How much do looks matter

[Hamurabimbi]

.

‘Looks really matter. And, despite what some argue, if you are GL, you can be a clueless dork and women will still pounce on you. Being GL is a massive cheat code.’

The fact I'm a good-looking guy who hasn't had free sex in 4 years pokes a hole in your theory.

I believe your being on The Spectrum adds additional challenges.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This thread is an epic bot troll. Well done bots

 

[BeExcellent]

Women who won't chase typically insist on having the upper hand

Respectfully I disagree. These are more traditional, more feminine women in my experience. Women who chase over time go in one of two directions after a while (neither is a good direction):

1. They end up being clingy stage 5 clingers who are super insecure & blowing up your phone constantly (this WILL become a turn off & this girl will lose value in your eyes over time)....

2. They end up being ball busting "Go GIRL" boss bytches who think they wear the pants in the interaction because you expected and accepted them doing the masculine role, namely initiating and pursuing. This kind of girl is in her masculine and will be stubborn, demanding and bossy. Good luck getting such a girl to act demure.

Do either of those types sound fun over time? No?

If you like your women feminine & demure, then you gotta be the man in the interaction guys! I have taught my daughters what I was taught: Do not chase boys/men and choose from the guys who demonstrate interest in you. Simple & sensible. Efficient. Good girls may smile or give you indicators of interest, but its up to you to be the man & take action.

 

[GoodMan32]

Women who won't chase typically insist on having the upper hand

Another thing worth pointing out: There are many cases where a woman doesn't chase, yet thinks she's chasing.

I can explain.

Even neurotypical men can be pretty bad at picking up on a woman's clues. There are many instances where a woman thinks she's being obvious, yet the man (neurotypical or not) is oblivious to her clues.

It all circles back to the fact woman is a subtle creature, while man is a direct creature.

 

[GoodMan32]

I believe your being on The Spectrum adds additional challenges.

It undoubtedly does.

That being said, my case is mild enough that I'd have a lot more luck if (as you insisted) a woman will pounce on a man with good looks no matter how clueless or dorky he is.

The vast majority of the outside world (male or female) likely doesn't have even the slightest inkling I'm an autist.

 

[CornbreadFed]

It undoubtedly does.

That being said, my case is mild enough that I'd have a lot more luck if (as you insisted) a woman will pounce on a man with good looks no matter how clueless or dorky he is.

The vast majority of the outside world (male or female) likely doesn't have even the slightest inkling I'm an autist.

Nah they can tell.

 

[GoodMan32]

Nah they can tell.

You don't even know me. How would you know?

 

[CornbreadFed]

You don't even know me. How would you know?

no, like if a woman was to meet you in person.

 

[GoodMan32]

no, like if a woman was to meet you in person.

I disagree.

While I stand by my claim that my autism is mild enough the vast majority of the population would never guess I'm an autist, a woman at least can begin to tell there's something off about me upon getting to know me.

And that's what appears to freak the ladies out: Picking up on the fact there's something off about me, yet being unable to tell what exactly that something is.

If I was clearly autistic, they wouldn't be as freaked out (because they'd know why there's something off about me). As my latest counselor put it "A woman you date is going to notice you missing cues no matter what. If she's unaware of your autism, she'll think you're doing it on purpose"

 

[CornbreadFed]

I disagree.

I've never met a person with a mental illness that agreed.

 

[BeExcellent]

I've never met a person with a mental illness that agreed.

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a condition. That is quite different than a mental illness like bipolar or depression. It is a difference in the way the brain is wired, much like a pick up truck is different than a car. It is a dfferent operating system. And it is a minority of people who are wired this way, so nuerotypical people may not understand or recognize it.

It is very easy to see that a person in a wheelchair must function dfferently in life than a person with normative physcal function. It is harder to grasp how an ASD person has functional differences for a couple of reasons, the first being it is an invisible condition, and the second being that it is on a contiunuum (spectrum) and no two individuals present behaviorally in exactly the same way. So what you know about one individual may not closely translate to another individual. Added to that are varying capabilities to "mask" the condition short term by observing and imitating normative behavior, and this is a learned skillset.

ASD carries strengths that nuerotyipical people do not have. Again those strengths vary. My husband can code at an elite level in over a dozen languages. He can focus on that literally 24 hours straight, he can compute math or analytics in his head at near calculator speed. He is muscally gifted. There are other things he is awesome at besides those things.

But as more is learned about ASD it seems the brain sacrifices other things (like social axis things usually) as a trade off for the unusual competencies exhibited.

I don't have the abilities my husband has. Its pretty incredible. But I have the social competencies in spades and that benefits him in an indirect way.

Ok. I'm off my soabox. I think @GoodMan32 exhibits unusual self awareness and he is making efforts to cope in a mostly nuerotypical mating environment.

So cut him some slack guys.

 

[zekko]

Big muscles can offset below average facial aesthetics and raise a man's overall rating in the eyes of women.

Ah, the male equivalent of a "butter face".

 

[CornbreadFed]

So cut him some slack guys.

I visited my old social circle and there’s this one guy that always seemed “off”, but I assumed he was just in the closet and just being weird to compensate. Last time I went and his condition has clearly gotten worse and you can tell he is on the spectrum and needs to go see someone about it. In addition, he hasn’t gotten laid since 2017 allegedly and I wouldn’t be shocked if he was an actual virgin. I am only on his case because he was posting some Red pill stuff which I do not think helps his case at all.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Ah, the male equivalent of a "butter face".

gymcels are a thing for a reason. Dudes care more about muscles than women. Ugly face means ugly children to women.

 

[characternote]

gymcels are a thing for a reason. Dudes care more about muscles than women. Ugly face means ugly children to women.

in my experience, muscles can compensate for a non-handsome face, but only really for older women. Older women seem to be turned on by muscles WAY more than young girls for who it's all basically about face (and to some extent height).

