AD

[Vassago]

For some reason it wont let me respond in the thread.

I wasn't gonna get involved, because although I almost never agree with AD, I respect him for having his own style. However, this point by Powers got me thinking.

"I also believe alot of these rules are made up to make yourself feel better--to justify
something---she would have cheated on you anyway right, that is what i get from a
lot of AD's ideas (if she does not do A,B,C than dont do this because in 4 months
time she would have cheated on you anyway-you just saved yourself from heartbreak)--it sounds like the same person would never try to get to know no-body because they would be too afraid of getting hurt, what a way to live your life."

I would have to agree with him 100% here, and I had to ask...AD, what kind of success do you have with such a negative attitude? And how do you measure success when it comes to relationships with women?

 

[Anti-Dump]

Vassago,

How do I measure success with women? That's easy. INTEREST LEVEL!

I only date women who are INTERESTED in me. I think I am very successful because I DON'T HAVE WOMEN WHO AREN'T INTERESTED AROUND ME.

I am taking a DATING VACATION right now and have the time to do this forum. I am taking my spare time and helping others. When I start dating again I will be dating at least TWO INTERESTED women and won't be posting much. I simply won't have the time. I have a house that keeps me busy also. The woman that shows the MOST INTEREST gets to live there after marriage.

I am successful because I don't have women in my life that don't love me.

It is not a 'negative attitude'. It is a WEEDING OUT PROCESS. I weed out
unsuitable women. What's unsuitable?
LOW interest. Why is she with me if she rejects almost all of my date suggestions? Low interest. Why is she with me when after three years she never once said 'how are you?'. LOW interest. Why is she with me when we are engaged to be married in four weeks and I hear her say to her girlfriend while on the phone "Men, their just NOT WORTH IT" in a serious voice. LOW INTEREST!!!!!

These are actual, REAL women that I've dated. And I didn't even mention my ex-wife. She wasn't the engaged girl above.

Guys, they don't love you so DUMP THEM. You know it's true, but you hang in there year after year pretending it's really there. But it isn't. She just doesn't treat you right.

You and Delvar can laugh at my stuff and anybody else. But I GUARANTEE you will meet a woman who loves you and not one that doesn't.

I ask women for their number. If they don't PASS the INTEREST TESTS I give them I tell them 'Sorry, I am no longer interested in dating you'.

I am going to marry my ideal woman. I see her everywhere when I go to Boston on weekends. REAL MEN GET WHAT THEY WANT. Remember that. You don't have to put up with ANYTHING.

Guys, don't let anyone tell you that YOU HAVE TO MARRY a nagging, insulting, or cheating woman. And YOU HAVE TO HAVE a loveless marriage .
So Vassago, let people decide for themselves. If some guy out there ends up all alone because of me so what? He can then enjoy the FREE time and go play pool with his buddies.

With the old dating way way he will be too miserable after being dumped to CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.

AD



[This message has been edited by Anti-Dump (edited 06-20-2000).]

 

[Blue-eyed Devil]

hey ad, beantown (boston, for those not acquainted) is my area. don't look too hard for the marrying type around here. all mine have been terrible, high interest -- low usefulness. my .02, yet again...

devil

 

[Devlar]

First off AD, It's my nature to stand up against things i don't belive in, it's not you i'm knocking it's your ideals
Secondly, you people have to remeber there is not such thing as love at first sight, that's nothing more that an illusion of the mind, and to say that you base your entire dating game on whether or not a woman is infatuated with you is just ridiculous (although it might get you sex but that's not what i'm going for). Yes she may like you at first, she may have what you consider a "high intrest level" but guess what? peoples opions change especially when i comes down to fast things. Infatuations are one of those things. She may be interested in you one day, and the next not interested at all. It's better to take someone and raise their interest of you, than to start out with i high level and watch it drop, only that way can you concieve a trustworthy relationship because as you said she has a "high intrest level" but instead of it being a 2 hour thing it'll last months if not years.
Yes AD i do belive your ideals are that of a very bitter person, yes you may have success but mark my words that your success will never be infinate like that of some who care to perfect a relationship, on the sheer basis of how you approch the matter


------------------
The dumb talk, the smart listen
Pick ONE

 

[biddle]

AMEN AD, AMEN!!!!!!

 

[Anti-Dump]

Delvar,

You are only telling people they can't get what they want. You're wrong.

