A recent situation i need help with before its too late

[jwei44]

So here is my current situation:

Two months ago, I met a girl on facebook and I added her because I thought she was cute and we went to the same school. We started talking and after about two or three weeks, but i was too shy to say Hi to her in school. So we never talked in person. On the day we met, she also asked me to fix her iPhone. I did manage to fix it (her friend gave it to me, and I gave it to her friend to give to her - I lost my chance to talk to her in person here too). Anyway, a week after I returned her phone, she asked me if I liked her. i didnt say no, but i didnt say yeah either. Instead i said "Id like to get to know you." She said she only saw me and her as friends, and I accepted it. Then I asked if we will ever hangout and she said if she had the time, then "of course". That made me content with it but soon after, she went to a party. This is where things came crashing down. That happened on November 14th, 2009. Everytime I would IM her after that day, she would never respond. I gave up after about a week, and never tried again except to say Happy Thanksgiving. Then come December 5th, around 1 in the morning, she IMs me and says "Hey." I was sleepy so I didnt talk much. Just whats up and how was your day, then goodnight." Sunday night, she IMs me again around midnight, but I was already asleep so i didnt get a chance to respond. Monday afternoon, she IMs me again, and we talk like how was your day and whatsup. Then she said brb, gotta take care of my little brother. After a few hours she came back and told me she was sleepy and had to go. She said "Im tired and got a food comaa. Ima go now. Goodnight. Take care buddy"

Now my Winter Ball dance is coming up in January, and I have Winter Break in a week. My friend told me to like try and hang out with her a few times over break then ask her to ball. My other friend says talk to her in school for the first time since you met her., Then move on from there. Ask her out before break.

I think I just get hella nervous to talk to her when her friends are around. we met in person last week in our school. We didnt talk much but she was having an off day. When i got home that day she told me

Hey, sorry about today. I was being hella weird. Just having an off day"

so i told her it was cool, and that we can talk next time

she told me

Yeah fersure next time, I'm glad you actually worked up the courage to talk to me, I know it's not easy for youu. But yeah, hella of my friends were just staring at my table and just yeaah. Hella awkward.

I said alright. lets kick it monday

she said

sure. but i want you to remember we are nothing more than friends

Did i get friendzoned? If i did how can i get out? also, my winterball dance is coming up and should i still ask her? Or even ask her to hang out over my winter break? and even ask her to Prom? One of her friends told me she might move in January back to Arizona (We're in California) and I dont have much time...

Should I bring up the question if she's moving? And if yeah, any way i can ask it? like indirectly or directly? what do i ask? something like "So you plan on living in Fremont all your life?" or "So you going to Jr. Prom?" Or "waht you taking senior year ?" still ask her to winter ball?

EDIT: im a senior, she a junior.
EDIT: She has her number publicly on facebook but should i ask her for it instead? and when?

 

[BlakeW5]

Pretty sure you're in the friend zone. The whole "sorry I'm having an off-day" excuses for not talking to you are a huge indication IMO. Never have I had a girl that was into me not want to talk because of an off-day or being tired. They'll usually go out of their way to talk if they like you.

As far as getting out, probably not. Even then if it was possible it would probably take more effort than it's worth.

Honestly, chalk this up as a learning experience. This is what happens when you don't go after girls you like. They think you're scared of them. You may be shy but let this situation serve as a motivator to get over that shyness, because honestly if you don't this type of thing is going to happen MUCH more.

I've always believed that if it gets to the point that my friends are telling me I should talk to girl I've already waited too long. If your buddies have picked up on it chances are you should have picked up on it WAY earlier.

Next time don't wait. You've got nothing to lose. You may lose the girl but you're ensured of losing them if you wait too long. At least by talking to them right out the gate you give yourself a shot.

EDIT: About the moving thing, just say " So I heard from (her friends name) you're moving?" She'll fill you in if she is. Whatever you do don't say "So you plan on living in Fremont the rest of your life?" Nothing personal, but that's just a weird "creep a girl out" question, besides no one really knows that kind of stuff at your age...trust me

 

[jwei44]

late night

any idea why she suddenly started messaging me at midnight tho?

Oh: and my friend, D, heard from his friend, John. John heard from this girl i like. Do i still do what you say?

