27 and nothing

[chancer357]

I downloaded an audio copy of psycho cybernetics, and some of the anothy robbins talks. Those things all sound like salesmans pitches to me, it not motivating to me.

 

[chancer357]

Part of it I think is that doing anything is a risk. I've always failed at making myself happy or doing anything to correct this and I end up worse. I'm basically afraid to try again, its so messed up where I am now I dont even want to know what it will be like the next time I fail.

 

[Golden Arms]

Still - you are here, at this site...that means you're trying to do something. I don't think you're here to just complain about how miserable you are, are you ?

You say - "I think is that doing anything is a risk".Now think about it and tell me - what is it that you are really risking ?? We're not exactly talking about going to a casino and betting your life savings on a single roulette spin - now that would be a risk.

 

[chancer357]

The only reason I'm here is because I can't go anywhere else.

What would be at risk would be whatever shread of confidence or value I have left for myself.

 

[taqueso]

Wouldn't you rather gain some confidence back instead of sitting around watching it go away?

You need to actually interact with some people and realize that no matter what happens, you will not be ostracized from society. And whatever your worst fears are about an encounter, they will not come true. You have to put forth an effort. Reading a message board will not do a single thing towards changing your outlook on life. Get outside and say hi to somebody. Say hi to the guy at the convience store. Practice making and keeping eye contact with strangers. They will not be able to bore a hole through your head with lasers from their eyes!

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by chancer357
What would be at risk would be whatever shread of confidence or value I have left for myself.

What would be at risk is your self-image: the self-image that says "I can't," "I'm not good enough." Armageddon and Ascension are one, in that by creating a new and better world you are destroying the old one. This creative destruction can be a very long and painful process; no one is saying it won't be. In effect you would be trying to kill your old self to create a new one; by this I don't mean a WHOLE new person, but a better version of who you could be. The real risk here is in NOT doing it and putting a gun in your mouth in the next 5 to 10 years.

The pain of death is also the joy of rebirth.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by chancer357
As long as there are more attractive (which is essentially everyone) people around who are more comfortable in thier own skin who have any level of confidence (also anyone else) then I'm just screwed. I would need to have some girl talk me, and because someone put them up to it. I just don't have any confidence to do anything on my own at this point. I'm well past the point of being able to help myself have anything that would resemble a normal life

There are women who are 300 pounds that are having babies with different dudes!! Obviously there are men whose penises are getting hard from these not so attractive women. Many of these women wear revealing clothes and have ****y attitudes and walk and talk as if their God's gift to men.

Women don't have penises, so they don't have to get so physically attracted to their mate as men do! Now I know if 300 pound women are getting picked up by men who value the physical form moreso than women, then there is hope for you yet since women are not as judgmental physically and value other things in a man besides his form!!!!

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by chancer357
The only reason I'm here is because I can't go anywhere else.

What would be at risk would be whatever shread of confidence or value I have left for myself.

Let me put it this way. You can do what you're doing now and continue to feel this way, and I garuntee you'll feel worse and then more years will pass and you'll feel even more bitter later on that you've pissed your life away with negative thinking and taking no action..Baically its what someone already mentioned..if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll get the same result.

You need to recognise that failing isn't really failing anyway. It's actually impossible to fail as long as you learn from your mistakes.

Think about it..lets say you get an F in an exam..But you know why you got an F..you konw which questions you got wrong..so you can research and find out what the correct answers are and should you take that exam again, you'll pass it.

Failure is a part of success. You MUST risk. It is necessary to RISK. Those that take risks are rewarded. The bigger the risk, the bigger the potential reward (if its a sensible risk).

Anothony Robbins may sound like a sales pitch..and there is no doubt that he is an excellent sales person but I can tell you from doing a LOT of research, that guy basically read all of the best self help books he could find and compiled it all into his programs. His stuff works and is the truth IMO.

Psycho Cybernetics is an incredible book--I've never heard the audio but the book is written in a very scientific way with a lot of references to back up his arguments--he sites these references all throughout his book. Get the book. Forget the audio if it sounds like a sales pitch.

