Punishing bad behavior gone too far / done wrong?

[Randolph]

Being successful with women is a result of lifestyle choice and being congruent with the kind of guy a woman would want to sleep with. She will damage your self-image until it's beyond repair and she convinces you that she's the best you'll get.

She has really been trying to damage it, you are right about that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks for sharing!

Read the first few pages and shes really an *******.

Mine very rarely if ever go for overt disrespect but more on the covert expectation kind of way, expecting people to cater to her and guilting people who dont and playing the victim.

"why are you doing this to me?" "how can you treat me this way?" "you must not love / care for me" "I can't believe you won't do this for me" "do you think my sisters boyfriend treats my sister this way?" "my ex always made me coffee in bed and you cant even do it once?"
the crocodile tears are constantly flooding.

Because she knows it works.

 

[Randolph]

Because she knows it works.

Most of it doesnt but the "how can you treat me like this" works suprisingly well. Makes me go "did I overreact?" and then I post a thread on sosuave.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I’m no expert in relationships, but I've learned that it's important to keep things light. Relationships should be about having fun and connection rather than life-or-death stakes. I know it is hard but there’s always a tendency to take things too seriously and complain about things that annoy you. Resist this as much as possible since it only makes the other person defensive and worsens the situation. You'll have more influence by keeping a playful attitude and focusing on the positive, leading by example rather than trying to change them.

Hence the reason the red pill teaches about STFU, agree and amplify, and other acronyms that I can’t remember.

 

[jhonny9546]

I know it is hard but there’s always a tendency to take things too seriously

Hmm, yes and no.
You start to take things seriously when there is a problem, as the OP did in this case. He expected her to follow the plan he had diligently made, but she, as always, behaved like a child.
So what do you do? Agree and amplify?
You can't, so the lightness of your long-term relationship starts to become weighty.

 

[Randolph]

Hmm, yes and no.
You start to take things seriously when there is a problem, as the OP did in this case. He expected her to follow the plan he had diligently made, but she, as always, behaved like a child.
So what do you do? Agree and amplify?
You can't, so the lightness of your long-term relationship starts to become weighty.

I agree. I understand there is a time and place for agree and amplify to not get sucked into random drama and minor things but using it when someone acts out of pocket / disrespectful in a way that warrants a reaction just makes you look really stupid.

If you continuously show up late for work, and your boss just agree and amplifies he’s just gonna look like an idiot.

 

[Randolph]

I’m no expert in relationships, but I've learned that it's important to keep things light. Relationships should be about having fun and connection rather than life-or-death stakes. I know it is hard but there’s always a tendency to take things too seriously and complain about things that annoy you. Resist this as much as possible since it only makes the other person defensive and worsens the situation. You'll have more influence by keeping a playful attitude and focusing on the positive, leading by example rather than trying to change them.

Hence the reason the red pill teaches about STFU, agree and amplify, and other acronyms that I can’t remember.

if you are referring to the manipulation quotes I wrote earlier I agree with you.
Usually use some sort of agree and amplify or ****y funny but sometimes like mentioned above they negate my frame in the sense that I question myself as in “did I overreact?”
It’s a process

 

[Vanderdonck]

she’s reaping with “you just love to get angry about stuff don’t you”

me: “nope I hate it but of course people react negatively when you disrespect their time.”

You walked into her frame, wrong answer.

Don't get angry. Take a deep breath. Do what you said you'd do, go pick up her sh*t and take it to the auction house with or without her.

Reply (if at all): "I'm not angry. I'm telling you how it is."

She wants to be combative? Let her. Don't argue. Step away and do your thing.

This is for future reference as I think you two will not last long.

 

[Randolph]

You walked into her frame, wrong answer.

Don't get angry. Take a deep breath. Do what you said you'd do, go pick up her sh*t and take it to the auction house with or without her.

Reply (if at all): "I'm not angry. I'm telling you how it is."

She wants to be combative? Let her. Don't argue. Step away and do your thing.

This is for future reference as I think you two will not last long.

