“I need to take some time”

[BeExcellent]

You paint your friend as a victim who finally got the brightness in her voice back when in her early 50s. But she decided to break up with the high school sweetheart. She decided to marry the ass hole with caustic personality that she met in college. She decided to have kids (plural) with him.
So whatever she says about the new guy has to be taken with a big grain of salt.

I agree with you. She should never have married the ex husband. She broke things off with the high school sweetheart because he lied to her. At 18 she didn't have the life experience to forgive him (he had lied about being a virgin and later it came out that he wasn't although she had been. He didn't cheat or anything, but she found that lie very hurtful so she dropped him.)

You cannot always look at decisions a teen makes with more experienced eyes and pass judgement. She was chaste and inexperienced. So she thought it was a much bigger deal than it was. Then she picked the ass hole. But she married for life. She left because he was cheating more so than his behavior.

At 50 something with only two partners? Pretty and attractive? Many a man would welcome an opportunity with her.

But you find fault with everyone.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Really dude? One of my friends who married her college sweetheart finally got away from the ass hole 30 years later, after dealing with his cheating and caustic personality until the kids were grown. Most of my friends are happily married, this gal was not & she probably should have never married her husband....

She is still very petite and pretty in her early 50s. I wondered how she would do in dating since she had very little experience in her youth, just a high school sweetheart she wished in time she hadn't broken up with, and her ex husband, her college sweetheart.

Well her neighbors in her social circle set her up with a man who is equivalently attractive, and he's a successful single father. They are getting along beautifully, and the thing my friend has most appreciated about him is his kind nature. She finds him "lovely" and there is a brightness in her voice I have not heard for decades.

So don't underestimate the power of kindness. Real kindness always comes from strength of character.

Hmm..."lovely" sounds like something you'd say about a nice guy you are not sexually attracted to...

I hope no woman ever tells me I'm 'lovely"

 

[BeExcellent]

Y

Hmm..."lovely" sounds like something you'd say about a nice guy you are not sexually attracted to...

I hope no woman ever tells me I'm 'lovely"

Lol. I feel you. I'd never call my husband "lovely", but this gal is still rather inexperienced when it comes to men (and he seems to be a pretty "blue pill" guy too) so maybe they are well matched after all. She still has a certain idealism and wants to be treated well, which he is doing according to her. We shall see.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Y


Lol. I feel you. I'd never call my husband "lovely", but this gal is still rather inexperienced when it comes to men (and he seems to be a pretty "blue pill" guy too) so maybe they are well matched after all. She still has a certain idealism and wants to be treated well, which he is doing according to her. We shall see.

I mean that sounds like something you'd call a nice crocheted blanket you received from Aunt Esther for Christmas

 

[pipeman84]

I agree with you. She should never have married the ex husband. She broke things off with the high school sweetheart because he lied to her. At 18 she didn't have the life experience to forgive him (he had lied about being a virgin and later it came out that he wasn't although she had been. He didn't cheat or anything, but she found that lie very hurtful so she dropped him.)

You cannot always look at decisions a teen makes with more experienced eyes and pass judgement. She was chaste and inexperienced. So she thought it was a much bigger deal than it was. Then she picked the ass hole. But she married for life. She left because he was cheating more so than his behavior.

At 50 something with only two partners? Pretty and attractive? Many a man would welcome an opportunity with her.

But you find fault with everyone.

It just doesn't compute for me when a woman marries a guy, has kids (plural) with him and then divorces him because he supposedly is an ass hole who cheats. Hello! If she was too different from him, she wouldn't even have entered in a relationship, let alone marriage and kids. You keep saying that like attracts like ... well, if he's indeed an ass hole then she's a bytch. There's no two ways about it.

 

[SW15]

my friend has most appreciated about him is his kind nature. She finds him "lovely" and there is a brightness in her voice I have not heard for decades.

So don't underestimate the power of kindness. Real kindness always comes from strength of character.

He sounds like a typical Beta Bob getting a woman far past her prime.

Highly doubt she would have appreciated him being a beta nice guy in her best looking years.

Dating a woman with adult children isn't a walk in the park for men either. Adult children are often not very pleasant about their parents having new romantic partners. Being an older adult and merging two families with adult children is a very forced and unpleasant interaction from the perspective of the adult children and also the perspective of the elder adults in the later life romantic relationship.

At 50 something with only two partners? Pretty and attractive? Many a man would welcome an opportunity with her.

Comparatively speaking, what you say is likely true. She's likely attractive for her age. There are also plenty of 50s-60s aged beta simp guys who would be interested.

2 partners is a low notch count for a woman her age. She's going to have some baggage from that lousy marriage but she'd likely have baggage from almost any other way she existed from ages 18-early 50s.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It just doesn't compute for me when a woman marries a guy, has kids (plural) with him and then divorces him because he supposedly is an ass hole who cheats. Hello! If she was too different from him, she wouldn't even have entered in a relationship, let alone marriage and kids. You keep saying that like attracts like ... well, if he's indeed an ass hole then she's a bytch. There's no two ways about it.

