A Man Must Become

[STR8UP]

yep.

and a big part of the problem is that successful men are often out there giving their wives a huge chunk of the credit for their success. and why?

because if they don't say goodbye to sex and say hello to divorce.

but because they do this women have this childlike belief that they somehow were responsible for their man's success.

no offense, but the fact that he spent 16 hours a day for 20 years building his success is the reason he was successful.

I have always had the entrepreneurial bug. Ever since I got out of h/s.

I had plans to get rolling in the real estate game at about age 19, but then a big haired, big t!ttied blonde party girl got her hooks in me and I got completely derailed. It wasn't until after about 5 more years that I was able to take my mind off chasing ass enough to get my focus back.

I have since been through several LTR's and it has gotten BETTER over the years, but I still have yet to find a woman who brings more to the table on that end than she takes away. A relationship usually results in me losing some of my focus and spending more money than if I were single.

 

[Rudra]

I think it is the opposition of beauty and action. Beauty works by itself, it creates attraction, it cannot be discussed, attraction is there or it isn´t. And no, beauty does not lie in the eye of the beholder. So a beautiful woman (and the rare beautiful man) can just BE... and let beauty attract other people. They don´t have do to anything - except not sabotage themselves by showing insecurity, which will degrade a beautiful man, but not a beautiful woman.

But men, the non beautiful sex, have to ACT. And actions always can be discussed, seen from different perspectives, today they are seen as good, tomorrow already as vile, boring, stupid... therefore you never should base your actions on what chicks want, but only on your inner male.

 

[joekerr31]

Seriously, besides the horrible odds for success, this is one of the things that turns me off from the idea of marriage. I know, I know, if you have the right woman, blah, blah, but even with the right woman you STILL have to avoid complacency. You STILL have to be the king of the world 9-5 Monday thru Friday AND the king of the world at home. You can't ever turn it off. You can't relax. It's always an uphill battle.

.

actually i think the key to a successful marriage is the degree of shared beliefs you have with your wife. i've said this before.

if the same things that make you happy make her happy, its very easy to keep each other happy.

if you are an extrovert and like partying and socializing, and shes an introvert who likes cooking and staying home, things are going to fall apart eventually.

if you like buing a home theatre and watching movies and she likes travelling to european contries, things are going to fall apart in time.

if your an atheist and she's a christian, things are going to fall apart in time.

compatibility is everything.

the woman you marry should be as much your friend as she is your lover. you should respect her as much as a human being as you lust for her in the bedroom. and vice versa.

a marriage works when both of you see each other as the prize, and the only way that is viable long term is when you both consider each other to be each others best friend.

too many marriages are the exact opposite of this. the woman thinks of her husband a flaming AFC and the man thinks of his wife as a nagging b*tch.
they fight and trash each other and are only together because they are too afraid to be alone.

 

[STR8UP]

Joe, you are beginning to sound like an E-Harmony commercial!

Compatibility is very important, but in todays hostile relationship climate I think that it's just as important that the power balance be in check. The man has to be a man, and the woman has to be a woman. Anything else won't work.

I look at the few successful marriages I know of and I see the guy first and foremost knows how to direct the relationship toward success, through the understanding of women and what it takes to keep it all together.

Most men don't even have the CAPABILITY to keep a marriage together. I know that in the past I did not, and even today I would doubt myself as to my ability.

Second ingredient is a woman who is willing to be a WOMAN. To allow the man to take the lead. A clear distinction as to where the "power" lies.

Compatibility means little if gender roles aren't clearly defined from the get-go. This is what E-Harmony or Dr. Phil or any of the other snake oil that has to do with relationships doesn't tell you.

 

[mrRuckus]

The fact that women marry up demonstrates that the average man must work harder to get less.

 

[penkitten]

Women are valued for what they are (insert adjective here), not so much what they do or have the potential to do. Think of a little girl, dressed in her balarina outfit dancing and singing her heart out on the coffee table to catch her father's love and affection. She wants her father to love her; to be captivated by his beautiful daughter.

Now think of young boys, challenging their pal to jump off the highest bar of the swingset. If he doesnt do it, he is weak. He is shamed and roasted by his fellow boys. If he does do it, he's the f*cking man. He conquered his fear, and maybe he broke his arm, but he did it in honor.

this reminds me of children playing....

when my boys are off playing in their room with their friends and i call "boys, what are you doing?"
the boys are honest and answer "hanging bradley out the window."
of course the company gets sent home and my boys get scolded because i do not want them hanging the younger children out windows....
but when i turn my back they high five and even though he is younger , he is now the bravest and strongest because he let them hang him out the window.

however the girls are completely different while off playing in their room alone.
the door is locked and i must stand there and knock and say "what are you doing in there?"
then someone says softly "nothing".
nothing my a$$!
the girls have to grow outta the childishness of trying to pull a lie on mom, or i might not allow them to ever become women.

 

[bigjohnson]

.... the power balance be in check. The man has to be a man, and the woman has to be a woman. Anything else won't work.\

This is the core. This is one reason I advocate marrying a woman that is on average 10 years younger. It's easier to use your greater experience to keep things in balance. One problem is that in todays world the women are taught to crave the mans position, but once they get it they are wired to be bored with it.

Once that happens they have the power to break the marriage and move on. There is no social or economic restraint to breaking the family unit up for her.