Sure there is no definitive truth I guess but one guy tells me I’m not angry enough and you tell me not to show it at all. What I meant was with not directing my anger towards her was I wasn’t being argumentative and bitter but just stated in a clear way that her behavior Was not flying.
I get the whole thing about not showing something gets under your skin

I don’t want to pick that **** up, as I told her we either do it my way or you are on your own paying someone to have it done. I’m not going out of my way if she decides to take a **** on the plans I’ve made to help her. I did the bare minimum, I.e. we met up a guy that way going to buy some stuff. That’s now where we are, she’s paying someone to move it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP:
Your responses are highly emotional. You remind me a lot of myself and I talk from experience. If you are like me, I was conditioned to feel the frustration physically develop inside me and power through to the mind, pushing a frustrated and rapid progressional snowball of angry, negative thoughts and unthrottled verbal, physical outward cues and responses. They would sit in me for days, physically brewing and never had a chance to go away as another trigger would build on it. As a participant and agitator, it becomes self defeating. This is hard to overcome but it can be beaten.

Think about things a bit when you’re truly calm and your cognition can drive the process. Is this rooted in insecure attachment? Are you more motivated to not be apart from her?

The cheat sheet is to be the calm one, use “I” statements, such as “I don’t feel that you’re respecting my mother and her needs.” Etc.

The only way you’re going to know what the real answer here is when you stop contributing to the issue.

 

[Randolph]

OP:
Your responses are highly emotional. You remind me a lot of myself and I talk from experience. If you are like me, I was conditioned to feel the frustration physically develop inside me and power through to the mind, pushing a frustrated and rapid progressional snowball of angry, negative thoughts and unthrottled verbal, physical outward cues and responses. They would sit in me for days, physically brewing and never had a chance to go away as another trigger would build on it. As a participant and agitator, it becomes self defeating. This is hard to overcome but it can be beaten.

Think about things a bit when you’re truly calm and your cognition can drive the process. Is this rooted in insecure attachment? Are you more motivated to not be apart from her?

The cheat sheet is to be the calm one, use “I” statements, such as “I don’t feel that you’re respecting my mother and her needs.” Etc.

The only way you’re going to know what the real answer here is when you stop contributing to the issue.

You are really hitting the nail on the head here and it’s great that you share. I can really relate to this anger issue. It’s almost a burning sensation in the body that like you say can take days to subside. Throwing me into negative throught patterns and like you say, emotional statements.

I definitely think it stems from an insecure attchement.

do you care to elaborate on how you worked with this? Maybe you have already written about it on here?

 

[Divorced w 3]

You are really hitting the nail on the head here and it’s great that you share. I can really relate to this anger issue. It’s almost a burning sensation in the body that like you say can take days to subside. Throwing me into negative throught patterns and like you say, emotional statements.

I definitely think it stems from an insecure attchement.

do you care to elaborate on how you worked with this? Maybe you have already written about it on here?

Before anything else, I had to be ready to want and go find help. Personally, I was ready to admit that in these types of situations, I was unable to control myself. I became deeply concerned about that as a father; professional and personal repercussions past and future pushed me to handle this before I was at a potential risk of having another moment from which I could maybe not dig myself out or put my parenting time at risk. It eventually became a motivation for me personally knowing that I simply deserve a better quality of life.

I was wrong about what I suspected the underlying issue was, but the symptoms were similar so it rhymed, so to speak. I was getting nowhere for decades in traditional psychology and pharmacology and so I looked into psychedelic treatment with a top notch clinic after having heard and read about this from multiple sources.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear as they say. Be kind to yourself. It may not totally be within your control.

 

[Ricky]

I’m no expert in relationships, but I've learned that it's important to keep things light. Relationships should be about having fun and connection rather than life-or-death stakes. I know it is hard but there’s always a tendency to take things too seriously and complain about things that annoy you. Resist this as much as possible since it only makes the other person defensive and worsens the situation. You'll have more influence by keeping a playful attitude and focusing on the positive, leading by example rather than trying to change them.

Hence the reason the red pill teaches about STFU, agree and amplify, and other acronyms that I can’t remember.

I have done well by changing the topic over the years and making them laugh… women will absolutely dwell on the negative if you let them

 

[Randolph]

Before anything else, I had to be ready to want and go find help. Personally, I was ready to admit that in these types of situations, I was unable to control myself. I became deeply concerned about that as a father; professional and personal repercussions past and future pushed me to handle this before I was at a potential risk of having another moment from which I could maybe not dig myself out or put my parenting time at risk. It eventually became a motivation for me personally knowing that I simply deserve a better quality of life.

I was wrong about what I suspected the underlying issue was, but the symptoms were similar so it rhymed, so to speak. I was getting nowhere for decades in traditional psychology and pharmacology and so I looked into psychedelic treatment with a top notch clinic after having heard and read about this from multiple sources.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear as they say. Be kind to yourself. It may not totally be within your control.

