Have you ever purposely withheld sex from a girl?

[FlexpertHamilton]

My libido is extremely low right now, to the point where I don't even want to have sex, and when I do, I tend to feel depressed after.

I am also abstaining from porn and masturbation, and I would rather free up and repurpose my sexual energy towards more important things rather than trying to distract myself with something that I don't even enjoy anymore.

I have an FWB going on for 4 months now and while there is a zero percent chance I will ever take her seriously enough for an LTR, I would like to keep her on retainer, though I'm fully prepared to lose her over this.

I think it will be an interesting case study, it might be similar to trying to "friendzone" a girl which can have interesting results when the man holds the frame and makes the call himself. If anyone is curious I'll let you know what happens lol.

 

[Sega Genesis]

My libido is extremely low right now, to the point where I don't even want to have sex, and when I do, I tend to feel depressed after.

I'm sorry to hear this @FlexpertHamilton .

I'm wondering though if you're actually depressed (first), and that's why you lack the desire for sex?

And having sex exacerbates the depression?

Depression can do that, it kinda numbs you. Speaking from experience.

Have you seen or talked to a doctor about it?

 

[Divorced w 3]

If she’s not deeply emotionally invested you, she’s going to leave you if you stop banging her and she may develop a bit of a complex if you don’t explain to her that you’re going through something. Do her the courtesy of telling her it’s not her - making her wonder is mean.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Not out if spite, but out of exhaustion or stress. Makes them go berserk with rage. I don’t recommend.

 

[plumber]

did you figure out the low libido already or still hunting for the reason?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I'm sorry to hear this @FlexpertHamilton .

I'm wondering though if you're actually depressed (first), and that's why you lack the desire for sex?

And having sex exacerbates the depression?

Depression can do that, it kinda numbs you. Speaking from experience.

Have you seen or talked to a doctor about it?

Thank you, but yes I am depressed, this is nothing new to me. However I have found my libido lacking sometimes even when i'm not depressed. This has caused a strain for some relationships i've been in, especially in the past couple of years. In my very limited experience of broaching this subject, women never seem to believe me, they think it means i don't like them.

I've seen many doctors and therapists i don't think they're of any help. I need to sort it out myself like always.

If she’s not deeply emotionally invested you, she’s going to leave you if you stop banging her and she may develop a bit of a complex if you don’t explain to her that you’re going through something. Do her the courtesy of telling her it’s not her - making her wonder is mean.

I did tell her that I'm in a rough patch just so she is aware of why im withdrawing. I wouldn't be vague about it.

did you figure out the low libido already or still hunting for the reason?

Lots of reasons, but ultimately low dopamine - its not health or hormonal issues. But i think my baseline libido is naturally low regardless, it always has been. I usually have to avoid busting for 2-3 weeks before I even have an urge to fvck, even when i'm otherwise feeling normal.

 

[plumber]

Lots of reasons, but ultimately low dopamine - its not health or hormonal issues. But i think my baseline libido is naturally low regardless, it always has been. I usually have to avoid busting for 2-3 weeks before I even have an urge to fvck, even when i'm otherwise feeling normal.

ok. there are lots of hormonal things beyond just T and Free T that absolutely can cause like that. Chatgpt will tell most of them, and even help with analyzing blood numbers. there are some med solutions for libido that can help. as you know dht is a big deal for this.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Do you meditate? Pray? Read the scriptures? Hows your spiritual life?

Do you lift weights and go to the gym? Go jogging and sprinting? Do you eat healthy?

Theres a lot of things to keep in mind regarding this

 

[Clockwerk50]

One time, I was at this Spanish club near closing hours, and there was this guy-easily 6'6-arguing with his girl. He was telling her, "I guess you don't want to get laid tonight, because this is not how you get laid tonight," while she stood there crying.

A year later, I found myself in a relationship where I quietly withdrew all affection and sex because of something she did. We didn't argue-l just made the decision in my head to pull away. What followed was a slow death of the relationship. Without intimacy, we both started focusing on our own goals, seeking attention elsewhere. The relationship got too comfortable, and by the time it was over, I couldn't even remember what she had done to make me withdraw in the first place.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

ok. there are lots of hormonal things beyond just T and Free T that absolutely can cause like that. Chatgpt will tell most of them, and even help with analyzing blood numbers. there are some med solutions for libido that can help. as you know dht is a big deal for this.

I am well aware, I go out of my way to point out the exact thing you just stated in regards to the complexity of hormonal profiles and how total T and free T aren't all that matter. That said my total T is consistently around 1200ng/dL which is quite high. However, while my SHBG and prolactin may be an issue, when I've lowered them (cabergoline for prolactin or stinging nettle root/boron for SHBG) it didn't seem to make any difference subjectively. I may try taking Proviron which is a particularly strong SHBG antagonist and is known for its pro-libido effects, though i don't think its worth the risk of side effects.

Dopaminergics on the other hand reliably increase my libido like nothing else. And if i have the courage to try melanotan II, I would be curious to see how well that works too. If it does, it will serve as further evidence that its not a hormonal issue, since melanotan II works on a completely different system.

Do you meditate? Pray? Read the scriptures? Hows your spiritual life?

