A tale of two girls: your opinions please

[jafyk]

Ok guys I had an opportunity to approach 2 girls I'm interested in and they are giving me mixed messages can anybody decipher what's going on.
About Ashley
Ashley is a girl I play pick up soccer with and because many girls don't play with us guys. I pick on her and talk thrash to her and she talks thrash back. A while back I had asked her for her # and she said unless I wanted to call her as a friend so, i just passed up on the #. Besides that nothing had changed. Anyway fast forward to 3 days ago. I see her at school and she's excited to see me, we talk and I ask for her e-mail and she's giving it to me and then I say write your number too and she smiles and says unless it's for business. So, I said we'ill see. She writes down the #. Anyway, she later adds me as a friend on facebook. So, I reply saying this had better be about business. She replies about an e-mail I had sent her before. Fast forward today she's see me at school and before I see her she yells my name and we talk briefly and then she comes to where I am. I talk to her neg hit and thrash talk and she does the same. I ask her when she's least busy. She tells me friday which is a day we play soccer and she asks why I was asking. I said that's for me to know. She then says it better be business. If this girl is giving me these IOI, neg hitting me (she was sitting next to me on the phone with someone and said "I'm with my friend Jafyk, he's not really my friend, I'm just using him" but I know she was joking), she laughs at my jokes and accepts my neg hits. If she's interested why does she keep implying she wants nothing more but business.

Cherie
I just met her today and we talked. I asked her for her e-mail and she said she never gives out her contact. So, I ask her if she's on facebook. She says yes. I add her and send her a message accusing her of being wanted in a joking way which is why she doesn't give out her contact and she responds back and says she's wanted but also added she never gives out her contact. So, if this is so true why then did she give me access to herself on facebook and she responded to my message. What are these 2 girls trying to say and how do I handle them?

 

[chinwaggler]

nothing sounds too off with either keep going until something more obvious happens

 

[Igetit!]

To be honest with you man, these are some tough ones. I can see why you would be somewhat confused here. I am going to assume that the first girl,Ashley,you have known for a while,at least maybe 4 or 5 months.
If that is true,and you have known her for that amount of time,then the reason she keeps on talking about you contacting her only for business and as a friend is because you're in the friendzone. It's just that simple.

The other girl,Cherie,you said that you just met today,right? Because you just met her,you still have a better chance of dating her than the other girl because you are NEW to her. The reason that she allowed you to contact her by facebook instead of giving you her personal contact info(phone number) is because although she has some attraction towards you,the comfort level (trust) is still low. In other words,she isn't comfortable with you yet. But if you continue to talk to her,and show her that you are a safe,normal guy,her comfort level will rise and she'll give you her number. The tricky part is to make her comfort level rise,while at the same time maintaining the intial attraction that you generated in her at the beginning. If you let the attaction fall off and rise her comfort too high,it's a one-way ticket to the friendzone.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I'll make this quick:

Your in the friend zone with Ashley. Your thinking your winning minor battles (she called my name, she busts my ballz back etc), but the bottom line is when your hinting at possibly taking her out on a date, she's thwarting your advances.

Best way to hook up with this chick is to forget about her for a bit, (still play soccer with her) but start pimping new chicks and she'll eventually see you with one of them and get jealous. Even then, your waiting for a big fish with no bait...your better off starting your game on a new chick.

The second girl has low interest if any at the moment. Now I know your probably thinking I'm being negative, but I'm just being honest. If a girl won't even give you her email address, she's not interested. Even when a girl does give you her number, it still doesn't mean $hit! The only thing that matters is when you have the girl agreeing to go out with you. Then and only then can you assume that there is interest there...

Keep approaching and start focusing on new girls.



PIMP

 

[jafyk]

I'll make this quick:

Your in the friend zone with Ashley. Your thinking your winning minor battles (she called my name, she busts my ballz back etc), but the bottom line is when your hinting at possibly taking her out on a date, she's thwarting your advances.

Best way to hook up with this chick is to forget about her for a bit, (still play soccer with her) but start pimping new chicks and she'll eventually see you with one of them and get jealous. Even then, your waiting for a big fish with no bait...your better off starting your game on a new chick.

The second girl has low interest if any at the moment. Now I know your probably thinking I'm being negative, but I'm just being honest. If a girl won't even give you her email address, she's not interested. Even when a girl does give you her number, it still doesn't mean $hit! The only thing that matters is when you have the girl agreeing to go out with you. Then and only then can you assume that there is interest there...

Keep approaching and start focusing on new girls.