 

[BlakeW5]

Probably just wants attention. I swear girls have this sixth sense in that they have this way of getting ahold of you at the right time to keep you from forgetting them or moving on.

But girls don't go out of their way to mention "we're just friends". She probably doesn't want you to get the wrong idea, try to make a move on her, and the situation ending up awkward for each of you.

But just ask exactly like I said: "I heard from (so-and-so) you're moving" It'll get you the information you want, promise. So-and-so can be anyone really, it doesn't really matter.

 

[Ralfus1]

Quit trying to be a mind reader.

You got one play left and that is the Hail Mary.

Ask her to the dance or date or whatever. But you can't be the meely mouthed wimp you have been. Go up to her with the attitude that "honey I'm taking you out and your going to like it. You would be a freakin moron to say no!" Total confidence in yourself and your ability.

Forget the friends, the friends of friends and just ask the girl. Don't let the buddies know you are going to ask this girl. Spring it on her. What can she say ? No? I'm moving? My iphone is broken? Remember : Anything but a "yes" is a NO.

Granted this is a long shot. But on that rare occasion, that team scores the winning touchdown on a Hail Mary .

 

[jwei44]

Quit trying to be a mind reader.

You got one play left and that is the Hail Mary.

Ask her to the dance or date or whatever. But you can't be the meely mouthed wimp you have been. Go up to her with the attitude that "honey I'm taking you out and your going to like it. You would be a freakin moron to say no!" Total confidence in yourself and your ability.

Forget the friends, the friends of friends and just ask the girl. Don't let the buddies know you are going to ask this girl. Spring it on her. What can she say ? No? I'm moving? My iphone is broken? Remember : Anything but a "yes" is a NO.

Granted this is a long shot. But on that rare occasion, that team scores the winning touchdown on a Hail Mary .

Aight. Ima change it up a bit. likee...start with "u going to the dance?" then on to" "you should go to the dance with me"

 

[jwei44]

when she said this:

Yeah fersure next time, I'm glad you actually worked up the courage to talk to me, I know it's not easy for youu. But yeah, hella of my friends were just staring at my table and just yeaah. Hella awkward.

should i try talking to her again monday? or wait? one of my friends said let her come to me, but i dont think that wil lhappen

 

[pvf94]

She reiterated the friends thing. I'd say move on, and don't hurt yourself over it by trying to get somewhere other than friends with her.

Would you tell a girl that you think is cute/datable "Yea we can hangout, but hey listen we are just friends ok?" The only reason you would say that in the most broad of spectrum's would be if you had a girlfriend already, or you just did not see her as relationship/hookup/date/fvckable girl.

She actually went out of her way to say it RIGHT after you said we need to hang.

If you want my opinion why she said that....she may have been interested in your online personality, and your pics. She liked what she saw, but she picked up on the fact that you are sorta shy and timid. The whole thing was awkward for her, and her friends probably gave off the "who the hell is he, and why is he so uncomfortable looking" vibe to your girl that your talking about.

She messaged you late that night because she probably was either extremely bored or she wanted to make sure her hooks where still in your back. Why? Attention, and the buzzed feeling of being desired. They need it a hell of a lot more than we do.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I would recommend no contact to her. If she had interest in you at all....she wouldn't behave the way she is. Cut your losses, and give her a smack in the face by depriving her of your attention....at best this will save your feelings and get her bugging the hell out of you....to which you can choose to talk to her if you want....the ball is more or less in your court if she resorts to the begging type of texting/iming. Will it happen? nah probably not, but its the best you can hope for in your shoes.


Oneitis for you maybe? If so, you probably won't really take the advice. And you'll wish you would have once she stomps on you a bit more.

 

[BlakeW5]

She reiterated the friends thing. I'd say move on, and don't hurt yourself over it by trying to get somewhere other than friends with her.

Would you tell a girl that you think is cute/datable "Yea we can hangout, but hey listen we are just friends ok?" The only reason you would say that in the most broad of spectrum's would be if you had a girlfriend already, or you just did not see her as relationship/hookup/date/fvckable girl.

She actually went out of her way to say it RIGHT after you said we need to hang.