Thanks, I’ve actually looked into and tried some psychedelics with varying results. Seem to get easily pulled into these type of anger states when I’m under the influence, maybe that’s what I’m supposed to investigate.

she constantly says to me that She wants to give me a heroic dose of psychedelics.
”You are an amazing person but I just want to give you a high enough dose for you to stop being a slave to your ego and anger”

 

[Clockwerk50]

I agree. I understand there is a time and place for agree and amplify to not get sucked into random drama and minor things but using it when someone acts out of pocket / disrespectful in a way that warrants a reaction just makes you look really stupid.

If you continuously show up late for work, and your boss just agree and amplifies he’s just gonna look like an idiot.

I understand where you're coming from, but my examples of the Married Red Pill are meant to highlight how their strategies focus on de-escalation. They recommend these techniques because they work, but they don’t always explain why they’re effective. The goal is to prevent you from going all out like Rambo in an emotional reaction.

I totally get it—it’s tough when your boundaries aren’t respected. It can be frustrating, and there may be times when you’re so fed up with your partner that you don’t want to stay calm anymore. But from my experience, reacting too seriously only worsens the situation. Instead, when issues come up, it’s better to address things in a light and positive way without turning it into a major confrontation. This way, you avoid escalating tension and keep the conversation open for resolution.

For example, you might say something like:
“Hey babe, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind. I value our time together, and I want things to run smoothly. We’ve agreed a while ago that you’d get your things from my mom’s house, but it’s been over six months now, and they’re still there. I understand that life gets busy, but I really need you to make this a priority. I don’t want to keep bringing it up, so I’d appreciate it if we could set a clear plan to get your things picked up soon. How about we set a specific day to take care of it together? It’s important to me that we stick to agreements and respect each other's time. Let me know when works for you.”

You don’t have to tolerate disrespect, but handling it with a positive attitude—while still being firm about your boundaries—will likely give you more influence. Instead of "punishing" or withdrawing attention, consider addressing the issue directly but with a calm energy. By leading by example and staying firm about your expectations, you’ll keep the vibe open and constructive.

Some people might argue that it's best not to engage in a psychological battle with individuals like your partner. In your example, they might prefer to fire the employee. However, before firing an employee, especially one on a full-time contract, you first have to go through HR, which involves following coaching and training protocols to address underperformance first.

 

[Randolph]

I understand where you're coming from, but my examples of the Married Red Pill are meant to highlight how their strategies focus on de-escalation. They recommend these techniques because they work, but they don’t always explain why they’re effective. The goal is to prevent you from going all out like Rambo in an emotional reaction.

I totally get it—it’s tough when your boundaries aren’t respected. It can be frustrating, and there may be times when you’re so fed up with your partner that you don’t want to stay calm anymore. But from my experience, reacting too seriously only worsens the situation. Instead, when issues come up, it’s better to address things in a light and positive way without turning it into a major confrontation. This way, you avoid escalating tension and keep the conversation open for resolution.

For example, you might say something like:
“Hey babe, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind. I value our time together, and I want things to run smoothly. We’ve agreed a while ago that you’d get your things from my mom’s house, but it’s been over six months now, and they’re still there. I understand that life gets busy, but I really need you to make this a priority. I don’t want to keep bringing it up, so I’d appreciate it if we could set a clear plan to get your things picked up soon. How about we set a specific day to take care of it together? It’s important to me that we stick to agreements and respect each other's time. Let me know when works for you.”

You don’t have to tolerate disrespect, but handling it with a positive attitude—while still being firm about your boundaries—will likely give you more influence. Instead of "punishing" or withdrawing attention, consider addressing the issue directly but with a calm energy. By leading by example and staying firm about your expectations, you’ll keep the vibe open and constructive.

Some people might argue that it's best not to engage in a psychological battle with individuals like your partner. In your example, they might prefer to fire the employee. However, before firing an employee, especially one on a full-time contract, you first have to go through HR, which involves following coaching and training protocols to address underperformance first.

Thanks for your insightful response and also the example given. I think your approach reminds me alot of the tips given by my friend and like you said, as much as you want to punish bad behavior getting sucked in only tends to worsen the conflict.
I will take your advice as well as listening more to my friend. His advice has so far given me positive results even though they are not always in line with things like MRP etc.