PIMP

Dang! I may need a vacation from HBs. It's tough spinning plates when these kind of things happen. I've known Ashley for about 3 - 4 months. How did I end in the friend zone just like that without even making any contact outside of soccer? There's another girl I've known now for a lil over 3 weeks we've kissed made out. I've woken up twice in her bed and yet she won't put out. She doesn't mind kissing me in public (at the bar and in front of her friends). She sends me at least one text everyday, yet when I try to make plans for us to go do something she finds a way of getting out of it. She even let me nickname her and still nothing. As for cherie I can understand that perhaps I will have to get her comfortable but it's hard just hoping to run into a girl somewhere on campus in order to make plans to raise her interest and comfort level. Perhaps it's true her interest level is low. Oh well, maybe I should stop approaching I hate statistics, lol.

 

[DonJuan11]

About Ashley
A while back I had asked her for her # and she said unless I wanted to call her as a friend so, i just passed up on the #. Besides that nothing had changed. Anyway, she later adds me as a friend on facebook. So, I reply saying this had better be about business.

Giving her an ultimatitum? That's got to make her knees weak.

I ask her when she's least busy. She tells me friday which is a day we play soccer and she asks why I was asking. I said that's for me to know.

What does 'that's for me to know' mean? That's creepy. She could think you want to rape her if she's not busy.

If she's interested why does she keep implying she wants nothing more but business.

Because she's not going to sleep with you because you are you. You got to get to her feelings, make her excited. Take her dancing, talk about current events, bake her a cake. Don't just "neg hit" (whatever the heck that means) her and expect her to start ripping her clothes off.

Cherie
she responds back and says she's wanted but also added she never gives out her contact. So, if this is so true why then did she give me access to herself on facebook and she responded to my message.

She wants her ego stroked at a distance. Facebook is nothing, she can keep you 2000 miles away on facebook. If you didn't like a girl who wanted to add you on facebook, you would say yes too.

 

[jafyk]

She wants her ego stroked at a distance. Facebook is nothing, she can keep you 2000 miles away on facebook. If you didn't like a girl who wanted to add you on facebook, you would say yes too.

Actually, I wouldn't say yes. I don't believe in statistics and faking. I'd ask why she wants me to add her or I could add her and if she doesn't say hi or nothing I delete her. Well, you could be right I guess time will tell. The reason I went the facebook route is to gradually increase her comfort level without seeming too pushy normally when they say they don't give out contact info I just next them. I guess we can call what I did an experiment and see what happens.

I don't know how to respond to the things you mentioned above I still haven't figured out how you pick quotes apart and respond. So I will respond by numbering what you said above.
# 1. I sense you're being sarcastic here. When I said that to her I wasn't giving her an ultimatum I was just sarcastically playing her game back at her about wanting to contact me only for business

# 2. "That's for me to know" is for me to know the best time to ask her out without giving her the chance to turn the idea down before it even takes off. It's creepy to you because you have a one track mind. Smart guy if you want to come out and call me a stalker then say so. How can I rape someone I see by chance?

#3 . How can I take her dancing if I don't first set up a time and place which she keeps countering with "it better be business" Do you seriously not know what neg hit means? If you don't I suggest you start reading the articles on the site and I don't mean the forum.

 

[hell695]

have you ever thought that ashley is running this just for business bit as a test i say take her out a movie and play the kino and if u can't get atleast a small kiss by the end of the night next (personally my favorite time to try for kiss is the goodnight kiss)

 

[jafyk]

have you ever thought that ashley is running this just for business bit as a test i say take her out a movie and play the kino and if u can't get atleast a small kiss by the end of the night next (personally my favorite time to try for kiss is the goodnight kiss)

Hey man that thought has crossed my mind and that is why I haven't written her off yet. I figured she was testing me but there's only one way to find out.

 

[DonJuan11]

# 1. I sense you're being sarcastic here. When I said that to her I wasn't giving her an ultimatum I was just sarcastically playing her game back at her about wanting to contact me only for business

# 2. "That's for me to know" is for me to know the best time to ask her out without giving her the chance to turn the idea down before it even takes off. It's creepy to you because you have a one track mind. Smart guy if you want to come out and call me a stalker then say so. How can I rape someone I see by chance?

#3 . How can I take her dancing if I don't first set up a time and place which she keeps countering with "it better be business".

I pick quotes and respond because the rest of the story + details are not relevant.

# 1 - I don't see that as a good idea. If she adds you as a friend on facebook - you response could be "great to see you finally on here. Hopefully we can see more of each other soon." You have to let her in, agree with her, make her happy, make her comfortable. "Only for business", even sarcastically, is too open for interpretation.

# 2 -

option A:
---------
"when are free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day, why?"
"that's for me to know"

option B:
---------
"when are you free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day, why?"
"I know an great club where we can go dancing and I can show you salsa. I'll pick you up at 8."

what option do you think would make her more excitied, more willing? Also, if she says "Wed I'm free" JUMP ON IT right there. Don't wait for 2 more days to ask her out for Wed, way too risky. She could busy later, she could go camping, be with her boyfriend, go to a movie, get a new job, move to a city, go out to eat, go to school...

