Beginner cold approaching

[Attowey15]

This is an approach I did yesterday morning that didn't go well and I feel I could have done better. I'm a beginner. This is like my 9th approach so far. Here's how it went.

So I see her standing alone by the roadside, possibly waiting for a taxi and looking very attractive. I'll rate her as an 8. Well, I was feeling quite confident so I walked towards her, made eye contact (she held my eye contact for about a second, and looked away)

Me: (Smiling) Hi, how are you?
Her: (Straight face) I'm fine.
Me: You're looking sweet this morning.
Her: (straight face) Thank you
Me: Is it just today or that's your normal look?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I mean did you do something different today or this is how you look every time? Her: (she nods).
Me: Your natural hair looks nice too. Did you decide to keep it like this?
Her: No I just unbraided my hair.
Me: Oh okay I bet it even looks better than the braids.
Her: Silence
Me: Where are you headed?
HerStraight face) .. I'm waiting for a friend.
Me: Okay... Have a nice day.

I feel I was conveying too much interest with my voice. I could have sounded more laidback and confident, and given her those compliments like I didn't really care about them. I gave off needy vibes cos even though I wasn't looking to pick her up, I wanted her to vibe with me and that made me come across as wanting something from her. Probably the reason why she gave me that bitchy attitude. Next time I should go into the set not caring whether she vibes with me or not. Just say your lines, smile, try to create convo... If it don't work, leave.

That's my analysis on the whole approach. But since I'm only a beginner, there's probably a lot I missed. Feel free to give me any pointers and tips to better handle such a situation next time. Thanks

 

[stranger danger]

no offense but the whole thing sounds like someone trying to get an alien to admit to taking over the appearance of a teenage girl

 

[DreamAgain]

Stop approaching random people on the street if they give no indicators of interest.

 

[Attowey15]

Stop approaching random people on the street if they give no indicators of interest.

I am not successful with women and have been afraid of approaching women for most of my life. I am now taking action steps to overcome that fear. Some of the random girls I approach give me indicators of interest after talking to them. Don't you think this is good practice for overcoming my approach anxiety and fear of rejection?

 

[Plinco]

This is an approach I did yesterday morning that didn't go well and I feel I could have done better. I'm a beginner. This is like my 9th approach so far. Here's how it went.

So I see her standing alone by the roadside, possibly waiting for a taxi and looking very attractive. I'll rate her as an 8. Well, I was feeling quite confident so I walked towards her, made eye contact (she held my eye contact for about a second, and looked away)

Me: (Smiling) Hi, how are you?
Her: (Straight face) I'm fine.
Me: You're looking sweet this morning.
Her: (straight face) Thank you
Me: Is it just today or that's your normal look?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I mean did you do something different today or this is how you look every time? Her: (she nods).
Me: Your natural hair looks nice too. Did you decide to keep it like this?
Her: No I just unbraided my hair.
Me: Oh okay I bet it even looks better than the braids.
Her: Silence
Me: Where are you headed?
HerStraight face) .. I'm waiting for a friend.
Me: Okay... Have a nice day.

I feel I was conveying too much interest with my voice. I could have sounded more laidback and confident, and given her those compliments like I didn't really care about them. I gave off needy vibes cos even though I wasn't looking to pick her up, I wanted her to vibe with me and that made me come across as wanting something from her. Probably the reason why she gave me that bitchy attitude. Next time I should go into the set not caring whether she vibes with me or not. Just say your lines, smile, try to create convo... If it don't work, leave.

That's my analysis on the whole approach. But since I'm only a beginner, there's probably a lot I missed. Feel free to give me any pointers and tips to better handle such a situation next time. Thanks

1.) Be selective in your approaches. DO NOT SPAM APPROACH.

2.) Learn how to be discreet. Your sexual interests are of no one's business until there is a solid relationship (that is, when the woman is emotionally invested in you).


I think it's great that you are willing to take the path of least resistance; that's the most rewarding way. Ignore the naysayers and keep pushing and using that feedback to improve your communication skills.