I would be extremely reticent to marry a western woman simply because I know it would be a constant fight and I'm not interested in that dynamic on a 24/365 basis. Western women get angry when they hear that sort of talk but they have done it to themselves so my pity is greatly attenuated.

 

[squirrels]

Neither a man nor a woman simply "is". Both must "become".

But a girl is forgiven for failing to become a woman much more frequently.

 

[STR8UP]

this reminds me of children playing....

when my boys are off playing in their room with their friends and i call "boys, what are you doing?"
the boys are honest and answer "hanging bradley out the window."
of course the company gets sent home and my boys get scolded because i do not want them hanging the younger children out windows....

Classic!

 

[STR8UP]

This is the core. This is one reason I advocate marrying a woman that is on average 10 years younger. It's easier to use your greater experience to keep things in balance. One problem is that in todays world the women are taught to crave the mans position, but once they get it they are wired to be bored with it.

Once that happens they have the power to break the marriage and move on. There is no social or economic restraint to breaking the family unit up for her.

I would be extremely reticent to marry a western woman simply because I know it would be a constant fight and I'm not interested in that dynamic on a 24/365 basis. Western women get angry when they hear that sort of talk but they have done it to themselves so my pity is greatly attenuated.

Yes yes YES!

I once had a younger chick tell me that younger women are sometimes intimidated by older men.

I wouldn't say that my ex was intimidated by me, but she definitely looked up to me for my wisdom, experience, etc.

This is why I'm gonna enjoy myself as much as possible with all of these wacked out AmeriFemiNazis for the next ten years, then head to eastern Europe or southeast Asia and find a REAL woman. Ten or twenty years my junior, of course.

 

[ketostix]

Compatibility is very important, but in todays hostile relationship climate I think that it's just as important that the power balance be in check. The man has to be a man, and the woman has to be a woman. Anything else won't work.

I look at the few successful marriages I know of and I see the guy first and foremost knows how to direct the relationship toward success, through the understanding of women and what it takes to keep it all together.

Most men don't even have the CAPABILITY to keep a marriage together. I know that in the past I did not, and even today I would doubt myself as to my ability.

Second ingredient is a woman who is willing to be a WOMAN. To allow the man to take the lead. A clear distinction as to where the "power" lies.

Compatibility means little if gender roles aren't clearly defined from the get-go. This is what E-Harmony or Dr. Phil or any of the other snake oil that has to do with relationships doesn't tell you.

This totally is the crux of it. Woman always trying to take the power away and refusing to defer to their man's lead is the reason for just about all the relationship problems. It also ties into why women don't have to become anything, they just feed off a man or several men.

however the girls are completely different while off playing in their room alone.
the door is locked and i must stand there and knock and say "what are you doing in there?"
then someone says softly "nothing".
nothing my a$$!
the girls have to grow outta the childishness of trying to pull a lie on mom, or i might not allow them to ever become women.

This just demonstrates how females are sneaky little liars from the get go.

 

[STR8UP]

Neither a man nor a woman simply "is". Both must "become".

But a girl is forgiven for failing to become a woman much more frequently.

That pretty much sums it up!

 

[penkitten]

this was a great thread str8up

 

[Colossus]

anyway, women are good at controlling things during the courtship and honeymoon phases or a relationship. they are typically HORRIBLE at nurturing a relationship long term. the sex dries up, they start nagging, they start blaming their husband for their lack of happiness in life, etc.

Yes, yes, and double-yes.

You just cracked a little light on a timeless paradox.

Women (generally speaking) want to be the primary benfactor of their husband's success, and justify this by projecting themselves into a place of responsibility for said success. But when sh!t hits the fan or they are no longer 'happy', they invert that projected responsibility onto their husband as if he was reponsible for her happiness all along. And take his money.

MOST women I have encountered in my life have a glaring lack of personal accountability, no matter how much they argue the opposite.

There are some who exemplify the opposite, and in my opinion that quality alone is worth it's weight in gold.

Men, find a woman who realizes she is responsible for her own happiness, just as you are yours.

 

[bigjohnson]

Yes yes YES!

Wow, I'm glad it was good for you too. LOL.

I don't think women are good at controlling the relationship during the early phases either, it's just that at that phase they haven't completely wrested control from the man and are not yet bored. If they succeed "early" in taking control then they will find an excuse to end the relationship shortly after that.

 

[STR8UP]

This is probably the "ultimate" sh!t test. The struggle for control. This deserves it's own thread!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Women want weddings, not marriages, right? Makes sense to me.

A man tends to "settle in" to a marriage, becomes complacent, thinking he can take a breath and relax. The woman then starts to lose the spark and looks for the BBD.

Seriously, besides the horrible odds for success, this is one of the things that turns me off from the idea of marriage. I know, I know, if you have the right woman, blah, blah, but even with the right woman you STILL have to avoid complacency. You STILL have to be the king of the world 9-5 Monday thru Friday AND the king of the world at home. You can't ever turn it off. You can't relax. It's always an uphill battle.

I suppose that's the tradeoff you have to make for all of the benefits of being a man.

This is one of the greatet posts I've ever read. All fvcking true.

 

[STR8UP]

The ULTIMATE sh!t test

oops....see new thread, "The ULTIMATE sh!t test"