Need Some Advice - Live-In GF Acting Up

[Free_Agent]

Yeah I know, I broke the cardinal rule of cohabitating. I'll learn but here is my current dilemma

gf has been somewhat disrespectful. For example goes away to work conference and tells me she’ll call me back in 5min and then calls back 3 hours later after a few drinks and heading out for more.

I stay quiet and said “when you say something - do it.” It's just disrespectful and common courtesy IMHO.

Been a quiet week. Couple little quarrels I just stay quiet . Been argumentative. I'm not the most stoic person myself and have engaged in some of the arguments.

Plan a cool weekend for her and try to be vague about it and she ups and goes to Philly for the parade with her trashy "best" friends.

She's been silent since getting there and there is a good chance she doesn't communicate the whole trip.

What would people do? Pack her **** and change the locks? Tell her to GTF out? Go away for a week?

Thanks

 

[Bingo-Player]

Shes already checked out and is likely preparing to monkey branch ( if she hasn't already )

I think I would be sending the " I think we need some time apart ) message

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is trying to force you to break up with her by doing disrespectful things that she thinks will make you do it.

The longer it goes the more disrespectful she will become, almost incredulous and wondering what is wrong with you for accepting this type of behavior from her.

When she loses all respect for you, she will do it herself and then think of you as weak and pathetic because you wouldn't respect yourself and break up with her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I know, I broke the cardinal rule of cohabitating. I'll learn but here is my current dilemma

gf has been somewhat disrespectful. For example goes away to work conference and tells me she’ll call me back in 5min and then calls back 3 hours later after a few drinks and heading out for more.

I stay quiet and said “when you say something - do it.” It's just disrespectful and common courtesy IMHO.

Been a quiet week. Couple little quarrels I just stay quiet . Been argumentative. I'm not the most stoic person myself and have engaged in some of the arguments.

Plan a cool weekend for her and try to be vague about it and she ups and goes to Philly for the parade with her trashy "best" friends.

She's been silent since getting there and there is a good chance she doesn't communicate the whole trip.

What would people do? Pack her **** and change the locks? Tell her to GTF out? Go away for a week?

Thanks

So you are rewarding her for being disrespectful?

Why? You are training her to behave poorly.

All wrong...you punish disrespectful behavior, you don't reward it, unless you want more of it.

 

[SW15]

Agree with previous posters. This is a bad situation. I hope you are renting with her and that the lease is about to expire.

Not only do you need to break up with her, you also need to take time to change some of your behaviors so that you don't repeat patterns with future women.

 

[Gamisch]

Remember OP; all of us look at this from a helicopter like view, and all of us been there done that (multiple times) .

Imo this is beyond fixing. Right now your best bet is to (silent if needed) plan an escape strategy NOW. You gotta separate from her, get your own place and be done with it NOW.

If you do however decide to be talkative and open, remember that she will adjust. She will cave. But it will be temporary. The worst thing is by the time she act like this again or even doubles down... you'll be too embarrassed to ask for help again.....let that sink in.

Again. You gotta accept that she is a WOMAN and WOMEN operate differently than us. She is openly monkey branching , is has to be open because you guys live together. If you wouldn't live with her she would've done the same but you wouldn't notice it as much.

Long story short; stfu because this is a yes /no situation. It's either 0 or 100 %. You in or you out. If you out, be careful telling her about your plans as she will manipulate you into extending this pain (while getting her cake and eat it too!!!!).

But I put whatever euro/dollar/yen on it that you won't listen.

 

[Clockwerk50]

OP, what are your stats? Do you go to the gym? Do you have friends? Do you have the phone number of a side piece that you have been gaming that you can ask her out if things with your girlfriend fall through?

It looks like she is bored of you, and it is looking for excitement in other areas of her life. You have 2 options, do you want to stay or leave?

1. Stay - https://therationalmale.com/2012/03/27/dread-games/amp/

Dread Game Explained (Red Pill) - All You Need To Know

Discover all you need to know about Dread Game, including what it is, its significance, active versus passive, how to leverage it and more.

chrismillas.com

2. Leave - https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/5LBqaHe9DM

Please, Breakup with Me!

The following is an excerpt from the Red Pill Reddit forum I’ve been following recently. I had an emailer ask me to opine about this situation and, for as much as I’d like to brag about…

therationalmale.com

 

[Gamisch]

OP, what are your stats? Do you go to the gym? Do you have friends? Do you have the phone number of a side piece that you have been gaming that you can ask her out if things with your girlfriend fall through?

