Looking for some help curbing some bad behavior I'm considering engaging in

[New_Journey]

This girl is full of trauma, medical conditions, and bull$hit of a life. Are you Neo from the Matrix who saves people?

What is it about her you like her that much? Do you think is luck that you found her when she was with nobody?

This is the typical case of Women weaponizing men's protective instinct. And then here he goes to save the damsel in distress because of her own damn choices in life.

Use this girl for what she is, a warm hole and a nice company, nothing more, nothing less.

 

[BPH]

Hey @BPH appreciate the tag, here are my thoughts.

Re bolded above, then don't. That's the bottom line, respect her boundaries here.

For whatever reason, she's not in an emotionally good place; it could be a combination of things.

Her comment that she would have joined her cat "on the other side" suggests she's severely depressed.

Everyone grieves differently. I am still grieving my dad's passing 10 years ago in some form or fashion; I also lost my mom and I lost my brother a couple of years ago. My precious dog died many years ago as well.

I still sometimes go through periods where I wish to be alone, in time they become fewer and far between.

It's only been a month, give it (her) time. There's no set timeline, again everyone's timeline is different.

Patience is your friend here do not push it or force it.

It's good you're still communicating but I would caution against making an impromptu visit to her home.

i also agree with some other comments that if you drive over to see her without an invite, putting forth that type of energy, it suggests you may be more serious about her than you are.

You say you only want FWB and yes friends can and do certainly show caring, buying a small gift to offer condolences.

However, in a FWB scenario those lines can often become blurred and if you're not serious about wanting a "relationship" you need to tread carefully so as to not to mislead her into believing you do or have serious intentions with her.

I do realize you're desirous (anxious?) to resume your FWB status but try to not let your desires and/or anxiety steer your ship.

It's best to respect her boundaries. Continue communicating, she will let you know IF/when she's ready to pick up where you left off before her cat passed away and whatever other emotional/mental health issues she's experiencing.

Good luck man.

Do you think @Prepostereax 's idea to get her a little stuffed cat with a note would be a nice gesture, or would that also be seen as forceful/pushing it?

That seemed like a decent enough idea that could be kind of a middleground.

Haaaa nobody in here

That was mostly to dissuade the keyboard warriors and theorycrafters who don't have any lived experience but love adding their 2 cents. So far it seems to have steered away the usual suspects.

This girl is full of trauma, medical conditions, and bull$hit of a life. Are you Neo from the Matrix who saves people?

What is it about her you like her that much? Do you think is luck that you found her when she was with nobody?

This is the typical case of Women weaponizing men's protective instinct. And then here he goes to save the damsel in distress because of her own damn choices in life.

Use this girl for what she is, a warm hole and a nice company, nothing more, nothing less.

I'm not looking to save her. She was with nobody because I met her soon after she moved back in with her mom and she didn't know anybody and doesn't go out often to meet people.

As far as what I like about her, she's a good person, at least from my experience. Like I said before, I generally like the women I sleep with and most times a FWB situation ends it's on their end, not mine.

She's a very sweet girl; I buy an energy drink once to have on the way home from visiting her one time and she asks me my favorite flavors and always has them in the fridge for when I visit. Even though she doesn't drink she asks me my favorite alcohol and has Captain Morgan shooters on hand. When I leave she stays awake waiting until I let her know I'm home safe. The Christmas gift of a quality gold chain to replace the one I broke was something I didn't expect from somebody I was only casually seeing, and she's never pressured me into anything more than what we currently were.

Wonderful girl with an unfortunate amount of medical and personal problems. She doesn't make her problems my problems and treats me well, so I treat her well.

Simple as that.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Do you think @Prepostereax 's idea to get her a little stuffed cat with a note would be a nice gesture, or would that also be seen as forceful/pushing it?

I think it could be misleading; again the lines between just a "friendship" and "friends with benefits" can be blurry.

Also ask yourself why you would? Are you seeking her validation and/or to get things back on track to where they were?