Hope this can help you, you'll get there

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by JSH
Listen to them, you have got some of the best advice i have ever seen.

Well thanks to all for the advice.

I just don't posses the power to change on my own . If I ever do manage to get any better I'll post something, but I really don't think that will happen, and meeting anyone who would want to spend time with me is certainly an impossiblitiy for me now.

bye

 

[WestCoaster]

One last piece of advice

Before you go, I have one more nugget to hand out -- if it hasn't already been handed out.

Complete the DJ Boot Camp. It's in conjunction with reading the DJ Bible.

I haven't gone through it, but with I did when I was younger. It's a step by step process of learning how to interact with people.

Goals are set:
Develop eye contact with people then ...
Say 'hi' to people ...
Then start small conversations with people ...
Then meet people ...
Then meet women ...
Then ask for numbers from women ...
Then date women ...

But it all starts through a long process of developing interpersonal skills. Learning how to eye contact and say 'hi' on the street to people of both genders and all ages is the first step to becoming a confident man.

So many people (see main board) skip these processes then don't understand why women don't like them.

I HIGHLY suggest you do the DJ Boot Camp. It takes months, and it's worth all of it. Some of the field reports on this are amazing. I've read about shy guys who couldn't say hi to anyone getting girlfriends by the time they're done. It's life-altering.

Before you buy any self-help book, please (I beg of you) do the DJ Boot Camp. It's also in book form.

 

[NewMan]

Someone touched on this earlier I think - but it's true...

The fact is, your actually AFRAID to become a better person and improve your situation. Your afraid of what that my make you. Your afraid to be happy - because you like wollowing in your self pitty - you enjoy complaining and having negative thoughts and images.

It's not that you can't - or you don't have the opportunity - iyt's that your to afraid to make the move to a better you.

I meet some fvcked up people in my time. Some really ugly guys - but no matter how ugly or socially inebt they were - they all managed to have some friends. SOme aquaintences. They managed, somehow, to get women.

I don't imagine your as bad off as some of these people. I don't imagine you've not had an oppotunity to meet and become friends with people - but you probably shut them out of your life because again - your afraid.

Just remember, you attract what you are. If you sub consiously believe you will not get better - it's not going to happen. If you turn on the positive thoughts - release positibe instead fo negative enrgy - you'll be amazed at what will happen.

Do you exercise? hit the gym?

I have a friend who is around 450 lbs - of fat. Yet he still parties - and his energy and vibe is so positive - that he is literally the life of the party.

If a guy that heavy can do this - then you can. It's about being positive and not being afraid of what the outcome is. Because at the end of the day we will all leave this place - so experience what you can and stop hiding and being afraid.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I know your problem Chancer - you don't believe in anything - you don't believe in others, in God, or in yourself!!!

Can there be hope for one who believes in nothing and clutches to his own pathetic dismal existence as the end all???

If you don't believe in yourself then at least believe in someone or something else! For your own good, believe in something that is bigger than you and your situation!

Your only salvation is to take the focus off of yourself and put it into someone or something greater of more importance or purpose!

 

[Dirtheart]

So, WHO or WHAT is holding you back? Could it be that everything you feel is completely self-imposed? If you are capable of imposing this misery on yourself then you are also capable of imposing happiness and confidence.

I think your biggest problem is that you have grabbed onto this feeling of misery and amplified it far beyond reason. It’s like getting short of breath and holding your head underwater. I'm sure any funloving, happy and successful person would feel the same if they kept telling themselves "I hate myself", "I can't do anything", "I'm a loser" or "I'm depressed", and focused on all the reasons why.

Now, you talk about things like wishing to die in a car crash and giving up. I remember reading about someone who decided to commit suicide because he believed his life was a lost cause. He set a day when he would carry it out and the week beforehand he decided to take off somewhere and do whatever he wanted. He didn’t give a damn what people thought, about trivial things like rejection or criticism, or about the risks involved because he’d be dead the following week anyway.