You will get better results by being a higher valued man. What's your purpose in life?

 

[BPH]

I am not successful with women and have been afraid of approaching women for most of my life. I am now taking action steps to overcome that fear. Some of the random girls I approach give me indicators of interest after talking to them. Don't you think this is good practice for overcoming my approach anxiety and fear of rejection?

Don't bother with him, he's a little jaded right now because he's having some bad times with women from dating apps. What you're doing is correct - you don't wait for the "perfect moment", you just go create one.

I'll tell you what you did wrong.

First, you didn't ask her name at any point, you just kept going into surface level compliments instead of trying to have a flirty conversation.

Second, asking where she is going might make her nervous since she doesn't know you yet. She's probably worried about the potential for you to follow her, especially considering she's alone.

Third, this woman was just low interest. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is actually waiting for a friend, maybe you're just not her type. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is. In this situation you can just do a Hail Mary and ask for the number (which she probably won't give, but at least you tried) or you can recognize the lack of interest, wish her a nice day, and move on.

You are going about this correctly. There are just going to be a lot of rejections with you overanalyzing the situation along the way, but you'll eventually get to a point where conversation and flirting will come natural to the point where you'll have friends asking what you said to her, and you won't even remember because you were just "winging it".

EDIT: As for what @Plinco just said about spam approaching, I assume he means "at the same place", in which case I would agree. Otherwise, there's no issue spam approaching throughout your day or anything.

 

[DreamAgain]

I am not successful with women and have been afraid of approaching women for most of my life. I am now taking action steps to overcome that fear. Some of the random girls I approach give me indicators of interest after talking to them. Don't you think this is good practice for overcoming my approach anxiety and fear of rejection?

Start with bars and nightlife venues, usually women there are open to being approached and will give indicators of interest.

Some examples of indicators:

1. Looking for prolonged duration at you.
2. Moving their proximity close to yours, and facing you.
3. Sometimes asking you a question or starting a conversation.

 

[DreamAgain]

Don't bother with him, he's a little jaded right now because he's having some bad times with women from dating apps. What you're doing is correct - you don't wait for the "perfect moment", you just go create one.

I'll tell you what you did wrong.

First, you didn't ask her name at any point, you just kept going into surface level compliments instead of trying to have a flirty conversation.

Second, asking where she is going might make her nervous since she doesn't know you yet. She's probably worried about the potential for you to follow her, especially considering she's alone.

Third, this woman was just low interest. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is actually waiting for a friend, maybe you're just not her type. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is. In this situation you can just do a Hail Mary and ask for the number (which she probably won't give, but at least you tried) or you can recognize the lack of interest, wish her a nice day, and move on.

You are going about this correctly. There are just going to be a lot of rejections with you overanalyzing the situation along the way, but you'll eventually get to a point where conversation and flirting will come natural to the point where you'll have friends asking what you said to her, and you won't even remember because you were just "winging it".

Your confidence will suffer if you follow the above and approach women who do not give you indicators of interest.

Yes, maybe you have an iron clad ego and won't let it phase you, but I am willing to bet you aren't that type. Most men aren't, it takes sociopathy to be this way.

You can do it here and there just for the hell of it, but only with irregularity, just like buying lottery tickets.

 

[BPH]

Your confidence will suffer if you follow the above and approach women who do not give you indicators of interest.

Yes, maybe you have an iron clad ego and won't let it phase you, but I am willing to bet you aren't that type. Most men aren't, it takes sociopathy to be this way.

You can do it here and there just for the hell of it, but only with irregularity, just like buying lottery tickets.

Dude...cold approaching is what I do...it's what I did to get to this point.

You know why it doesn't hurt my confidence? Because when you are successful and up making out with some random hottie on the beach at night you're not thinking about how many rejections it took to get there.

That was me at 16. I walked up to a girl and said "hey, I'm with the FBI, I'm gonna need your name, number, and measurements". I was using canned material at the time because I was a kid, couldn't have a smooth conversation with women I liked, and would likely never see these women again. This one thought it was a funny line, walked with me for a while, and we made out on the beach for like an hour or 2 before she had to head home. If I had a little more awareness at this stage I probably could've invited myself over for a lay.