# 3 -

"When are you free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day. But if you want to contact me it better be business."
"Well I know a great club where we can go dancing and I could teach you salsa. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be home alone."
"No thanks, I prefer to keep it business between us."
"I hate to think you were by yourself with nothing to do. Well, don't forget to write."


And then forget her. If it's that difficult for her to get with you and have fun, she's not worth your time.

 

[jafyk]

I pick quotes and respond because the rest of the story + details are not relevant.

# 1 - I don't see that as a good idea. If she adds you as a friend on facebook - you response could be "great to see you finally on here. Hopefully we can see more of each other soon." You have to let her in, agree with her, make her happy, make her comfortable. "Only for business", even sarcastically, is too open for interpretation.

# 2 -

option A:
---------
"when are free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day, why?"
"that's for me to know"

option B:
---------
"when are you free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day, why?"
"I know an great club where we can go dancing and I can show you salsa. I'll pick you up at 8."

what option do you think would make her more excitied, more willing? Also, if she says "Wed I'm free" JUMP ON IT right there. Don't wait for 2 more days to ask her out for Wed, way too risky. She could busy later, she could go camping, be with her boyfriend, go to a movie, get a new job, move to a city, go out to eat, go to school...

# 3 -

"When are you free?"
"Wednesday, I'll be at home all day. But if you want to contact me it better be business."
"Well I know a great club where we can go dancing and I could teach you salsa. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be home alone."
"No thanks, I prefer to keep it business between us."
"I hate to think you were by yourself with nothing to do. Well, don't forget to write."


And then forget her. If it's that difficult for her to get with you and have fun, she's not worth your time.

Ok, Now I do see where you're coming from. The sarcastic response I gave wasn't the only thing I said. Anyway, I didn't know I'd be seeing her and I just didn't want to make up a place I'd take her on the spot. Salsa, lol, yeah I wish. Hey thanks for the reminder I was gonna enroll in a dance class and totally forgot. Anyway, for me there's no rush because it's not like she a HB8 and above and if it doesn't work out it's fine with me. She wouldn't make a bad friend either (it seems) I love her personality the most. I will ask her out and give you guys an update. Hopefully, I don't run into her tomorrow (dang I have classes 6 days a week). Thanks for your input though.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dang! I may need a vacation from HBs. It's tough spinning plates when these kind of things happen. I've known Ashley for about 3 - 4 months. How did I end in the friend zone just like that without even making any contact outside of soccer? There's another girl I've known now for a lil over 3 weeks we've kissed made out. I've woken up twice in her bed and yet she won't put out. She doesn't mind kissing me in public (at the bar and in front of her friends). She sends me at least one text everyday, yet when I try to make plans for us to go do something she finds a way of getting out of it. She even let me nickname her and still nothing. As for cherie I can understand that perhaps I will have to get her comfortable but it's hard just hoping to run into a girl somewhere on campus in order to make plans to raise her interest and comfort level. Perhaps it's true her interest level is low. Oh well, maybe I should stop approaching I hate statistics, lol.

Hey bro, you've got to play the field! Its a numbers game, plus the more you approach the better you get and you eliminate your fear of rejection. The problem I see in both these cases is you haven't attracted them. You have to learn how to become a challenge to these women especially at that age.

Keep practicing, just don't expect anything from either of these situations.




PIMP

 

[jafyk]

Hey bro, you've got to play the field! Its a numbers game, plus the more you approach the better you get and you eliminate your fear of rejection. The problem I see in both these cases is you haven't attracted them. You have to learn how to become a challenge to these women especially at that age.

Keep practicing, just don't expect anything from either of these situations.




PIMP

I know it's a numbers game I just think I need to digress a lil. I have no problem meeting and talking to girls. I have all sorts of contacts and nothing solid seems to have come out of it and I'm getting bored. When I do proactive things to try to set up a time to meet and have a date and the girls are not taking the bait. I start to loose interest. Even with that challenge thing. Fine, I don't call them for a few days and they call me and then they can't even commit to a time to hang. Anyway, the update with Cherie is...I was chatting with her on facebook today and she said she can't give out her # because women who are taken can't be handing out their numbers like that. The only suspicious thing about the interaction with her is that I asked if she had a husband or boyfriend and she said it doesn't matter that she's taken. On her facebook profile it doesn't show her relationship status either.

 

[Igetit!]

So you asked her if she had a husband or a boyfriend,and her response was,"it doesn't matter,I'm taken"? You're a lot stronger than I am,man. I probably would have just lost my patience and said forget about it right then and there. I can't stand foolishness and nonsense.

 

[Cashew]

Just say in a deep voice "It's business time" and then take Ashley in a manly fashion on the spot.

Seriously though, it sounds like you have some friend barriers to break down. Kino much?

