First Date Trainwrecks - Help !

[The_Sea_Wolf]

Thanks everyone all great advice..glad I found this forum...



I have interest from a supermarket chick who is about 20/21 round the corner, but I thought that was pushing it in UK....you are seen as a pedo basically if its more than a 5-year age gap..you would not believe how stuck up prudish it is here vs even Europe never-mind Asia.
I have chatted twice to her vs number closing first time and she is all squirmy into me it seems so may just go for her whatsapp this weekend.

Got date with an Italian rocket scientist chick (!) coming up - so I need to absorb all these tips fast so I don't get stuck in warm fuzzy co-worker talk I ALWAYS DO...I kind of watch myself during the date thinking 'Why are you saying this lame **** again ? Show your intent."


I really desperately want to pivot to daygame but it feels so raw that pre-approach energy, that I get stuck in my head like a beta nerdboy.

Is why I have taken the easy route out last year using the barrier of a phone screen..but it has been anything but easy...chats dying for no reason, marriage interviews an every variant of it going off at an angle...and by them being on the dating app they are getting hit up by 100 guys a week or day, or whatever it is.

It sounds to me like you are getting over invested way too fast, you don't need one woman, you need like 15 to split your attention between until one stands out above the rest.

You are not viewing yourself as the prize.

 

[Daygame777]

It sounds to me like you are getting over invested way too fast, you don't need one woman, you need like 15 to split your attention between until one stands out above the rest.

You are not viewing yourself as the prize.

Yep, I had a chick over fastest lay so far last night - writer/ actress early 30s ,not the one that was in my building - straight off a dating app and she was the one all leaning in from start till leaving and I'm reverting to me leaning in too much now today by chat in the morning 2 of them lined up.

She actually contacted me on 2 previous apps and ghosted me as I could not progress things - so this time I pulled her up for ghosting me half way through a reply and then she was like a lapdog after that point.......she is a straight up nymphomaniac. Fool's mate - call it what you like but I suddenly totally lucked out..bypassed the coffee shops bars and 1/2 dates to lay....One minute I'm dry as it gets for chix, then she is over to my place within 2 hours after I batted away a ****tail bar meet request from her multiple times.

It's like every natural PUA step = I keep doing the opposite at the early days phase...I can keep chicks after this date phase in the far past but my anxiety at times/neediness is bleeding through. Basically whatever pops in my mind as 'next stage' I'll have to reverse it...it's my mode right now.

I need to go silent on the chat just now and pause before I say stuff...it's a turn off for them to be put on a pedestal as then you are a fan and she has fans as an actress already.

Such a trainwreck date on weekend with that 32 hot half-Ukrainian like I got a black hole in my head about the hook phase as its been so long in long-term relations...got blunt blunt on the first steps....safe 1st date 'co-worker flufftalk nice guy' is my (no)game right now.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks everyone. I'll be taking notes.

I want to do daygame but get stuck in my head..likes of yesterday..female next to me alone..felt she was lingering in coffee shop bit longer but I never know what to say..scripted thing or improv on situation.
I don't drink so all my dates are in same coffee shop near my place..daytime weekend.
I get my timing so I start chat on dating apps Wednesday for weekend which seems to work against flakines.

I have lived in Asia approx 15 years dating Asian women and so coming back into my on white western woman dating scene its a bit of a reverse culture shock so there is that combined with me being slightly not neurotypical as they say..lot of guys who seek out PUA stuff seem to be engineering type kind of rigid types from observation...not entirely but a good section.

It's part of the vibe comments I've had. I have to seek out the charisma stuff and mask it basically..it is low level and not as bad as I've seen in in-field vids..likes of one guy on a TNL bootcamp the other day...very rigid/robotic...is why I'm going towards blueprints basically
as I need a structure where I can then improv as some of you have said the stack I have is too rigid.

The Blackdragon thing using previous relationship chat was a bridge to sexualising the chat right up to the end then you split, don't try and kiss her and set up a Day 2...he said from experimenting this was what cracked it for him as it puts you outside the friendzone and she associates calibrated sex talk with you between Day 1 and Day 2 meet...so that is his thing.

He said when he never attempted a kiss the Day 2s all hooked...he never tried SDLs on a cost basis as he was spinning so many plates to do all the bounces on venues and to have it fail was adding up to too much cost...so his thing is based around the volume of dates he was on and what brought the highest level of hooks.

Took a month to read his book only to have things pointed out as not advisable on here...but I'm listening.

The half-Ukrainian (32) chick on Sunday basically got up and left my place when I cruised in next to her on sofa as I had not bonded/raised the buying temp and do not want that happening again...she reached out to me on dating app, and came half way across the city for that to happen.

I had another Latvian chick (32) ..usually I connect to about HB8 or so walk so far to my coffee place last autumn, she showed up literally trembling and spilling coffee all over herself and again it just died after 30 mins and she split...it's the charisma and connection thing that is a black hole for me...I think she over-idealised how I was going to be, along with how I was...same old
"You're a nice guy, but I was just not feeling it" variant comment that I have screenshotted from every date as I message them for impressions even if it died ...to calibrate it all...like an engineering type.... They are putting in all this effort from their end, and I desperately want to deliver.


I know I can mask my low level social issues if I find the right kind of charisma product etc..it's not that bad....say 5-10% if autism type signaling is 50% different to normal ...but it's enough that highly socialized women with lots of dates behind then can feel it or or flag it during the date....part of it is nervousness....I went to an NLP guy and spent a fortune and that greatly reduced my uptightness last year...part of it was also excess caffeine which I have more of a control over.

I got trauma late 22/23 taking care of parent who passed away and right after my neighbour about 6 months later got me in her place..hot 36 actress and I frikin' ran out her place when she came on to me and I had a panic attack..that was start of my "white chick issues"...but its not as bad as that now....got on top panic...got 80% on top of nervousness..its the focusing on sex/charisma/bonding stuff you've all pointed towards is my downfall...I also do not drink now due to said previous issues 22/23 so its day coffee shop meets for me so far...don't want to go near bar scene as it will trigger chronic low-level drinking again I feel.

If your response is ever to freak out and run away like someone is trying to kill you when a hot women is trying to fvck you, then you need to stop even THINKING about dating and rid yourself of that first and get the proper mindset and do the proper work on yourself.

There is nothing that anyone can say or do to help you that is going to work until you figure that out.