99% sure gf is cheating

[Latinoman]

I am actually 15 minutes from a college town. My law grad friends are not busy and successful yet. I could probably have 30+ female myspace 'friends' in a few days. At least a couple of these girls would be easy lays, based upon the value I have built by knowing them for the past three years.

The gf this thread is about just turned 27, but she still has the emotional maturity of a teenager. White midwestern girls are simply too old for me at 28-32. I am going to stick with the 22-26 y/o crowd, of which myspace is a necessary evil. I am also going to try and never think about the future of the relationship, and focus only on the present. It's worrying about the future that made me screw it up with this one. I couldn't just visit the city, I had to interview it as a place to live with her in the future - too much pressure.

I understand.

At you age...I agree...22-26 is the way to go.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is a big difference between saying you are going to start living the single life and just doing it.

But if I move on and she hasn't, that makes me the cheater. On the flip side, if she did cheat, then me doing so as well becomes the right thing to do. It all hinges on something I can only guess at.

I am going to go out this weekend and cavort with the drunken college girls. I don't drink anymore, so the only point in going out seems to be to meet girls. A little of that should help clear the head.

The gf is not exactly rushing to call me. I can see us not speaking for a while, since I'm not calling her first.

 

[Latinoman]

BB...there is no doubt in my mind (based on everything you wrote) that she phucked another man or was about to phuck another man.

Make no mistake about one thing...it is NOT #3. A woman that is going to law school and is career oriented KNOWS what she wants. Especially at 27.

If you want to go back with a woman that was phucked or wad about to phuck another man...that's fine.

 

[jophil28]

So you are going out this weekend to " cavort with the drunken college girls" to clear your head ?
Are you sure that you have graduated ? You sure that you are 31 years old ? You sound a little undercooked to me.
You need to step back and contemplate your life with women thus far..And decide what you want, what you do not want and what kind of woman would please you.

Cavorting is for undergrads.

This is no longer about , "if she cheated or IF you will cheat" -etc. THis is about grasping the belief that YOU need to be a little more discerning about who you give your time (and heart ) to.
Alternatively go do some serious cavorting and get some wild oats sewn .

 

[##17]

I will ignore her as much as I can, but I want to subtlely let her know that I am about to get fed up and go bang some other chick. I don't think telling her that I thought I was single and was going to start dating again is putting up with her crap. I say make a joke of it, but a funny-cause-it's-true type of joke. I want to make her feel like I have felt the past few days. She gets jealous easily and reacts to jealousy on my part very poorly.

Her career is the main event in her life, which is why she moved away for this internship. I am never going to be #1 in a career woman's life. At least career women tend to not want kids.

Not calling me back was sh!tty, but I have been plenty sh!tty to her when I was visiting. If I had not fvcked that up, none of this would have happened.

I want to make her come crawling back. I will stop being so available, predictable, and nice. I think telling her that I was about to start living the single life is a step in that direction.

The way you make it sound, it's going to be clear to her that you are TRYING to make her jealous, so it's not going to work. Heck, as Latinoman and a few others have said already, she's already been phucking someone else, so you're too late.

Get your self-respect, tell her its over and move on with your life, and then start dating other women. If she sees you genuinely over her as opposed to putting on an act trying to make her jealous, that's your best chance.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She texts again "are you ok? I just wanted to make sure."

So I called her and got five minutes of idle chitchat before she said her stomach hurt and she had to go to the bathroom and she would call me later in the week. She kept quizzing me about where I had been and what I had been doing. She normally acts that way though; usually she is the one being the jealous afc.

Talking to her fixed absolutely nothing. I will start quitely moving on.

 

[decades]

Drama

 

[joekerr31]

She texts again "are you ok? I just wanted to make sure."

So I called her and got five minutes of idle chitchat before she said her stomach hurt and she had to go to the bathroom and she would call me later in the week. She kept quizzing me about where I had been and what I had been doing. She normally acts that way though; usually she is the one being the jealous afc.

Talking to her fixed absolutely nothing. I will start quitely moving on.

dude, i like you, so don't take this as me being mean but...

SHE IS NEVER EVER IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS EVER GOING TO FIX ANYTHING FOR YOU!

women DO NOT - i repeat - DO NOT fix their mans problems.

i can count on one hand hte number of times i've ever heard a guy tell me "Ya, I spoke with Sally and everything she said made a lot of sense. now i understand why this was happening with us. she's really insightful."

Expecting a woman to fix a relationship is a waste of f*cking time. even if you take her for couples counselling she'll probably waste most of the time (and money) talking about everything under the sun OTHER THAN whatever is the real issue. her 'feelings' are a bottomless pit that can be explored forever - but a woman never wants to own to their behaviors, which is typically the issue.

you keep wanting her to say something or do something that fixes this. because you are too scared to take a chance of confronting her, finding out she didn't cheat, and losing her.

sure, you're going to go cavort with other women, but inside you still want her - even though you thought there was a 99% chance she cheated.

crazy stuff.

 

[joekerr31]

oh and by the way. her texting you to say 'just wanted to make sure you are ok' was only done because she KNOWS she ignored you and is gently working the 'i care about you' angle.

but she knows if she does it to quickly you'll probably sense that as a weakness, grow a pair of balls and confront her on things.

so she's slowly ramping things up with you again - but doing her best not to go to fast so that you don't get over confident, and heaven forbid, confront her on your suspicions of cheating.

as it stands right now she's done an excellent job of making sure you are too scared to ask her anything that direct.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Confronting her is pointless if she just lies. It's like asking someone if they are a liar. The answer is meaningless.