Life is not a crapshoot. There are guidelines out there that work. This is one. If you miss the point I don't care. I only want ONE guy to see it.
If anyone REJECTS it so what? They can always go back to being MISERABLE .

I am not BITTER at all! That's really FUNNY to say that. If I am not being HURT by women THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN ANYONE IN THE FORUM!!!! I am a happy guy BECAUSE I don't get jerked around like you!
He,he,he,he,he,he,he!!!!!!!!!!

Only guys like you get bitter.
He,he,he,he,he,he,he,he!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you going to do next, march down to the Don Juan Forum and protest: Down With Anti-dump!
He,he,he,he,he,he,he!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINNERS WIN - LOSERS LOSE

AD

 

[Anti-Dump]

Thanks Biddle!

Enjoy your date with that beautiful women. She will never pull the wool over YOUR eyes.

AD

 

[Devlar]

Vassago! Keep On Writing, your on the right track!

I happen to Date an extremely intelligent and beautiful woman. So i can't complain.

As for the topic on the other hand...

I never said they can't get what they want, and if you have to resort to twisting my words you have already concieded

I said that you have to put Effort (no F word) into solving your female problems, not just expect you will find what your looking for by hitting on every woman who has "high intrest level" because if this is how you work, most women who have those same "high intrest level" are going to loose intrest in you at an extreme pace. While if you were to find someone with an average view of you and work at it you would develop a much stronger relationship.

AD and if you think your techniques are going to get you a beautiful woman, think again, your not exceding your standards but rather lowering them to only those who fit your "rules" which are most like love starved retards (which i wouldn't ever consider dating), but if that's the women you'd like to date, and if that makes you happy than go for it.

I am a Winner, I've won numerous awards for bodybuilding and for speech in my school, I know what it takes to win, but I make sure that if never goes to my head and i sink myself to the type of mentality which you dubb advice, i don't get bitter, but i would like to make sure that no one else does who follows your so-called advice

I remeber you put up a post that said, anyone has the right to critize what i have to say well, than why might i ask are you getting all defensive??? Especially with the laughter?? All were doing is exactly what you said wouldn't affect you

WINNERS EARN THE RIGHT TO CALL THEMSELVES THAT, LOOSERS WAIT FOR THEMSELVES TO BE DUBBED THAT

 

[Vassago]

First off, some of you may have gotten the wrong idea. I have nothing personal against AD, I just question his ideas. I will leave it at that.

Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
Vassago,

How do I measure success with women? That's easy. INTEREST LEVEL!

I only date women who are INTERESTED in me.
I think I am very successful because I DON'T HAVE WOMEN WHO AREN'T INTERESTED AROUND ME.


++++++Nothing wrong with that, but have you ever thought about attempting to create interest? I have some homework for everybody here. Go ask your mom if she was attracted to your dad right away. I was surprised to find that the daddies of my friends and I had to put in some serious work...But Im sure glad they did! Now dont get me wrong, Im quick to dismiss a women if she continuously passes up opportunities to hang out with me, but usually if this happens it is because I didnt create enough interest previously.
++++++++++


I am taking a DATING VACATION right now and have the time to do this forum.

+++++I dont see how taking a dating vacation would do anyone any good. I agree it's important not to let women be your main focus in life, but what if you were to meet a really special girl tommorrow at lunch? Would you pass up on a girl that could satisfy all of your emotional and physical needs forever just so you have time to post in this forum?
+++++++

I am taking my spare time and helping others. When I start dating again I will be dating at least TWO INTERESTED women and won't be posting much. I simply won't have the time. I have a house that keeps me busy also. The woman that shows the MOST INTEREST gets to live there after marriage.

++++++++Picture this...Girl number one is everything you have ever dreamed of in a woman. There is some competition, but that is to be expected because she is a very special girl. She is interested in you, but she isn't the obsesive type and wants to have her own life at the same time.
Girl number two is also a special women. She isn't as smart as girl number one, and she has a little more meat on her, but she still has a good heart even though she doesn't do so well in the bedroom. However, she does call you to tell you she loves you all the time and always stops by wherever you are just to say hi and give you a hug. Of course she has a heart attack whenever you talk to another girl, but that happens, people are different.