If so, that could be viewed as manipulative

On the other hand, if you want to send a small gesture because you care, with no expectation that she even respond, then okay send it.

A small card sending your condolences would be fine.

I do NOT recommend writing anything "touchy/feely," it's not appropriate under the circumstances and may be viewed by her as "too much," and over the top..

 

[BPH]

I think it could be misleading; again the lines between just a "friendship" and "friends with benefits" can be blurry.

Also ask yourself why you would? Are you seeking her validation and/or to get things back on track to where they were?

If so, that could be viewed as manipulative

On the other hand, if you want to send a small gesture because you care, with no expectation that she even respond, then okay send it.

A small card sending your condolences would be fine.

I do NOT recommend writing anything "touchy/feely," it's not appropriate under the circumstances and may be viewed by her as "too much," and over the top..

I want to get things back on track, but I also wouldn't make something like this about me.

If I were to do it I'd just get a little stuffed cat that looks like the one she lost, attach a little note saying something along the lines of "Hope you feel better" and leave it in her mailbox since she's always home.

 

[BeExcellent]

Do not get her a stuffed cat. You don't know her well enough for this; it may come off odd. If you think of it, get her a simple card that you are thinking of her and you are sorry for her loss, and leave it where she will find it after you see her next time.

That way you are kind/thoughtful in the moment but not intruding on her in any way; not expecting any sort of response.

What @Sega Genesis says is true. People grieve differently. How she grieves may not make sense to you and that's Ok.

Don't go over uninvited. You can always say "Let me know if you feel like company" and see how she responds.

 

[Sega Genesis]

If I were to do it I'd just get a little stuffed cat that looks like the one she lost, attach a little note saying something along the lines of "Hope you feel better" and leave it in her mailbox since she's always home.

How about simply a card and mailing it?

If me and a man I'd been dating (I don't do FWBs not my thing) but not yet in an exclusive relationship drove to my home and left something like what you're thinking in my mailbox, I'd find that a bit creepy tbh.

Other than that a card seems like a kind and thoughtful gesture BPH. But mail it.

JMO

 

[BPH]

and leave it where she will find it after you see her next time.

Specifically AFTER I see her next time? Not having seen her for a month is kinda the whole problem.

 

[Clockwerk50]

+3 on the condolences card.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The human mind deals with past trauma by re-living it. So the pet dying makes her have to re-experience the grief of losing her father.

 

[Sega Genesis]

She's a very sweet girl; I buy an energy drink once to have on the way home from visiting her one time and she asks me my favorite flavors and always has them in the fridge for when I visit. Even though she doesn't drink she asks me my favorite alcohol and has Captain Morgan shooters on hand. When I leave she stays awake waiting until I let her know I'm home safe. The Christmas gift of a quality gold chain to replace the one I broke was something I didn't expect from somebody I was only casually seeing, and she's never pressured me into anything more than what we currently were.

Wonderful girl with an unfortunate amount of medical and personal problems. She doesn't make her problems my problems and treats me well, so I treat her well.

Reading this^^ she sounds like a keeper! I know you don't want that right now ... just saying.

Yes please send her the card, lord you’ve got ME caring about her for chrissakes.

 

[BPH]

Reading this^^ she sounds like a keeper! I know you don't want that right now ... just saying.

Yes please send her the card, lord you’ve got ME caring about her for chrissakes.

I'll probably go this route. I'll check some stores tomorrow if anywhere sells cards with cats that look similar to hers and send something handwritten.

You mentioned you wouldn't drop this off but rather mail it, do you stand by that? She's a short drive and I've been there plenty of times and could deliver this in 30 minutes as opposed to 2-3 business days, but if you think it's less imposing to mail it as a standard letter.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Reading this^^ she sounds like a keeper! I know you don't want that right now ... just saying.

Yes please send her the card, lord you’ve got ME caring about her for chrissakes.

Bedridden women aren't keepers you silly woman

 

[BPH]

Found a card, wrote a short message, mailed it.

Apparently it won't arrive until Monday, and I could've delivered it in a half hour, but ok, let's see what happens, if anything.