He hit on lots of women, 10 of whom rejected him, 1 of whom he went home with. He did the same the following night and the night after. He did a bungee jump, went swimming in lakes and did all the things he was previously scared or not motivated to do.

He had so much fun in that one week that when the day came for him to commit suicide he changed his mind. He realised that life has so much to offer, and all that stopped him from doing these things before were his self-imposed restrictions and fears, and the fact that he just cared too much.

So he continued living. He continued working in his boring job, but every weekend he would go away somewhere and do whatever he wanted. He never debated suicide again.

 

[WestCoaster]

Depression is a scary thing

A friend of mine suffers from depression and she's pretty hopped up on meds. She's also a Ph.d., a college prof, drop-dead gorgeous, kind, and very successful. Yet she's contemplated suicide in the past because of the chemical imbalances in her brain. She's rectified that through medication. I don't always endorse medication, but I would definitely get a psychological checkup, then perhaps a psychiatric one, too. Finally, perhaps medication.

That said, the suicide story told by dirtheart was tremendous. Try some things you haven't done before. Try to live life to the fullest ... and don't ask anyone's permission to do these things. Ask permission only of yourself to have fun and cut loose.

One thing that took me awhile to realize: You'd be amazed at how many people out there are NOT judging you, are NOT watching your every move, and really do NOT care how you're living your life, whether that gal in the bar turned you down, and so forth. They're too busy with their own lives. The ones that are judging or do care are losers anyway.

Do the DJ Boot Camp and set out on a new course. You've identified the problems; wallowing in them won't help. Set a new course.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

i'm beginning to wonder if this whole thread posted was a hoax !

i've stumbled thru life being clobbered and broke but i've always listened to people if i reached out for advice.

i would've paid big money for this type of advice if i were in a serious rut before the internet came along.

if you are real WAKE UP AND LISTEN!

 

[chancer357]

Its not a hoax.

Thats the trouble, what ever is wrong with me that I feel completely powerless to help myself. So bad about myself I can't even ask for help. People who are normal just can't fathom what it really feels like.

I'd have done anything if I could have by now. Half the advice sounds like the people didn't see me try to explain: "Go do the bootcamp", "Go do something you enjoy", "Smile?", "Talk to a girl?"... Were they listening? That doesn't help me. I recognize that it was an effort to help, and I'd thank them for that, but it really does not help. My problem is that I can't do these things

Blame me for it. Its my fault, they are my thoughts and feelings. I'm too afraid to change. I don't care. It doesn't change the fact that I'm now the way I am.

I'd have done something if I could have, goddamnit. Its ubsurd to think I want to be absolutely miserable and that all need to do is <fill in whatever> and I could be happy.

Its not a matter of just thinking postavie, just not being afraid. I literally can't make myself do any of it or believe that I can change it, or that anyone can. Maybe its a chemical problem with how my brain works. I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Look, I'm not going to attempt to express how I feel, how I think. People aren't going to read, they aren't going to believe it if they do. I've already tried a couple ways, none of which apparently worked.

I'm not trying to complain here or beg for help. I have given up hope. I'll be alone, just like I have always been. I didn't plan on posting anymore because its pointless to me now like everthing else. It just pisses me off that people can't understand this, that they think its fake. Its a real and serious problem that has destroyed the quality of my life and I cant do a #@$E@#$ thing about it.

Now imagine trying to explain this to a doctor. You don't believe it, what do you think a doctor would believe? Now imagine trying to explain it when you have an utter lack of self-esteem, confidence, any skill that helps you interact with people. Imagine trying to do it when you have nothing but shame for yourself. Are you starting to get the picture? I guess you probably cant imagine these feelings - you can understand the words, but you really can't understand how crippling it is to be this way. It doesn't matter to me if you can understand or not. I'm through trying to explain it.