Who would you choose? Of course you thinking that was a stupid question and anyone would choose number one. I think its a stupid question myself. But from what you said above it sounds like you would choose number two...Please clarify.
++++++++



I am successful because I don't have women in my life that don't love me.


++++++And I am successful because I give everyone a chance to find out how great of a guy I am before I write them off. If a women doesn't recognize that in due time, then she is dismissed. I would hope any one would do the same for me. Everyone has their own definition of success. has every woman that you've had a relationship with fallen in love with you at first site? I f I waited for that to happen I could guarentee you I would have never had any girlfriends and I probably would be single forever.
+++++++++


It is not a 'negative attitude'. It is a WEEDING OUT PROCESS. I weed out
unsuitable women. What's unsuitable?
LOW interest. Why is she with me if she rejects almost all of my date suggestions? Low interest. Why is she with me when after three years she never once said 'how are you?'. LOW interest. Why is she with me when we are engaged to be married in four weeks and I hear her say to her girlfriend while on the phone "Men, their just NOT WORTH IT" in a serious voice. LOW INTEREST!!!!!

+++++I cant deny that the above examples are intolerable. But what about semi-interested? I remember once when one of the DJ's invited a girl to lunch and she asked him to come over and go swimming instead. Would you say she wasn't interested? You told him that she was a control freak and that he should toss the number. I cant prove that she wasn't, and I dont want to get into that discussion again, but I think she had a good amount of interest. Not too little, not too much. I personally appreciatte what I have to work for, and if a girl throws herself at me it definitly turns me off.
+++++++

These are actual, REAL women that I've dated.


+++++++If you keep ending up with these kinds of women, then maybe you are doing something wrong. Of course I cant say for sure...Just something to think about.
+++++++

And I didn't even mention my ex-wife. She wasn't the engaged girl above.

+++++++I assume that since you married this girl, she must have shown you ALOT of interest. Since she is now your EX, I think this proves that sometimes girls who are too interested aren't all they crack up to be.
++++++++

Guys, they don't love you so DUMP THEM. You know it's true, but you hang in there year after year pretending it's really there. But it isn't. She just doesn't treat you right.

++++++++I agree with you 100% here. No man should stay with a women that doesn't treat him with love and respect. But I also believe that love and respect has to be earned. And I think that is an understanding that goes both ways.
++++++++


You and Delvar can laugh at my stuff and anybody else.


+++++I dont laugh at anything. I think this is serious business and sometimes what is said in this forum affects people's lives. And if it doesn't affect people's lives in a positive way, then something is very wrong. Of course everyone's definition of positive is different, and that is why Im happy to have you in this forum.
+++++++


But I GUARANTEE you will meet a woman who loves you and not one that doesn't.


++++++Your right. But it would take years and years and years, and wouldn't it be devasting to find out that the first women who loves you turns out to be something completly different then what you are looking for? It sounds to me like you may have experienced this first hand.
++++++++

I ask women for their number. If they don't PASS the INTEREST TESTS I give them I tell them 'Sorry, I am no longer interested in dating you'.

++++++What if you dont pass HER interest tests, and as a result she doesn't even care about passing yours?
++++++

I am going to marry my ideal woman. I see her everywhere when I go to Boston on weekends. REAL MEN GET WHAT THEY WANT. Remember that. You don't have to put up with ANYTHING.


++++++Your right, but I also think real men are men of action. If I saw my ideal women even once I would go for it.
++++++


Guys, don't let anyone tell you that YOU HAVE TO MARRY a nagging, insulting, or cheating woman. And YOU HAVE TO HAVE a loveless marriage .

+++++++Ahmen. Any guy who does is a complete smuck and needs to grow some balls and a backbone.
+++++++


So Vassago, let people decide for themselves.

+++++Of course I will let people decide for themselves, I just like to give them options on which to make the decision.
++++++


If some guy out there ends up all alone because of me so what? He can then enjoy the FREE time and go play pool with his buddies.

+++++++I can't believe you would say something like this. I would never post anything if there was any doubt in my mind that it wouldn't help someone out. What happens when all his buddies get married and he is still waiting for someone to fall in love with him at first sight?
+++++++

With the old dating way way he will be too miserable after being dumped to CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.