Nobody cares about the rejections, nobody remembers them. Create the opportunity. You don't have time to screen for IOIs each time you're debating whether you have the balls to go after what you want.

 

[DreamAgain]

Dude...cold approaching is what I do...it's what I did to get to this point.

You know why it doesn't hurt my confidence? Because when you are successful and up making out with some random hottie on the beach at night you're not thinking about how many rejections it took to get there.

That was me at 16. I walked up to a girl and said "hey, I'm with the FBI, I'm gonna need your name, number, and measurements". I was using canned material at the time because I was a kid, couldn't have a smooth conversation with women I liked, and would likely never see these women again. This one thought it was a funny line, walked with me for a while, and we made out on the beach for like an hour or 2 before she had to head home. If I had a little more awareness at this stage I probably could've invited myself over for a lay.

Nobody cares about the rejections, nobody remembers them. Create the opportunity. You don't have time to screen for IOIs each time you're debating whether you have the balls to go after what you want.

Your advice simply isn't useful, @SW15 may be able to explain why as a guy very experienced with cold approach.

Your line only worked because she thought you were attractive, you could have said anything. In fact saying that line would have been an auto reject and probably public humiliation if OP did something like that.

Objectively speaking OP probably needs to improve his SMV a lot, then his indicators of interest will go up as well.

 

[BPH]

Your advice simply isn't useful, @SW15 may be able to explain why as a guy very experienced with cold approach.

Your line only worked because she thought you were attractive, you could have said anything. In fact saying that line would have been an auto reject and probably public humiliation if OP did something like that.

Objectively speaking OP probably needs to improve his SMV a lot, then his indicators of interest will go up as well.

Brother...at 16 I was not attractive...I was tall, but lanky and didn't have muscles or anything because I hadn't started lifting yet. I was just some skinny dude wearing oversized clothes.

Cold approaching is literally the bread and butter of what I do, and what I do is get laid a lot. I don't have money. I don't have status. I don't have social circles. I cold approach 90% of the women I've slept with, and most of the time I don't wait for IOIs.

I see somebody attractive, I go up to them, I flirt and have a conversation.

My advice for this particular thing is probably the most useful out of whatever else they're gonna hear on this forum.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This is an approach I did yesterday morning that didn't go well and I feel I could have done better. I'm a beginner. This is like my 9th approach so far. Here's how it went.

So I see her standing alone by the roadside, possibly waiting for a taxi and looking very attractive. I'll rate her as an 8. Well, I was feeling quite confident so I walked towards her, made eye contact (she held my eye contact for about a second, and looked away)

Me: (Smiling) Hi, how are you?
Her: (Straight face) I'm fine.
Me: You're looking sweet this morning.
Her: (straight face) Thank you
Me: Is it just today or that's your normal look?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I mean did you do something different today or this is how you look every time? Her: (she nods).
Me: Your natural hair looks nice too. Did you decide to keep it like this?
Her: No I just unbraided my hair.
Me: Oh okay I bet it even looks better than the braids.
Her: Silence
Me: Where are you headed?
HerStraight face) .. I'm waiting for a friend.
Me: Okay... Have a nice day.

I feel I was conveying too much interest with my voice. I could have sounded more laidback and confident, and given her those compliments like I didn't really care about them. I gave off needy vibes cos even though I wasn't looking to pick her up, I wanted her to vibe with me and that made me come across as wanting something from her. Probably the reason why she gave me that bitchy attitude. Next time I should go into the set not caring whether she vibes with me or not. Just say your lines, smile, try to create convo... If it don't work, leave.

That's my analysis on the whole approach. But since I'm only a beginner, there's probably a lot I missed. Feel free to give me any pointers and tips to better handle such a situation next time. Thanks

You were way too wordy when approaching this broad

 

[DreamAgain]

Brother...at 16 I was not attractive...I was tall, but lanky and didn't have muscles or anything because I hadn't started lifting yet. I was just some skinny dude wearing oversized clothes.