It looks like she is bored of you, and it is looking for excitement in other areas of her life. You have 2 options, do you want to stay or leave?

1. Stay - https://therationalmale.com/2012/03/27/dread-games/amp/

Dread Game Explained (Red Pill) - All You Need To Know

Discover all you need to know about Dread Game, including what it is, its significance, active versus passive, how to leverage it and more.

chrismillas.com

2. Leave - https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/5LBqaHe9DM

Please, Breakup with Me!

The following is an excerpt from the Red Pill Reddit forum I’ve been following recently. I had an emailer ask me to opine about this situation and, for as much as I’d like to brag about…

therationalmale.com

View attachment 13946

Cmon

This is beyond fixing.

Dudes don't understand that fixing can be done when you get the very first signs. And silly arguments can be confused with actual monkey branching, I know. That's why we need experience.

But again, imo the rot is too deep to fix it .

 

[Clockwerk50]

Cmon

This is beyond fixing.

Dudes don't understand that fixing can be done when you get the very first signs. And silly arguments can be confused with actual monkey branching, I know. That's why we need experience.

But again, imo the rot is too deep to fix it .

You might be onto something…

 

[Free_Agent]

OP, what are your stats? Do you go to the gym? Do you have friends? Do you have the phone number of a side piece that you have been gaming that you can ask her out if things with your girlfriend fall through?

It looks like she is bored of you, and it is looking for excitement in other areas of her life. You have 2 options, do you want to stay or leave?

1. Stay - https://therationalmale.com/2012/03/27/dread-games/amp/

Dread Game Explained (Red Pill) - All You Need To Know

Discover all you need to know about Dread Game, including what it is, its significance, active versus passive, how to leverage it and more.

chrismillas.com

2. Leave - https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/5LBqaHe9DM

Please, Breakup with Me!

The following is an excerpt from the Red Pill Reddit forum I’ve been following recently. I had an emailer ask me to opine about this situation and, for as much as I’d like to brag about…

therationalmale.com

Top 1%. She even says it. 178lb Fit ( almost at 1200 and can run a 6min mile) 48m retired. Live in a VHCOL area. 28yo gf. Solid 8.5. Never married. No kids. Last bf she was with for 6 years and engaged and they guy supposedly turned into an alcoholic and began abusing her. Who knows.

Have many friends. Have almost unlimited freedom and means to do wtf I want and when. I can just stroll down to the pool or downtown and chat up women if I want but honestly, I'm 48, and I'm getting exhausted of gaming women. The older I get the more I enjoy my space, my routine, and my lifestyle of coming and going whenever.

Yes, she's been starting to misbehave. Maybe I have a part in all this. When the disrespect started I STFU and stopped ****ing her for about a week.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Top 1%. She even says it. 178lb Fit ( almost at 1200 and can run a 6min mile) 48m retired. Live in a VHCOL area. 28yo gf. Solid 8.5. Never married. No kids. Last bf she was with for 6 years and engaged and they guy supposedly turned into an alcoholic and began abusing her. Who knows.

Have many friends. Have almost unlimited freedom and means to do wtf I want and when. I can just stroll down to the pool or downtown and chat up women if I want but honestly, I'm 48, and I'm getting exhausted of gaming women. The older I get the more I enjoy my space, my routine, and my lifestyle of coming and going whenever.

Yes, she's been starting to misbehave. Maybe I have a part in all this. When the disrespect started I STFU and stopped ****ing her for about a week.

You planned a weekend trip as a reward for her disrespect.

Essentially you are teaching her to continue to act that way.

This is why you don't move in with people you aren't engaged to.

Somewhere along the line this woman has been taught by you that she does not need to respect you.

And the more times this is reinforced, the lower her respect level gets for you.

Right now she appears to be at the stage of "IDGAF what you say" and is likely monkey branching or banging other guys on these frequent "trips".

Soon once things are in place with a new guy she is going to drop the bomb that things are done but it shouldn't be a bomb. This woman is checked out in every way possible at this point, you should prepare to be single again and it would be far better if you do it yourself than here doing it to you.

That will only happen when her respect level hits 0 for you.

