About being cheated on (or not).

[Paradiddle]

Hey gents,

I have been in this forum for years. I have taken a lot from this platform which has undoubtedly helped me a lot.
My friends have asked for help from me a lot of times re relationships, sex, approaching women etc. Usually, I either give them some advice or ask them to join this forum to get help. However, recently one of my close friends who I consider an alpha male (Not sure even if that’s a term now) said that he found out that his then girlfriend and now wife had some sort of affair with another guy 4 years ago. They’re married for 2 years now. He could not be sure if he was cheated on or she was just seeking some male comfort when he was away for about 6 months. He has asked me for some advice on how to deal with it and I seriously had no answer. He is not in the condition to come upto this forum and seek help. Is there anything you guys would advice on how to deal with it? He counts on me for suggestions but I am unsure as to what I can say at this stage.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What does your friend want to know? Whether to trust his then girlfriend now wife or a bunch of strangers? Over something that happened four years ago?

You won't find out the truth of what has happened back then, and does it matter what she did? If he doesn't trust her, the relationship is moot anyway. If he does trust her, he shouldn't go digging.

 

[Agamemnon43]

I think nothing left to do here except give it some time and the truth about her behavior will come out eventually. He won't find out the truth what happened back then, as AA said. If he starts digging now, he might ruin what is left good about his marriage, especially if the info is false.

 

[SW15]

Needs to file for divorce immediately. Otherwise, he is a cuckold.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Oh she was fvcking him most likely.

There is a reason why military guys are fearful of getting deployed and why the divorce rate is so high.

If they aren't there to fvck them someone else will be.

Dude needs to stop wasting his time with this woman. He knows she cheated on him and he doesn't trust her.

This relationship is dead. How long he wants to keep it on life support is his call. Just pull the plug and get it over with.

 

[The Duke]

I'd want to know more before I offered my opinion.

-What is their marriage like? They get along good? Kids?
-Has he asked her about this? Its not hard to figure out when people are lying. How did he find out? Some other female tell him this? He isn't even sure if this actully happened.
-Does he have trust issues? Will he be able to get over this?
-What kind of profile does she fit? Seeks attention often? Social Media Wh0re? Never been without a guy? Lots of male friends?

Once a cheater always a cheater. And once a person with trust issues, always a person with trust issues. You haven't presented enough to hold court.

 

[New_Journey]

He is not in the condition to come upto this forum and seek help

Why is that? Why can't he create an account and ask the question? Why is he scared? That's not "alpha male"

She most likely cheated on him many times when he was deployed, most women won't be faithful when the guy is away for 6 months. An "alpha male" knows this, and he fvcks women while away.

He's alpha in your mind, so remove him from the pedestal you put him.

He has two options, either accepts she cheated and then get some strange himself or divorce.

 

[Gamisch]

We western men complain about our women,meanwhile WE are the ones who allow all this shyte to happen.

Instead of punishing such behavior we rather double down on our investment ( impregnate her, marry her, buy a house with her, start a business with her ect) in hopes she'll "see the true value we have" while positioning her in such a way that she "can't leave".

Fecking leave. If we are friends and you tell me you stole money from me a year ago...this a BIG problem. That's a trust issue.

One chance per woman per lifetime.

 

[plumber]

don't care about the girl, for the guy, its all about what is going on in his head. if this is killing him, he needs to adjust.

choices-
- leave; and heal.
- adjust his viewpoint so it doesn't bother him; emotional control and self understanding.
- wither and die.

 

[Learning Curve]

Hey gents,

I have been in this forum for years. I have taken a lot from this platform which has undoubtedly helped me a lot.
My friends have asked for help from me a lot of times re relationships, sex, approaching women etc. Usually, I either give them some advice or ask them to join this forum to get help. However, recently one of my close friends who I consider an alpha male (Not sure even if that’s a term now) said that he found out that his then girlfriend and now wife had some sort of affair with another guy 4 years ago. They’re married for 2 years now. He could not be sure if he was cheated on or she was just seeking some male comfort when he was away for about 6 months. He has asked me for some advice on how to deal with it and I seriously had no answer. He is not in the condition to come upto this forum and seek help. Is there anything you guys would advice on how to deal with it? He counts on me for suggestions but I am unsure as to what I can say at this stage.

