Richard Cooper - The Unplugged Alpha (2021) Book Review

[GoodMan32]

That's common. With both dating websites and dating apps over time, a lot of first dates happen that were a waste and probably shouldn't have happened. I think men have had a scarcity mentality over time (going back to the 2000s) on these platforms and scheduled many ill advised dates. That's part of why the "1-2 dates, no sex, no extended relationship" is a common outcome.



That was a common outcome for men in the early 2010s on those platforms.

The same thing has happened on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge for men.

Online dating websites and later swipe apps have both had the problem of a surplus of men. They are sausage fests. A few years ago, it was mentioned that Tinder's active user base was 76% male and Bumble and Hinge were both 65% male. Women have power with those ratios.
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I have read that Bumble has abandoned their women makes the first move format recently.

The swiping model was invented in the early 2010s to reduce women getting crap in their inboxes.

On the Tinder/Bumble/Hinge inboxes now, the in-app inboxes are only guys who passed with a right swipe. It reduces their message volume. Even with reduced message volume, the in-app inboxes are still full.

It's now the swipe queue where women have volume as compared to inboxes in the old POF, Match, and Okcupid days.

The best solution has always been to do some sort of real life approaching and/or build a social circle.

On 2nd thought, I suppose one benefit of the swipe format (from a man's perspective) is that we don't waste our time messaging a woman we have zero chance with anyway. At least if we're a swipe-match, we have an above zero chance with her (even if still low)

On the topic of scarcity/abundance, in addition to the fact a woman has a hard time comprehending the scarcity we face, gay guys can also have a hard time comprehending the scarcity straight men face.

Some gay guy whose looks are nothing special (he's fat and in his 50s) told me he's surprised at my lack of success with the ladies. He said if he were straight, he could go out, approach a woman, and get same day sex (despite his lackluster looks)

He's wrong. He's operating under the idea that getting into a woman's pants is as easy as getting into a man's pants.

 

[SW15]

On 2nd thought, I suppose one benefit of the swipe format (from a man's perspective) is that we don't waste our time messaging a woman we have zero chance with anyway. At least if we're a swipe-match, we have an above zero chance with her (even if still low)

Sending messages behind an electronic screen to a woman you've never met in person before is a low return on effort activity. That was true in the dating website era and has been true in the swipe app era.

The better play is meeting women in real life.

Arranging first dates in real life leads to a better chance of positive outcomes (shorter term sex or longer term relationships with sex being common desired outcomes).

Some guys can also get same night sex from a bar approach. Same day sex off of an approach in a non-bar venue is super rare and barely worth mentioning. Approaches in non-bar venues usually require a bar date/activity date to get to sex.

 

[GoodMan32]

Sending messages behind an electronic screen to a woman you've never met in person before is a low return on effort activity. That was true in the dating website era and has been true in the swipe app era.

The better play is meeting women in real life.

Arranging first dates in real life leads to a better chance of positive outcomes (shorter term sex or longer term relationships with sex being common desired outcomes).

Some guys can also get same night sex from a bar approach. Same day sex off of an approach in a non-bar venue is super rare and barely worth mentioning. Approaches in non-bar venues usually require a bar date/activity date to get to sex.

You're right, sending messages to broads you've never met behind an electronic screen is a low return on investment.

What I had the highest success rate with as far as tech methods was posting Craigslist ads (back when Craigslist allowed you to post personal/sex ads). That's ideal because rather than wasting your time cold-messaging broads galore, you simply post your ad and let her come to you.

Even cold-messaging on dating sites, however, got me more success in college than in-person approaches did.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Today's dating landscape cannot be compared to ten years ago. Even if ten years feels like yesterday.

Yeah: Ten years ago, our entire civilization wasn't ensnared in analysis paralysis to the degree we are today

 

[Gamisch]

It's an interesting thought experiment to try to figure out how a person would react if entering the dating market in 2024 after a 10 year relationship.

Someone who was in a steady relationship from 2014-2024 likely got married at some point during that time and is possible re-entering the market with a child/children.

Smartphones and text messages had been well established by 2014.

Tinder launched in 2012 and had made its presence felt by 2014. Ghosting and flaking were big by 2014.

I don't think 10 years ago is that much of a change though a man would likely feel rusty if not having had to seduce new people since then.

20 years ago we had MySpace, MSN with the girls with hearts and smiley's in their profile names and cellphones. We had rockband that seemed unstoppable.

Fast forward ten years. Rock is gone, MsN is gone. Ten years ago Tinder was still newish and online dating was still frowned upon. Nobody knew that an obsese 50y.0 hb3 would get a full inbox in the matter of hours. Facebook was unstoppable and we were ballzdeep into hiphop.

That's why I say 20 yeas feels like yesterday. Meanwhile we have Amazon, Facebook is dying and every woman older than 40 grew up with OLD. Meanwhile we have an entire generation of men who are invincible in the dating market.

Popular culture didn't progress hence the endless stream of remakes and remixes. This makes US feel as if tike stands still: it does NOT.

It will take another 5/10 years to determine what's going on today.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah: Ten years ago, our entire civilization wasn't ensnared in analysis paralysis to the degree we are today

Our own progress might be our downfall.

You need people to repopulate society. On an individual level nobody think about the greater good. It would be interesting to go 100 years ahead in time and see the results

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You need people to repopulate society. On an individual level nobody think about the greater good. It would be interesting to go 100 years ahead in time and see the results

I suggest learning Mandarin before you make the trip.