27 and nothing

[Hundert]

the following unfortunately isnt a post to make you feel better, but I still feel it has to be said...

I talked to a friend about depressions today. The mother of a friend of her's commited suicide a few days ago, and her own mother did as well when she was 13.

She suffered from depression, and it's a VERY VERY serious disease. My friend described the thoughts of her mother before she commited suicide to me, and it sounds very similar to what you are describing.

Keep in mind that this was a mother with a wonderful husband, full of life, two wonderful children (as I can testify), interesting hobbies, a fulfilling job, etc.
So you would probably envy her life on the surface.

But one day, she simply did what she described as "falling into a hole". She felt superfluous, she said she couldnt even express her love to her family anymore because there simply arent any feelings left inside her, etc...
Her husband knew, her daughter (my friend) knew and did everything they could to help her. In the end, she still commited suicide. Noone in her family could get to her.

Depression is a sickness that you HAVE to get cured. The wonderful people here have great tips on how to do it, but I guess you need a therapist to accompany you on what will probably your hardest way ever.

If you find a therapist you really trust, which is what you should focus on, and he prescribes medication, take it. I am not a big fan of medication myself, but if you feel great on medication you can start getting hobbies, reading books and do all that other stuff posted above and experience this "being reborn" and eventually, when you get off the medication it might be tough as hell from withdrawal, but you have a lot more of a life to get you through it.

Get help. Please.

...and therapy isnt that bad. I went to a psychologist as a kid and we mostly played table-tennis.

 

[NewMan]

I think that you need to WANT to change - and thats the key here. Almost every person who has been there, had a great desire to change.

From your posts there are lots of reasons why you are like you are - but I do not get from you a real great desire that you want to change....

I hear excuses why you can't do something...

I'm not going to walk slowly and look at people in a mall. I just *CAN'T* do that. I don't know how else to express it. Its not that I'm just afraid to do it, its alot more than that. If I had to choose between doing that and anything else I would choose the anything else.

From what I've read, your putting a lot of emphasis on what you believe makes a happy life.... do you think that if you could talk to women everything would be fine? I think not.

You need to look at yourself and figure out what YOU want out of life. Women are not the answer - you can't find happiness in someone else, if you can't be happy alone.

Don't you have anything you like to do?

Why can't you wealk around in the mall?

If things are this bad, then you need to go get some serious help...


Baby steps my friend.


One final though - all these people who are hanging out talking to strangers and having a great time... you know what the common simularity between them all are?

They's have fun with or without those women their talking to.

You must make the most of your surrondings...

Give off negative energy and thats what your results will be....

Fearing life is not the way forward.

 

[chancer357]

quote:I just *CAN'T* talk to people.

First of all NEVER EVER say or think this again! "I just can't" is a self-defeating affirmation and it is not true. If you have difficulty, there are reasons for it and you need to identify them and LEARN how to overcome them.

I'm trying to express to you what this is like. It may be an illogical, self-defeating fear - call it what you like; but this is how it is for me. If you held a gun to my head I'd probably gladly let you pull the trigger rather then try to go an express interest in a person.

From what I've read, your putting a lot of emphasis on what you believe makes a happy life.... do you think that if you could talk to women everything would be fine? I think not.

I only know that I don't enjoy life now. And that is a big rason why.

Get help. Please.

How do you do that? I couldnt' ask my doctor at my lsat physical because I was too ashamed. I dont even know if I could talk to a therapist face to face

 

[Hundert]

Originally posted by chancer357

How do you do that? I couldnt' ask my doctor at my lsat physical because I was too ashamed. I dont even know if I could talk to a therapist face to face

I honestly don't know, I suggest combing the net for any psychologists in yor area, then try to find some feedback on him (there might be a website or forum for that), then try to get his eMail and write your problem down, without him even knowing your name. If you get an answer that satisfies you, consider making an appointment. From the eMail he'll already know your problem, so it might not be that hard for you.


If that doesnt work, just call some psychologists/psychiatrists offices and ask for an eMail address because you're too shy to speak to him directly at first. You have to use the phone for that, though
Again, if the person on the phone is rude to you or they need your social security or name or anything for that, just talk to the next psychologist as they might only be after your money...