 

[SW15]

gymcels are a thing for a reason.

Over the years, I've thought gymcels weren't much of a thing. Even today, I have mixed feelings about how realistic thy gymcel concept is.

It's reasonable to think that having a fit physique would enable a man to get laid and get laid regularly.

It is unexpected to see a man who has above average fitness levels struggling to attract and to retain women.

Ugly face means ugly children to women.

in my experience, muscles can compensate for a non-handsome face, but only really for older women. Older women seem to be turned on by muscles WAY more than young girls for who it's all basically about face (and to some extent height).

These 2 quotes go together in a meaningful way.

@characternote -- Where do you think the point of "older women" begins? If I had to put a specific number on it, I would say 35, but there's probably a case for as low as 30.

I could imagine that muscles would turn on older women more than facial aesthetics because older women are less likely to get pregnant. They don't need to be concerned about an ugly face producing ugly children. These older women have either had their children already or aren't planning to have children.

To a woman under 30 (most biologically likely to conceive), face, height, and physique will all matter. Being physically fit will matter to a younger woman, but pure muscle mass might not matter as much. Lower body fat is a better fitness indicator in attracting the under 30s.

 

[characternote]

@characternote -- Where do you think the point of "older women" begins? If I had to put a specific number on it, I would say 35, but there's probably a case for as low as 30.

I'd probably agree with you, tbh. Off the top of my head I was thinking 35ish, but yeah, even 30 feels like it makes sense

I see so many stunning, perfect looking 18 year olds girls banging literal sticks of a 'man', but they're typically facially very good looking and usually tall.

I feel like the 'muscles = older women wanting you but young girls not being interested' is something I noticed when I was really young, tbh after watching programs like 'Ibiza uncovered' which was kind of 'reality TV' back when it was actually REAL! Pre social media and smart phone etc.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Over the years, I've thought gymcels weren't much of a thing. Even today, I have mixed feelings about how realistic thy gymcel concept is.

Muscles on an unattractive guy is equivalent to putting big boobs on an ugly girl to men. The issue is that men get muscles and expect it work with women that care about other stuff. If they stuck to fitness girls and adopted that gym bro trainer personality then they would be much better off. Your typical young taco tuesday girl club hopping every weekend, traveling to Europe to visit more feminine men does not care if a guy that she already saw as unattractive got muscles lol.

in my experience, muscles can compensate for a non-handsome face, but only really for older women. Older women seem to be turned on by muscles WAY more than young girls for who it's all basically about face (and to some extent height).

@characternote -- Where do you think the point of "older women" begins? If I had to put a specific number on it, I would say 35, but there's probably a case for as low as 30.

Ehhh 40, but could go to 30 depending on the baggage and experience carried by the woman.

 

[GoodMan32]

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a condition. That is quite different than a mental illness like bipolar or depression. It is a difference in the way the brain is wired, much like a pick up truck is different than a car. It is a dfferent operating system. And it is a minority of people who are wired this way, so nuerotypical people may not understand or recognize it.

It is very easy to see that a person in a wheelchair must function dfferently in life than a person with normative physcal function. It is harder to grasp how an ASD person has functional differences for a couple of reasons, the first being it is an invisible condition, and the second being that it is on a contiunuum (spectrum) and no two individuals present behaviorally in exactly the same way. So what you know about one individual may not closely translate to another individual. Added to that are varying capabilities to "mask" the condition short term by observing and imitating normative behavior, and this is a learned skillset.

ASD carries strengths that nuerotyipical people do not have. Again those strengths vary. My husband can code at an elite level in over a dozen languages. He can focus on that literally 24 hours straight, he can compute math or analytics in his head at near calculator speed. He is muscally gifted. There are other things he is awesome at besides those things.

But as more is learned about ASD it seems the brain sacrifices other things (like social axis things usually) as a trade off for the unusual competencies exhibited.

I don't have the abilities my husband has. Its pretty incredible. But I have the social competencies in spades and that benefits him in an indirect way.

Ok. I'm off my soabox. I think @GoodMan32 exhibits unusual self awareness and he is making efforts to cope in a mostly nuerotypical mating environment.

So cut him some slack guys.

Thanks.

I certainly have talents that others don't...but as you said, the tradeoff is that I'm socially stunted.

Masking is definitely a thing. With a case as mild as mine, I can mask to a fair degree. That being said, I need to let loose once I get home. I'm unable to mask 24/7.

Being an invisible disability, combined with the fact my masking in public makes me appear to be no different than neurotypicals, causes a lot of normies to underestimate (or simply not understand) my ASD. A lot of the dating/sex advice I get is basically "just be less autistic"

You summed it up perfectly. I'm trying my best to cope in a majority neurotypical environment. With very few exceptions, I don't even want to get involved with an autistic woman. A neurotypical woman tends to make a better partner for an autistic man.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thanks.

I certainly have talents that others don't...but as you said, the tradeoff is that I'm socially stunted.

Masking is definitely a thing. With a case as mild as mine, I can mask to a fair degree. That being said, I need to let loose once I get home. I'm unable to mask 24/7.

Being an invisible disability, combined with the fact my masking in public makes me appear to be no different than neurotypicals, causes a lot of normies to underestimate (or simply not understand) my ASD. A lot of the dating/sex advice I get is basically "just be less autistic"

You summed it up perfectly. I'm trying my best to cope in a majority neurotypical environment. With very few exceptions, I don't even want to get involved with an autistic woman. A neurotypical woman tends to make a better partner for an autistic man.

True. She has strengths you do not have. But she has to have tremendous patience & understanding. Things that seem patently obvious to me he will miss. It can be maddening at times, but its how he's built & will not change to a great degree.