OYS:1 My relationship ended, 2.5 years

[New_Journey]

All,

I'm taking this idea from @The Duke when he ended his relation. I ended my relationship. I read @SW15 who wrote once, that relationships bring out people's worst insecurity for both parties, and its very true.

However, we were great together and she was a very lovely person towards me and I loved her very much. My pledge is to shape myself into a man who is going to be very proud when he looks back.

 

[Gamisch]

Good luck bro. Always better to be on the deciding side instead of receiving the message.

Why you ended it?

 

[New_Journey]

Good luck bro. Always better to be on the deciding side instead of receiving the message.

Why you ended it?

We both need to work on ourselves and it was best to end it.

 

[Scaramouche]

We both need to work on ourselves and it was best to end it.

Hi New-Journey,
Don't you think you are taking yourselves too seriously?

 

[New_Journey]

Hi New-Journey,
Don't you think you are taking yourselves too seriously?

I'm a serious man, yes

 

[Slowhandluke]

I'm a serious man, yes

I've been serious all my life. As I get older, I noticed life is too short to be serious Also, the less serious I am, the more things seem to fall in place by themselves. It's like the athletic who doesn't overthink things, but just let it be and yet make the wining basket or goal. Get in the state of flow. ymmv

 

[Chow Mein]

Same chick from the vacation video?

 

[BaronOfHair]

All,

I'm taking this idea from @The Duke when he ended his relation. I ended my relationship. I read @SW15 who wrote once, that relationships bring out people's worst insecurity for both parties, and its very true.

However, we were great together and she was a very lovely person towards me and I loved her very much. My pledge is to shape myself into a man who is going to be very proud when he looks back.

Kudos to you, NJ. So often around The Manosphere, we hear the lament "Women initiate 70% of all divorces, and probably just as many break-ups", without anyone ever pointing out: This doesn't HAVE to be the case. Entirely too many of us are choosing to be passive, not just with women, but in our lives more generally

 

[jhonny9546]

If a man wants to really save himself from a lot of future pain, it’s important for him to understand this thread. There is nothing worse than a man suddenly realizing in some aspect, he has wasted a lot of his time and possibly even his life trying to solve an unsolvable when it comes to his need to have a permanent, exclusive mate.

Sooo much creative potential wasted on such a passé idea that has so little return or reward. A man is not a woman. His purpose goes far beyond the simplistic and mundane concepts he is force fed and programmed to believe in.

The nature of the pro creation dynamic is a lower end process. We create worlds and yet the bulk of such men waste entire lifetimes in the world of women.

 

[New_Journey]

Thank you folks. This was my longest relationship since I became what I wanted to be in terms of material achievements, and it was a learning experience since the beginning.

For those in a relationship, never stop improving yourself, mind, body, spirit, finance, never stop being a better man cause you have woman. If I can go back in time, I'll thank myself for never quitting as I see the fruits of my hard labor today that I'm single

 

[jhonny9546]

For those in a relationship, never stop improving yourself, mind, body, spirit, finance, never stop being a better man cause you have woman. If I can go back in time, I'll thank myself for never quitting as I see the fruits of my hard labor today that I'm single

Thing is, what you do when there is that moment She tell you that "you aren't doing enough couple experience" or "passing time togheter". It's never enough. How You deal with that, without being too detached?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Good for you. Enjoy the single life for a while.

I read @SW15 who wrote once, that relationships bring out people's worst insecurity for both parties, and its very true.

This can be true but it's usually the byproduct of some underlying issue (with one or both parties). A solid relationship will bring out the best qualities in each if you're both on the same page.

But that's not for you to worry about today. Sounds like you're in a good place.

 

[Solomon]

I'm curious what made you decide to end the relationship? it couldn't be because of sosauve members?

 

[New_Journey]

what you do when there is that moment She tell you that "you aren't doing enough couple experience" or "passing time togheter".

That is on you to do an honest self assessment if in fact what she says is true. Also, "passing time together neve being enough" is subjective, enough for you is not the same for her, no two people are equal.

Your mission, you hobbies, friends & family must go first that than a girlfriend. The amount of time is very subjective, What I can tell you is this, when you're with her, have the much fun you can without expecting anything in return like sex or affection, you should enjoy her company first, of course you want sex, but enjoying her for what she is as a person you like should be the priority, sex is a moment only and gets old really fast.

It's never enough.

I want you to get this. It will never be enough.

A flower today is a gift tomorrow, then necklace on her birthday, a purse on anniversaries, a car when you get married, a house when you have kids, then another car.... and so on. I will never be enough, you have to do/give what you can without shame or guilt, and what you can do/give, do it because you want to, because you wanna make another person happy, and not as a disguise to buy her affection.

without being too detached?

