A woman needs a MANNNN opinion

[frustrada]

Hi guys i Am a woman 26 and married (sadly for 2 years).This is the first time I post here but i have seen some posts, some are true some not, but yes the majority are true. Well my case is difficult I married a man whom I found out that i dont love, For what i have read here He would be classified as AFC ( sadly) at the beggining of the relation i was exited BUt because of the whole situation not for him, now 5 years later (2 of marriage) I think I am going to explode. He is not fun, he is slowwww, lazy, he doesnt like to do any fun things . Anyways I dont want to talk crap about him here. I just want some advise in the situation from a Man's point of view, not friends, family, or even male friends not from Unknown male. Since the beggining of the relationship everybody has tried to convinced me that He is a good man for me and a good guy, he has given me everything, food, money, house, etc. I even left my country with him. Here I am not knowing what to do next.

I have always fear leaving him but i see him just like a friend not like a lover, i even feel sorry for him.

What I want to ask here is if there is a way to make this guy open his eyes. I have threatened him several times with divorce and stuff and then he comes with flowers and you know the rest.

I fear leaving him at my age since this is the only man I have been with in my life. I am not fat, nor ugly. Now here where I am guys ask me out, but i have to decline (sadly) i though it was that i like one of the guys who asked me out, but not, this has been depressing for several years now.

Thanks

 

[DonGorgon]

he has given me everything, food, money, house, etc.(

LOL... men who do that always get screwed over by women cause women dont appreciate good treatment... They consider a man who treats them like that to be lame week etc... but they have an inexplicable attraction to the jerk who dissrespects them till they cry...LOL Good luck...

 

[( . )( . )]

I have always fear leaving him but i see him just like a friend not like a lover, i even feel sorry for him.
What I want to ask here is if there is a way to make this guy open his eyes.

Fvck the AFC he's a write off, why not keep the chump as the stable provider and find a stud to fill the other needs? And yes I'm serious, loads of other women do it and it seems to work fine for them, why not you?

Men have different roles to play in your life, it's that simple and there is no changing it, and why would you want to anyway variety is the spice of life..

 

[Last Man Standing]

If you wanted to have fun then you should have married a clown!! Most men are not fun - we were not designed to give you fun! We were designed to be providers and protectors, and this requires work and thought! How is he lazy and yet provides for you? Don't be a hor and break your vows - your mind has already broken them - but don't act on it!! What country are you from?

 

[( . )( . )]

And dont mind Last Man Standing, he's what we call "stuck in a utopian time warp" and refuses to roll with the punches. But you and I (hell even he knows) lifes not like that. Just do it babe, have some fun, life is too short for these bullsh!t worries.

 

[Obsidian]

Read this book, and also print a copy off for him. Furthermore, tell him you don't find him attractive because he is a wuss. Finally, start using birth control so you don't have any kids.

 

[DonJuan11]

Hi guys i Am a woman 26 and married (sadly for 2 years).This is the first time I post here but i have seen some posts, some are true some not, but yes the majority are true. Well my case is difficult I married a man whom I found out that i dont love, For what i have read here He would be classified as AFC ( sadly) at the beggining of the relation i was exited BUt because of the whole situation not for him, now 5 years later (2 of marriage) I think I am going to explode. He is not fun, he is slowwww, lazy, he doesnt like to do any fun things . Anyways I dont want to talk crap about him here. I just want some advise in the situation from a Man's point of view, not friends, family, or even male friends not from Unknown male. Since the beggining of the relationship everybody has tried to convinced me that He is a good man for me and a good guy, he has given me everything, food, money, house, etc. I even left my country with him. Here I am not knowing what to do next.

I have always fear leaving him but i see him just like a friend not like a lover, i even feel sorry for him.

What I want to ask here is if there is a way to make this guy open his eyes. I have threatened him several times with divorce and stuff and then he comes with flowers and you know the rest.

I fear leaving him at my age since this is the only man I have been with in my life. I am not fat, nor ugly. Now here where I am guys ask me out, but i have to decline (sadly) i though it was that i like one of the guys who asked me out, but not, this has been depressing for several years now.

Thanks

How do you know he doesn't feel the same way about you? He could complaining to his friends left and right about you.

 

[j0n024]

I totally agree with gorgon....he's providing you with everything and you dont "Love" him...how pathetic on your part. The only way I see you actually making it on your own.......well I dont think you'll be able to, you will probably move back in with your parents or divorce him and steal half his sh1t dont feel bad it's a womens way.
But on topic...maybe you should see what's important in your life.....have everything given to you or one night of d1ck your choice. Plus you just made everything I thought about women true...Like a famous comedian said "No respect...No respect at all."

 

[LovelyLady]

Did you ever love him?

 

[Moofahsa]

So he provides, works his ass off and isn't fun? Probably because he works 12 hours a day so you can buy designer clothes and watch Dr. Phil while sitting on your a$$.

You came to the wrong forum to talk **** about men that take care of THEIR women (yah, you are his responsibility hence the last name)

Go to a battered womens forum if you wanna put us down.

 

[Obsidian]

you will probably move back in with your parents or divorce him and steal half his sh1t dont feel bad it's a womens way.

