I've been reading this forum for the past day and a half, partly as an excuse to avoid studying for finals and partly out of curiosity. I think this forum is kind of brilliant because you never really see men discussing this otherwise, and I agree with a lot of the philosophies espoused here...but some others kind of make me sad.
Full disclosure, so you know what kind of perspective you're getting here: I'm a college student and 21 years old, but not even remotely resembling the image that just jumped into your mind. I'm not a sorority wh0re, I don't go to frat parties, I don't play head games and I managed to work out my adolescent self-esteem issues a while ago and now have a pretty healthy self-image. I'm a serious pre-med student who rarely drinks, is into sports but not the wild girl lifestyle, and is saving herself for marriage.
I'm posting in the "Mature Man" section because this is pretty much the only demographic that I'm interested in, i.e. you are the only ones I'm interested in talking to about my perspective - or rather, the perspective of women like me.
I know that "good girls" aren't the type discussed on this site much, but I'm going to try and speak for them. Keep this for future reference, like ten years down the road or whatever.
#1: Most of us don't want guys with typical DJ traits, i.e. *******s. There's a myth that good girls seek out bad boys, but that is not true. When good girls seek out bad boys, you're actually dealing with a girl who is repressed, not a girl who has voluntarily chosen to hold herself to a higher standard. Huge difference. For me, a good girl is someone who checked out the bad boy in high school, was unimpressed, and decided she would wait for a gentleman instead. That sort of leads me to my second point...
#2: Not all good girls are repressed. I admit we're not that innocent and we do have fantasies (amazing fantasies, in fact), but we're not frustrated and we're not just dying to be seduced unless it's by the gentleman we've been holding out for. Many of us are fairly dignified women with self-respect and we're interested and engaged in our lives.
I think there's a popular misconception that good girls are boring, lead unfulfilling lives, and will make boring wives. I don't know what kind of girls you've been hanging out with, but I can promise you that being good and being fun company are not mutually exclusive. I really think you guys don't know much about women if you think that good women can't be exciting company.
#3: We are not into men who have a storied sexual history. I can say that I'm turned off when I find out that a guy has a history of being a player or has had lots of sexual partners. It makes me doubt his ability to commit. I wonder if he has issues with trust, or if he knows what love really means. If I have held myself to high standards, so I expect the same thing from my boyfriend. I'm not saying you have to be a virgin, because that's totally unrealistic, but good girls prefer men who are selective. If you've banged tons of girls and enjoyed it, I'm going to assume that you'll never get used to being exclusive and therefore will probably cheat.
Also, I hate imagining my man in bed with another girl, just as most men would hate imagining their girl in another man's arms.
#4: Different kinds of alphas work for different kinds of women. There is an alpha type that works for us, but it's not the type that popularly discussed on this site. Put simply, good girls are looking for a good man. Someone who is dominant, masculine, self-assured, all of that, but also just a fundamentally good person. Do you treat everyone with respect, even people who work for you? Are you responsible and kind? Do you have goals and do you work hard?
Notice the difference between Nice Guy/AFC and a Good Man. Even good girls don't want an AFC, but we do want a Good Man. Men like these are a sexual turn-on, literally. Sexual turn-on. Why? Because good moral character is beautiful. Besides, I know that if a Good Man wants me, it's because he held himself to a high standard and I met that standard. Gaining his admiration is more valuable, because his admiration means more.
Anyway, I hope that didn't come off as a lecture. I just wanted to speak for women like me. I know we're a minority, but I was a little shocked by some of the attitudes/misconceptions about women on this forum, and decided to post. Anyway carry on, gentlemen!
Full disclosure, so you know what kind of perspective you're getting here: I'm a college student and 21 years old, but not even remotely resembling the image that just jumped into your mind. I'm not a sorority wh0re, I don't go to frat parties, I don't play head games and I managed to work out my adolescent self-esteem issues a while ago and now have a pretty healthy self-image. I'm a serious pre-med student who rarely drinks, is into sports but not the wild girl lifestyle, and is saving herself for marriage.
I'm posting in the "Mature Man" section because this is pretty much the only demographic that I'm interested in, i.e. you are the only ones I'm interested in talking to about my perspective - or rather, the perspective of women like me.
I know that "good girls" aren't the type discussed on this site much, but I'm going to try and speak for them. Keep this for future reference, like ten years down the road or whatever.
#1: Most of us don't want guys with typical DJ traits, i.e. *******s. There's a myth that good girls seek out bad boys, but that is not true. When good girls seek out bad boys, you're actually dealing with a girl who is repressed, not a girl who has voluntarily chosen to hold herself to a higher standard. Huge difference. For me, a good girl is someone who checked out the bad boy in high school, was unimpressed, and decided she would wait for a gentleman instead. That sort of leads me to my second point...
#2: Not all good girls are repressed. I admit we're not that innocent and we do have fantasies (amazing fantasies, in fact), but we're not frustrated and we're not just dying to be seduced unless it's by the gentleman we've been holding out for. Many of us are fairly dignified women with self-respect and we're interested and engaged in our lives.
I think there's a popular misconception that good girls are boring, lead unfulfilling lives, and will make boring wives. I don't know what kind of girls you've been hanging out with, but I can promise you that being good and being fun company are not mutually exclusive. I really think you guys don't know much about women if you think that good women can't be exciting company.
#3: We are not into men who have a storied sexual history. I can say that I'm turned off when I find out that a guy has a history of being a player or has had lots of sexual partners. It makes me doubt his ability to commit. I wonder if he has issues with trust, or if he knows what love really means. If I have held myself to high standards, so I expect the same thing from my boyfriend. I'm not saying you have to be a virgin, because that's totally unrealistic, but good girls prefer men who are selective. If you've banged tons of girls and enjoyed it, I'm going to assume that you'll never get used to being exclusive and therefore will probably cheat.
Also, I hate imagining my man in bed with another girl, just as most men would hate imagining their girl in another man's arms.
#4: Different kinds of alphas work for different kinds of women. There is an alpha type that works for us, but it's not the type that popularly discussed on this site. Put simply, good girls are looking for a good man. Someone who is dominant, masculine, self-assured, all of that, but also just a fundamentally good person. Do you treat everyone with respect, even people who work for you? Are you responsible and kind? Do you have goals and do you work hard?
Notice the difference between Nice Guy/AFC and a Good Man. Even good girls don't want an AFC, but we do want a Good Man. Men like these are a sexual turn-on, literally. Sexual turn-on. Why? Because good moral character is beautiful. Besides, I know that if a Good Man wants me, it's because he held himself to a high standard and I met that standard. Gaining his admiration is more valuable, because his admiration means more.
Anyway, I hope that didn't come off as a lecture. I just wanted to speak for women like me. I know we're a minority, but I was a little shocked by some of the attitudes/misconceptions about women on this forum, and decided to post. Anyway carry on, gentlemen!