This is a game, this is a strategy, it will never work and it will backfire. The mere thinking of being detached shows that you are very attached. Is is shameful to be attached to somebody? Why? If you are attached to her, own it, don't try trick the other person you are not, if you want to be detached, you have to work to be detached by changing attitude first and then the identity will follow, when you are detached you won't have to think about it, you just are.

Own the frame you have, not the one you wanna have, to have that frame you work hard for it.

A solid relationship will bring out the best qualities in each if you're both on the same page.

100% agree but only happens when both to a relationship to give without expecting anything in return.

I'm curious what made you decide to end the relationship?

There are particular stages in live in which you have a goal, of becoming better, for you, for yourself, you know that you own it to yourself. Then you start working hard for it, then eventually you start to feel it, and this is crazy, you start to literally feel your brain rewiring itself for what you want, after some time you start to notice things that you didn't recognize before, in other words you start to see the flaws of the person, in which you have to decide whether to accept them or not.

 

[New_Journey]

That is on you to do an honest self assessment if in fact what she says is true. Also, "passing time together neve being enough" is subjective, enough for you is not the same for her, no two people are equal.

Your mission, you hobbies, friends & family must go first that than a girlfriend. The amount of time is very subjective, What I can tell you is this, when you're with her, have the much fun you can without expecting anything in return like sex or affection, you should enjoy her company first, of course you want sex, but enjoying her for what she is as a person you like should be the priority, sex is a moment only and gets old really fast.


I want you to get this. It will never be enough.

A flower today is a gift tomorrow, then necklace on her birthday, a purse on anniversaries, a car when you get married, a house when you have kids, then another car.... and so on. I will never be enough, you have to do/give what you can without shame or guilt, and what you can do/give, do it because you want to, because you wanna make another person happy, and not as a disguise to buy her affection.


This is a game, this is a strategy, it will never work and it will backfire. The mere thinking of being detached shows that you are very attached. Is is shameful to be attached to somebody? Why? If you are attached to her, own it, don't try trick the other person you are not, if you want to be detached, you have to work to be detached by changing attitude first and then the identity will follow, when you are detached you won't have to think about it, you just are.

Own the frame you have, not the one you wanna have, to have that frame you work hard for it.


100% agree but only happens when both to a relationship to give without expecting anything in return.


There are particular stages in live in which you have a goal, of becoming better, for you, for yourself, you know that you own it to yourself. Then you start working hard for it, then eventually you start to feel it, and this is crazy, you start to literally feel your brain rewiring itself for what you want, after some time you start to notice things that you didn't recognize before, in other words you start to see the flaws of the person, in which you have to decide whether to accept them or not.

I remember one story of a my family member back in the 70s, he ended his marriage to a person he loved very much because she didn't like to get showers before going to bed, only in the mornings, and he was a very clean person.

A great women, beautiful, caring, loving to him, very loving with the kids, they were in love, they were great together, but she had this only flaw, she was stinky before going to bed. That's a big flaw for him. What would you have done in that situation if that were you?

 

[Slowhandluke]

I remember one story of a my family member back in the 70s, he ended his marriage to a person he loved very much because she didn't like to get showers before going to bed, only in the mornings, and he was a very clean person.

A great women, beautiful, caring, loving to him, very loving with the kids, they were in love, they were great together, but she had this only flaw, she was stinky before going to bed. What would you have done in that situation if that were you?

GIve this couple a book titled something like "Comprising.. relations are based on compromises". If that doesn't work, then justice by combat - judicial duels (https://www.historyinmemes.com/2022/12/08/divorce-duels-medieval-trial-by-combat/)

 

[jhonny9546]

.

I never give gifts to "prove" that I am superior, I dislike this approach and do not accept someone who tells me that the gift they received "is not liked" or that they wanted "something different."

I give gifts because I know they can create excitement and potentially create a memory for her. For example, after sex, I always have some chocolate in the drawer because I know she enjoys it, and I offer it to her as a thoughtful gesture. Similarly, I'm aware of her fondness for a particular type of biscuit, so I always make sure to include them in my shopping at the grocery store.

As for being detached, unfortunately, it's always a work in progress. As you mentioned, we must accept the other person's flaws, and being overly sincere isn't always beneficial. When she behaves poorly, it's important to stay sincere but maintain some detachment because women often don't respond well to words alone. In a LTR, using a bit of "dread" can be useful. It's not about manipulation but rather a way to help them understand how to behave and correct their bad behavior over time. And respect the man.

In the end, were you unable to accept her flaws? I'm sorry if your LTR didn't work out, but I'm proud of you if you ended it to improve yourself.

 

[New_Journey]

I'm curious what made you decide to end the relationship?

To answer your question, I had somewhat lost control of the relationship, I didn't like where it was heading, before losing all control I started to give her space, I was very silent to get my head straight and rethink what I wanted.

When I tried to regain control, she tough I was cheating and insulted me (screw you), next day I ended it because I noticed she wanted to keep control and even though I loved her a lot, I wasn't going to allow someone controlling the direction I wanted for my relationship.