Do you lift weights and go to the gym? Go jogging and sprinting? Do you eat healthy?

Theres a lot of things to keep in mind regarding this

Yes to all of the above except praying, instead with fasting, meditation and psychedelics. I am a bit areligious but more accurately atypical/fringe. I create spiritual meaning through a combination of different religious, cosmological, and philosophical beliefs.

 

[SW15]

That said my total T is consistently around 1200ng/dL which is quite high.

That's good. Low T is a common issue with a lot of men today.

Not out if spite, but out of exhaustion or stress. Makes them go berserk with rage. I don’t recommend.

I don't ever recall withholding sex from a woman but if I did, it would have been due to exhaustion or stress.

I don't recall any berserk reactions so I probably didn't do this.

 

[plumber]

I am well aware, I go out of my way to point out the exact thing you just stated in regards to the complexity of hormonal profiles and how total T and free T aren't all that matter. That said my total T is consistently around 1200ng/dL which is quite high. However, while my SHBG and prolactin may be an issue, when I've lowered them (cabergoline for prolactin or stinging nettle root/boron for SHBG) it didn't seem to make any difference subjectively. I may try taking Proviron which is a particularly strong SHBG antagonist and is known for its pro-libido effects, though i don't think its worth the risk of side effects.

sounds like your on it. 1200 is high, Also, estradiol, if its low or high its a no go.

proviron can tell you if dht will help, it will also increase free T by binding SHBG. testing it is probably relatively safe... over time it can drive estridiol lower than you want. initially it can make huge difference. if you go that way, make sure to do some cardio activity.

to get 1200, maybe your adding something and it could cause high estridiol if not blocking that.

good luck.

 

[New_Journey]

That said my total T is consistently around 1200ng/dL

Brother, I'm sorry, but I've been on TRT for 3 years now, when my test was around 380, I was like you low libido. Its fvcking impossible for you to have that high 1200 of test and no libido, also how old are you? like 40? you labs are wrong, there is no way for a man of 40 will have that high of test.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Brother, I'm sorry, but I've been on TRT for 3 years now, when my test was around 380, I was like you low libido. Its fvcking impossible for you to have that high 1200 of test and no libido, also how old are you? like 40? you labs are wrong, there is no way for a man of 40 will have that high of test.

i have multiple blood tests from different labs over the course of over a year that i can upload if you want proof. im early mid 30s not 40.

there are a lot of things i've optimized over the year that contribute. my diet has a lot of cholesterol, and fish oil, I supplement 10,000 IU of Vitamin D per day, and cycle ashwaganda, get good sleep, get sunlight, avoid soy/sugar, and also completely avoid all plastics - all of these things are known or strongly suspected to indirectly benefit test levels. plus, I usually take high quality herbal test boosters (the ones that actually work).

I recently started TRT too (after all the forementioned above) to see if it would help. Even in that initial period of TRT, which is known to increase libido a lot, it barely made difference unless i went 3+ weeks without sex/porn/fapping and even then it wasn't particularly strong. Worse, my refractory periods were even more brutal; having sex just once usually made me pretty much completely uninterested in women again for at least a week.

it's dopaminergic, specifically hedonic tone. i notice a near 1:1 correlation between my libido and my enjoyment of other activies like eating or music. when my libido is dead, food, music, sports, hobbies, and most activities in general (even video games) aren't remotely enjoyable either; this correlation seems self-evident in revealing the anhedonia has little to do with hormones. Btw, this has been an issue for me in varying levels of severity since I was around 14 or so. In fact even when I was a teenager my libido was even more dead, and the first time I had sex I struggled to even get an erection.

sounds like your on it. 1200 is high, Also, estradiol, if its low or high its a no go.

proviron can tell you if dht will help, it will also increase free T by binding SHBG. testing it is probably relatively safe... over time it can drive estridiol lower than you want. initially it can make huge difference. if you go that way, make sure to do some cardio activity.

to get 1200, maybe your adding something and it could cause high estridiol if not blocking that.

good luck.

Yup, I think I'm gonna have to try Proviron and an aromatase inhibitor next to see if that helps. My E levels weren't particularly high, and even after trying TRT for nearly a year, I still have literally zero gyno symptoms except depression (which I can't really blame on E exclusively anyway), but it's possible it's a contributing factor.

 

[New_Journey]

an aromatase inhibitor next

This is $tupid, if you don't have libido or high estrogen, it means you need more test, to be covnerted into estrogen. When my estrogen is low I have zero fvcking desire to get laid like you. How much is your estrogen? How much you took of trt? what dose per week? how many times?

If you haven't had libido and you start trt, you have to keep changing the dose until you start to feel estrogenic effects after 5 weeks, then you start to lower it until you don't anymore, that your sweet spot.

 

[Solomon]

I only made 2 women wait, wasn't that long either a month tops
However once we got busy, we would go at it like rabbits.
It actually does drive women crazy, because they are so used to guys wanna bang them right away
It wasn't a tactic on my part, I actually was younger at the time and didn't know anything about emotional investment
But I learned a lot from that part of my life

 

[CornbreadFed]

No, unless wanting to go to sleep or do my own thing for a night count as abstaining from sex. Sounds like you need to see a doctor or you are with an ugly woman.