A numbers game vs A good skill set

Mr Wright

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This is topic I've been thinking about recently and discussed it a little with Rex. I think this forum tends to side towards the numbers game aspect and doesn't push the need for having a good skill set enough. In other words, if she's low interest, there's not a lot you can do about it so you're better off ditching her and finding another girl. But this also effects the early stages of interactions when shes not showing interest off the bat. How far do you go to try and see if her interest levels can be raised? It's hard so much guys just move on and approach another chick, searching for early interest signals. This is abundance mentality and it's very important have this mindset. However, I do feel it's got this unquestionable aura about it, much like the idea of positivity. You can't really question it. Sometimes I think that positivity can be dangerous and it's a very good tool to use in an argument because it's hard to rally against without looking like the guy who is trying to bring everyone down. Just because it's positive, it doesn't mean it's right. This is the same with having a strict abundance mentality. An obvious problem with the numbers game aspect is that you will have to lower your standards a little and take what's given to you. A girl showing little to no interest is no good to you, so you have to leave. You will get yes girls but they will be few and far between compared to the maybe and no girls. But the thing which really puts me off this is that you're not really choosing the girls you want, you know when you walk down the street or whatever and there's that one chick who catches your eye. You want her. Not her less good looking friend or the next cute girl who comes across your path. You want that her, it's primal, you want to take it. But you can't pedestalize girls right? This is where the problem with having the numbers game mentality comes in, like positivity, it's good to an extent. But it should be a tool or a function rather than a mantra.

As men we all want regular sex, whether that comes in the form of a long term relationship or a 2 hour fling. Pretty much every straight male will fall under that spectrum and running parallel to that spectrum is another one, which alludes to the idea of quantity and quality. If one was beneath the other, the general consensus of the community and society is that long term relationships imply quality and short term flings air towards quantity. Just reading people's posts on the first few pages on here shows you that this is a myth. This is where I think the community can turn that on it's head, you can get those shorter term flings with quality girls if you work on your skill set.

So I see the question as do you take a large chunk of time out now to get really good at this to the point where you can be selective? Where you only approach 10 girls a week all of which who are your version of top tier girls, knowing that you can turn 2-4 of them into solid leads. Looking 5 years down the road do you still want to be dating the same type of girls you are today? I know now at 21 that I don't really have the money to go out 3-4 times a week to meet women. However, I have to now to make sure that when I'm older and I finally get my own apartment, things will become a lot easier. I think this is also another reason why some guys find it hard to leave shïtty relationships and situations, it's not just a lack of abundance mentality, they may be able to find another girl but does she have the "quality" that he desires?

So all roads points to all this is being a linear journey and to really get the most out of all of this, you can't stop half way through. At first you need the abundance mentality, where you approach many women and you don't have to take crap from girls. But eventually you want to getting the girls you truly desire with regular success. I remember the moment when I was talking to a girl I fancied at university, I'd be introduced to her many times and it was like she never remembered me, she looked like a definition of low interest. But I got talking to her, got over her frosty exterior and all that we ended up really getting on and ended up dating. I remember lying in bed one day thinking "shït this stuff really works, I want this all the time". I want to pick girls out of a crowd and for the most part I'm getting there and it's so fulfilling. Most guys are happy enough getting cute enough girls so they don't move onto the point where they are regularly getting the girls their dïck really desires. I mean who has actually banged the hottest girl they know? or lets give most guys a fighting chance and make it the top 3 girls they know. Chances are still slim. Some of us really have to stop lying to ourselves and acting like we're even half way to our ideal lifestyles.

So the next question is how do you raise the interest in girls who initially show little to no interest?
 

TheMonkeyKing

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NO special treatment

So the next question is how do you raise the interest in girls who initially show little to no interest?

As mentioned last week, I personally don't believe in any special treatment for one person in particular, regardless of her level of interest; once you do this, you begin to pedestalise, lose inner frame, handing her the power etc, to paraphrase some of the DJ terminology.

Make yourself a better prospect in general if you want to improve your own prospects. Pretending to be something you are not for the approval of a few uninterested individuals is weak and false. You have to become that person that achieves interest and approval.