+++++++Break ups are a part of life. Im not saying I agree with th old way of dating, but I think getting dumped a few times using the old way would be a lot less painful then getting dumped by a girl who you thought was your one ideal special women because she was the first to show a lot of interest in you. Im gonna take a guess and say this happened to you. You thought you had found the one, and when you found out that she wasnt perfect you were devastated. Now I might be wrong, but it looks to me like your headed down that same road again, but this time your blind folded.


One last question....If anything I said in this thread was on point, would you admit it?


Vassago

 

[NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER]

bump

 

[Jackal]

bump

 

[Wyldfire]

I have a question for you, Anti-Dump.

Do you make any efforts to keep a woman's interest level high or do you just expect to be able to put no effort into anything and ditch anyone who appears to be losing interest?

I ask this because waning interest in a woman isn't always an indicator that she doesn't love you. It could simply mean that she is unhappy because her emotional needs aren't being met.

No one should have to settle, but neither should anyone expect the other person to make all the effort. I haven't been around here long enough to know if you are of that mindset or not, but if you don't put effort into keeping a woman's interest level high once it is high, I wouldn't measure your success level that way.

 

[Jackal]

Um... Sorry to tell you this but Anti-Dump no longer visits this site. This was an old post that I brought back so people may learn from Vassago's response.

BTW, I definitely agree with your points Wlydfire. Indeed, waning interest often means her emotional needs aren't being met. Most likely, before she started the relationship she already had already formed an image in her mind of what kind of man he was. She imagined that he's the man who will fulfill all her longings, desires, and give her that emotional rush she craves - much to her disappointment later on when she discovers this is far from the truth.

So if a chick's interest level is high, it is up to the guy to find out exactly what sort of person she imagines him to be and become that person. Why? Because what she imagines you to be reveals what she is missing in her life and what she longs to have.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Jackal:
Um... Sorry to tell you this but Anti-Dump no longer visits this site. This was an old post that I brought back so people may learn from Vassago's response.

BTW, I definitely agree with your points Wlydfire. Indeed, waning interest often means her emotional needs aren't being met. Most likely, before she started the relationship she already had already formed an image in her mind of what kind of man he was. She imagined that he's the man who will fulfill all her longings, desires, and give her that emotional rush she craves - much to her disappointment later on when she discovers this is far from the truth.

So if a chick's interest level is high, it is up to the guy to find out exactly what sort of person she imagines him to be and become that person. Why? Because what she imagines you to be reveals what she is missing in her life and what she longs to have.

Thanks for the heads up, Jackal.

I agree with most of what you said. The only part of your post that I would question is the part about becoming what a woman wants. Putting on false airs to be someone that you aren't can only last for so long. I've run into quite a few men who asked me what I was looking for in a man, and lo and behold they tried to become all of those things. It's too much pressure for a guy to maintain for too long. And the woman comes to expect it. When she realizes that he isn't all those things she starts in with that old "he's changed...he never does such and such anymore.', etc. That just sets a person up to fail. Women do the same thing too. I have found that being a little tight lipped about a lot of these things can help keep you from looking at a potential mate through idealized rose colored glasses.

 

[Take No Dirt]

To be anybody other than yourself is not worth it even if you lose the woman of your dreams. She will eventually see through your charade and you're as good as toast.

It's tough not being able to connect with a hottie who's got it all (intelligent, exciting, charming, terrific smile, witty and electrifying), but her upbringing, the types of friends she has, her career choice, her aspirations, her hobbies, her likes and dislikes, etc., do not match yours and you two aren't compatible. It's a hard pill to swallow, but by being yourself and not shape yourself to be the man of her dreams, you don't come across as a phony and you keep your self respect. Thanks, Wyldfire for your insight on this!

 

[Wyldfire]

Anytime Mr. Dirt! ;o)

 

[Take No Dirt]

Hey Wyldfire! You're something

 

[Jackal]

Oh boy. Not agian.

Alright when I wrote that bit about "becoming what the woman wants" I said to myself that I should also add an explanation because I had a strong feeling that there would be disagreements. Well, I chose not to; feeling lazy at the time. However, now I think I should try to clarify this issue because ignorance is often damaging.

There are two points I need to address regarding this issue. First is the idea many promote on "being yourself." Second, I'll handle the part on "becoming the man of her dreams."

Dispite the fact that a number of people have realized the absurdity of the notion of "being yourself" and written excellent articles explaining away this myth, it has become so cliche that it is a popular belief among the general public. Unfortunely, it seems this trend will continue untill the truth becomes public knowledge.

