Re:
My GUT reaction on this is as such...(Have never been married or engaged).
...that in the early parts of youth with hormones blazing, it's the DREAM that we have on something. Young girls don't envision the future being tough, anymore than young men envision encountering obstacles. Both think it should be easy. Even young couples still think it's ok to party everyweekend in big cities, pushing off indefinately what they truly might want to do, for what they think is age-appropriate actions, or just the expectations of young relationships. I hear it alot, and have encountered MANY frustrating situations with women because her friends were out blowing several hundred bucks to get drunk then drive, while I'd prefer hanging in with local friends and doing much the similar thing. And as I've always stated...if you're not willing to talk with me and be on the same page, you're free to find another guy who will live by YOUR expectations.
I already have 1 divorced friend @ 26 and he can't be happier! It was sad that it happened, but he felt restless in his spirit, and that restlesness was only compounded by his wife's demands. Perhaps the "religious" or "noble" thing would have been to submit to her whims, and live as a HALF man, but in the long-run it would have caused them both irreparable harm, as he would likely have lashed back, adopted an addictive habit, or begun some other vice to compensate for his internal pain.
This woman wasn't flexible on life, and I don't think life is permanent, only the mental state we control or don't control. She felt he HAD to have a fixed job to bring in dough for the household. That's well and good, but if a Man doesn't have SOME plan or passion backing it up, with the family included, he's doomed, IMO. For me, if I had a young wife, and was working, I would be getting myself to a place where she could NOT work, so she could be home with future kids. I'd also be arranging it so future investments would allow me a lifestyle with family that few other lifestyles could provide. I would be advancing professionally and spiritually. But when a woman becomes another debt, or expense, or demand, like all of life, rather than an UPLIFTING source of emotion, your rock, you begin to move apart. To me, that shouldn't have to be discussed, it should be OBVIOUS.
The people we gravitate toward are just that for us...wellsprings of positive emotion and empathy. Someone to bond with and talk with. Sometimes those mental blocks that hamper a man will come undone if he just talks it out with a party in cofidence. All too often though, the expection of lifestyle and the partner's emotional needs supercede the man.
Yet, if you look at life, in MOST respects, men are the ECONOMIC centerpiece of society. Maybe he can't do home chores as well, but he fixes critical pieces of the home so a family FIRST lives safely. He also has MORE potential earning power given the fact he doesn't have to take time off from work to rear children. Generally men begin working jobs younger, and have a better tolerance level for the doldrums of work. To a home, they're the workhorse and that's never changed. Most women WANT it that way, and if a man found his passion, he would want it that way too. IF you examine insurance companies, they want to strap the man (or breadwinner), with every conceivable form of insurance, because if he died prematurely or was disabled, the life of not only himself, but his children, his wife, and THEIR futures go right down the tubes!
Consider that if a man dies or becomes disabled in someway, and he can't fulfill his potential, not only does the wealth of the household potentially suffer, but also his legacy in his children, too. Sure, if they persevere, MAYBE they can pull against all odds ahead of the curve. But if a different dad jacked up his earning potential, was there for all sports and vocations, and sent his kids to the best colleges and private schools, how much better would those lives be, too? A bad household doesn't only impact ONE family, or the parents, BUT GENERATIONS! That's why it's said welfare recipients are often SEVERAL generation recipients...
We are no longer at the point in society where one can tolerate LACK of awareness or consciousness. It seems OLD school principles of running a marriage are still finding their ways into NEW ERA marriages, which is what's contributing to MORE singles over 40 and 50 than ever before, along with longevity increasing. The fact people can GET along without a partner and earn income without dependence enables freedom unheard of in history. Women don't NEED men, though their biological needs might be higher. And men, who've never needed women, can get women for sex anywhere, anytime, anytime. Both parties can have it there way, yet, women got the short end of the stick, because no longer can she FORCE a man to marriage for sex. And if a woman isn't living up to her potential, then a man can substitute her quite quickly. It isn't meant to be harsh. Rather it's a wake up call that women have to REVERT back to their former selves, OR, realize they have an increased demand on their role as a partner.
My feeling is the woman must also, in some capacity be a friend, not only someone you mate with. Prior to marriage both parties will cultivate their individual selves, and will have already been with other partners so that they can best determine WHO they will create any progeny with. That appears better than marrying a woman to get laid and caring for her kids because divorced is prohibited. It should result in BETTER children and LESS divorce, since there's no complusion of marriage to begin with. Does it? I do not know.
Are men or women perfect? By no means! However, for some parties interest will be a function of the person with whom you're dealing. So if you have some uneducated bumbling idiot, who's only working to drink and buy entertainment, his NEEDS will be low in his partner, and therefore holding his interest level will be easily FILLED. Yet, if you meet a cultured man, who can speak multiple languages, has travelled the world, enjoys museums, etc, and classy balls, then some hick chick isn't going to keep his interest, unless he's been lying to himself all these years. It's THOSE types of movies which have women falling over backwards...they write a movie about a KING or PRINCE finding some sloven woman beautiful and raising her out of obscurity, boredom and poverty, for NO REASON, except maybe she's pretty. Some of the movies suggest she was HONEST. Even "She's All that", a more modern form of Cinderella suggests this. It isn't a case of Paris Hilton being thrown into the Ghetto. It's case that no matter how you slice, more women want to be ALIKE to compete effectively, than DIFFERENT, in order to win. Most women will dress alike. The ones who buck 1 trend, only succumb to another trend. There's the slutty ones, and they all have similar qualities. And then there's the ones who don't want to be slutty, and they dress similar, too.
Which ALL revolves BACK to character and personality. Figuring myself out is the ONLY way I can manage to understand a long-term relationship and possible marriage. Without knowing myself, I figure to break alot of hearts through the expectation of a relationship, when she doesn't bring much to me. Oh sure, a couple could marry, but if you're not MORE than just maintaining a household, one day you'll wake up and realize "who did I marry?"
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Last, and I've posted on it, I've never understood the mantra of "you have to work at it and compromise." I don't think so. It sounds like an emotional tactic of women to get men to bend to THEIR will. Perhaps a psychologist can explain that, or a therapist. There are FEW relationships that TAKE me work. None of my friends require work. None of my family does. The co-workers I enjoy, don't take work either. So why does the person who ends up becoming the FOCAL point of my life require work? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Don't we choose this person because it REQUIRS LESS work, perhaps LESS work than the rest of your relationships COMBINED? Women I think your argument is BOGUS. The last thing men on a seafairing ship, on this crazy ocean of life, amidst the storms that seem to swirl, is a mutiny on board his ship. If you JOIN a man on his ship of life, don't be the one to cause the mutiny amidst the storm, you'll only BOTH sink the ship together, AND FASTER. Rather view it as a leiutenant, Trying to HELP the ship through the seas.
A-Unit