 

[SW15]

gf has been somewhat disrespectful. For example goes away to work conference and tells me she’ll call me back in 5min and then calls back 3 hours later after a few drinks and heading out for more.

Plan a cool weekend for her and try to be vague about it and she ups and goes to Philly for the parade with her trashy "best" friends.

She's been silent since getting there and there is a good chance she doesn't communicate the whole trip.

You planned a weekend trip as a reward for her disrespect.

She is totally disrespectful going to an outdoor street party on Valentine's Day without her boyfriend.

On her solo trips and at the outdoor street party, she is likely open to be approached by new men. She is already living as if she were single and seeking new penis.

There's nothing that can be done now and trying to plan a weekend trip would be called simping.

This is why you don't move in with people you aren't engaged to.

Rollo Tomassi made an argument against living with a girlfriend in one chapter of "The Rational Male".

Most of my primary social circle (the people discussed in "Pregnancy Announcements Everywhere") did non-marital cohabitation prior to their marriages. Somewhere along the line, marriage proposals happened.

I don't have any interest in living with my girlfriends.

Soon once things are in place with a new guy she is going to drop the bomb that things are done but it shouldn't be a bomb. This woman is checked out in every way possible at this point, you should prepare to be single again and it would be far better if you do it yourself than here doing it to you.

That will only happen when her respect level hits 0 for you.

This will happen if he doesn't break up with her this weekend. He needs to end it with her this weekend. No excuses.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Plan a cool weekend for her and try to be vague about it and she ups and goes to Philly for the parade with her trashy "best" friends.

What do you mean you tried to be "vague" about it? Did she know you planned a cool weekend away with her or not? Or was it supposed to be a surprise?

I don't know just asking.

If she didn't know, then she didn't "disrespect" you by making plans with her friends. She's losing interest in spending time with you, that's all.

Lol at she's "misbehaving." This word is used a lot around here and I find it hilarious. As if she's in an unruly child and you're her parent.

Parent/child relationships are rarely functional, my guess is she's bored and tired of your "restrictions."

You're 48, she's 28 - a 20 year age difference can work but not when one person attempts to exert such dominance that the younger person, typically the woman, grows up and wants to get away from "daddy."

I'm speculating but that's my sense here. It's happened to me a couple of times with men I've had relationships with.

So yeah I'm projecting but it's something to consider..

This is done imo. Sorry man..

 

[Sega Genesis]

Yes, she's been starting to misbehave. Maybe I have a part in all this. When the disrespect started I STFU and stopped ****ing her for about a week.

I'm curious about your thought process in going silent and withholding sex when you felt she disrespected you.

Your reaction strikes me as manipulation and control. An attempt to create anxiety and insecurity versus actually resolving the issue like a man.

How did you expect her to react to that?

You do know going silent when there's an issue that needs resolving is 'feminine" behavior don't you? It's not healthy but it's what many women do (I'm a female saying this)..

Men tackle issues head on, they directly confront making no apologies for it (IDGAF). That's masculine behavior and it will earn a woman's respect. It signifies strength and a fearless attitude.

Not go silent and withdraw and basically run away like a little girl. It's weak man. By doing this, you're essentially mirroring female behavior, ugh.

Enough of that and she will lose Interest and respect, which may have been what happened here.

Anyway again, my sense as others have said she's bored and done.

 

[The Duke]

@Free_Agent I think most of the guys have called it right. However I worry about what you haven't told us. Your part about getting mad because she didn't call back 5min later and it turned into 3hrs is a little butt hurt in this situation.

Have you ever been on a work trip with a bunch of people in a situation like this? I have and I've been in her situation many times.

Don't let your insecurities and anxiety get the best of you. Not saying that's the case. But you have only hinted that you might play a part in this.

If you want the best advice, you have to have enough balls to tell the whole story. Not just what she did. That's simply not being fair to her and the posters helping you.

 

[BeExcellent]

There's more to it for sure. No loyal woman goes alone to a street party on Valentine's Day. Nope. That's not what happens. There is more to this story as @Duke suggests.

 

[SW15]

There's more to it for sure. No loyal woman goes alone to a street party on Valentine's Day. Nope. That's not what happens.

The optics on that one are terrible. That alone is worth breaking it off this weekend as I suggested earlier in the thread.

Have you ever been on a work trip with a bunch of people in a situation like this? I have and I've been in her situation many times.