 

[Dirtheart]

If you go to your doctor, what do you fear will happen? At the most, you'll end up crying or panicking. So what? Doctors and professionals in this field are used to seeing people cry, panic and go crazy. In fact if you go and see him/her INTENDING to cry and panic I bet you won't even get the urge to!

When I went to see my doctor about depression, my stomach was churning, my face was hot and I honestly felt like I was going to bawl the place down.

Actually, in all of the scenarios you fear, the worst that will happen is you will cry and the fear of crying can be very difficult to handle.

My advice is have an excuse to fall back on in case it happens. If you do happen to cry and someone asks why, tell them you recently lost a close friend/relative or something. The chances are you'll never have to use that "safety net", but it's there just in case.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Seek medical help for your physical and psychological needs, and seek spiritual guidance for your inner void!!!!

 

[Skel]

Dont be ashamed mate. I am also 27 and have depression. Its not fun I know. Simply go to your physician and tell him you think you are depressed and need help. IM sure he can get you on the right track. LIke stated above, these are professionals and deal with this every day. Your not gonna be the first person to come into his office and say I need help, Im depressed.

 

[chili kat]

There are many discussion boards where people with the same issue get together and discuss their problems. Go there. Talk to them. Find out how they are learning to deal with it. They will be able to help you.

 

[malestrom]

Yeah...

Look.

The bottom line is that you're afraid.

I know, because I was where you are and after a year of sitting in my bedroom anaylzing myself down to the most core levels, the final conclusion was this: all of my problems come down to fear.

To get around this, you don't need books. You don't need a therapist. You don't need new-age mental techniques. All that stuff is just various ways of having sunshine blown up your ass so the fear is numbed. It's a crutch.


What you do need is to make a choice. And here are your choices:

1) Change
2) Don't change


If you want to change, you basically have to do whatever scares you. That's it. You don't want to hear that, but that's the answer and life isn't going to change for you.

So much of this seduction stuff gets overly complicated. 99% of it isn't necessary.

Bottom line:

You need to overcome your fears.
Get to the point where you can approach 10 girls a week.
That's 520 girls a year.

Even if you failed 95% of the time, that means you'd STILL have a new girl every two weeks.

Now do it.
If you say you can't - you're not ready to reap the benefits of being a man.

 

[Ricky]

This is a great thread by the way.

I am 30 now, but when I was 27 I felt stuck.

I decided to start making changes. First I went back to grad school, because I pretty much was bored with my job and not liking the future I saw in it.

Around the same time in the fall I met my current gf. We dated, I was AFC, but started by some great coincidence to read these boards. It helped tremendously. I also started dating a few other women.

The self-help tapes are an excellent recommendation. I love Tony Robbins stuff. The reason why he reaches me is his enthusiasm. I still listen to them now.

Envision a better future. Sometimes you need to ditch a few negative friends to do. Start making positive changes in your life. It is TRULY YOUR GOAL TO BUILD YOURSELF UP. DON"T COUNT ON ANYONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU. YOU ARE YOUR OWN SALESMAN AND WILL BE FOR LIFE!

 

[WestCoaster]

27 and SOMETHING! (long)

First off, just getting on this board, seeking help, and identifying problems is an ENORMOUS step. You should give yourself a pat on the back (OK, that's tough -- buy yourself a sundae) for doing this. Do you know how many people live lives of futility and do nothing about their misery?! A lot, as in probably more than half the world.

Another good thing is all the so-called faults you mentioned? Well, each and every one can be worked on and improved. I won't say cured, but they can be worked on, big time.

One of my best friends has depression and it is brutal. It's a long, long process and a dreadful disease. She's an amazing person, Ph.d., drop-dead gorgeous, kind, etc. (yeah, I'm not for her, but it ain't going in that direction) but she has despression and it wipes her out. But each and every day she gets up, tackles the world, teaches her classes, and is genuinely a great person. You can do this, too!

Like others said here, baby steps. Ignore the instant gratification of our U.S. society (if you're from the U.S.) and work on slow, steady improvement. The beauty of the DJ Bible is it is a long work in progress: you work on eye contact with X amount of people, progress to smiling, then to saying 'hi', and then to meeting people, then to asking them out.

