A note on confidence

lonewolf17

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Confidence comes from within, not without.

I've learned this the hard way.

A few months ago I decided to get a new warddrobe, and all of the sudden I noticed something strange. What was it...I couldn't put my finger on it. Oh my, it was the ladies checking me out! My confidence was boosted. All of the sudden, I felt like I could hold my head high and go up and talk to girls - and it worked! I was getting dates and attention and everything I never had before. I even had a girl hit on me who had previously given me the worst rejection I've ever had.

"Ahh yes", I thought to myself, "it's the CLOTHES!" So I went out and bought more - and what do you know, my streak of self confidence continued and grew. "It's GOTTA be the clothes!" I told myself. And the more I went up and talked to people feeling confident, the more success I had.

But I hit a bump in the road, and had a set back. I had a bad date, I screwed up, just once. And all of the sudden I felt scared and nervous again, like I had no idea what I was doing. I crawled back in my dark shell. From there on out, it was a spiral, and my confidence went up in flames, each attempt at flirting with a girl going more and more poorly, and my confidence draining with each passing day.

So I went out and bought more clothes, thinking I was buying more self confidence. But it didn't work. I wore the exactly the same stylish clothing, but girls no longer checked me out. I was dumbfounded. I no longer felt like superman, my secret weapon had failed me. Why wasn't what had girls attracted to me before attracting them now?

But then I realized. THAT was my problem. I didn't realize that the confidence boost I experianced was all me. The girls weren't checking out my stupid clothes. They noticed I was confident. THAT is what attracted them. And everytime I had success from this little spark of confidence, I grew more successful. I could have went to wearing rags at that point, it wouldn't have mattered too much, as long as I was still confident.

But in my mind, it was all the 'clothes' that was doing it. So when I had a minor set back and let my confidence derail, girls became less attracted to me because I lost my confidence I wore the same stuff, but no longer had the confidence, so it was futile.

So let this be a lesson for those who are about to spent crazy money on a Mustang - it isn't the Mustang that will get the girls, it's the confidence. Have fun with the car, but make sure your confidence is coming from within not without.
 

MotownMack

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I didn't realize that the confidence boost I experianced was all me. The girls weren't checking out my stupid clothes.
Well, having just gone through this myself, I wanted to share my experience.

I was never a bad dresser per se, but I was reading something that really hit me over the head. It said "If you aren't regularly complemented on your appearance, you're not dressing well enough" (or something to that effect).

I thought about it. I am rarely complemented on my clothing.

So I did what you did. Bought some stylish sh1t, and made an effort to look better and dressed up, more often than not.

I noticed more people looking at me, which like you said, could have been a confidence thing. But I also noticed an immediate difference in the way people treated me, some of which I had no interaction with, so it wasn't just my confidence.

I was at a clients bar doing some work, and was standing behind the bouncer, who was giving a girl a hard time about her out of state ID. I didnt pay much attention to any of it, but the girl-then frustrated by the situation-pointed to me and said "Is that the owner?" (as if she was going to try to go over his head, by talking to me). Something like that would have never happened with the clothes I was wearing before.

There was another incident where I was going into to pay for gas before going out to a club. With few or no more words exchanged, the cashier took my money, and said "Have a good time tonight". A strange thing to say, but he obviously knew from my apparel that I was going out (and it's not like I was in a suit or anything).

It is partially your confidence, which is probably it's biggest gain from it---but people, especially women, do notice your clothes even when you're not looking. And if you really want to set yourself apart from an AFC, get some decent shoes. Women seem to universally love them, and will notice them.
 

SinJester

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GREAT POST! Spot on brother, spot on.

Now before I go further I would just like to say that everyone should dress the best they can. However new clothes gives you confidence, and it's the confidence the girls like not the cloths, and the thing is they probably don't even know it themselves! The problem with this, and yes it is a big problem, is that the confidence you get from clothes doesn't last! What is it, like a week before you want new ones? And that my friend is what modern society is built upon. They WANT you to feel like CRAP so that you bull all of this sh!t you don't need, but I am telling you, YOU DONT NEED IT to feel CONFIDENT. Confidence is the natural state.

So go ahead and buy your fancy clothes, get a fancy car and make as much money as you want. It can only ever give you a temporary boost. If you want to have keep buying things to feel good then feel free to, after all it is the norm in our society.

Confidence comes from within, but don't take that the wrong way. You still have to take ACTION. As long as you are building confidence into yourself instead of into your environment (such as material suggestions) you will keep growing. It’s true you can get the girls from that, but will you be able to keep them when you lose it? And just think, all that time you spent making that was time you could have spent on yourself and got the girls ANYWAY.

So go out and work on yourself, your TRUE SELF.
 

lonewolf17

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MotownMack said:
Well, having just gone through this myself, I wanted to share my experience.

I was never a bad dresser per se, but I was reading something that really hit me over the head. It said "If you aren't regularly complemented on your appearance, you're not dressing well enough" (or something to that effect).

I thought about it. I am rarely complemented on my clothing.

So I did what you did. Bought some stylish sh1t, and made an effort to look better and dressed up, more often than not.

I noticed more people looking at me, which like you said, could have been a confidence thing. But I also noticed an immediate difference in the way people treated me, some of which I had no interaction with, so it wasn't just my confidence.

I was at a clients bar doing some work, and was standing behind the bouncer, who was giving a girl a hard time about her out of state ID. I didnt pay much attention to any of it, but the girl-then frustrated by the situation-pointed to me and said "Is that the owner?" (as if she was going to try to go over his head, by talking to me). Something like that would have never happened with the clothes I was wearing before.

There was another incident where I was going into to pay for gas before going out to a club. With few or no more words exchanged, the cashier took my money, and said "Have a good time tonight". A strange thing to say, but he obviously knew from my apparel that I was going out (and it's not like I was in a suit or anything).

It is partially your confidence, which is probably it's biggest gain from it---but people, especially women, do notice your clothes even when you're not looking. And if you really want to set yourself apart from an AFC, get some decent shoes. Women seem to universally love them, and will notice them.
This is a very good point, and by all means I think it is very important to dress well. I still do myself. But the problem is, if you let your clothes become your source of confidence, then you are bound to LOOSE that confidence, as I did. And when you do, any advantage you get from looking sharp is not going to be much compared to the advantage you get from sheer confident attitude. That's why it's best to double up and get the best of both worlds!

Funny you say that thing about someone thinking you are a manager, exact same thing happened to me in a store hah :D
 

splinterkb

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Ask ANY woman, and they will tell you confidence and a sense of humor is all you need.
 

MCristo

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lonewolf17 said:
So let this be a lesson for those who are about to spent crazy money on a Mustang
Lol... that would be me.

And you're right a car doesn't mean **** when it comes to women. I never got it for the girls though.
 

vivalarebellion

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Heh, awesome post man. It sounds almost word for word what was happening to me a little while back. Got new threads, was confident and got noticed by the girls. Then all that false confidence was easily shattered with a few remarks from a girl, and suddenly I was back to step 1.

It definitely feels good to be noticed by girls, and we assume it's because of new clothes. Even that confidence is false, because we're confident only because girls noticed. With true confidence, it wouldn't matter if girls noticed or not, and it wouldn't matter what they say or not.

Just typing off the top of my head.
 
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