So what exactly does it mean to "be yourself?" Are there times when you are not being yourself? If so, how do you know when you are not being yourself and also how do you define exactly who you are? These questions may sound confusing but it's most likely because you never truely thought about this.

The truth, ladies and gentlemen, is that whatever it is you do, you are being yourself. Huh? What the heck do you mean?! Well, let's say you are at a funeral of one of your distant cousin, whom you never met. You don't particularly care to be there and would rather go sit in the shade with something cool to drink. But do you do this? Most likely not. Let's put you in another situation, you are in a important business meeting and you are dead tired and would love to just kick back in your chair, put your feet on the table and sleep. Would you do this? Most likely not. At a fancy party you are all dressed up in your best suit and act in your best manners. Now, in each of these situations why didn't you just be yourself? I mean shouldn't people just like you without you having to "come across as phony" and having to dress a certain way and/or behaving in a certain manner? The answer, obviously, is that doing what you naturally felt like doing would not have been advantageous of you getting what you want.

So we can now agree that in certain contexts doing what we naturally feel like doing is not going to get us the results we want. Correct?

Now, you still probably believe that certain behaviors you exhibit is you, while certain ones are not. And if a person choses to not be themselves to get what they want then that is being "manipulative" (as many folks say.) Well, folks, that's the myth. The myth that certain behaviors are you while others are not. You are always being yourself no matter what it is you do. Let me explain. You see, people are always changing. The person that you are now is not how you were when you were in elementry school. Also, you are not going to be the same person you are today ten years down the line. You will likely develop new habits, different ways of behaving, different ways of thinking on various issues, etc. EVERYTHING about yourself is constantly changing. Nothing about your identity is set in stone. The fact is, people *limit* themselves because they define their identity with their beliefs and behaviors - nothing can be farther from the truth! People are actually more than their beliefs and behaviors because they are constantly changing. Was a chirstian *born* believing in Jesus Christ? No, somewhere in life they were influenced and ultimately they chose to believe in it. Was a chick *born* believing that sex before marriage is bad? No, most likely they were taught to think that way through the course of life. Were you *born* shy around women? No, certain events likely conditioned you to feel this way and you allowed it to perpetuate and made it a habit. Like I said nothing about yourself is set in stone. If certain things you are *used* to doing, such as being shy around women, is not getting you the results you want, then simply break your habit of shyness and develop new habits which are more useful for getting what you want. Is your laziness always getting in the way of you finishing your work? Then end that habit and develop more productive ones. You weren't born lazy, you weren't born believing sex before marriage is a sin, you weren't born shy, so on and so on.

You see, you are just you. Your beliefs, behaviors, and the way you think are always changing. YOU ultimately decide who you will be. There is no such thing as "being yourself." You are just you. Nothing is set in stone. Get it?

I was also going to get to the second portion of my point but I do not have the time. Perhaps I'll get to it tomarrow if I have time.

Damn! It really is getting fustrating having to explain the same things over and over again!



[This message has been edited by Jackal (edited 10-29-2001).]

 

[Wyldfire]

Of course everyone changes, that's a given. However, a person's basic personality traits and most likes and dislikes are pretty consistent over their lifetime.

Someone who can't swim and hates being in the water should not pretend to like it just to try to try to have something in common with a competitive swimmer.

Someone who hates cigarette smoke should not act like it doesn't bother them just to be with a person they like who smokes.

Someone who wants children should not get involved with someone who doesn't want them.

If you hate football, you don't date someone who subscribes to Direct Ticket and watches as many games as they can.

If your favorite hobby is riding rollercoasters all over the world you don't marry someone who won't step foot on one.

Just a few examples.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Being yourself is certainly not being the man whom your "dream" gal envisions you to be. Wyldfire is right. If you take up smoking, pretend to like HER children, subscribe to football because she loves football, gives up oral sex because she loathes it, go to art museums (you find them absolutely boring!), etc., what kind of LTR do you expect to have? There has to be compatibility. Anything less and the LTR will crash on the rocks of life. Yes, it will hurt you that this hottie will leave your life without you connecting with her, but hey, there will other hotties entering your life soon WHO WILL POSSESS THE SAME INTERESTS AS YOU. If you need to exercise patience.