About marriage

[BaronOfHair]

Marriage Doesn’t Make Sense

My uncle, which died recently, had the "lover" life descripted in this scenario.
What is Marriage for you?

Quote that article: "How about when you’re 55 and near retirement?"

Vanishingly few folks had that luxury(Retiring at 55), even back in '13, when that article was written. Those numbers are down to almost zero today

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Quote that article: "How about when you’re 55 and near retirement?"

Vanishingly few folks had that luxury(Retiring at 55), even back in '13, when that article was written. Those numbers are down to almost zero today

You know, i dreamed about retiring at 55 when i was 25

At 39, i'm happy to get a good night's sleep

 

[SW15]

i'm happy to get a good night's sleep

A good night of sleep is awesome.

 

[Reincarnated]

The sentiment of the article is fine, and some good points are made, but it's built on the presumption that sexual fulfillment is the only primary motive in life, which seems quite shallow.

I believe in the institution of marriage in the more traditional and religious sense, but agree with some other comments here that government/legal marriages are a completely raw deal for guys. The fact is that the stability marriage brings to society is a net positive, but as others have said it's not as beneficial to the individual. There is a strong correlation between an upbringing in a stable two parent household (generally through a marriage), and success in school and life, which is more/less prevalent in certain demographics.

Marriage in the Christian sense at it's core is a sacrifice, giving up part of yourself and part of your freedom in order to hopefully build something stronger, something more fulfilling than running through a revolving door of options. There is something noble in that sacrifice, so long as the wife is also faithful to that ideal (not always the case). I would argue one of the most impressive things a man with options can do in his life is to commit himself to a worthy woman, and forgo some of the pleasure he may have had otherwise.

 

[BaronOfHair]

You know, i dreamed about retiring at 55 when i was 25

At 39, i'm happy to get a good night's sleep

You, and everyone else in America, who's surname isn't Kardashian

 

[BaronOfHair]

Then again, I had my midlife crisis at 23, so that all worked out.

As of this writing no one that I'm aware of has considered the possibility that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold experienced their MLCs at 15. Fervidly as most of us might object to their approach, it's tough to fault those two for getting a jump on ensuring that their contributions would be forever inscribed in history, if that was the case

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Base housing, healthcare, etc. etc. requires marriage.

Not where I live. In most European countries you have free education, healthcare and much more etc. covered for life by the government / (You and everyone else pay for it through your taxes).

= Zero benefits in being married with some chick.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not where I live. In most European countries you have free education, healthcare and much more etc. covered for life by the government / (You and everyone else pay for it through your taxes).

= Zero benefits in being married with some chick.

Then don't marry. But understand that the vast majority of worthwhile women will require marriage to keep a relationship....

So when you are left with the crazy ones nobody wanted to marry, don't ask me why.

 

[davidsonj73]

Guys it's like this.

You can fear monger or you can lead & live your lives and select a destiny with a high chance for success.

My son married a woman who was a virgin, who has been in love with him since 14, they started dating when she was 16. They met in Catholic gradeschool at age 10 (my son) amd 9 (my DIL). My son had some other girls before he got serious with dating his now wife. He sees the dating shjt show his friends deal with. His buddies all want what he has. My DIL is a preschool teacher if she works at all, her goal in life is to be his wife & mother to his children. And she's cute & petite (but dresses very conservatively.)

She's not yet legal to drink.

Last night on a plane I was chatting with my seat mate. Happily married 40 years with grown children who are also happily married. His family has religious values at the heart of things too.

So there is certainly a segment of the population who get it right from a young age. But those men are not here on SS.

Guys it's like this.

You can fear monger or you can lead & live your lives and select a destiny with a high chance for success.

My son married a woman who was a virgin, who has been in love with him since 14, they started dating when she was 16. They met in Catholic gradeschool at age 10 (my son) amd 9 (my DIL). My son had some other girls before he got serious with dating his now wife. He sees the dating shjt show his friends deal with. His buddies all want what he has. My DIL is a preschool teacher if she works at all, her goal in life is to be his wife & mother to his children. And she's cute & petite (but dresses very conservatively.)

