27 and nothing

[billionthloser]

hi chancer

i was going to get the blondchick but i couldnt,i just try to persuade myself about telling her ''lets go out!'' but i cant persuade my mind chancer...what should i do ,i dont have an idea ,i have better wait for the autumn when my school is going to start,i hate fighting chancer,but i have to deal with fighting,
i have a weak will,i dont like hurting anybody,but **** i hurt myself,i have got gastrid and reflu in my stomach,and i am doubtful about my cardio-health even i am 25,because i like Mc n burgerin..why did i say that because damn chicks are involved in deeply social halfly stupid activities,i hate drinking alcohol and want to blow off cigarette factories,but **** i have to deal with it,damn why do we have to get the chicks from the ****ty places,no chick like to drink strawberry milk chancer like i am!we have to work on the theory based upon seducing as a loser...lets make this bull**** dude!

 

[WuSa]

Heya

Hey, Im new here. Was just reading through this extra long thread. I want to add some of my own ramble.

Chancer man, don't know if you still read this thread but I'm just like you. I have episodes where I feel like you. Alone. No one to turn to. No one. I don't want to tell you what to do, just share my experiences. I haven't read all the replies coz its so freakin long. But I guess the general tone of the replies is to do it.

Today, I got to a point where I had no choice. My job is in trouble, got no Gf, no friends. Totally depressed.

I've hit bottom. Where am I to go now? I thought, if I was get some balls and chat up a chick, there was nothing to lose. Nothing. If she rejects me, nothing changed. My self-esteem was low, nothing would make it lower. So I didn't give a Fuk what happened.

Anyway, finally, without thinking, went to talk to this chick. I had one-itis with this chick, made it worse. Made some random ramble. Nervous as ****, but like I said before, nothing to lose. Guess what Chancer? Guess? She blew me off.

Got totally rejected. She dropped it on me like I never felt before. But you know what? I feel so freakin liberated. I finally got over my fear. I looked fear in the face and told it to fuk off. I still have some fear, but not as much as before.

I didn't get the number, but I got my life back! I feel alive! I feel like getting rejected again. Coz it don't hurt. There's only one way brother, and its up. I'm not saying its a solution for everything, but its a step in the right direction. The toughest step. Just go for it, it will liberate you. You have no idea how I was so infatuated with this chick. But. I don't give a **** no more. I got something better. Balls that finally showed themselves....chicks better watch out, coz I am coming

 

[IronFar]

This guy still around? Hope he hasn't committed suicide yet.

 

[PartyBoy]

I just found this thread. Seems like most of the advice here is some combination of unempathetic, well-meaning, and useless.

I think that finding a good therapist is key, because drugs can help, especially if you're clinically depressed.

I haven't read every single post here, so I don't know if anyone has mentioned looking at sexual surrogates. There was an article in salon.com a couple years back about a guy who was over thirty and didn't have any intimate relationships with women. There was a woman who specialized in guys in him. Kind of like a prostitute, but with more focus on intimacy issues. Nothing to be ashamed of though.

Look it up here:

http://surrogatetherapy.org/SurrogatePartnerTherapy.html#top

As for online dating - check out the book by Evan Katz called I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book. Also Bev Bacon's book Meet Me . . . Don't Delete Me. Lots of good advice. Some of it might be obvious to you - like post some good pictures of yourself (or at least as good as possible) and tips on writing good profiles and stuff. If you follow their tips - you WILL get responses. Very, very important not to sound anywhere as negative as you've sounded in this thread. Keep your problems to yourself when interacting with women online - at least as long as possible.

This goes with having interests - but anyhow, a good place to find and interact with women online - but not really ones that are looking to date - are the Off-Topic/Conversation areas of forums. For example, if you're a NY Yankees fans - the Conversation subforum at www.nyyfans.com has a decent number of women there. Check out the various ezboard forums for topics of interest - chances are there is a conversation subforum with a good number of women. Often you can PM these women too. You probably won't meet the love of your life there - but it might be good practice for interactions with women. Once again - don't scare the women off with your negativity.

