If you focus on the woman when you have sex, you're doing it wrong

[FlexpertHamilton]

I have a new perspective on this. I've seen a lot of guys talk about all these "sex methods" that largely focus on technical aspects, to get a woman to ***, like eating her out, thrusting tempos, angles, positions, etc. Sometimes the advice might dive into the psychological aspects, but ultimately it's still the same thing - focusing on her needs and wants. I think if you lean too far into this kind of thinking, you're really just simping; focusing on HER needs over yours.

I would contend that when you have sex with a woman, you should do what you want. I think women get more turned on when the man is himself turned on and unapologetically doing what he wants. If you only focus on what you think she wants, you won't get as excited or feel as immersed, and she'll sense it. I used to think 'well if she gets turned on, I get turned on, and I should only care about cumming after I make her ***'. I don't think this way any longer. Perhaps I've overcorrected a bit, but, I don't even care if she cums anymore. Ultimately it doesn't matter, if she doesn't *** that's on her.

Let's paint a scenario:

1) the man leads the woman, has a masculine frame, and cultivates respect and loyalty. When they have sex, he doesn't make it about her, but makes her live to serve him, and doesn't try too hard.

2) the woman has lukewarm respect/attraction and her loyalty is questionable. The man goes out of his way to please her, giving her oral sex, doing all sorts of techniques, attempting to be "dominant" like he's Christian Grey, and maybe she gets off a lot, but he puts in a tremendous amount of work and she still doesn't respect him.

Which one do you think will have better sex? It's obviously #1. If a woman respects the man and sees him as above her, the sex will automatically be good (unless he's completely horrid at it) because she'll crave his dvck so much that she doesn't even care how good the act actually is. Why else would woman fvck some random dude in the bathroom? The sex obviously won't be very good, but because her attraction is so high, it doesn't matter. Sex is all psychological for women, and if you haven't captured her mind outside the bedroom, you cannot fully capture it inside the bedroom either.

All this said, I'm not saying you should be a complete dolt in the bedroom, I still do a ton of foreplay, teasing, dirty talk, etc but I don't go too hard with it. Ultimately I do what I want, and I don't spent too much time trying to figure out what she likes or doesn't like; if she likes me she will adapt to whatever I like.

 

[BPH]

I have a new perspective on this. I've seen a lot of guys talk about all these "sex methods" that largely focus on technical aspects, to get a woman to ***, like eating her out, thrusting tempos, angles, positions, etc. Sometimes the advice might dive into the psychological aspects, but ultimately it's still the same thing - focusing on her needs and wants. I think if you lean too far into this kind of thinking, you're really just simping; focusing on HER needs over yours.

I would contend that when you have sex with a woman, you should do what you want, because she will get more turned on from a man who does what he wants and gets turned on from doing so. If you only focus on what you think she will like, you won't get as excited yourself, and she'll sense it. I used to think, well if she gets turned on, I get turned on, and I should only care about cumming after I make her ***. I don't think this way any longer. Perhaps I've overcorrected a bit, but, I don't even care if she cums anymore. Ultimately it doesn't matter, if she doesn't *** that's on her.

Please...stop cooking.

Some of you need to stop spending all day posting on here theorycrafting, and go out into the real world. My god...I never thought I'd see the day where valuing your partner's sexual gratification is "simping". If you're not giving her org*sms, she's going to stop giving YOU org*sms - AKA, she's gonna stop seeing you.

Holy hell, please nobody listen to this.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Please...stop cooking.

Some of you need to stop spending all day posting on here theorycrafting, and go out into the real world. My god...I never thought I'd see the day where valuing your partner's sexual gratification is "simping". If you're not giving her org*sms, she's going to stop giving YOU org*sms - AKA, she's gonna stop seeing you.

Holy hell, please nobody listen to this.

Why do you think I'm theorycrafting? I'm basing this off my experiences, i'm not just making this shvt up.

I had a FWB of 6 months who I made *** every single time, but she was disrespectful for the entire relationship. Just because she cums, that doesn't mean she will respect you or be more attracted to you. And I've been with women who literally said "I just want to please you Daddy, don't worry if I don't get off, i'll touch myself later thinking about you". Do you really think the former case is more optimal?

I said it's simping if you focus too much on her needs above your own. I never said you shouldn't factor in what she likes, that's why I said at the end that I still focus a lot on foreplay, teasing, dirty talk, spanking, hair pulling, choking, etc.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Enlightened Self-Interest is pivotal here: Make your own needs and desires a priority, and those of everyone else a very close second

 

[Jor-El]

Dont say this,I can tell you,it went down badly-" you`re taking a long time coming" "I know,I couldnt think of anyone exciting"

 

[SW15]

The main idea here is that sex is an activity intended to be enjoyable for both the male and the female.

Both sides need to give and receive.

Males generally lead sex. It's good for a man to want to make sex feel good for himself. At the same time, it's also good for the man to consider the woman's needs on some level and to make sex good for her.

 

[DJ Novice]

I’ve noticed I tend to put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner in the bedroom so this post is opportune.