If you want my opinion why she said that....she may have been interested in your online personality, and your pics. She liked what she saw, but she picked up on the fact that you are sorta shy and timid. The whole thing was awkward for her, and her friends probably gave off the "who the hell is he, and why is he so uncomfortable looking" vibe to your girl that your talking about.

She messaged you late that night because she probably was either extremely bored or she wanted to make sure her hooks where still in your back. Why? Attention, and the buzzed feeling of being desired. They need it a hell of a lot more than we do.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I would recommend no contact to her. If she had interest in you at all....she wouldn't behave the way she is. Cut your losses, and give her a smack in the face by depriving her of your attention....at best this will save your feelings and get her bugging the hell out of you....to which you can choose to talk to her if you want....the ball is more or less in your court if she resorts to the begging type of texting/iming. Will it happen? nah probably not, but its the best you can hope for in your shoes.


Oneitis for you maybe? If so, you probably won't really take the advice. And you'll wish you would have once she stomps on you a bit more.

+1
Exactly what I'm saying. You've already lost this one.
You don't get second chances with girls, especially attractive ones.
Chalk it up to experience and don't make the same mistakes next time.

Sure it may be hard to get over your shyness, but is it harder to get over shyness or get over things like this happening to you the rest of your life?

You can try the "hail mary" thing, hell you might even complete the pass but it won't matter because the games already over.

 

[jwei44]

I had only an ounce of cofidence today. I saw her at MY usual hang out spot doing some work. It took me the whole ounce to say Hi and she didnt hear me. Details at the bottom

She reiterated the friends thing. I'd say move on, and don't hurt yourself over it by trying to get somewhere other than friends with her.

Would you tell a girl that you think is cute/datable "Yea we can hangout, but hey listen we are just friends ok?" The only reason you would say that in the most broad of spectrum's would be if you had a girlfriend already, or you just did not see her as relationship/hookup/date/fvckable girl.

She actually went out of her way to say it RIGHT after you said we need to hang.


If you want my opinion why she said that....she may have been interested in your online personality, and your pics. She liked what she saw, but she picked up on the fact that you are sorta shy and timid. The whole thing was awkward for her, and her friends probably gave off the "who the hell is he, and why is he so uncomfortable looking" vibe to your girl that your talking about.

She messaged you late that night because she probably was either extremely bored or she wanted to make sure her hooks where still in your back. Why? Attention, and the buzzed feeling of being desired. They need it a hell of a lot more than we do.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I would recommend no contact to her. If she had interest in you at all....she wouldn't behave the way she is. Cut your losses, and give her a smack in the face by depriving her of your attention....at best this will save your feelings and get her bugging the hell out of you....to which you can choose to talk to her if you want....the ball is more or less in your court if she resorts to the begging type of texting/iming. Will it happen? nah probably not, but its the best you can hope for in your shoes.


Oneitis for you maybe? If so, you probably won't really take the advice. And you'll wish you would have once she stomps on you a bit more.

You guys are like seriously the best!

Anyway, here is what has happened so far on facebook. Last friday, i tried talking to her like i told you guys. When i got home, she had sent me a message on Facbook. i replied through her inbox. heres the convo


Jonathan December 11 at 7:31pm

Yeah, I'm okay with it. Next time, huh?

Jenn December 12 at 9:54am

Yeah fersure next time, I'm glad you actually worked up the courage to talk to me, I know it's not easy for youu. But yeah, hella of my friends were just staring at my table and just yeaah. Hella awkward.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 12 at 12:39pm

So is it cool if like I cam up to you Monday?or whatevr?
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jenn December 12 at 1:57pm

Yeah it's cool, but remember were nothing more than friends.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 12 at 2:12pm

ohh. aha. alright

Jonathan December 13 at 11:46am

quick question thoo. you think you'll be same place lunch monday?

Jenn December 13 at 1:44pm

Mmm idk I have projects to do and hw and just I have a lot of stuff to do
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 4:09pm

Aight then. We ll meet up sometime
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jenn December 13 at 4:52pm

Mmk
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 5:47pm

cool. so you ever make stuff up with, i think brandon?