And keep this in mind: as women hit their late 20's and early 30's and aren't married - their biological clocks start ticking like mad. They may drop their standards somewhat since the hot guys tend to want girls in their early 20's. Most of these women are looking for men in their 30's, maybe even 40's. So you have plenty of time to turn things around. Be thankful you're not a woman. (This is a bit of an oversimplification, of course).

 

[bobbob]

Every time I start to feel hopeless, the posts on the first page, the one's where people talk about changing their lives, that gives me hope.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I haven't been on this side of the forum in a while, I thought that this thread was dead or that chancer finally accepted his gayness or was dead????

You are beyond saving....

 

[Zonder]

Mods: time to change the post subject to "29 and nothing"

 

[PartyBoy]

I was thinking about this a bit more - and this guy sounds very much like a friend of mine. My friend suffers from depression, and was an alcoholic for a while. (The OP mentioned that alcoholism runs in his family - so there may be a genetic disposition to be depressed).

He's doing fairly better now - through a combination of therapy, a ****tail of prescribed drugs, and some changes to his life.

So while his focus is on not having the ability to have normal social interactions with women, part of me believes that even if he had a loving, attractive girlfriend - he'd still be depressed. My friend has had a few attractive girlsfriends, but was still depressed and alcoholic when he was with them. Depression can often be independent of your life circumstances - because it's a problem with brain chemistry.

To the OP: I think you need to get this taken of, and get yourself into a somewhat positive, healthy mental state, and you will find that other aspects of your life which are lacking will take care of themselves (though not necessarily without any effort on your part).

 

[head_wall]

you need this

The thing you need is 3-dimensional mind by Tom Vizzini of essential skills. What it is is an NLP technique designed to first find the beliefs that get in the way and eliminate them. You're beliefs are causing your frustration and isolation. Beliefs are self-fulfilling profecies that will force you to cause them to come true. Using it I eliminated a life long depression and social anxiety. Believe me I KNOW how you feel because I wanted to kill myself for a long time. Now, life is fun again. GET THIS IT WILL HELP YOU! (I am NOT working for them if you're wondering)

http://essential-skills.com/3dmind.htm

Roy

 

[chancer357]

Somehow I managed to get some people to write back to me online. I met three of them who were just literally insane and obese.

There was one other who wasn't either of those things who seems nice and seems like she might like me, although I can't imagine that. We saw a movie and got coffee and it was OK. I didn't try to kiss her good night or anything. I'm far to terrified to ever try something like that.

I still won't try to talk to people in bars or just in random places. That's just not going to work for an anorexic guy who isn't that good looking. Girls want hot guys.

Its a little different but largely the same. I still haven't even held a girls hand or anything.

 

[DeviouZ]

YES! YES!!!!!

Sorry dude, I've been lurking on this thread for a while but it was what you just wrote there that inspired me to give you a yell and tell you things are going to pick up. That's all it takes, just one little spark to set the motor going. I guarantee that if you keep trucking on a great deal of those barriers are going to start falling down. And dont compare yourself and say what you've done doesn't matter, that you are still nothing... what you've just done is immense. The only measuring stick that ever matters in our lives is measuring up against ourself.

And she DOES like you! Christ, if it seems like she does then she does, believe me.

Just know that there are people out there who are reading what you're saying, even apart from the guys who've already replied in this thread, guys who are cheering you on and what you to succeed.

All you need is patience... and faith that time will bring you luck if you just hang in there... it wont come overnight but it will come... see here, even Shakespeare is on your level:

How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?

 

[PartyBoy]

This has probably been repeated a million times, and you might have even read this a million times, but you don't need good looks to attract women. Good looks obviously help a lot, but if you ooze charisma and self-confidence, that will make up for your lack of looks. Some examples:

1. Adolph Hitler - butt-ugly guy. Super charismatic. Changed the course of 20th century history.

2. This midget with a squeaky voice that was on one of Dave DeAngelo's DVD's. This guy is ugly, in a wheelchair because he can't even walk, 1 or 2 feet tall, and he's getting laid to some extent because he has a positive attitude.