That's because you have no concept of how people change over the course of long relationships because you've never been in one.

 

[pipeman84]

That's because you have no concept of how people change over the course of long relationships because you've never been in one.

Once you're past 20yrs old, the personality is pretty much formed. I think it's very very rare that an upstanding guy with a nice personality turns into a cheating ass hole with caustic personality 10 or 20yrs later.

Also, why is there the saying ''once a hoe, always a hoe''? Because fundamentally people don't change that much.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Once you're past 20yrs old, the personality is pretty much formed. I think it's very very rare that an upstanding guy with a nice personality turns into a cheating ass hole with caustic personality 10 or 20yrs later.

Also, why is there the saying ''once a hoe, always a hoe''? Because fundamentally people don't change that much.

Again
You have no experience in this so your theories don't mean anything. They do all the time, especially around age 30 and mid 40s.

 

[Hal9000]

This actually has the ring of truth to it. I'd wish her luck and tell her to let you know when she feels up to another date then I'd move on like she never existed until you hopefully hear back.

 

[BeExcellent]

I mean that sounds like something you'd call a nice crocheted blanket you received from Aunt Esther for Christmas

Right??????

 

[BeExcellent]

It just doesn't compute for me when a woman marries a guy, has kids (plural) with him and then divorces him because he supposedly is an ass hole who cheats. Hello! If she was too different from him, she wouldn't even have entered in a relationship, let alone marriage and kids. You keep saying that like attracts like ... well, if he's indeed an ass hole then she's a bytch. There's no two ways about it.

She's not a b1tch. A prude perhaps, but not a b1tch. She was a girl every guy wanted in her 20s, but was very old fashioned (how else is your body count a sum total of "2" - and it is.) This gal does not drink or smoke or party or stay out late, is quite religious and responsible. And she's always been that way. She's always up early, is a runner, and does not color her hair, do her nails or wear makeup. She has great character and was loyal because she took the whole "til death do us part" thing seriously. Managed the family money very well, frugal, no extravagant purchases. I think after a while her husband wanted a flashier model. He developed a serious porn habit (she found this terribly upsetting). She was the perfect wife candidate on paper, but I don't think he was turned on by her. That's a problem.

You see @pipeman84 sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons. His family ADORED her (they still do) and thought she was a wonderful wife & mother. She was & is. His family expected him to marry a religious, conservative girl. So he did. His friends; his brother even, always hoped to find a girl like her. I heard them make statements like that over the years. I really don't think he should have married her - she wasn't what turned him on, but she was certainly "wife material" in the eyes of his family, and he came to resent how everyone thought she was so great; he felt "less than" in the eyes of his family compared to her. THAT is a problem but you'll see dynamics like this where a child is making life choices to please the parents; the family; etc.

He should have been honest with everyone about not wanting her. This kind of thing happens more often than you might imagine.

She was exactly the type girl guys here idealize. But the reality doesn't always work according to the ideal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She's not a b1tch. A prude perhaps, but not a b1tch. She was a girl every guy wanted in her 20s, but was very old fashioned (how else is your body count a sum total of "2" - and it is.) This gal does not drink or smoke or party or stay out late, is quite religious and responsible. And she's always been that way. She's always up early, is a runner, and does not color her hair, do her nails or wear makeup. She has great character and was loyal because she took the whole "til death do us part" thing seriously. Managed the family money very well, frugal, no extravagant purchases. I think after a while her husband wanted a flashier model. He developed a serious porn habit (she found this terribly upsetting). She was the perfect wife candidate on paper, but I don't think he was turned on by her. That's a problem.

You see @pipeman84 sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons. His family ADORED her (they still do) and thought she was a wonderful wife & mother. She was & is. His family expected him to marry a religious, conservative girl. So he did. His friends; his brother even, always hoped to find a girl like her. I heard them make statements like that over the years. I really don't think he should have married her - she wasn't what turned him on, but she was certainly "wife material" in the eyes of his family, and he came to resent how everyone thought she was so great; he felt "less than" in the eyes of his family compared to her. THAT is a problem but you'll see dynamics like this where a child is making life choices to please the parents; the family; etc.

He should have been honest with everyone about not wanting her. This kind of thing happens more often than you might imagine.

She was exactly the type girl guys here idealize. But the reality doesn't always work according to the ideal.

The issue as always is that men want this type of women to take home to their families but they want a woman who acts like a nympho in the bedroom and who will ride you until you can't cvm anymore and fvck your brains out.

Really, really hard to find that combination and if a woman is way too far to one side in both areas it becomes a problem...

A problem as soon as he brings her home to the family in the case of a woman who acts like a nympho in both places and a problem 20-30 years down the line in a case like her where she acts like a goodie two shoes in both places. In either case, long term, it's unlikely the man will stay with the woman.

Just because you are attractive, doesn't make you sexy and men more than anything want a woman who knows how to turn them on in the bedroom and really at other times too...sounds like this woman was sorely lacking in that area.