While men generally are expected to lead in the bedroom all the effort can’t be put on the man every time.

Next time I’m thinking of just asking for a BJ and seeing what the response is (I rarely do this).

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The main idea here is that sex is an activity intended to be enjoyable for both the male and the female.

Both sides need to give and receive.

Males generally lead sex. It's good for a man to want to make sex feel good for himself. At the same time, it's also good for the man to consider the woman's needs on some level and to make sex good for her.

In my post I mentioned I may have overcorrected, but I think both perspectives need to be taken into account.

I’ve noticed I tend to put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner in the bedroom so this post is opportune.

While men generally are expected to lead in the bedroom all the effort can’t be put on the man every time.

Next time I’m thinking of just asking for a BJ and seeing what the response is (I rarely do this).

My point is, be focusing more on pleasing yourself, you will turn her on more. If you get turned on by tying them up and spanking them and calling them your little ****sucking princess slut, they're going to get turned on by the mere fact that the man is LEADING and doing what HE wants, regardless of whether you think she'll like it or not....and I think this board is once again proving incapable of understanding nuance (not a directed at you). And of course, some women WON'T like this, so it goes without saying you need to calibrate, but the trial and error process is something you must take control of, and you can get a sense of what she likes over time.

Why is the man supposed to lead and place his happiness first in the relationship, but not in the bedroom? I am continually baffled by how men seperate behaviors in and out of the bedroom.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I’ve noticed I tend to put a lot of effort into pleasing my partner in the bedroom so this post is opportune.

While men generally are expected to lead in the bedroom all the effort can’t be put on the man every time.

Next time I’m thinking of just asking for a BJ and seeing what the response is (I rarely do this).

My point is, be focusing more on pleasing yourself, you will turn her on more. If you get off tying them down and spanking them, do it...they're not gonna *** from it but them knowing that you're doing it because YOU like it will turn them on way more than if you do it because you think they'll like it...that's my point...and I think this board is once again proving incapable of understanding nuance (not a directed at you)

 

[SW15]

I think both perspectives need to be taken into account.

That's fair.

I think if you lean too far into this kind of thinking, you're really just simping; focusing on HER needs over yours.

Life, sex, and relationships are all about striking the correct balance.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I have a new perspective on this. I've seen a lot of guys talk about all these "sex methods" that largely focus on technical aspects, to get a woman to ***, like eating her out, thrusting tempos, angles, positions, etc. Sometimes the advice might dive into the psychological aspects, but ultimately it's still the same thing - focusing on her needs and wants. I think if you lean too far into this kind of thinking, you're really just simping; focusing on HER needs over yours.

Actually, the main problem is that guys focus on what a woman wants, but what she wants is not the same as what she needs. That's why you shouldn't give women what they want, but what they need. And if you're the only to give her exactly what she needs, she'll prioritise you in everything because she can't afford to lose you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What I want is to make a woman's eyes roll back in her head from cvmming so hard so many times that she doesn't even know what planet she is on.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Half the fun of sfx is having her moan & gasp while you’re fvcking her hard.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

What I want is to make a woman's eyes roll back in her head from cvmming so hard so many times that she doesn't even know what planet she is on.

If you like it , then go for it. Usually after 15 min of actual fvcking I get bored and want to be done no matter how good it is, and that's more than enough time for 1 or 2 orgasms from her. I literally cannot wrap my head around guys that fvck for 1+ hrs, even 30 min; I'd just get bored.

Otherwise I like to just get them horned up before and after fvcking. One example, cumming inside her then making her put on her clothes and go out with me, talking about how naughty she is leaking my *** in her panties while we're out, that shvt drives them wild and you don't even need to have sex. My grander point is, to get them horny you can do a lot of things besides the actual penetration part and if you do it right they might *** within just a few minutes of fvcking just from all the emotional build up.

If we're talking strictly physical techniques, I can make a girl *** from eating her out or finger popping fairly easily, but it's more effort than I care to put in unless she's LTR material.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you like it , then go for it. Usually after 15 min of actual fvcking I get bored and want to be done no matter how good it is, and that's more than enough time for 1 or 2 orgasms from her. I literally cannot wrap my head around guys that fvck for 1+ hrs, even 30 min; I'd just get bored.

Otherwise I like to just get them horned up before and after fvcking. One example, cumming inside her then making her put on her clothes and go out with me, talking about how naughty she is leaking my *** in her panties while we're out, that shvt drives them wild and you don't even need to have sex. My grander point is, to get them horny you can do a lot of things besides the actual penetration part and if you do it right they might *** within just a few minutes of fvcking just from all the emotional build up.

If we're talking strictly physical techniques, I can make a girl *** from eating her out or finger popping fairly easily, but it's more effort than I care to put in unless she's LTR material.