3. Look at all the wheelchair guys in the documentary movie Murderball. Hot wives and girlfriends. Now why the hell would a hot woman want a guy in a wheelchair? You could argue it's some kind of nurse mentality on the part of these women, but I'll guarantee you that if these men were self-pitying all the time, they would not have these women.

In fact, it's far better to base your own self-confidence on what happens inside of you, rather than on external factors, like your income, looks, circumstances, etc. Why? Because there's always going to be someone better than you in some area(s). Plus, at some point, you are going to lose your youthful good looks, if you had them to start with.

And based on your posts, you have little self-esteem and confidence in yourself, so why would you expect women to be attracted to you? I mean, would you be attracted to a really negative woman with no confidence in herself, even if she looked gorgeous? You might go for a really quick lay, but you'd want to spend as little time talking and interacting with her.

It's a vicious circle. Honestly, I think your first step is to forget about women and getting laid, and focusing on achieving a more positive mental state.

It also sounds like you still have enough pride in yourself and ego that you aren't willing to date fat or ugly women. It might be the fear of damaging this pride and ego that is preventing you from going into situations where you might be rejected.

 

[Luveno]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

You, Chancer, seem to have psychological discord that a meagre chat room cannot remedy.

I strongly suggest that you take yourself to a psychiatrist.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

HEAD_WALL,

tell me more about the 3dmind method. I've been interested in this technique for the last 2yrs... How exactly does it work???

 

[mattathensga]

First, letme start by saying I am somewhat like you. I'm 27, and work my a$$ off, and have nothing much of a social life... meeting women is not a high priority for me. alot of what you've said seems like a social anxiety disorder... it's not uncommon.


"What do you do if you are just not attractive and shy? It doesn't matter how much I try to appear more attractive, or think posatively. I just *CAN'T* talk to people. Only people I've known for a long time am I comfortable with."

first, you have to stop beating the crap out of yourself... how is any woman going to find you attractive, if YOU don't find yourself attractive... you have to start focusing on YOUR GOOD qualities... there are TONS of 'ugly' married people, so looks alone aren't keeping you single bro! its your demeanor, you additude about yourself, about your life that can and WILL draw women to you... HeII look at that singer, Seal, he hooked up with a supermodel, and HE looks like a dammed burn victim!!

Don't tell me just do it. I would have "just done" it year ago if thats all it took.
MOST people find alcohol a means to loosen up. you just need to relax, I KNOW its a hard thing to do, but go out with a group you feel comfortable with, and THEN use that as a means to interact with other people.

Don't tell me to just work on myself. I have a good job and money is not a problem. I have a nice car, etc. --- HEHEH... me too, THATS our problem... we focus on OUR lifelyhood more than our lifestyle. just remember, when you die, its better to be remembered by people than for the fact that you had a nice job and a nice car.

As a person, I'm basically a failure. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I go to work, I go home. Sometimes I will hang out with people I know, but I mostly just feel bad when I see them. I see how they have no trouble meeting people, and having fun and doing thing - I wouldn't love to be able to have even a fraction of what they have when it comes to just living life.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!! QUIT FOCUSING ON YOUR FAILINGS.... YOU really NEED TO STOP, dude, if you can change the way you feel about yourself, then it should be an easy step to meet new people... think about this perspective... would YOU want to hang out and even more, would you be interested in a WOMAN THAT THOUGHT THIS WAY OF HERSELF????


"What do you do?" See a doctor.....
"What do you tell a doctor?" tell him you have a social anxiety disorder. valium, amongst other things can help.
" I had a physical, but I was to embarrsed to even try to explain my depression. I'm just too ashamed and embarrsed of my myself to do anything. My whole life is this way, its always been this way." AND it will continue until YOU finally get fed up, and FU#KING do something to change it.... Sir Isaac Newton best described your situation with the fundamentals of Physics... an object at rest tends to stay at rest until another force acts upon it... thats pyhsics 101 stuff, man... but it IS UNIVERSAL>>> it is a description of ALL matter, ALL energy. TO change this negative energy, You must exert force against it, to change the course its on...

