A gentleman who has enough self-respect to walk away is the "bad boy"?

[##17]

Awww poor girl. She thought he was a player from the get go! And he probably is, he obviously isn't hurting for her company. I think that she would have ended up getting played anyways.

LOL. Count on iqqi for a good laugh.

I actually think that this post says a lot: Women instinctively try to get the upper hand. And their games, as silly as they may sound, are usually pretty effective--they actually reflect years of honing, BTW. And (in the female mind), they're perfectly OK--after all, she's just looking out for her heart here. Also, it's only reinforcing the standard (subconsciously felt by women and many AFC'd men) that women have higher social value than men have. The rare guy who doesn't play into the female silly games, however, is viewed as a jerk. After all, he's not playing into that standard. And he is capturing her emotions--the worst of both worlds.

iqqi, as much as you might take the female's side here, you didn't mention how you felt about her games. Didn't they seem immature to you too? And you didn't really say where this guy did wrong by her either. It's not like he slept with her and then never called. Actually, it sounds that he was perfectly nice to her.

jophile, I usually agree with you, but I actually think that the poster's tears are crocodile tears. She's just upset that her games didn't work. And she isn't even willing to do the simple act of penance and ask HIM on a date.

 

[reset]

reinforcing the standard (subconsciously felt by women and many AFC'd men) that women have higher social value than men have.

Yeah WTF is that about. Maybe because men will fight and kill over them.

 

[iqqi]

iqqi, as much as you might take the female's side here, you didn't mention how you felt about her games. Didn't they seem immature to you too? And you didn't really say where this guy did wrong by her either. It's not like he slept with her and then never called. Actually, it sounds that he was perfectly nice to her...

I just think the chick should stick to what her gut told her, and not get caught up in the whole wanting what you can't have trap. If he was really into HER he wouldn't stop talking to her all together for getting confused about her feelings, that happens to a lot of people. It's same as the advice I gave one of the guys here earlier this morning, which is, someone who is really into you, isn't going to toss you out that fast.

She had an initial feeling (assumption, whatever - its her life, we all should be discerning), and she should have watched to see if she was right. Which she kind of did.

She just doesn't like the answer.

 

[iqqi]

"And she isn't even willing to do the simple act of penance and ask HIM on a date."

Women would rather be electrocuted than ask men on a date to make up for slights they have dished out with their over exuberant sh!t testing. Women, apparently through social conditioning, seem to think men are wusses that will forgive behavior that they would not tolerate for one second should the roles be reversed.

I can't remember how many times when, after a particularly disrespectful sh!t test, women STILL feel I must come begging for a date after they've severely dissed you or flaked on a date at the last minute.

The woman that is the subject of this thread is a prime example. Her attitude seems to be typical - "I'm sorry, okay. Now pursue me by asking me for a date and put me BACK on that pedestal like I deserve!"

Sorry, chica. You blew it. He treated you decently and you insulted him and drove him away. Yet you think that somehow you shouldn't be held accountable because you're a chick? Proof positive that the average guy must take way more disrespectful behavior from women than he should if there are women who feel they should get away with disrespect with no consequences. It's partially men's fault for this if we don't stand up for ourselves.

The guy should take no blame whatsoever. He wasn't an azzhole, jerk or anything else some in that thread accused him of. He just had enough self respect to walk away. She desires him because he won't take her crap.

Just more proof that many women have a horrible case of entitlement syndrome, and think men should desire them no matter how badly they behave. Sadly, the men they truly fall for will walk away from this type of mistreatment every time.

Good for them.

Haha, I have a confession. This has nothing to do with my previous advice.

This is something I did to a guy last year, who I really liked. It was shortly after I got out of my LTR, and started to go out again. The above advice could be said to me word for word. After I kind of dissed him, I did things to show him I am interested, but I WILL NOT ask him out. However, I do have my reasons for that, besides just being an "entitled biotch". Its funny, though, its like he has the exact mentality johnnyrem has. He is still interested, but is colder, and even when I sent a random text or two, he wouldn't call. I was nexted!!! Haha. He gets props from me for at least having some self value. Whatever, its kind of fun.

Doesn't matter, whether its now... or later. He will be mine!!!

 

[Knight's Cross]

Iqqi,
Thanks for sharing, but as the above mentioned man of interest. You're former man of interest has no desire to be with you. Jerk a real man around and he will walk. You may desire him all you want, but if you play a guy that has self worth, you will get the short of it. Funny how the Man you desire you sometimes sabotauge. Dream all you want, and this goes along with previous posts. Many women will PINE for the man that finally says no to the BS. Twisted stuff
KC

 

[iqqi]

Well what I did wasn't THAT bad, as what you described, Johnny, or as the chick in the OP. I didn't stand anyone up or act like a b!tch, ever. But I know he felt slighted, and like I was not interested. He initially thought I was out of his league, so he kind of went out on a limb so to speak, and I just let him fall from the tree.