Some of the best advice I've read here and on other sites is to imagine a 10/10 as a 6/10. This immediately makes it much easier to play with these girls, because you are giving off even the most subtle cues of abundance and outcome independence, rather than the cues of desperation. NO woman is beyond your reach, but do not treat those you particularly desire any differently because she and others will soon see you are being two different people - a sign of ultimate weakness.

From DarkDream’s ‘Holy Grail’, in the DJ Bible:
The AFC is the one that bends over backward to try to accommodate his emotions, his environment and other people. He is ruled and defined by it. He does not possess the courage to choose for himself what is best for him and go ahead and do it - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16971

One of the other posts which I’m still trying to find again, talks about whatever you’re doing, just focus on doing that, removing all other distractions – i.e. conversing, kissing, playing sport, working - you take the Zen approach. Focus on these things and know that it will be successful, this is when you can get to a point of not trying so hard, you just allow to happen what happens. The article itself articulated this much better than I can, so will repost when I find.

On the topic of numbers versus skill set, I am not sure you can achieve the latter without the former. Don’t people say it takes 10,000hour practice to achieve expertise?
 

TheMonkeyKing

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Here is the other thread, again by DarkDream.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15995

I don't necessarily agree with the elimination of desire, but I understand what they are getting at.... as the article says:

When you are immersed in the situation and not worrying about the outcome, you concentrate on the situation instead of the outcome of the situation.

Whereas the chump goes ahead and tries to force things to happen, the Don Juan allows things to happen. In a true Taoist fashion, it is when we are trying the least that we achieve the most success.

I have re-engaged with and adopted this mentality recently and in the last week I have noticed my basketball shooting has improved by a good 20-30%. Where before I was focussed very much on my form and action, I now focus (eyes) on the target and allow the shot to happen. I know I have practiced enough to possibly make the shot, even if it looks a bit ugly.

Outcome independence.
 

Skyline

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Mr Wright said:
So the next question is how do you raise the interest in girls who initially show little to no interest?
Kino and confident persistence. This usually takes a while though, which is why its better to just ditch them, so I usually spin other plates just so I feel like I'm not wasting my time. One date is really all I need, especially with the power of kino. This is an area from which discipline and patience pays off, but sometimes you just don't win for various reasons out of your control.
 

Mr Wright

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TheMonkeyKing said:
Whereas the chump goes ahead and tries to force things to happen, the Don Juan allows things to happen. In a true Taoist fashion, it is when we are trying the least that we achieve the most success.
That's a wishy washy mindset, the hottest girls aren't going to be interested in you just because you aren't "interested" in them.
 

TheMonkeyKing

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Mr Wright said:
That's a wishy washy mindset, the hottest girls aren't going to be interested in you just because you aren't "interested" in them.
Not really about 'not being interested' as such, more about not appearing to try hard. Hot girls are very used to men drooling over their very presence; unusual man is he who remains relatively unimpressed by a 9/10 and consequently stimulates her own efforts - trust me, it's working for me currently. It is true reverse psychology and hard to grasp, let alone practice; and you are right that it wont work in every situation. But very few ideas are universal.

I think the message is to enjoy (and focus on) the experience and you are likely to be pleasantly surprised by and enjoy a desired outcome of sorts.
 

Don-Kong

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It depends entirely on what your goal is.

I'm getting a large amount of approaches under the belt for the sake of building foundation of having no fear of approach. So in the long term that enhances the game.

This post is bang on though. I've realised, i can approach chicks, but now what? This is where skill set comes in. But that can only really be worked on when anxiety is present, since it is this which breaks boundaries and enhances learning. It has to become routine for mastery to develop. Im not saying all sets should be the same, but techniques tried and tested with reference points for that person in the future.

how do you raise the interest in girls who initially show little to no interest?

Create strong emotion in her. Interest, can be surprise, shock, unfamiliar, out of routine, possibility, uncertain, radiating strong positive vibes

Although, I've barely used this idea, I usually go for the shock treatment and high fun energy
 

JoeMarron

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I mean who has actually banged the hottest girl they know? or lets give most guys a fighting chance and make it the top 3 girls they know. Chances are still slim. Some of us really have to stop lying to ourselves and acting like we're even half way to our ideal lifestyles.

So the next question is how do you raise the interest in girls who initially show little to no interest?
This is an admirable goal but it's just not for me. I don't see the rewards being worth the bullsh!t that I'll have to put up with to get it. Sure banging 10/10 bombshells would be nice but then what? That pvssy is going to lose its allure just like all the other ones. It's just like going from standard definition to high definition. At first everyone was like "OMG THIS IS AMAZING" and now it's just "oh that looks nice."