The DJ Bible is highly underrated as 90 percent of the people posting ignore it and think this site is about just scoring chicks. Actually it's about self-improvement.

Take small steps, work on human relations.

Couple of keeper books, oldies but goodies that are priceless:

1. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Norman Vincent Peale. A timeless classic that is excellent for learning human relations.

2. "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz. (The old one is better than P-C 2000, the updated version.) He's a plastic surgeon who discovered that people most listen to their internal voice and subconscious and those who received plastic surgery weren't always happy after the surgery.

I'm guessing you're not as homely as you say you are and not as bad a person as you make yourself out to be. A smile, nice hello, and a gesture such as opening a door for a person goes a LONG ways in life -- we've just been told that all of these enormous endeavors mean nothing in today's corrupt society.

Case in point: My buddies and I are at a bar in Seattle. A young hottie bartender is barely looking at or helping us. Another woman bartender comes up, probably 40, not particularly attractive (at first!), then she starts smiling, starts talking hockey and baseball with us (huge props for that!), laughing, helping us with great service, etc. In no time we all agreed the so-called hottie was no longer hot and the "average" looking gal was awesome and all three of us would date her in a heartbeat -- and all three of us do OK with the ladies.

Attitude, smile, kindness, and confidence go a long ways. Work on developing them and you'll be a big success.

Best wishes 27 and SOMETHING!

 

[locrian]

I appriciate the attempt advice about things to try, but thats just not going to help. At this point I'm paralysed to take any action. I'm not going to walk slowly and look at people in a mall. I just *CAN'T* do that
...
For me, trying to do this type of thing is like trying to hold my hand in a flame.

You're right, the advice here is not going to help. It's good advice, but not for what you have.

When your mental state is such that you are paralyzed, you are incapacitated to the point of not being to go to the mall, not being able to so much as look at people, etc, that says to me that something is seriously wrong. Maybe this is obvious since you said so yourself, but this is destroying your life.

Dude, you are way past the point of getting pointers from a web site or chat board. Get your ass to a counsellor and get it there now! That's the only advice I have, go to a professional! This is not about getting girls, this is about your LIFE, man!

 

[raceat8400]

My suggestions:

- Go to Amazon.com and buy Anthony Robbins "Awaken the Giant" and "Unlimited Power" CDs. Listen to them 30+ times each. Listen to them all the time for months. On the way to and from work. Constantly. One day it will click...
Specifically when he talks about belieds in Awaken the Giant. You have some sub conscous beliefs that you need to become conscious of. I know for me(I was very shy), I had the belief that people were watching me when I did ****. Like if I walked up to a women, that people would be watching and making judgments against me. When I figure that out, I got PISSED. I was sacrafising my life, not doing what I wanted to do just to please strangers expecitations. F*ck that. Anyway, I think Tony says ask the question "what would I have to believe to feel this way" or something to that effect. Ask yourself that.... What do you have to believe to feel afraid to make eye contact with women?

- Read "Using Your Brain for a Change" by Richard Bandler

- Watch this video. Its Bandler doing NLP on a 40 year old guy whos shy around women. I'm going to sell my copy on ebay if you want it: http://nlpco.com/products/bandler/bandler-137.html

 

[mahon83050]

Chancer:

I feel your pain my brother, I am 27 and have suffered from depression and anxiety problems most of my life. The worst thing about depression is no one can see or feel your pain like they can with (Second degree burns, a paralyzed person, mangled person etc) They might just think you choose to be anti-social and enjoy being miserable, when nothing could be further from the truth.

I agree with you, the most pain is seeing everyone else seem like they are a success with women etc. Go see a therapist, I am going to call one this week....you will feel better.

Better, yet Puerto Rican lover was 100% correct. Seek spiritual help thru Jesus or Yahweh (if you are Jewish) I am not going to say "Allah" because I have issues with Islam (but that is another story). One cannot truly ever be happy by relying on the things of the flesh and of this world (looks, how many girls u get, money, fame etc.) All of these things can be taken away from you in a heartbeat and nothing ever seems enough.