I wish it were a hoax.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

listen bro !

you have feelings because you maintain a job, you can spell/type a language, and you know where this site is on your computer.

i asked you your location and please do not be ashamed to let us know where it is. you have feelings and compassion so let others help !
do you have any friends at all? there has been many post here that understand you, so, in my opinion, you have friends.

what you need is a good friend that will not laugh at you and will be patient. you must open up to someone. it's all considered sanity. i'll be glad to help you but you must FIRST be willing to accept the help.

quit scaring us here and please show us you care about your fellow bros on this site !

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by chancer357
Its not a hoax.

Thats the trouble, what ever is wrong with me that I feel completely powerless to help myself. So bad about myself I can't even ask for help. People who are normal just can't fathom what it really feels like.

I'd have done anything if I could have by now. Half the advice sounds like the people didn't see me try to explain: "Go do the bootcamp", "Go do something you enjoy", "Smile?", "Talk to a girl?"... Were they listening? That doesn't help me. I recognize that it was an effort to help, and I'd thank them for that, but it really does not help. My problem is that I can't do these things

Blame me for it. Its my fault, they are my thoughts and feelings. I'm too afraid to change. I don't care. It doesn't change the fact that I'm now the way I am.

I'd have done something if I could have, goddamnit. Its ubsurd to think I want to be absolutely miserable and that all need to do is <fill in whatever> and I could be happy.

Its not a matter of just thinking postavie, just not being afraid. I literally can't make myself do any of it or believe that I can change it, or that anyone can. Maybe its a chemical problem with how my brain works. I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Look, I'm not going to attempt to express how I feel, how I think. People aren't going to read, they aren't going to believe it if they do. I've already tried a couple ways, none of which apparently worked.

I'm not trying to complain here or beg for help. I have given up hope. I'll be alone, just like I have always been. I didn't plan on posting anymore because its pointless to me now like everthing else. It just pisses me off that people can't understand this, that they think its fake. Its a real and serious problem that has destroyed the quality of my life and I cant do a #@$E@#$ thing about it.

Now imagine trying to explain this to a doctor. You don't believe it, what do you think a doctor would believe? Now imagine trying to explain it when you have an utter lack of self-esteem, confidence, any skill that helps you interact with people. Imagine trying to do it when you have nothing but shame for yourself. Are you starting to get the picture? I guess you probably cant imagine these feelings - you can understand the words, but you really can't understand how crippling it is to be this way. It doesn't matter to me if you can understand or not. I'm through trying to explain it.

I wish it were a hoax.

What do you suppose the answer is then? You would have the best idea about what the solution is...If you don't know, then well, what do you 'guess' the solution could be??

We are just trying to help dude, but as you know it is hard when it is just text and not the person physically in front of us..

Is it interacting with people in general that is the main problem you're experiencing?

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by Pulsar
What do you suppose the answer is then? You would have the best idea about what the solution is...If you don't know, then well, what do you 'guess' the solution could be??

I don't know what the answer is. My guess is that for me there isn't one.

I suppose if I ever did anything to myself, or my eating disorder worsens that I would be hospitolized and forced to get better - but only well enough to be let out. I might have to talk to councelor at that point since they'd recognize that a mental disease is what lead me there in the first place.

But, I doubt that expirence will give me any more self-esteem, and won't ultimately help whatever the real cause of the problem is.

Originally posted by Pulsar
Is it interacting with people in general that is the main problem you're experiencing?

I don't have a problem talking in fornt of people, teaching, giving presentations, anything on a professional level.

When it comes to a situation where I want something from someone, I feel like I'm imposing, I'm not as much of a person as they are and I don't have the right to do it. I feel like people are watching me like what I am doing is wrong. Its extremely uncomfortable so I try to leave as soon as possible. I don't even like to check out in stores.

 

[JB101]

All of the advice on here is extremely well intentioned. But it's too far removed from your comfort zone to really be of material use. It's like being a novice mountain climber and being asked to climb mount everest.

Chancer, there are LOADS of people in the world going through what you are going through. There are many social anxiety and shyness message boards that describe what you feel.

The best step that you can take is finding others that you can really relate to. That really understand it.

http://socialanxietysupport.com/phpBB2/index.php