I never get bored with a woman trying to tap out and me just making her take it and fvcking her harder then more she tries to tap out haha

 

[Bingo-Player]

I would contend that when you have sex with a woman, you should do what you want. I think women get more turned on when the man is himself turned on and unapologetically doing what he wants. If you only focus on what you think she wants, you won't get as excited or feel as immersed, and she'll sense it. I used to think 'well if she gets turned on, I get turned on, and I should only care about cumming after I make her ***'. I don't think this way any longer. Perhaps I've overcorrected a bit, but, I don't even care if she cums anymore. Ultimately it doesn't matter, if she doesn't *** that's on her.

I think you've been watching too much P*rn

Female Orgasm's are a lot more difficult to execute than ours

Most guys either can't be bothered or don't have the techniques / skills to make their female partner orgasm , so often the guy will nut and the woman is left quietly frustrated

If anyone actually bothers to talk to their women during sex you'll discover often they will sacrifice their own Orgasm so the guy can have his

this is why women get bored of sex and don't value it anywhere near as highly as men do , you would get bored too if you rarely if ever got to finish

So it stands to reason the man that actually bothers to get her to climax is going to be the man that gets the Pu$$y whenever he wants it

Just hammering her and nutting and telling yourself how amazing it was for her is a very stupid move

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I think you've been watching too much P*rn

I've been striving for nofap and noporn for over a decade, and in the rare event that I do watch anything, it's always softcore. Currently 100+ days, so no, I'd wager I'm looking at it far less than 99% of people on this forum.

Female Orgasm's are a lot more difficult to execute than ours
Most guys either can't be bothered or don't have the techniques / skills to make their female partner orgasm , so often the guy will nut and the woman is left quietly frustrated

If anyone actually bothers to talk to their women during sex you'll discover often they will sacrifice their own Orgasm so the guy can have his

this is why women get bored of sex and don't value it anywhere near as highly as men do , you would get bored too if you rarely if ever got to finish

All of this is a complete non-sequitur to my post. I don't disagree with any of it, but you seem to be missing my point.

So it stands to reason the man that actually bothers to get her to climax is going to be the man that gets the Pu$$y whenever he wants it

So getting pvssy is all that matters? Seems like this is a common view here. You do know that women will fvck a man for months even if she has no respect for him, right? That's where the term "boytoy" comes from, a man who she uses to get her rocks off, and nothing more. Would you rather be with a woman who sees you as a sex tool to get her off until a better man comes around for the long term, or be with a woman who she just wants to please you and doesn't care if she gets off every time?

Just hammering her and nutting and telling yourself how amazing it was for her is a very stupid move

When did I ever say or imply that's a good idea?

I never get bored with a woman trying to tap out and me just making her take it and fvcking her harder then more she tries to tap out haha

I mean, I did this the other day, I came in her once then did fvcked again and couldn't bust for some reason and went for about 30 minutes and she started to say it hurt but kept going anyway even though she resisted and begged for me to cvm. But my brain was constantly telling me "just bust already" - it felt pointless, and if anything it was more amusing to go against her wishes than anything. I'd rather torture her with teasing and dirty talk, reach the point where they literally beg for your c0ck or grab it and try to stick it in when you're prodding her.

Actually, the main problem is that guys focus on what a woman wants, but what she wants is not the same as what she needs. That's why you shouldn't give women what they want, but what they need. And if you're the only to give her exactly what she needs, she'll prioritise you in everything because she can't afford to lose you.

What's an example of what she wants vs needs? Genuinely curious.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What's an example of what she wants vs needs? Genuinely curious.

 

[DJ Novice]

My current main girlfriend can only climax being on top of me cowgirl style and riding me so hard that I have chafing if it goes on for any length of time ( if I last that long which I usually don’t). I’m talking headboard/bed shaking and **** breaking hard.

She can’t climax from any other position or bedroom technique including oral. Believe me I’ve tried. She jokes that there’s something wrong with her. It’s been the same issue with her exes as well (only two in her life).

I know that’s what she ‘wants’ but it gets boring as she always defaults to hard cowgirl style when she wants to get off no matter what else we are doing in the bedroom.

 

[SW15]

I've been striving for nofap and noporn for over a decade, and in the rare event that I do watch anything, it's always softcore. Currently 100+ days, so no, I'd wager I'm looking at it far less than 99% of people on this forum.

It's been close to a decade since I started nofap and no porn.

Most men watch porn and masturbate. Single, unattached men are very likely to watch porn and masturbate since they have no release. Guys in established relationships and married men have theoretical access to sex on a regular basis. It doesn't always work out that way.

Porn (including OnlyFans) is very popular with so many men.

So getting pvssy is all that matters? Seems like this is a common view here. You do know that women will fvck a man for months even if she has no respect for him, right?

Getting pussie matters the most.

It's possible for women to have sex with a man she doesn't respect. If that's happening, the guy must be good looking.

Women are able to get sex easily. Women can avoid the situation of having sex with men that they don't respect because of the abundance of sexual options that most of them have.

Would you rather be with a woman who sees you as a sex tool to get her off until a better man comes around for the long term, or be with a woman who she just wants to please you and doesn't care if she gets off every time?

I would rather be with a woman who wants to please me and doesn't care if she gets off every time.