 

[jafyk]

Just say in a deep voice "It's business time" and then take Ashley in a manly fashion on the spot.

Seriously though, it sounds like you have some friend barriers to break down. Kino much?

I haven't kinoed her yet. Except for the usual pat and hug when she scores , that is when she's on my team cos we play with and against each other. I didn't want to escalate in front of all the other guys that might be putting her on the spot. I do think some of them might be interested as well.

 

[jafyk]

So you asked her if she had a husband or a boyfriend,and her response was,"it doesn't matter,I'm taken"? You're a lot stronger than I am,man. I probably would have just lost my patience and said forget about it right then and there. I can't stand foolishness and nonsense.

We were chatting when I asked her this. She said she likes to be elusive. So, I asked her how come she didn't slip by me and that she better work on her disguise. She proceeded to give me the proper definition of "elusive" to which I responded sarcastically "ladies and gentlemen, Cherie is smart" Anyway, I've kind of written her off. She seems to be intelligent and know other languages so she can help me practise when we chat. I'ill just maintain contact half-heartedly, since she's made her declaration, I don't see a point in pursuing her.

 

[daygameguy]

Ok guys I had an opportunity to approach 2 girls I'm interested in and they are giving me mixed messages can anybody decipher what's going on.
About Ashley
Ashley is a girl I play pick up soccer with and because many girls don't play with us guys. I pick on her and talk thrash to her and she talks thrash back. A while back I had asked her for her # and she said unless I wanted to call her as a friend so, i just passed up on the #. Besides that nothing had changed. Anyway fast forward to 3 days ago. I see her at school and she's excited to see me, we talk and I ask for her e-mail and she's giving it to me and then I say write your number too and she smiles and says unless it's for business. So, I said we'ill see. She writes down the #. Anyway, she later adds me as a friend on facebook. So, I reply saying this had better be about business. She replies about an e-mail I had sent her before. Fast forward today she's see me at school and before I see her she yells my name and we talk briefly and then she comes to where I am. I talk to her neg hit and thrash talk and she does the same. I ask her when she's least busy. She tells me friday which is a day we play soccer and she asks why I was asking. I said that's for me to know. She then says it better be business. If this girl is giving me these IOI, neg hitting me (she was sitting next to me on the phone with someone and said "I'm with my friend Jafyk, he's not really my friend, I'm just using him" but I know she was joking), she laughs at my jokes and accepts my neg hits. If she's interested why does she keep implying she wants nothing more but business.

Cherie
I just met her today and we talked. I asked her for her e-mail and she said she never gives out her contact. So, I ask her if she's on facebook. She says yes. I add her and send her a message accusing her of being wanted in a joking way which is why she doesn't give out her contact and she responds back and says she's wanted but also added she never gives out her contact. So, if this is so true why then did she give me access to herself on facebook and she responded to my message. What are these 2 girls trying to say and how do I handle them?

To me it seems like this girl Ashley likes you. She didn't say "maybe.. or ummm or i dunno" when you asked for her number.

Keep being ****y, and tell her it is ALL about business.. just keep escalating with this girl.. don't cross the needy AFC line... but keep being ****y and escalate during the soccer matches...

invite her out for a "business" date. lol

 

[DonGorgon]

Ok guys I had an opportunity to approach 2 girls I'm interested in and they are giving me mixed messages can anybody decipher what's going on.

Neither is very interested.. BUT that could change !

SOME TIPS:

-Dont push or rush anything just be cool and whitty
-Dont ask them out but find ways to let them know you do alot of fun stuff
-Make sure they both see you gaming other girls
-Dont be obviously interested make them wonder
-DO not contact them more than they contact you so you will have to make a good impression everytime you run into them "by chance"
- THEY NEED TO START ASKING YOU QUESTIONS BUT YOU NEED TO MAKE THEM INTERESTED ENOUGH TIO DO SOO.

 

[Igetit!]

Well man, it's your choice whether or not you want to pursue Cherie,but you'd still have a better shot with her than with Ashley. In one of your earlier post,you asked how it was that you fell into the friendzone with Ashley. It's obvious to me how. You said that whenever you play soccer with her and she scored,you gave her a hug. That's not kino. You classify that as kino? I'm sure that some of the other players on your team also hugged her or gave her hi-fives. Were they kinoing her as well? Why would she think that you hugging her after a goal would be any different than another guy on the team giving her a hug after a goal? Whenever you have constant,repeated contact with a woman,her mind forms an opinion of you. If she doesn't feel chemistry with these repeated contacts,you'll fall into the friendzone. This is if you have repeated conacts with you talking to her about whatever(sports,the weather,school,etc.) You fall into the friendzone by DEFAULT. So basically,it's over with Ashley. You can try the "deep voice" thing if you want,but she'll just throw that "business/as a friend" thing in your face again.