Just like I am "replaceable", so is he, so it isn't that big a deal to me. I believe if it is meant to be, it will be. I have a good attitude.

 

[iqqi]

Lol, the rest of your post is like... extreme. Haha. "the frustration your gender must feel" line was one of my favorites. Get real.

 

[jophil28]

Well what I did wasn't THAT bad, as what you described, Johnny, or as the chick in the OP. I didn't stand anyone up or act like a b!tch, ever. But I know he felt slighted, and like I was not interested. He initially thought I was out of his league, so he kind of went out on a limb so to speak, and I just let him fall from the tree.

Just like I am "replaceable", so is he, so it isn't that big a deal to me. I believe if it is meant to be, it will be. I have a good attitude.

This is just flat out annoying womanspeak. WTF does the first para mean ?
It is mindless gibberish . You sugar coated your bad behavior which pissed him off and then you effectively delude yourself into believing that you are really are the ducks nuts ( or the cats tits). "He ... thought that I was out of his league "
Jeez, leave us alone lady - please.

 

[iqqi]

i was quoting him.

 

[##17]

I just think the chick should stick to what her gut told her, and not get caught up in the whole wanting what you can't have trap. If he was really into HER he wouldn't stop talking to her all together for getting confused about her feelings, that happens to a lot of people. It's same as the advice I gave one of the guys here earlier this morning, which is, someone who is really into you, isn't going to toss you out that fast.

She had an initial feeling (assumption, whatever - its her life, we all should be discerning), and she should have watched to see if she was right. Which she kind of did.

She just doesn't like the answer.

Bullshiat.

The way this girl acted was weird. Think about it this way: You meet a guy. Guy acts strange because he thought 'you were a player'. You get tired of his immaturity and dump him. Guy apologizes, and gives you a confession of how much he cares for you. Would YOU want to see him again?

(Unless your answer is 'no', I don't believe you! Closer to the truth is probably that you'd think he is weird or a wuss or something, and we would agree with you there...)

And I'm not convinced that this girl isn't some sort of player either--going on dates primarily for the free dinners and validation, instead of for the reason that she is interested in the guys and she hopes that something will happen.

 

[darkstarrr]

A gentleman who has enough self-respect to walk away is the "bad boy"?
...................
There's only a glimpse of that man in the blog entry but I believe he's a powerful DJ. That's what I want to become.

Great read. Thanks!

 

[jophil28]

Just one last thought -

The down side of regarding "having options" as a man's primary defense against stupid and manipulative behavior in a woman is that often times there are no other "contenders" on your menu, or even on the distant horizon. WE frequently have no other "options" ...

Therefore, relying on "having options" is situational and hence, unreliable.

ALternatively, walking away because she acted so badly that she violated your internalized "rules" of acceptable behavior is a much superior strategy .

Continuing to date a woman because she acts well and treats you with the required RESPECT is the essence of setting a firm frame .
Being willing to walk away in the absence of other options is true strength and is not subject to the dreaded 'scarity mentality.'
Solid SELF RESPECT is your best protection, NOT whether you have a few other "plates" that you can turn to in a crisis.

 

[Mr. Me]

"I had an instinctive feeling that he was a player"
"and the fact that I probably wasn’t the only girl he was seeing."
"his main hobbies I assume are pubs, girls and more bars and girls."
"he seemed to love the chase"

In short, everything she's telling us about him is imagined by her. I love that line, "the fact that I probably wasn’t the only girl he was seeing"... the "fact"? She doesn't know for sure, she says it's probable, and maybe so, YET it's not an established fact, but she's calling it one. Don't let the truth stop ya, hun.

Additionally, who cares if he's seeing others? If she was all that, she'd have his interest over the others.

"All signs from that night onwards were that he was very interested but I kept him at a distance"

she admits to playing games.

"I started texting him a bit more, being hot and cold, stopped being nice to him, said things I didn’t mean, insulted him a couple of times until he kind of had enough and one day cut our date short and left. In short, out of fear of falling in love I stuffed up so badly"

she admits to acting terribly and immaturely, then blames it on her 'fear of falling in love' instead of taking responsibility and saying something like, 'I acted immaturely and terribly. I need to grow up'. But no.

If she feared falling in love, she'd be relieved that this relationship ended. But she wants him back! She even admits to him that she has feelings for him. She tried to apologize and get him back. What happened to her fear of falling in love? If it was enough to make her push him away, why didn't it prevent her from trying to get him back?

What bullsh1t women spew.

"I apologized for some pretty hurtful words, he assured me all was forgiven..... BUT since then he hasn’t contacted me without me contacting him first, he is always nice and flirty enough in his responses but hasn’t asked me out again. And I am not going to do that either as it would so stink of desperation, especially after I admitted about how much I care about him."

