Glassguy
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- Apr 25, 2016
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Different dating coaches have different philosophies on how to handle women when they "reach back out". I have had a few recently reach back out which brought me to trying something that is unorthodox in how I handled it. Let me first say that if you listen to Corey Wayne, he will tell you to get right to the point and set up a date very quickly when a woman reaches back out. However, I dont exactly see how that makes HER chase YOU. And I totally believe in remaining as much of a mystery as one can....only giving a woman crumbs of information about yourself at a time.
So the gist of how I handled these 2 women in the past month that "reached back out". I did not go for a date/hangout right away. Actually I didnt go for it at ALL. I just played it cool and chatted. Now note that I lost a plate recently and I am down to 3 in my rotation, but I STILL have 3 and I am certainly not going without fun dates and sex. So I still have an abundance mindset. Let me show you:
Chick 1- LTR/was engaged 3 yrs ago. She has a habit of reaching out occasionally, about every 3-4 months with texts that are meaningless. My responses to her texting was extremely delayed and very short. I made no mention of "how have you been", "are you single".....NOTHING. This went on for 2 days. My average response time to her texts were about 3-4 hours. Her response time was less than 5 minutes. She ended up telling me that we should have a drink and catch up and I told her that I was super busy right now and declined.
Chick 2- She messaged me for a bit on FB. Invited her to join me for a drink and she said she was busy and didnt counter offer. I told her to reach out if she wanted to grab a drink later on. After about a week she reached back with small talk. Again, l kept everything off center as far as meeting up and my responses were delayed. Within a few messages she asked me if I could get that drink on Friday. I told her I might be busy Friday but I would let her know later. She then proceeded to send me a laundry list of free evenings for me to choose from. I still havent committed to anything and she has been blowing my phone up. I ended up telling her that although I had plans Friday evening, I would be home around 11pm if she wanted to COME OVER for that drink. She instantly agreed.
Here is the thing and this is how my mind works:
If a woman reaches back out......and we as men say "Great to hear from you. Lets get together on Thursday for a drink to catch up".....how is that mysterious? She knows right then and there that she still can get you out at her snapping her fingers.
However, if you make NO MENTION about it and just play it a though you have put her in YOUR friend zone, her hamster will start spinning into overdrive and SHE will make an offer very clear to hang out.
Now how you handle that offer is totally up to you, but I certainly like to slow play it. And I will slow play it to get what I want which is for her to come to MY PLACE for a drink and catch up that way.
In summary:
"Great to hear from you, lets catch up for a drink":
Shows you have no other options
You are done through an availability trap
She will know that you are "available"
You are no longer mysterious
She will know that she can have you anytime she sends your dumb @ss a text
End result is she will make up an excuse and you will never meet up as you have already validated her.
Keeping it as though you friend zoned her and making no mention of getting together:
You remain mysterious
She will wonder why you are not jumping for joy from her reaching out
She will wonder if you are single
She will wonder what she missed about you since you obviously have other options
End result is she will ultimately be asking YOU to meet up once she sees that your frame wont budge (assuming you keep the conversation going through SLOW, SHORT, DELAYED yet friendly responses.
What you do with that is up to you.
And remember- The game of dating is a marathon and not a sprint. If you have plenty of options you will realize what you do today will set you up down the road.
Dont expect to plant potatoes today and eat mashed potatoes tomorrow. Only the men without options and abundance need to have themselves validated today through insta dates.
Happy hunting
So the gist of how I handled these 2 women in the past month that "reached back out". I did not go for a date/hangout right away. Actually I didnt go for it at ALL. I just played it cool and chatted. Now note that I lost a plate recently and I am down to 3 in my rotation, but I STILL have 3 and I am certainly not going without fun dates and sex. So I still have an abundance mindset. Let me show you:
Chick 1- LTR/was engaged 3 yrs ago. She has a habit of reaching out occasionally, about every 3-4 months with texts that are meaningless. My responses to her texting was extremely delayed and very short. I made no mention of "how have you been", "are you single".....NOTHING. This went on for 2 days. My average response time to her texts were about 3-4 hours. Her response time was less than 5 minutes. She ended up telling me that we should have a drink and catch up and I told her that I was super busy right now and declined.
Chick 2- She messaged me for a bit on FB. Invited her to join me for a drink and she said she was busy and didnt counter offer. I told her to reach out if she wanted to grab a drink later on. After about a week she reached back with small talk. Again, l kept everything off center as far as meeting up and my responses were delayed. Within a few messages she asked me if I could get that drink on Friday. I told her I might be busy Friday but I would let her know later. She then proceeded to send me a laundry list of free evenings for me to choose from. I still havent committed to anything and she has been blowing my phone up. I ended up telling her that although I had plans Friday evening, I would be home around 11pm if she wanted to COME OVER for that drink. She instantly agreed.
Here is the thing and this is how my mind works:
If a woman reaches back out......and we as men say "Great to hear from you. Lets get together on Thursday for a drink to catch up".....how is that mysterious? She knows right then and there that she still can get you out at her snapping her fingers.
However, if you make NO MENTION about it and just play it a though you have put her in YOUR friend zone, her hamster will start spinning into overdrive and SHE will make an offer very clear to hang out.
Now how you handle that offer is totally up to you, but I certainly like to slow play it. And I will slow play it to get what I want which is for her to come to MY PLACE for a drink and catch up that way.
In summary:
"Great to hear from you, lets catch up for a drink":
Shows you have no other options
You are done through an availability trap
She will know that you are "available"
You are no longer mysterious
She will know that she can have you anytime she sends your dumb @ss a text
End result is she will make up an excuse and you will never meet up as you have already validated her.
Keeping it as though you friend zoned her and making no mention of getting together:
You remain mysterious
She will wonder why you are not jumping for joy from her reaching out
She will wonder if you are single
She will wonder what she missed about you since you obviously have other options
End result is she will ultimately be asking YOU to meet up once she sees that your frame wont budge (assuming you keep the conversation going through SLOW, SHORT, DELAYED yet friendly responses.
What you do with that is up to you.
And remember- The game of dating is a marathon and not a sprint. If you have plenty of options you will realize what you do today will set you up down the road.
Dont expect to plant potatoes today and eat mashed potatoes tomorrow. Only the men without options and abundance need to have themselves validated today through insta dates.
Happy hunting
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