Does that mean Fleshlight guy or Florida guy?
You're awesome Jayer, you know I'm one of your biggest supporters. I am rooting for you wherever you go. Also, you know that nothing I say is about agreeing or disagreeing, so it's never personal. I speak to give you tools that I use. Tools are not right or wrong, it's for you to decide if they are useful or not useful. I never want you to do anything I say unless it feels right to you so fire away. You can disagree all you want, my tools work for me. You cannot take away the glorious life that I already have.
No, not this year, in the last six months, and yes women on dates. My flake rate is nil. Zero. One girl got horribly lost and I found her a mile west looking for our meeting spot. That's as close as I've gotten to being stood up. Lots of people get busy and don't text me back. I think you should be careful when applying a judgmental attitude. Like I will teach on day one of any non-violent training course: people give you back what you put out. I treat everyone with profound dignity, I take nothing people do personally, I'm reliable, I'm fun and honest. I'm direct and in some ways I'm disarming. These are not strategies, that's who I am.
Ever heard the metaphor of the bad fish (stolen from Johnny Soporno)? Two guys go fishing in the same lake. One guy catches nothing all day, despite the fanciest of equipment. And he says, "those stupid fish, they're EVIL! They're out to get me, they're flaky, disrespectful, self-centered fish." The other guy on the same pond says "I've caught plenty of fish today. They're not evil, they're just fish, doing what fish do." It's one thing to seek understanding of women. Judging them as evil is just silly though. It will just get you into a mindset of scarcity. I meet delightful people everywhere I go, but then again, I am always putting out delight.
When I say they're not and that you're the common denominator here, I also mean in the romance sense.
When you want women to make you happy because you're not, no one will ever be good enough. Ever. Never ever ever ever ever. No one will ever meet your criteria or keep you satisfied. I know everyone says this, and I know you know this rationally, that no one can make you happy but you. But when you really accept this EMOTIONALLY then you will realize that all women, indeed all people, indeed all creatures, are beautiful. It will be as if a veil is lifted and you see the colors where once everything was grey. If you don't see immense beauty and bounty in every person - more love in this world than your heart could ever feel - you are not happy and you are hoping someone else can bring this to you. I would recommend against getting married with a closed heart.
That's why you're awesome and why I benefit so much from discussing with you. Thanks for being so mature, it really is wonderful.
I want you to find whatever you want out of life my friend. I don't care what that is, I want you to find pure joy (which only you can find in your heart) plus whatever romantic situation you desire. I want you to have it all my friend. As for traditional, I assume you mean the 1950s vision of marriage which people now call traditional (which by 1850s standards is liberal and 1750s revolutionary). Actually in modern times, only countries like India are traditional, almost everyone in the US is radical by "traditional" standards. But diatribe aside, I do not look for "independent women". We live in an interconnected, interdependent world. So people who need a fiction that they're autonomously powerful are immature, and those who need to travel the globe looking for pizza parlors are bad marriage material. Like I said, mature relationships are about mutual interests. If you don't have a mutual interest in traveling looking for pizza parlors, you should not get married. If you have a mutual desire to marry then maybe you should get married.
Although I am not seeking marriage right now, all kinds of people turn to me for relationship advice because I am a mature adult, an excellent and direct communicator, I am fair with everyone in my life and a great friend. It gives me chills down my spine when you talk about giving your gf "political" answers, so I sincerely hope that was a turn of phrase or odd metaphor. I think you should be as direct as possible unlike most politicians, and in fact, tell her everything you have posted here to tell us.
Nothing wrong with being shallow, I just want you to be aware of it. Like I told Luthor, simply be aware that there are lots of healthy body types - it's possible to take care of yourself and have many different body types. Don't lie to yourself, though, don't try to gloss something over. If this is about looks that's perfectly ok as we are all taught since birth that conventional beauty matters. Is this really about self-care? If so, ok, that seems unlikely but possible. How do you feel with someone who's conventionally "fat" on your arm?
Clinginess and independence aren't opposites - they're both part of the same disease, a feeling of powerlessness and dissatisfaction, being disconnected from the world and the heart. What you want is someone who is can find peace and forgiveness in every moment, alone or with others, when getting what she wants or not. This kind of person is neither disconnected and trying to feel powerful through "independence" nor trying to fill a gap in her heart by clinging to your love.
Also, if you're truly compatible with this person, your schedules should already be compatible. But are you so miserable with your life that you want her at your beck and call? I'm not sure I understand what is behind this desire to be catered to. She cannot protect you from yourself. Only you can choose to be happy.
Izza