Cold approaching is literally the bread and butter of what I do, and what I do is get laid a lot. I don't have money. I don't have status. I don't have social circles. I cold approach 90% of the women I've slept with, and most of the time I don't wait for IOIs.

I see somebody attractive, I go up to them, I flirt and have a conversation.

My advice for this particular thing is probably the most useful out of whatever else they're gonna hear on this forum.

It doesn't matter, face is the determining factor for attractiveness anyway.

I don't care if OP follows your advice or not, but I would advise him not to do it, enough public rejections and other people will be observing this, other women probably, it is not a good reputation to have if you visit the same venues as a spam approacher.

 

[BPH]

It doesn't matter, face is the determining factor for attractiveness anyway.

I don't care if OP follows your advice or not, but I would advise him not to do it, enough public rejections and other people will be observing this, other women probably, it is not a good reputation to have if you visit the same venues as a spam approacher.

You need to recognize the rationale you're feeding this guy:

Because you can't/don't do this, you're telling him HE can't, even when I'm saying he can, as somebody who does this for 90% of the women I sleep with. I really don't mean to be rude with this, but I don't think you should be feeding this guy a self-limiting belief - especially when the person advising him has a ton of experience in this area.

I agree that he shouldn't spam approach, but you have to seriously try to achieve a negative reputation; like sitting on the same street corner at the same time every day approaching every girl who walked by. Visiting the same mall, the same beach, the same bars/clubs and approaching the women there are on the weekends won't get him a reputation unless he's running into women who consistently have the same schedule as him and would notice that he's a regular.

 

[DreamAgain]

You need to recognize the rationale you're feeding this guy:

Because you can't/don't do this, you're telling him HE can't, even when I'm saying he can, as somebody who does this for 90% of the women I sleep with. I really don't mean to be rude with this, but I don't think you should be feeding this guy a self-limiting belief - especially when the person advising him has a ton of experience in this area.

I agree that he shouldn't spam approach, but you have to seriously try to achieve a negative reputation; like sitting on the same street corner at the same time every day approaching every girl who walked by. Visiting the same mall, the same beach, the same bars/clubs and approaching the women there are on the weekends won't get him a reputation unless he's running into women who consistently have the same schedule as him and would notice that he's a regular.

He said he hasn't been successful with women.

The reasons for this are not because he doesn't apply approach tactic xyz, or that he is shy, objectively he just needs to have a higher SMV.

If the particular area he is in doesn't allow him to do that, he has to go fishing elsewhere.

 

[Attowey15]

Don't bother with him, he's a little jaded right now because he's having some bad times with women from dating apps. What you're doing is correct - you don't wait for the "perfect moment", you just go create one.

I'll tell you what you did wrong.

First, you didn't ask her name at any point, you just kept going into surface level compliments instead of trying to have a flirty conversation.

Second, asking where she is going might make her nervous since she doesn't know you yet. She's probably worried about the potential for you to follow her, especially considering she's alone.

Third, this woman was just low interest. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is actually waiting for a friend, maybe you're just not her type. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is. In this situation you can just do a Hail Mary and ask for the number (which she probably won't give, but at least you tried) or you can recognize the lack of interest, wish her a nice day, and move on.

You are going about this correctly. There are just going to be a lot of rejections with you overanalyzing the situation along the way, but you'll eventually get to a point where conversation and flirting will come natural to the point where you'll have friends asking what you said to her, and you won't even remember because you were just "winging it".

EDIT: As for what @Plinco just said about spam approaching, I assume he means "at the same place", in which case I would agree. Otherwise, there's no issue spam approaching throughout your day or anything.

Don't bother with him, he's a little jaded right now because he's having some bad times with women from dating apps. What you're doing is correct - you don't wait for the "perfect moment", you just go create one.

I'll tell you what you did wrong.