If she really cared about him, she wouldn't have said hurtful things to him. Her "love" for him is probably more reflective of the depth of her loneliness then it is about him.

Now he, after being abused by her behavior and realized this is not a woman to have around, was gallant enough to be forgiving and nice to her, but that doesn't mean he wants to invite her back into his life to give him more abuse. Smart fellow!

Rest assured that what she describes about herself is probably the tip of the iceberg. She's not going to publicly reveal the level of the crap she pulled.

And notice that "Bossy", the woman she's writing to for advice, answers her letter but never ONCE, I repeat, not ONCE, admonishes her for acting poorly and rudely to the guy. It's not even mentioned.

Instead, we read her say:

"I think you chased a bad boy and you got burnt"

and

"Take solace from the fact that relationship was probably not destined to last. We all love a bastard at one time or another. They wine, dine and charm us and then break our hearts. It’s a rite of passage. Chalk this one up to experience SG, and get back to your nice guys."

Calling the gentleman names and blaming it on him.

Unf@ckingbelievable. But that's the way it goes. Women can do no wrong, men are all crap.

 

[The Bat]

Just one last thought -

The down side of regarding "having options" as a man's primary defense against stupid and manipulative behavior in a woman is that often times there are no other "contenders" on your menu, or even on the distant horizon. WE frequently have no other "options" ...

Therefore, relying on "having options" is situational and hence, unreliable.

ALternatively, walking away because she acted so badly that she violated your internalized "rules" of acceptable behavior is a much superior strategy .

Continuing to date a woman because she acts well and treats you with the required RESPECT is the essence of setting a firm frame .
Being willing to walk away in the absence of other options is true strength and is not subject to the dreaded 'scarity mentality.'
Solid SELF RESPECT is your best protection, NOT whether you have a few other "plates" that you can turn to in a crisis.

Tell that to guys out there who are so horny and desperate to get laid that they will tolerate anything as long as they can get some.

I really don't think it matters which "strategy" is superior. So long as you have a strategy...whether that be your ability to spin plates or your ability to hold steadfast to internalized rules of acceptable behaviors...your self worth and value as a Man will never be compromised by female mind games and manipulation tactics.

And note that I said it's your "ability to spin plates"....it's irrelevant if you HAVE any options or not...it's the belief in your abilities to generate plates, either today, tomorrow, or next year, that is at the root of abundance mentality.

Jitterbug, do you know what happened to this woman? It's almost been a year.

 

[Jitterbug]

And note that I said it's your "ability to spin plates"....it's irrelevant if you HAVE any options or not...it's the belief in your abilities to generate plates, either today, tomorrow, or next year, that is at the root of abundance mentality.

That's it!

Jitterbug, do you know what happened to this woman? It's almost been a year.

Some people would write back to the blog host after a short while to update the situation, but this one never did. My guess is that she keeps on bar hopping looking to act in the next episode of her life drama and accidentally slips & lands on a few c0cks every now & then.

 

[sodbuster]

OH YES! another womanization-it wasn't meant to be. The same thing my ex wife said after our divorce. If she wouldn't have been nagging my ass,disrespecting me[I made 4 or 5 times what she did,but she's above me?],andthinking she had a million dollar lotto ticket in her pants-we may still be married.

 

[darkstarrr]

My guess is that she keeps on bar hopping looking to act in the next episode of her life drama and accidentally slips & lands on a few c0cks every now & then.

:crackup:

 

[jophil28]

OH YES! another womanization-it wasn't meant to be. The same thing my ex wife said after our divorce.

Funny thing - I bet that when she married you she was all warm and starry eyed and thinking "HE is my soulmate - this was MEANT to BE ".

Womanspeek translation of " It wasn't meant to be" ...

" In spite of all my attempts to make him over into the kind of obedient slave which I am entitled to, he resisted and remained a stubborn MAN.
I GAVE him all the sex he wanted and he still wouldn't obey me, so I held it back and he still wouldn't cave into my every whim and demand.
This relationship was not meant to be ."

 

[decades]

she went on many dates with blahhh milk toast men who were "nice guys" and Boyfriend material. result: Boredom. She finally meets a drop dead gorgeous "player" and the result: She doesn't know why but she can't stop thinking about him.

 

[Mr. Me]

"It wasn't meant to be"

It's an assignment of blame for the failure of the relationship on an outside source. It's typical of the female "blame something/something else" syndrome.

It's a cop out, a rationalization for not doing what was needed to make it work.

So, what was meant to be was you screwing another guy behind my back? Oh, I understand now, you didn't have any choice in that. It was pre-ordained.

I suppose if I don't pay you alimony, then alimony wasn't meant to be either.

It's amazing what it took to build the pyramids. Comparing that to the failure of a relationship, one can easily see the fallacy of logic in "it wasn't meant to be".

Things can only be "meant to be" when you roll up your sleeves and do them.