Your Top 10 Red Flags to Look Out for

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Fair point - although one thing can lead to another and then, before you know it, you're in trouble.

If you don't get emotionally entangled and if you keep her away from where she can find you, you have less chance of 'one thing leading to another' but you have to be self-aware and understand who you're dealing with. If you can't do that, then these 'hot but crazy' women are best avoided.

 

[jhonny9546]

He says, 'animals'.

It's so curious that you like cats more than dogs.
This may be correlated with your success with women.
I like cats too, but I'm allergic to them.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It's so curious that you like cats more than dogs.

Not really that curious. I don't want to own pets that need constant validation. Cats take care of themselves and they bond with you or they don't.

This may be correlated with your success with women.

Probably the reason why women call me Sir Tomcat.

 

[Vanderdonck]

If you don't want them around you then you do not love them.

Not true; I love animals. In the wild, or other people's pets. They seem to love me too, the domesticated ones anyway.

I just draw the line at having my own pet. I live in a city and I don't think it's good for the pet, personally. I also don't think they're very clean. Perhaps if I lived in the country where a dog could run around freely I'd be open to the idea. There's also the question of where the pets are sourced.

 

[Westminster]

If you don't get emotionally entangled and if you keep her away from where she can find you, you have less chance of 'one thing leading to another' but you have to be self-aware and understand who you're dealing with. If you can't do that, then these 'hot but crazy' women are best avoided.

I agree with you, it's easier said than done though!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I agree with you, it's easier said than done though!

I had two stalkers in the past. I learned how to avoid that.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

He says, 'animals'. There are plenty of animals that I like but wouldn't want as pets. (....)

Right, except he used word "love". I think he has mixed it up with finding some of them "aesthetically pleasing" but it's not love.

I like dogs, and dogs like me, but I don't want a dog as a pet.

My current pets are 1 cat and 1 snake.

Therefore, you love at least some of the animals and find other aesthetically pleasing, which is perfectly fine.

And as I stated before, my cat warns me when people are not on the level (he hissed at Delilah).

Yup, cats are great, I love them. I am always pondering whether to get more than one I have right now but my household is not ready for it yet (my time for my little friend has shrinked recently anyway and soon I will have a child, so...).

Not true; I love animals. In the wild, or other people's pets. They seem to love me too, the domesticated ones anyway.

IMHO you find them aesthetically pleasing, interesting i.e. nice to look at or touch, you understand they are important etc. - but you do not love them. Love is also about your strong need to be around something or someone. If it will be taken from you or this need of being around kept unfulfilled, you will suffer emotional pain. I doubt you will suffer it if you will not take the weekend trip to zoo every few weeks. You are free to define it otherwise, but for me what you have described (even if it is a positive indication about you) is not love.

I just draw the line at having my own pet. I live in a city and I don't think it's good for the pet, personally. I also don't think they're very clean. Perhaps if I lived in the country where a dog could run around freely I'd be open to the idea. There's also the question of where the pets are sourced.

Tbh I have heard this reasoning many times - I am certainly not stating that you are the same or even similar to that person in this regard, but many years ago I had an aquaintance in my group of college friends that had a small apartment (no mortgage) bought by parents, that was close to her work. She loved attending cultural events, going to movies, taking trips around the world, attending parties with her close circle of friends. She also liked to tell everyone that she loves animals (and liked memes about them) but never had any dog or cat, arguing usually that her apartment is too small and that she does not have the time to take care of any animals. Her parents were successful professionals, definitely intelligent people, they had a dog. In spite of that, she did not have any need for animals around herself, and what's interesting, struggled at deeper side of emotional communication often. Objectively, she had all the means to take care of at least one animal, she has just never preferred to take any. Due to the deficiencies in EQ over the years she has struggled with her career which never really took off despite theoretically having excellent conditions for much more positive outcome.

In the same time I was renting a room and took a cat from shelter (before I went to college in my parents house were always some animals - cats or dogs) eventhough my rent for the room was about 40% of my first work salary at that time. I could not take fancy trips, and after some time (eventhough I love that cat, took it with me for short trips, played with her a lot) I had to leave the cat at my grandparents house which she loved when I visited them with her (I got a good contract opportunity far away from my previous city, and taking her with me would be very stressful for her and I would have to leave her alone for many hours, her life would change). Cats are little bit more about places they know than ppl they know when compared with dogs. So I left my little best friend at the best place I could at that time (grandparents house she loved) eventhough it was painful for me. I have visited her and my grandparents many times after that. Years later, I took another cat. Pain of not having and not being able to maintain living beings around me that I wanted at that time (including the girl I loved) motivated me to change my life, I got a good job eventually, understood myself better in the meantime - I also understood that I need a cat (again). My cat is probably not the smartest being in the world (but I prefer to defend his rebellious behaviour in front of my wife) but its sitting next to my shoulder right now when I write these words and I talk to this little guy about various things. Sure he does not understand anything I say except that I need him and I like to spend time with him, but I need this emotional connection with other species to feel happy and complete.