First, you didn't ask her name at any point, you just kept going into surface level compliments instead of trying to have a flirty conversation.

Second, asking where she is going might make her nervous since she doesn't know you yet. She's probably worried about the potential for you to follow her, especially considering she's alone.

Third, this woman was just low interest. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is actually waiting for a friend, maybe you're just not her type. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is. In this situation you can just do a Hail Mary and ask for the number (which she probably won't give, but at least you tried) or you can recognize the lack of interest, wish her a nice day, and move on.

You are going about this correctly. There are just going to be a lot of rejections with you overanalyzing the situation along the way, but you'll eventually get to a point where conversation and flirting will come natural to the point where you'll have friends asking what you said to her, and you won't even remember because you were just "winging it".

EDIT: As for what @Plinco just said about spam approaching, I assume he means "at the same place", in which case I would agree. Otherwise, there's no issue spam approaching throughout your day or anything.

Points very well noted. Thanks for your response.
I am in the habit of waiting for them to ask for my name as an IOI. One girl I approached that very same day, at the end of our conversation, told me her name and asked for mine. I took that as a big IOI. So I asked for her number and she gave it to me.

 

[Attowey15]

Start with bars and nightlife venues, usually women there are open to being approached and will give indicators of interest.

Some examples of indicators:

1. Looking for prolonged duration at you.
2. Moving their proximity close to yours, and facing you.
3. Sometimes asking you a question or starting a conversation.

Thanks bro, very well noted.

 

[BPH]

He said he hasn't been successful with women.

The reasons for this are not because he doesn't apply approach tactic xyz, or that he is shy, objectively he just needs to have a higher SMV.

If the particular area he is in doesn't allow him to do that, he has to go fishing elsewhere.

High SMV is a multiplier for success, not a requirement for it. Should he be bettering himself as a man? Absolutely. But he doesn't need to have all his sh** in order to start doing this.

Points very well noted. Thanks for your response.
I am in the habit of waiting for them to ask for my name as an IOI. One girl I approached that very same day, at the end of our conversation, told me her name and asked for mine. I took that as a big IOI. So I asked for her number and she gave it to me.

Nicely done. Usually when I approach I'll open with something along the lines of "I think you're gorgeous and had to come say hi". This quickly establishes why you're there, and that you're interested in them sexually, so the response you get is usually a good indicator of whether they're interested as well. Usually they'll smile, giggle, say thank you, maybe even ask your name. If they don't I'll ask theirs, then tell them mine, and let the conversation flow from there.

 

[Attowey15]

Brother...at 16 I was not attractive...I was tall, but lanky and didn't have muscles or anything because I hadn't started lifting yet. I was just some skinny dude wearing oversized clothes.

Cold approaching is literally the bread and butter of what I do, and what I do is get laid a lot. I don't have money. I don't have status. I don't have social circles. I cold approach 90% of the women I've slept with, and most of the time I don't wait for IOIs.

I see somebody attractive, I go up to them, I flirt and have a conversation.

My advice for this particular thing is probably the most useful out of whatever else they're gonna hear on this forum.

Bro, I agree with you 100%. I'm starting out with canned material, and I'm just wondering... Do you still use canned material? And would you suggest I start out with them?

 

[BPH]

Bro, I agree with you 100%. I'm starting out with canned material, and I'm just wondering... Do you still use canned material? And would you suggest I start out with them?

Absolutely not. I usually open with some variation of what I said above, for the reasons I said above. You want to get to the point where friends will see you go up to these girls and get their number, make out with them, leave with them, etc and when they ask you what you said you won't remember because it came naturally.

Canned material is something you can use as a crutch, since you probably don't really know what to say to a woman in general. It's like having a script where you know how it'll start, but not where it ends, allowing you to focus on the conversation as it plays out rather than walking up to her and having your mind go blank. This way you already know what you're going to say.

Lines that are corny will often work best here, like the FBI line I used above. You have to also present it in a way where you're obviously joking, as in, don't be too serious. Smile, laugh, and see if she responds in kind.