Oh boy. Not agian.
Alright when I wrote that bit about "becoming what the woman wants" I said to myself that I should also add an explanation because I had a strong feeling that there would be disagreements. Well, I chose not to; feeling lazy at the time. However, now I think I should try to clarify this issue because ignorance is often damaging.
There are two points I need to address regarding this issue. First is the idea many promote on "being yourself." Second, I'll handle the part on "becoming the man of her dreams."
Dispite the fact that a number of people have realized the absurdity of the notion of "being yourself" and written excellent articles explaining away this myth, it has become so cliche that it is a popular belief among the general public. Unfortunely, it seems this trend will continue untill the truth becomes public knowledge.
So what exactly does it mean to "be yourself?" Are there times when you are not being yourself? If so, how do you know when you are not being yourself and also how do you define exactly who you are? These questions may sound confusing but it's most likely because you never truely thought about this.
The truth, ladies and gentlemen, is that whatever it is you do, you are being yourself. Huh? What the heck do you mean?! Well, let's say you are at a funeral of one of your distant cousin, whom you never met. You don't particularly care to be there and would rather go sit in the shade with something cool to drink. But do you do this? Most likely not. Let's put you in another situation, you are in a important business meeting and you are dead tired and would love to just kick back in your chair, put your feet on the table and sleep. Would you do this? Most likely not. At a fancy party you are all dressed up in your best suit and act in your best manners. Now, in each of these situations why didn't you just be yourself? I mean shouldn't people just like you without you having to "come across as phony" and having to dress a certain way and/or behaving in a certain manner? The answer, obviously, is that doing what you naturally felt like doing would not have been advantageous of you getting what you want.
So we can now agree that in certain contexts doing what we naturally feel like doing is not going to get us the results we want. Correct?
Now, you still probably believe that certain behaviors you exhibit is you, while certain ones are not. And if a person choses to not be themselves to get what they want then that is being "manipulative" (as many folks say.) Well, folks, that's the myth. The myth that certain behaviors are you while others are not. You are always being yourself no matter what it is you do. Let me explain. You see, people are always changing. The person that you are now is not how you were when you were in elementry school. Also, you are not going to be the same person you are today ten years down the line. You will likely develop new habits, different ways of behaving, different ways of thinking on various issues, etc. EVERYTHING about yourself is constantly changing. Nothing about your identity is set in stone. The fact is, people *limit* themselves because they define their identity with their beliefs and behaviors - nothing can be farther from the truth! People are actually more than their beliefs and behaviors because they are constantly changing. Was a chirstian *born* believing in Jesus Christ? No, somewhere in life they were influenced and ultimately they chose to believe in it. Was a chick *born* believing that sex before marriage is bad? No, most likely they were taught to think that way through the course of life. Were you *born* shy around women? No, certain events likely conditioned you to feel this way and you allowed it to perpetuate and made it a habit. Like I said nothing about yourself is set in stone. If certain things you are *used* to doing, such as being shy around women, is not getting you the results you want, then simply break your habit of shyness and develop new habits which are more useful for getting what you want. Is your laziness always getting in the way of you finishing your work? Then end that habit and develop more productive ones. You weren't born lazy, you weren't born believing sex before marriage is a sin, you weren't born shy, so on and so on.
You see, you are just you. Your beliefs, behaviors, and the way you think are always changing. YOU ultimately decide who you will be. There is no such thing as "being yourself." You are just you. Nothing is set in stone. Get it?
I was also going to get to the second portion of my point but I do not have the time. Perhaps I'll get to it tomarrow if I have time.
Damn! It really is getting fustrating having to explain the same things over and over again!
[This
message has been edited by Jackal (edited 10-29-2001).]