I have had work trips during my career. On these work trips, it would have been difficult for me to get some side pussie. It might have been easier for a woman to get side penis on a work trip.

On my work trips, there were lots of in-person meetings during the day and some socialization after the end of the work day. Between work meetings and work related socialization, I was done with people. The only other things I did on my work trips were sleep and exercise in the hotel gyms.

Typically, the female co-workers on these trips were married women with children. Occasionally, there would be an unmarried woman on these trips but she was likely in a monogamous LTR. I have had single mom co-workers on my work trips but never was interested in them.

In white collar work, fewer people are having sex with co-workers. On a work trip, the more likely scenario for affairs is having sex with someone working at another company met as a result of the work trip. That can happen and it's not crapping in your own backyard in most cases because the person works for another company. That's less likely to affect someone's work life.

The best time to talk with a romantic partner during a work trip is at the end of the day when alone in a hotel room and not distracted.

 

[maturin]

https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/t...g-with-i-could-really-use-some-advice.456236/

 

[Gamisch]

Yes, she's been starting to misbehave. Maybe I have a part in all this. When the disrespect started I STFU and stopped ****ing her for about a week.

ROokie mistake ( one that I made waaaay too often).

Some men wanna " feel good" when having sex. But nothing is better than fecking her brains out during a fight. You try to get rid of all tension /bad vibes, and that's simply the wrong way to go about things.

I also kinda missed the fact you are old enough to be her father..we men MUST know that yes ,it's the ultimate flex to have such a younger gf, BUT..it's a matter of time before she cats up like in your case. If she does...
LEAVE.

If I knew about the age difference I would've said this in my first response. Time to release the fish back into the water mon ami.

And stay around because you got a LOT to learn.

What do you mean you tried to be "vague" about it? Did she know you planned a cool weekend away with her or not? Or was it supposed to be a surprise?

I don't know just asking.

If she didn't know, then she didn't "disrespect" you by making plans with her friends. She's losing interest in spending time with you, that's all.

Lol at she's "misbehaving." This word is used a lot around here and I find it hilarious. As if she's in an unruly child and you're her parent.

Parent/child relationships are rarely functional, my guess is she's bored and tired of your "restrictions."

You're 48, she's 28 - a 20 year age difference can work but not when one person attempts to exert such dominance that the younger person, typically the woman, grows up and wants to get away from "daddy."

I'm speculating but that's my sense here. It's happened to me a couple of times with men I've had relationships with.

So yeah I'm projecting but it's something to consider..

This is done imo. Sorry man..

Wrong

(Mis)behaviour is a reoccurring theme for men of all ages. Every woman we deal with either behaves correctly or she's misbehaving. That's the game.. misbehaviour REALLY become a thing when you invested heavily in each other and your relationship has set rules or I'd say " laws".

Many many moons ago I stayed away a little longer one time when I lived with my baby mom and till this day she blames me for that one moment. Why? Because I broke the law and thus misbehaved and she knew something wasn't right..

A man's biggest flex is having a womam who acts right!!!! its instinctively, because dna testing is fairly new. Most of pur eexistence as humans we had no clue if we as men were the real father or not. Good or bad behaviour is a great indicator ( although never waterproof ofcourse). Imagine she happens to be pregnant between now and the next two months...OP will go crazy whether it's his child or not. Why? Because she misbehaved by being vague about her whereabouts.

I do agree she wants to get away from daddy though..

 

[plumber]

The age difference is a big deal in this case. The dread game is a bad idea. It can work, but it keeps you focused on her. Ultimately your going to feel worse doing that. And... do you really want something when you have to continue to play games to manage.

There is a guy in the group she is with that she is focused on, even if she doesn't know that... He is younger than you.
Your out.

The feeling of disrespect starts when she doesn't think your her best option. Eventually she will tell you that, but first the frog needs to get cooked some more.

It doesn't matter if its your fault or her fault, it is what it is.

Proof is that your asking for help, not her. She is fine....

She is probably making a bad choice, but she is doing it all the same.

Its done.

You can probably keep things going for awhile, while the disrespect increases and you continue to look for things to do to FIX it. It is not going to be fixed unless she wants it. She is some other place not interested in you(based on what your tell). Your self esteem will start to degrade soon because of the disrespect. Move out or have her move out, then no contact.

Then she might see you differently. But your still going to see her the same way.