She's not yet legal to drink.

Last night on a plane I was chatting with my seat mate. Happily married 40 years with grown children who are also happily married. His family has religious values at the heart of things too.

So there is certainly a segment of the population who get it right from a young age. But those men are not here on SS.

@BeExcellent I hope your son and DIL have a long and happy marriage! What I'm gonna write next is my thoughts and observations on marriage to you and anyone else reading: I'm Jewish, but a friend of mine and his wife are both Christians and he is an Army officer. They met in high school and married right after college; they have a wonderful marriage! I also know MANY more people in unhappy marriages or that they've already gotten divorced. Many of these divorces were very costly in financial terms to the man. My personal view is that marriage is only worth that risk for the man if the woman is very beautiful, there is amazing chemistry, they are each other's best friends, they like their future spouse's family, and they can agree to how many children to have (perhaps no children). So, I'm against marriage unless I find an amazing woman to change my mind, and I know she's out there somewhere. Another thing I want to add: it may make more sense for a man to get married if he is in the military, and it may make sense if he is very religious and his religion mandates no sex outside of marriage. My Army officer friend meets both of these conditions.

 

[The Duke]

Y'all think too much. Just enjoy them while you can. When it ends find another one. Nothing lasts forever. It will all turn out fine when the dust settles.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Nothing lasts forever

HIV and public adoration of The Kardashians being the sole exceptions to the rule

 

[BaronOfHair]

Their parents will appreciate the legacy.

Sue Klebold has definitely made her own cottage industry out of that garish day in '99. Girl received a six figure advance for an autobiography of dubious veracity, copies of which sold faster than poor little Josie Smith's

Muti murders in SA: Has Joslin Smith fallen prey to 'occult economy'? | The Citizen

The spine-chilling reality of muti killings has come to the fore again with the disappearance of little Joslin Smith.

www.citizen.co.za

Vital organs, once the witch doctor put them up on EBay. SK continues to travel the world, commanding a lavish fee, for every speech on mental health she delivers. B-tch is an ingrate of the most vile order, if she's not thanking The Almighty each and every day, for blessing her with Dylan + Bringing Eric Harris into their lives

 

[jhonny9546]

So there is certainly a segment of the population who get it right from a young age

My life make me also think this is so true. I see it with my sister LTR.
But does this mean that someone 25+ is lost?

I still believe there are wonderful women out there. It could be all about the environment and context you live in. Think about a scenario where a woman grew up in a village with genuine people, without the influence of "the media" and its associated desires. In this environment, she would likely crave a man like her father and aspire to become a good mother like her own. Her surroundings shape her desires and expectations in life.

Now, let's consider the reverse situation in our modern society. Imagine a woman whose mother is divorced, has had 3 different marriages, and has 5 children. What might this woman crave for in her own life?

This is just for saying that "Water takes the shape of the container it fills"

 

[Divorced w 3]

Guys it's like this.

You can fear monger or you can lead & live your lives and select a destiny with a high chance for success.

My son married a woman who was a virgin, who has been in love with him since 14, they started dating when she was 16. They met in Catholic gradeschool at age 10 (my son) amd 9 (my DIL). My son had some other girls before he got serious with dating his now wife. He sees the dating shjt show his friends deal with. His buddies all want what he has. My DIL is a preschool teacher if she works at all, her goal in life is to be his wife & mother to his children. And she's cute & petite (but dresses very conservatively.)

She's not yet legal to drink.

Last night on a plane I was chatting with my seat mate. Happily married 40 years with grown children who are also happily married. His family has religious values at the heart of things too.

So there is certainly a segment of the population who get it right from a young age. But those men are not here on SS.