"Alot of the reason I feel this way, and the reason it just worsens as time goes on is that I can't interact with girls at all. I've never been treated in the same way that I see them treat other guys. I've never had a girl interested in me. I'm a lesser human because of this, and just feeds a viscous cycle. If a girl ever even smiled at me in passing it would be a first."
Here again, STOP IT STOP IT..... YOU acting the way you do is what is giving you this inferiority complex..... YOu think you are inferior, therefore you act inferior, and in turn the world sees you as inferior. And PART two, how many girls a day do you smile at in passing. try this simple experiment.... go to a supermarket, or even better a bar. EACH single lady you pass, make eyecontact, don't friggen stare for gods sake, but make a simple eye contact, 1-2 seconds, and gently smile while doing it. test the reaction. my results are that at minimum you should, regardless of YOUR appearance, get at least a 75-80% "smile back" result.... HeL L, I smile at EVERY single woman I see, regardless of age, regardless of anything... and it definetly changed the way women treated me... a simple smile has landed me countless dates.... women see a smile, and SOME, will even approach you. .. smile more!!which inturn, perpetuates the initial part of this, YOU are the reactive part in this WHOLE situation... TREAT yourself better, SHOW women that you have confidence in yourself, and you will see a difference in how they treat you.



I can talk to guys, and have guy friends - but with the exception of my two oldest friends from childhood who I never see anymore, I don't have much in common. They mainly want to go out and pick up girls in bars and such. So I can't really hang out with them.

" Commonality is for communisim" its better that you have differences... Hey, if I had to hang out with myself, I'd end up beating the crap out of me by the end of the first day... And, you don't want to go out with your friends, and pick up girls?!?!?! what the F. You really need to stop, and start going out there, with your friends... having them around should help bolster your confidence, and maybe, just maybe, they can help you out with this dilemma, just tell them you are uneasy in approaching women... DUDES understand Dudes, and if they are friends, they will try to help you out bro.... hel l, I don't even KNOW you, and I'm taking up my time to attempt to help you out, bro! I want you to get you some!

"Most of you, probably all of you, have no idea what this is like. Do any of you know anyone who has ever recovered from this? I just don't see the point. I'm just going to go to work and come home to be myself. Not able to sleep when I get there, and tired all day at work becase I can't sleep at night. Just doing nothing, waiting to go to work, so I can wait to go home. Over and over. Too afraid and ashamed to do anything else. Why bother."

YEs, I know, I am a recovering self abusive myself. I know what its like, I know how it goes. I know what it feels like to stay awake for hours at night staring at an emptybed... I KNOW that loneliness, I've been there. I have a ton of info I can share, and a lot of helpful advice, if you want it... the first, I would suggest, is to be open about this with your friends... it may seem hard to do, but let your male friends know, and they should be willing to help you.... "Bros before Hoes", ya know??? second, if your anxiety is that HIGH, then I suggest you get onto a medication, through your doctor, and MAKE sure that it will not interact with alcohol, that way you can go to bars, and interact socailly with your friends, and hopefully, women too. YOu also REALLY< and I mean, REALLY need to change your thoughts about yourself... think of your thoughts as being viewed by the women you are hoping to attract... would you be interested in a woman that thought about herself the way you think of yourself???

Good luck bro, I'm pulling for ya!!

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Anthony robbins, Wayne dyer, Paul mckenna

 

[Luveno]

GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST!

 

[pinkpetunia]

depressed guy

Hey where do you live? I'll smile at you...

 

[chancer357]

West coast.

Still seems the best I can do is a fat girl. I imagine she probably figures I'm the best she could do. I just not interested in that.

 

[Golden Arms]

Where on the West Coast and how long have you lived there ?