I'm with Anti-Dump's mindset, high interest or gtfo. I can't be bothered to play around with chicks who I have to persuade into liking me. I want the path of least resistance which is why I always tell dudes to date down when it comes to relationships. You got a chick who's crazy about you for minimal effort. This path is clearly more relationship minded and definitely isn't for everyone. Some men live for the thrill of the hunt, the joy that comes with seducing and conquering new women. It sounds like you're one of those men and this post was for that type of man.
 

Mr Wright

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In general the point I was making is that guys get too a certain point and stop, instead of being "good with women" they're just good at picking out the girls who are into them.



TheMonkeyKing said:
Not really about 'not being interested' as such, more about not appearing to try hard. Hot girls are very used to men drooling over their very presence; unusual man is he who remains relatively unimpressed by a 9/10 and consequently stimulates her own efforts - trust me, it's working for me currently. It is true reverse psychology and hard to grasp, let alone practice; and you are right that it wont work in every situation. But very few ideas are universal.

I think the message is to enjoy (and focus on) the experience and you are likely to be pleasantly surprised by and enjoy a desired outcome of sorts.
I agree that you can't be appear to be trying to hard but in order to get better you have to put certain things to one side, like your ego and certain standards...a lot of guys seem too bothered about how "alpha" they're coming across rather than getting the results they want.



JoeMarron said:
I'm with Anti-Dump's mindset, high interest or gtfo. I can't be bothered to play around with chicks who I have to persuade into liking me. I want the path of least resistance which is why I always tell dudes to date down when it comes to relationships. You got a chick who's crazy about you for minimal effort. This path is clearly more relationship minded and definitely isn't for everyone. Some men live for the thrill of the hunt, the joy that comes with seducing and conquering new women. It sounds like you're one of those men and this post was for that type of man.
When you date down, wouldn't you wake up in the morning and think "I'm better than this"? I just think once you stumble upon this goldmine, it's a shame to waste on a girl you probably would have ended up with at some point anyway.
 

TheMonkeyKing

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@Mr Wright

I agree that you can't be appear to be trying to hard but in order to get better you have to put certain things to one side, like your ego and certain standards...a lot of guys seem too bothered about how "alpha" they're coming across rather than getting the results they want.

Again I agree with you about the prescriptive nature of the Manosphere in general. Not enough is made of the subjective and independent nature of relationships and indeed people.

I suppose we can broadly split the punters (say for example, herein) in to two categories.

1. Those (probably like you and I) who have experienced success with women, but also and equal or near-equal level of frustration and need answers to the problems posed by the feminine-centric culture we live in.

2. Those with little or no experience with women, resulting either from juvenility or lack of confidence, who are basically starting from scratch. In some ways this is an easier starting point to be at because negative conditioning arising from bad experience is absent. Though it should be said that the definition of a 'bad' experience is relative.


What can be generalised is that power, independence and confidence are attractive traits to both genders. This is pretty much time-tested evolutionary fact.

Where the lines are blurred is between general theory and individual circumstance. The manner in which one man deals with one circumstance will and should differ from the next. Though, for success, both men act on their differing individual circumstance with the same alpha mind-set.

This subtlety often seems to pass many men and women by.
 

JoeMarron

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When you date down, wouldn't you wake up in the morning and think "I'm better than this"? I just think once you stumble upon this goldmine, it's a shame to waste on a girl you probably would have ended up with at some point anyway.
I want to use game to make the quality of my relationships better with as little effort as possible. Let's face it, everything else being equal it takes more work to keep a 10 than a 7. Look at the state of many relationships today, all the bullsh!t that men put up with, even from unattractive chicks. Game has more utility than just using it to smash the hottest chicks. I don't see it as a waste because I can make a chick practicality worship me. That is more fulfilling to me than getting hotter and hotter women.
 

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You Start at One and End at the Other

I think you start at playing the numbers. You play the numbers in order to develop the abundance mentality, gain experience, and conquer your approach anxiety, and/or other issues that you may be having with women. However, as you gain proficiency (e.g. getting numbers, going on dates with low flake ratios, and having sex,) then your focus should be on developing your skill set. For me, I would focus purely on the numbers, but for a cat like Wright, (who's at an advanced level of The Game,) I would focus on developing my skill set.