My girlfriend in senior year of high school and I lost our virginity to each other. She was madly in love with me - I was unsure about her but, not about anything other than just what my future had in store and not wanting to make such a huge commitment at the age of 18. In retrospect, I probably would settle with that version of her then - she was fully supportive and submissive, we had a ball together and nothing was off the table in bed. Her current husband didn’t marry anything remotely close the girl I had lost my virginity to, if legend is to be believed.

I think when we look back in time, to say that hindsight is 20/20 is beyond an understatement.

They say that youth is lost on the young and I think the secret to life is simply acceptance of reality and ability to move forward in it - which I think in my humble opinion, means folks like you and me both can look on our less mistaken younger selves with a bit of nostalgia, but be easy on, or less excited for, those who are just trudging their young paths so as to not overwhelm them with guilt or regret if, god forbid, their next chapter in life is not as fairy tale as it may seem today.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Marriage is a supportive legal contract and also a religious ceremony. The large majority of people will mistakenly merge the two concepts together. Those of us who have been down that road before likely won’t see it the same again. I don’t think that in the absence of great personal sacrifice, including but not limited to forgoing professional success to start or support a family, one should have to make financial commitments to the other, or any other commitment that they don’t mutually feel necessary.

 

[BeExcellent]

To @davidsonj73 I agree with you. My son and his wife are best friends and adore one another. She gushes that my son is "the love of her life" and they both are excited about children. I would bet I become a grandma soon. She sews and did the alterations for her bridesmaids ahead of the wedding, she cooks & bakes (a few days after the wedding she sent my sisters and I pictures of her first attempt at sourdough bread, using my father & grandmother's recipe - it looked exactly right & my son said it was delicious)....and she cleans and the thing I most like about her is that she looks to my son to lead and guide her; she actively seeks that.

When they were in high school I sent my son to work on the landscaping at one of my rentals. It had gotten too overgrown for my elderly renter to fool with. He asked if his now wife could go with him to help. I said sure, but I expect the work to get done. They packed up the necessary tools and walked together to the property. Several hours later I swung by in the truck to pick them up.

Here is what impressed me. My son had set up division of labor and assigned tasks. He was doing the trimming and she was cleaning up after him as he went. They were chatting amongst themselves and working together as a harmonious team. The yard looked beautiful. That was years ago now. They continue in this way. He leads but does so with careful consideration of her and benefit for them as a couple. She trusts in and defers to him to do this. And therein lies the secret, in that trust.

So I believe they are as set up for success as they can be.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Then don't marry. But understand that the vast majority of worthwhile women will require marriage to keep a relationship....

So when you are left with the crazy ones nobody wanted to marry, don't ask me why.

Come up with one valid argument for why a man should legally marry a chick these days which is beneficial to the guy and not just for the woman.

I'm quite sure you cannot name one.

For chicks there is tons of incentive and are the real winners of that legal arrangement. But for guys - just a bunch of big "L's" for them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Y'all think too much. Just enjoy them while you can

You're woefully out of touch with modernity, D. Overthought is the way of the future; Lucidity was mistaken for a virtue by aristocratic White men during The 1800s. Lindy West and her ilk

Educated us on the error of our ways many moons ago

 

[Ricky]

When did you decide this? Did I miss a thread? What happened?

You are joking right lol. He discussed it at length. And people were really critical of him.

I tried to be supportive because believe i get it.. its not an easy decision.

 

[Ricky]

My son married last weekend. He commissioned two weeks before that. He and his wife are Catholic and all those benefits are going to be of great value as they get going in life together. He is an outlier, no doubt. Wonder where he learned that?

His grandfather was a military officer and Air Force Academy grad. His grandmother (my first MIL) was a military wife, homemaker & mother. She was Catholic too and was only ever sexually involved with her husband....lost her virginity on her wedding night. My son had a great example in our family and he found a great gal to build a life with.

I've been frankly very impressed with the priest (good looking young man around 35) and the pre-marital counseling the church requires prior to marriage. There are still those who take it seriously. And the priest made a point to tell his father and I how solid my son is. It was a nice compliment.

Congratulations!