OP admitted HE cheated on her, a few times in fact, does this make him evil? Would you advise her to get a lawyer and leave as well?
Curious what your thoughts are about that.
It's not that people can or cannot change. It's more that life changes us and not being so rigid and inflexible that we shut down all possibilities for that to occur and what the future holds for us individually and as a couple when/if it does.
None of us know all the context, what type of marriage they have, how each has grown and evolved.
OR if she did in fact cheat.
We know the OP (or his friend) did because he told us.
Or is that somehow different?
Again just curious how you and others view this.
I think it's worse for a woman to cheat than a man, because men (at least experienced men) can seperate sex from emotion and their desire to cheat is almost always entirely sexual. It also depends on the circumstances. If a man cheats because it was the first opportunity he's had in 5 years to have sex and took it out of desperation, that's actually
worse than a man who
could cheat with dozens of women and only does it once. Think of Tiger Woods - he literally had a busloads of women ready to jump on his c0ck and he could have slept with 500 women if he wanted to, and I bet you my life savings that if a typical overweight/unnattractive married man had that same level of female desire, he would probably cheat just as much if not more than a desirable man. Think about this too: experienced men are more likely to get away with cheating than woman, because he's less likely let it effect effect how he treats his girl because he does not have an emotional attachment to the affair partners (usually). My only point here is that cheating, for an experienced man, is entirely sexual, and generally does not lead to him falling in love with affair partner.
Also consider the fact that when a woman cheats, the man can usually feel it in his gut because she will suddenly start treating him differently (pattern disruptions) because women cannot generally emotionally process sleeping with multiple men. When a woman cheats its a highly emotional experience and she's far more likely to fall in love with the guy and I would say she's doing it to monkey branch. The more sinister part is she probably was talking to guys constantly and actively allowing it to happen, women don't cheat opportunistically like men, they do it to monkey branch so they can use their BF/husband as a security blanket and
that is why it's so insidious.
Men and women are not the same, so their behaviors in LTRs are not a 1:1 thing like that. So yes, generally cheating is not "equally bad" for this reason.
To be clear I am not saying it's ever
okay for a man to cheat, and while I still think it's a shvtty and cruel thing to do, it's not
necessarily always as bad as a woman doing it. If a man does it with multiple different women habitually, then I would agree it's equally bad. I would also say also equally insidious when a man intends to leave his wife/gf for another woman and uses his wife/gf as a security blanket to monkey branch until he can find another option (which is what women typically do, but if a man does it then yes it's just as bad). So basically it does come down to intentions and circumstances.
If a man cheats once, I don't
necessary think it has to end the relationship (though I would understand if
any women wanted to and I wouldn't question it). But when a women cheats I really just don't think the relationship can
ever be salvaged because there are so many behaviors associated with it that are actually worse than the physical act of cheating, if that makes sense.
