !

 

[iqqi]

You are the one speculating SG is a selfish stupid woman who has stripped her children of a great father.

BTW, nice way to take my words: twisting and speculating, and try to turn them on me. Get your own arguements, preferably ones that have something to do with the thread.


Also "shut up" and name calling, isn't really mature usage of words.

And you can also quit with the LoveShack crap. I don't post there, and wouldn't either. Just another lame attempt at I guess an insult.

 

[jophil28]

OK, I agree - i am insulting .. NOw will you buzz off. Would you accept money to leave us alone. YOu can have all my FrequentFlyer points and I will throw in a big Plasma TV and a life membership at Baskin Robbins- or perhaps you would be better at Weigh****chers.

And I invite you to have the last word ..women like you NEED that..

 

[Nighthawk]

Still curious as to how the father was 'abusive.' I agree that many many women choose partners unsuitable for fatherhood, then the kids suffer when the relationship doesn't last and good provider AFC not real dad is drafted in.

Also aware how many women play the victim and everything was the fault of their monstrous 'abusive' ex. Cheating = abuse? Likes a drink = alcoholism = abuse? Said mean things/argued back when provoked by woman's nagging = verbal/emotional abuse = abuse.

To me 'abusive father/ex' should refer to someone who was physically abusive or molested the kids. Nothing else.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/163494156.html

 

[Latinoman]

1) Many women married the SAME man they met. They just overlook all his faults (drinking a lot, cheating, abusive) because he is either "hot" or a "provider" or "strong". Then during marriage, the man does NOT change. He still the same...and guess what...many of those women instead of getting the hell out...they stay with those men and have NOT one, but MULTIPLE children.

2) Many women were married and their marriage did not work for a number of reasons. NONE having anything to do with "abuse". But these women call these men "abusive" and state the children are better off without their father. And do you know what? These same men have NEVER beaten their kids or at worst has disciplined the children like any responsible father would do. But these women are bitter and they will do anything to destroy the ex-husband. But what they are really doing is destroying the identity of her children.

I went out we a woman that was separated. She always said her husband was abusive toward her and the children. After a while, I asked her...abusive how...and she said "mental abuse". I was like..."Mental abuse? Please give me an example."...And her reply was like "Well, on my birthday, he went to play poker with his buddies".

With time, their divorce became nastier...and she told me that he was not suitable for the children. I asked "why?" and her reply was..."Well, he has a 19 year old girlfriend (he was 29) and that's not good for the children. That's also kind of adultery." I told her..."I have phucked you several times...ain't that technically adultery too?"

And the worst part was when she called the police on him for "hitting her". I asked her (I was not sleeping with her anymore) how that happened. She told me she went to his place, they had an argument...he wanted her to move out of her way...she did not and was on his face, and he moved her aside...and she hit the coffee table.

I am a divorced man that spent about 50% of my time with my children. I provide for them. And I am very generous to their mom. And to this day, she still whine to them about some of the stupid debates we have or disagreements with have. And she makes it sound as I have an issue providing for them. Now...how can a child get closer to his/her dad, when the mother is constantly poisoning their mind?

And in my case is not such a big issue. My case is one of the unusual GOOD divorces (without lawyer). I cannot imagine the cases in which their are NASTY women and NASTY divorces.

I will tell you one thing...the SoutherGal is bitter because she caught her husband cheating on her. And she is destroying the identity of her children by making sure he has nothing to do with them. Call it speculation from my part...I am willing to bet that my assessment is more right than wrong.

 

[Nighthawk]

Latinoman, couldn't agree more about victim-gals and their 'abuse.' I started a thread about it at Loveshack, but so far it's been ignored.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153442/