Well, if he were a real man, he would've gotten a prenup so she wouldn't be able to steal half his sh1t.

 

[Last Man Standing]

So you knew him for 3 years before you got married - this is what courtship is about -- to determine if one is worthy of full commitment - marriage! You married for selfish reasons- so this is why you are in this situation!

 

[Interceptor]

What is intriguing to me is that you knew him 3 years PIOR to your Marriage.
You also stated that you 'left your country with him."

You knew what you were doing, Frustrada.
That's ok, perhaps there were little to no options in your country.

You must look back and be responsible for your actions. Assume your side of the deal , your responsibility.
This is the mature thing to do.

I will say that if there is not Love, or at the very least , AFFECTION, you have little to work with.Little to inspire you and motivate you.

You need to stop threatening him, but begin to explain how you would like the relationship to be.
Give him clear examples of what woudl make you happy, beyond the material and financial.
Also, if you don't have any hobbies, go and start some. Now.
You cannot rely on another person to be responsible for your happiness and your personal entertainment.
A husband is not a magician and not a clown or stand up comedian.

Your happiness comes from inside you.

You must make peace that you may eventually divorce anyway.
Be prepared , but stay positve and hopeful.

If you at least have some affection and still respect him, you owe it to him.

You need to state to him clearly what your NEEDs are. And state to him that certain NEEDs are not being met.

And he does need to understand your needs as a Wife.

Give him the opportunity, not an ultimatum.

You can't just say :Change ! Or I'll divorce you!"

Encourage him to work on addressing what you want out of the relationship, and encourage him and motivate him to move ahead in this way.
It is ok to compliment him on what he does right for you.And it is important to be thankful and appreciative of him and the material things he gives you.

But truth be told, you knew what you were getting into.
Let's not kid ourselves.
It didn't work out that way, now you have resentment and bitterness that you project onto him, when you shoudl be looking at yourself too.
You could talk to him about Masculinity, an what it means to you.
You could direct him to this site.
Give him books to read, and give him opportunites to explore himself and masculinty, and give him a chance to experiment in finding himself as a Man, and feel good that he will be encouraged and supported by you.
Talk to him and encourage him for change, positive change that will benefit you and him.

You must be mature about this, and while you should assert what you want , you cannot do this in a Win/Lose manner.
Show him how it will benefit the both of you, how you can both get what you want. and have a happy marriage together, and make it work and LAST.
Also, remember that men also disconnect emotionally and intimately when their partners constantly Nag and never give praise or appreciation.
Men hate coming home to women who nag, Eveantually men just shut off and tune them out.
And this makes women even more mad, and they nag even more and demand even more time and attention.
Sometimes women go up to their partner while he may be busy and immediatley demand his attention, but he cannot devote his time and attention 100% and this only 'reconfirms" the woman's negative attitude "You see, I know you never listen to me or pay me any attention."
But they approach their men in inopportune times, and don't respect the man's time or whatever activity he may be doing.


So think of the things that you are personally doing wrong, and get straight to the point in examining the ways in which you sabotage the relationship and affect his confidence and intimacy.


Start like this first, before projecting any failure or imagining that he won't do it.

 

[DJVladdy]

Hey what country are you from? I'm from Russia originally, now live in Boston, so if your anywhere around here, let me know, we'll talk

 

[KarmaSutra]

Fvck the AFC he's a write off, why not keep the chump as the stable provider and find a stud to fill the other needs? And yes I'm serious, loads of other women do it and it seems to work fine for them, why not you?

Men have different roles to play in your life, it's that simple and there is no changing it, and why would you want to anyway variety is the spice of life..

T!ts, I'm in complete disagreement here brother. If she's unhappy because this guy is a lazy fvcking mess she should divorce his worthless ass and then make a solid foundation for her life SINGLE. She shouldn't surrepticiously go around and fvck the lawnboy. How does this make her future more fruitful? How does she learn from this if she follows your advice? She doesn't. She ends up in perpetual self loathing being she is being a cheat and liar. When she's not kissing her babies she's out sucking on some guys lollipop.

 

[DJVladdy]

Wow guys what are you arguing about. Her husband seems like a nice guy... so let him fullfill certain needs of this young lady, and let ME fulfill her other needs that her husband can't. End of story.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Wow guys what are you arguing about. Her husband seems like a nice guy... so let him fullfill certain needs of this young lady, and let ME fulfill her other needs that her husband can't. End of story.

Why would you want another man's throwaway? Regardless whether or not she's unhappy you shouldn't play in his yard. You could get your ass shot and it leads you to immature boy-man living.

 

[DJVladdy]

You got a point Karma, you're married, and you know I respect you.

But lets say the husband is a chump, like in her case? He does the whole provider thang well, but doesn't really please her in that way... would it STILL be totally unacceptable for someone like me to come into play?

 

[PRMoon]

I love how when a woman post here, everyone flocks to it like fodder. I can't help women with their problems, in fact i have trouble with alot of the problems guys post on here. It's uncanny how many people think they can provide the slightest amount of insite to a situation they know and understand nothing about.

 

[DonJuan11]

interesting how the original poster hasn't replied to any of the suggestions. Can you say "crop circles"?