My ex-wife cheated on me the first time, she later confessed, when she was out of the country. When she walked back through the door, she immediately started yanking my clothes off and throwing herself at me like a prostitute on a mission. But then the sex was like doing it with a robot, completely void of any emotional intensity. That's the only way I know of telling if a woman has been cheating.

 

[STR8UP]

Myspace in and of itself is not to blame.

Yep. People are making a LOT more of it than it really is.

"Good Girls Do Cheat"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=33176

Holy sh!t, i started that thread FOUR YEARS AGO. I don't remember what got me on that rant, but I still stand behind it.

 

[STR8UP]

DO NOT RESPOND!!!

All she is doing is seeing if you are still hooked on the line. As soon as you text or call back she knows she still has you.

Yep, you're a fish on the end of her line with a barbed hook set squarely in your jaw. She let out a bunch of line, now she's just taking up the slack to see if you're still hooked. Perfect analogy.

If you call or text or myspace her back I'm gonna come over there and kick your ass.

You're better than that.

 

[STR8UP]

you lost her interest level a long time ago. it died when she stopped returning your calls.

her interest in you now has NOTHING to do with YOU. its a function of something that has gone on in her life or some whimsical change of mood she's had.

:yes:

 

[STR8UP]

But if I move on and she hasn't, that makes me the cheater. On the flip side, if she did cheat, then me doing so as well becomes the right thing to do. It all hinges on something I can only guess at.

You are going to look back on this down the road and go "what the FUKK was I thinking? I should have been out getting some pu$$y but instead I was worried about being a cheater".

I am 100% sure of this.

I am going to go out this weekend and cavort with the drunken college girls. I don't drink anymore, so the only point in going out seems to be to meet girls. A little of that should help clear the head.

Good.

The gf is not exactly rushing to call me. I can see us not speaking for a while, since I'm not calling her first.

You know WHY she isn't rushing to call you? Because she already checked out of the relationship! YOU NO LONGER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, whether you realize it or not.

Dude, don't let her claw you down into the grave and shovel dirt in your face. GET OUT. At this point you can walk away from it and feel ok about yourself in short order. If you DON'T take our advice, she's gonna do it for you sooner than later, and it isn't gonna be pretty. then you will be faced with the monumental task of piecing your ego back together, because you feel like a chump for not seeing the writing on the wall!

We have all been in your shoes and it SUCKS. But you gotta take a step back and see it for what it really is, cheating or no cheating.

Don't let her do this to you!

 

[Latinoman]

So...BB...you want to phuck because according to you that's the way to determine she cheated on you?

For a man that was cheated in a marriage...you truly take a lot of crap.

Listen...three things that combined show she cheated or was about to cheat.

1- she did not want to spend 4th of July with you

2- she did not call, text, IM, or email you

3- she and a certain he went private on MySpace

Dude...you cannot go from thinking 99% sure she cheated into I'm not sure.

And once you called her...she ended the conversation (because NOW she knows she STILL has you) to use the bathroom.

 

[STR8UP]

She texts again "are you ok? I just wanted to make sure."

So I called her and got five minutes of idle chitchat before she said her stomach hurt and she had to go to the bathroom and she would call me later in the week. She kept quizzing me about where I had been and what I had been doing. She normally acts that way though; usually she is the one being the jealous afc.

Talking to her fixed absolutely nothing. I will start quitely moving on.

Wow, five minutes of convo and all she cares about is where you have been and what you've been doing?

Let me translate for you. She REALLY said "I've been out doing a bunch of sh!t you wouldn't approve of. So tell me what YOU'VE been up to so I have a topic to run with to divert my guilt".

Alright, since I posted too late you get one last chance. From here on out if you talk to this woman again you're gonna get an ass woopin'. I mean it. I know you would do the same for me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

GET OUT. At this point you can walk away from it and feel ok about yourself in short order. If you DON'T take our advice, she's gonna do it for you sooner than later, and it isn't gonna be pretty. then you will be faced with the monumental task of piecing your ego back together, because you feel like a chump for not seeing the writing on the wall!

That's the conundrum of the 'next' advice, is that it is all designed around minimizing the chances of getting hurt. It's fear-based. I am not that worried about being devastated when she confesses or if she suddenly desides that there is "no chemistry," if that happens, because it has happened to me before. Life goes on.

 

[STR8UP]

That's the conundrum of the 'next' advice, is that it is all designed around minimizing the chances of getting hurt. It's fear-based. I am not that worried about being devastated when she confesses or if she suddenly desides that there is "no chemistry," if that happens, because it has happened to me before. Life goes on.

And it's logic based.

Go ahead and let her drag you down when you could be out there meeting other women or otherwise getting on with your life (minus a burden).

There's no pu$$y in the world worth putting up with the crap she's dishing you.

 

[Phyzzle]

And once you called her...she ended the conversation (because NOW she knows she STILL has you) to use the bathroom.

But don't worry, she'll be finished in the bathroom "later in the week".

Anyway, the issue of cheating or not cheating is but a curiosity. There isn't any relationship here.

Living in another town, announcing that we are "on a break", then allowing a 3 minute phone call once a week, does not a relationship make. At some point, you're just going to have to learn how to take a hint. Women aren't going to tell you "I'm no longer interested in a relationship with you" or "stop calling me". Stop looking for that formal break up or closure.

You're afraid that hooking up with some other babe would be cheating? What are you afraid of? That she might come back and get pissed? Just explain what the word "girlfriend" means. She hasn't qualified in quite a while.

 

[jophil28]

Hey BB -this thought just occured to me .
What are of the law do you intend to specialize in ?
Please tell me it is NOT gonna be Family Law. If so, please promise me that you will NEVER represent a male clent. PLEASE !!