Jenn December 13 at 6:32pm

What do you mean? Make what up?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Jonathan December 13 at 6:36pm

I thought you like were mad at him. you pointed at someone. like you said he ruined your day? just asking if things are okay. lol

Jenn December 13 at 7:01pm

He's my bestie, I can't be mad at him for more than a daay
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 7:03pm

Ohh. thats good. So how was your weekend ?lol

Jenn December 13 at 7:22pm

Eh it's okay
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 7:26pm

Ohh. That's nice. lol. busy huh?

Jenn December 13 at 7:44pm

Yeah very. I have hella hw and chores
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 7:47pm

Aightt. Sorry. for bothering you then. bye .See you tomorrow.


Did i do anything wrong?

Plus, do i stay friends with her? And maybe, next time she tries contacting me, should i just ignore it a few times?

And when should, if i should, ask for her number? should i just say somtehing like. "Hey. What's your number? We should kick it over break"

No reply after tghat. Today, when i went to school though, I saw her at the table where i usually hang out. I said Him but i guess she didnt hear me. I didnt wanna look stupid so i didnt try again. A few minutes later, a guy comes up to her, sits in the same chair, and puts his arm around her. I kinda got jealous but my obeservations have seen that they arent really going out. or maybe im wrong... And today when i saw her at break, i think she looked my way said osmething to her friend, then walked away. I was going to the bathroom, and i passed by. Her friend, i think she saw me, said something to her, and they turned around. Someone wanna give their opinion?

 

[Ralfus1]

You can try the "hail mary" thing, hell you might even complete the pass but it won't matter because the games already over.

I had only an ounce of cofidence today. I saw her at MY usual hang out spot doing some work. It took me the whole ounce to say Hi and she didnt hear me.

Yeah bro. the clock is at 0:00. Move on.

 

[jwei44]

Yeah bro. the clock is at 0:00. Move on.

would it be a good idea if i cut her off? like i did last time? how should i play it then if she does contact me again? i was tjhinking of asking for her number and then no contact for a while. maybe middle of break...


is it a good idea to make her jealous by talking to her friends?

 

[Recon]

You guys are like seriously the best!

Anyway, here is what has happened so far on facebook. Last friday, i tried talking to her like i told you guys. When i got home, she had sent me a message on Facbook. i replied through her inbox. heres the convo


Jonathan December 11 at 7:31pm

Yeah, I'm okay with it. Next time, huh?

Jenn December 12 at 9:54am

Yeah fersure next time, I'm glad you actually worked up the courage to talk to me, I know it's not easy for youu. But yeah, hella of my friends were just staring at my table and just yeaah. Hella awkward.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 12 at 12:39pm

So is it cool if like I cam up to you Monday?or whatevr?
Sent via Facebook Mobile

You dont ****ing ask to go and talk to someone, you just do it

Jenn December 12 at 1:57pm

Yeah it's cool, but remember were nothing more than friends.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 12 at 2:12pm

ohh. aha. alright <---- This is where the conversation should have ended

Jonathan December 13 at 11:46am

quick question thoo. you think you'll be same place lunch monday?

Jenn December 13 at 1:44pm

Mmm idk I have projects to do and hw and just I have a lot of stuff to do <---Translation : Do not approach me at school, or look for me. I do not want to see you.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 4:09pm

Aight then. We ll meet up sometime
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jenn December 13 at 4:52pm

Mmk
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 5:47pm

cool. so you ever make stuff up with, i think brandon? <---Again the conversation is over, just stop. Now your just grasping at straws to try and keep the conversation going. She can tell, I can tell, and it smells like AFC.

Jenn December 13 at 6:32pm

What do you mean? Make what up?
Sent via Facebook Mobile


Jonathan December 13 at 6:36pm

I thought you like were mad at him. you pointed at someone. like you said he ruined your day? just asking if things are okay. lol

Jenn December 13 at 7:01pm

He's my bestie, I can't be mad at him for more than a daay
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 7:03pm

Ohh. thats good. So how was your weekend ?lol <---Again, she has not asked you ONE QUESTION. She's not interested, and constantly texting her is making her annoyed.

Jenn December 13 at 7:22pm

Eh it's okay
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Jonathan December 13 at 7:26pm

Ohh. That's nice. lol. busy huh?