For me I knew to develop comfort with chicks and just being to automatically approach, while Wright on the other hand is well beyond that stage. Wright wouldn't necessarily be focusing on what I'm focusing on because he's being a more picky on the chick's he's hollerin at, so he might not be doing as many approaches as me, however, when he does approach, he's game would be so tight that the chick would have no choice but to choose, when Wright did sarge her.



Mr Wright said:
In general the point I was making is that guys get too a certain point and stop, instead of being "good with women" they're just good at picking out the girls who are into them.
^^^^^ Next thread, bruh. That's some deep sh*t you spoke right there.
 

Mr Wright

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JoeMarron said:
I don't see it as a waste because I can make a chick practicality worship me. That is more fulfilling to me than getting hotter and hotter women.
But all I'm seeing from this attitude is a guy who doesn't truly believe in himself and is creating self-fulfilling prophecies to match his belief system. The hotter girls will give you crap if you're not secure in yourself, so of course if a guy doesn't think he is worthy, then by default he is not worthy. I have a girl who is obviously better looking than I am eating out the palm of my hand because she knows full well that I will walk away if she f*cks up, she values my time and wants to be with me. If she no longer wanted to be with me, it would be so obvious, she wouldn't even bother putting in the effort she does today. Whenever she even hints at pulling anything, I just go into another mode and she hates that. It's the old addage "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" :up:

At the end of the day, do you really want to be with that type of girl or are you just bargaining with yourself?
 

Mr Wright

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Maximus Rex said:
I think you start at playing the numbers. You play the numbers in order to develop the abundance mentality, gain experience, and conquer your approach anxiety, and/or other issues that you may be having with women. However, as you gain proficiency (e.g. getting numbers, going on dates with low flake ratios, and having sex,) then your focus should be on developing your skill set. For me, I would focus purely on the numbers, but for a cat like Wright, (who's at an advanced level of The Game,) I would focus on developing my skill set.

For me I knew to develop comfort with chicks and just being to automatically approach, while Wright on the other hand is well beyond that stage. Wright wouldn't necessarily be focusing on what I'm focusing on because he's being a more picky on the chick's he's hollerin at, so he might not be doing as many approaches as me, however, when he does approach, he's game would be so tight that the chick would have no choice but to choose, when Wright did sarge her.
I've always said, I don't see my journey as being complete until I know I can meet a new quality girl every week. But it's important to note that I want to be selecting her, it's not throwing a bunch of shït on the wall and seeing what sticks. Until I'm doing that regularly, there's a long way to go. I guess if guys are happy to settle with average that's up to them.
 

JoeMarron

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Mr Wright said:
But all I'm seeing from this attitude is a guy who doesn't truly believe in himself and is creating self-fulfilling prophecies to match his belief system. The hotter girls will give you crap if you're not secure in yourself, so of course if a guy doesn't think he is worthy, then by default he is not worthy. I have a girl who is obviously better looking than I am eating out the palm of my hand because she knows full well that I will walk away if she f*cks up, she values my time and wants to be with me. If she no longer wanted to be with me, it would be so obvious, she wouldn't even bother putting in the effort she does today. Whenever she even hints at pulling anything, I just go into another mode and she hates that. It's the old addage "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" :up:

At the end of the day, do you really want to be with that type of girl or are you just bargaining with yourself?
Surely if I really wanted to I could put in the work to get the hottest women. I have no doubt in my mind that I could do it. The point is I don't want to, I'm satisfied with what I have. The game is like a sport to you. You want to master it, to be as good at it as possible. To me it's just a means to an end, I use it to get what I want, not to become a master at it.

I've always said, I don't see my journey as being complete until I know I can meet a new quality girl every week. But it's important to note that I want to be selecting her, it's not throwing a bunch of shït on the wall and seeing what sticks. Until I'm doing that regularly, there's a long way to go. I guess if guys are happy to settle with average that's up to them.
See you have a passion for it. Some men don't care for meeting a quality girl every week. Of course all men want to fvck hot women but it's not a burning desire for all of us. Some men are satisfied with their average looking woman. As a matter of fact I wouldn't call it settling for average because a man who knows the game will have far better quality relationships than the average man.
 
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