Good Luck my brother and I will pray for you and myself as well.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by chancer357
I'm trying to express to you what this is like. It may be an illogical, self-defeating fear - call it what you like; but this is how it is for me. If you held a gun to my head I'd probably gladly let you pull the trigger rather then try to go an express interest in a person....

there are girls who feel exactly the same way as you do, and would be thrilled if you showed them some interest. In order to find them you have to approach and show interest. Yes some girls will reject your advances, but so what? Every guy has faced rejection, nobody likes it, but it's all what you make out of it. If you make it into a really big deal, then it is. If you treat it like a pesky housefly, that that is what it becomes.

You are in complete control of how you feel about yourself and the world in which we live. Rejection should not be a big deal, it happens to everyone.

There are beautiful, brilliant, athletic, honest, caring women out there. If you land one of them, drop us a line and tell us how you did it. On the other hand there are some ugly, evil, stupid, messed up women at the opposite end of the spectrum. If you fall somewhere between those two extremes, then there are definitely women out there you need to approach. If they feel bad about themselves, they will surely never approach you, so it's up to you to make the first move.

When you express interest in a girl, she won't pull out a knife and stab you, she won't shoot you with a gun, she'll let you know if she is or isn't, and then you take it from there. The higher end of the spectrum will likely give less success than the lower end. Why not start with a butt-ugly girl that not even her dog would touch. Practice approaching the ugliest women you can find. No matter how bad you feel about yourself, there is always a woman that is uglier than you, or thinks she is. Strike up a friendly conversation and practice your convo skills. If you find you end up liking one of these girls, then great, problem sovled. If not, move on. As you become better at it, you'll feel relaxed and more confident in your ability to approach women.

 

[oldschool]

I forgot where this thread was as I don't post in this forum much. I came across an article the other day that reminded me of things said on this thread. I thought maybe it could help someone out.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/991115ap/2311.html

 

[ak5]

just keep this in your mind and when time comes this phrase will make sense:

Its all just show...

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by raceat8400
My suggestions:

- Go to Amazon.com and buy Anthony Robbins "Awaken the Giant" and "Unlimited Power" CDs. Listen to them 30+ times each. Listen to them all the time for months. On the way to and from work. Constantly. One day it will click...
Specifically when he talks about belieds in Awaken the Giant. You have some sub conscous beliefs that you need to become conscious of. I know for me(I was very shy), I had the belief that people were watching me when I did ****. Like if I walked up to a women, that people would be watching and making judgments against me. When I figure that out, I got PISSED. I was sacrafising my life, not doing what I wanted to do just to please strangers expecitations. F*ck that. Anyway, I think Tony says ask the question "what would I have to believe to feel this way" or something to that effect. Ask yourself that.... What do you have to believe to feel afraid to make eye contact with women?

- Read "Using Your Brain for a Change" by Richard Bandler

- Watch this video. Its Bandler doing NLP on a 40 year old guy whos shy around women. I'm going to sell my copy on ebay if you want it: http://nlpco.com/products/bandler/bandler-137.html

man you guys rock..the same books the same tapes the same stuff..haaha..I've been into that stuff over the last two or so years and have had HUUUUUGGE improvements.

Listen to the guys in this thread, they're all correct IMO...

Especcially get the anthony robbins CD's...that's one think you really ought to get..it makes a huge difference to actually hear someone elses voice and how they make sense of things like how your mind works and steps you can take to improve yourself..

Funny thig about this guy i'm quoting is that I just finished that book by bandler and it's just simply incredible...

good posts in here...

 

[noseguard20]

Originally posted by white_hype
LIFT WEIGHTS AND GET HUGE, UFF SED


ALSO STARTING THINKNG LIKE IF U DONT TAL K T O THE GIRL YOU WILL BE ALONE FORE EVER

DO OR DIE


NO WUT IM TOMBOUT

hell yeah!! He's right dude. Get to the weightroom, lift heavy and start eating alot of eggs and ****. Even if you're already fat, get bigger dude. And get some gold teeth too. Women love that ****

 

[unclebob]

You should read the book "Fight Club" by Chuck Phalinuk

it will open your mind to a whole new view on life.