Jenn December 13 at 7:44pm

Yeah very. I have hella hw and chores
Sent via Facebook Mobile <---Translation: Please leave me alone. She's not to busy, she's just to BUSY FOR YOU.

Jonathan December 13 at 7:47pm

Aightt. Sorry. for bothering you then. bye .See you tomorrow.


Did i do anything wrong?

Plus, do i stay friends with her? And maybe, next time she tries contacting me, should i just ignore it a few times?

And when should, if i should, ask for her number? should i just say somtehing like. "Hey. What's your number? We should kick it over break"

No reply after tghat. Today, when i went to school though, I saw her at the table where i usually hang out. I said Him but i guess she didnt hear me. I didnt wanna look stupid so i didnt try again. A few minutes later, a guy comes up to her, sits in the same chair, and puts his arm around her. I kinda got jealous but my obeservations have seen that they arent really going out. or maybe im wrong... And today when i saw her at break, i think she looked my way said osmething to her friend, then walked away. I was going to the bathroom, and i passed by. Her friend, i think she saw me, said something to her, and they turned around. Someone wanna give their opinion?

Listen man, I'm sorry but things are done with her. I don't mean to be harsh, but you've come off EXTREMELY WEAK to her. Read the DJ bible again, or the HS bible (it does wonders).

What I am about to say may seem harsh, but please listen.

SHE DOES NOT LIKE YOU.
SHE WAS NOT LOOKING AT YOU.
SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU SPEAKING TO HER.
SHE USED YOU FOR ATTENTION.

I know your in HS, and are still learning and growing. You know, your not even in friendzone. At this point I would label your status as "annoying" or "creepy" to her. I also put in bold all your attempts to keep the conversation going when she was clearly not interested. An interested girl usually sends some sort of question back, and one word responses are never good. Also in the future, try talking on the phone more. It does wonders. But hey, your in Highschool and it's a big learning experience. Just chalk this one up to nerves and AFCness, just heed this one peice of advice.

DO NOT CONTACT HER AGAIN.

 

[jwei44]

Alrightt. ill start that now. but if she talks to me first. do ireply? and with what? should i go as far as to delete her from facebook?

 

[Recon]

Alrightt. ill start that now. but if she talks to me first. do ireply? and with what? should i go as far as to delete her from facebook?

Look man, you sound as if your holding out hope for this girl. I've been there in Highschool, the oneitus rate there is extremely high for most males.

If she messages you, you act cordial.

Do not ask her to hang out.

Do not make any plans with her.

Keep your responses shorts, and stop asking so many questions. (See bolded items in my previous post). Do what you'd like regarding facebook, but honestly she isnt worth your time to delete. No more asking her if you can talk to her. Reply to any questions she asks with indifference.

I will make it clear again, you have no shot with her so DO NOT hold out hope.

 

[jwei44]

okay. thanks. if anything comes up,ill ask again.

 

[Recon]

good luck man, oh and if it wasn't clear enough already don't ask her to your dance. I'm sure there is some other girl out there who would love to go

 

[jwei44]

actually i think i might ask my friend. aha. like you said, dont ask her to hang out, and dont go hang out with her?

But i forgot to add this. before you replied for the first time, i had asked her for her number - wrong move right?

should i tell you what happens off of that?

 

[Recon]

actually i think i might ask my friend. aha. like you said, dont ask her to hang out, and dont go hang out with her?

But i forgot to add this. before you replied for the first time, i had asked her for her number - wrong move right?

should i tell you what happens off of that?

Definitely do not ask her to hangout.

On the extremely off chance she does ask you to hangout, (this would require her liking you to some extent), go and do it. I can't predict how it will turn out, but please do not hold out hope for some miracle that she will. You will waste alot of nights like that.

I had assumed you had her number already, but if you asked and she didn't reply then I don't think she wants to give it to you. If she does you can send her a fb message with yours but I'm a little hesitant to tell you that , do not text her regardless though. The ball is in her court now, and I can't stress how important it is that you move on because this is a lost cause.

Oh and to your last question, update as much as you'd like.

 

[jwei44]

Yeah. she just signed on. i think she saw my message but aint sure. she didnt replyy. but did i tell you she almost gave it to me once? probably before i got clingy?