The question here is, did she do it again?

Because he was away once, how many times he was away?

But to be honest, this is a huge red flag.

I'm not sure what the status of their relationship is now, how they are together but she cheated in the past, she kept it for herself and she got married. What does that tell you?

Liar and a cheater.

Big no no, my friend.

Personally, apart from confronting her about it, i would dumb her pretty much.

But, i'm who i am and i don't want to transfer my opinions to other people. Speak with your friend and ask him what he wants.

They are married, does he have assets, wealth etc? He has to take everything into consideration.

But at the end of the day, it's all about your friends tolerance level. If he can move forward from this he will probably be afraid for the rest of his life and sleep with one eye open if he is ever gone again.

 

[BaronOfHair]

However, recently one of my close friends....

Someone's revisited The Last Dragon recently

 

[Vanderdonck]

Seeking male comfort - whose words were those? Hers?

Anyway it's human nature. Six months is a long enough time that people will seek some sexual pleasure and/or companionship.

Best advice is go with the gut. No kids involved? Be prepared to walk. Don't play detective, it's a waste of time and he will find out things worse than this.

If it costs your peace of mind, it's too expensive.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

He has asked me for some advice on how to deal with it and I seriously had no answer. He is not in the condition to come upto this forum and seek help.

Why is that? Why can't he create an account and ask the question? Why is he scared? That's not "alpha male"

Not everyone wants to join a forum and talk about their relationships. Doesn't mean they're 'scared'. Most people don't want to hang out their dirty laundry in public, even anonymously.

 

[Everything_but_Game]

My standard rule is to end the relationship if there was cheating at any time.

But more importantly, whether she did or didn't cheat... would your friend now be able to leave for another 6 months without fearing she is going to cheat on him?
I suspect not.

"We're fine as long as I don't leave for more than a month" seems pretty suspect, in my opinion.

Living in this kind of fear is no good; I don't see this as salvageable but your friend's opinion is the one that matters.

 

[Westminster]

She cheats, it's over. End of.

I know that might sound a bit brutal but, for me, there's no way back. She's betrayed you on every level.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you cannot trust someone, what are you doing in an intimate relationship with an untrustworthy person?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Ahh, the good old "asking for a friend" trope. This is an anonymous message board...what's the point?

We regards to your question, more information is required. What makes you suspect that your wife had an affair? How did you find out?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Cheating = end of relationship, no exceptions. It is betrayal, I consider it evil, especially from women married to a man in the service (which is shockingly, disgustingly common btw).

Tell him to get a lawyer and leave her. If kids weren't involved, I'd suggest never speaking to her again.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Hey gents,

I have been in this forum for years. I have taken a lot from this platform which has undoubtedly helped me a lot.
My friends have asked for help from me a lot of times re relationships, sex, approaching women etc. Usually, I either give them some advice or ask them to join this forum to get help. However, recently one of my close friends who I consider an alpha male (Not sure even if that’s a term now) said that he found out that his then girlfriend and now wife had some sort of affair with another guy 4 years ago. They’re married for 2 years now. He could not be sure if he was cheated on or she was just seeking some male comfort when he was away for about 6 months. He has asked me for some advice on how to deal with it and I seriously had no answer. He is not in the condition to come upto this forum and seek help. Is there anything you guys would advice on how to deal with it? He counts on me for suggestions but I am unsure as to what I can say at this stage.

My takes:

He showed no proof she cheated during or before marriage.

If she “cheated” while they were “bf and gf,” it doesn’t count because I consider “bf and gf” a bullsh-t construct (personal belief I push on no one) and they’re married now.

If there are children involved, no divorce unless there’s proof she cheated during the marriage.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

My takes:

He showed no proof she cheated during or before marriage.

If she “cheated” while they were “bf and gf,” it doesn’t count because I consider “bf and gf” a bullsh-t construct (personal belief I push on no one) and they’re married now.

If there are children involved, no divorce unless there’s proof she cheated during the marriage.

From a legal perspective yes, he should feign ignorance and get proof.

But what do you mean he "showed no proof"? OP said his friend "found out" - that could mean anything.