Regarding dirt or animals getting something dirty at home - tbh things getting dirty is perfectly normal. Everything wears out after some time - whether it is fresh paint on the walls, your clothes (btw. bye bye my old italian coat) or human flesh itself. In the "great scope of things" it does not matter even if it is annoying. If you objectively have means to take of any animal, you should do it. It changes life for better.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Yup, cats are great, I love them. I am always pondering whether to get more than one I have right now but my household is not ready for it yet (my time for my little friend has shrinked recently anyway and soon I will have a child, so...).

Congrats with the future offspring.

I've always had pets, my whole life. Even when I was just born, my parents had a cattery breeding Siamese cats. Two of the cats assigned themselves guard duty, sleeping in my crib, watching over me when my mother bathed me, et cetera. I moved out at seventeen and lived in a room of 12m2 and I had my own cat.

On the other hand, I do understand how someone who is away from home most of the time and has a small apartment might not want to have a pet that requires attention (a pet corn snake doesn't require much attention, just feeding once every 2 weeks), so your friend who "never had any dog or cat, arguing usually that her apartment is too small and that she does not have the time to take care of any animals" might have, as you call it "she did not have any need for animals around herself, and what's interesting, struggled at deeper side of emotional communication often", but her reasoning is probably part emphatic for the pet that spends all day cooped up in a tiny apartment.
And a cat or dog is a 15-20-year commitment to take care of another living being, so I can understand that some people do not want to shoulder that responsibility. Especially when they live alone and busy outside the house most of the time.

 

[Vanderdonck]

IMHO you find them aesthetically pleasing, interesting i.e. nice to look at or touch, you understand they are important etc. - but you do not love them. Love is also about your strong need to be around something or someone. If it will be taken from you or this need of being around kept unfulfilled, you will suffer emotional pain. I doubt you will suffer it if you will not take the weekend trip to zoo every few weeks. You are free to define it otherwise, but for me what you have described (even if it is a positive indication about you) is not love.

Tbh I have heard this reasoning many times - I am certainly not stating that you are the same or even similar to that person in this regard, but many years ago I had an aquaintance in my group of college friends that had a small apartment (no mortgage) bought by parents, that was close to her work. She loved attending cultural events, going to movies, taking trips around the world, attending parties with her close circle of friends. She also liked to tell everyone that she loves animals (and liked memes about them) but never had any dog or cat, arguing usually that her apartment is too small and that she does not have the time to take care of any animals. Her parents were successful professionals, definitely intelligent people, they had a dog. In spite of that, she did not have any need for animals around herself, and what's interesting, struggled at deeper side of emotional communication often. Objectively, she had all the means to take care of at least one animal, she has just never preferred to take any. Due to the deficiencies in EQ over the years she has struggled with her career which never really took off despite theoretically having excellent conditions for much more positive outcome.

In the same time I was renting a room and took a cat from shelter (before I went to college in my parents house were always some animals - cats or dogs) eventhough my rent for the room was about 40% of my first work salary at that time. I could not take fancy trips, and after some time (eventhough I love that cat, took it with me for short trips, played with her a lot) I had to leave the cat at my grandparents house which she loved when I visited them with her (I got a good contract opportunity far away from my previous city, and taking her with me would be very stressful for her and I would have to leave her alone for many hours, her life would change). Cats are little bit more about places they know than ppl they know when compared with dogs. So I left my little best friend at the best place I could at that time (grandparents house she loved) eventhough it was painful for me. I have visited her and my grandparents many times after that. Years later, I took another cat. Pain of not having and not being able to maintain living beings around me that I wanted at that time (including the girl I loved) motivated me to change my life, I got a good job eventually, understood myself better in the meantime - I also understood that I need a cat (again). My cat is probably not the smartest being in the world (but I prefer to defend his rebellious behaviour in front of my wife) but its sitting next to my shoulder right now when I write these words and I talk to this little guy about various things. Sure he does not understand anything I say except that I need him and I like to spend time with him, but I need this emotional connection with other species to feel happy and complete.

Regarding dirt or animals getting something dirty at home - tbh things getting dirty is perfectly normal. Everything wears out after some time - whether it is fresh paint on the walls, your clothes (btw. bye bye my old italian coat) or human flesh itself. In the "great scope of things" it does not matter even if it is annoying. If you objectively have means to take of any animal, you should do it. It changes life for better.

Yeah I guess we agree to disagree on these points. I personally don't think just because someone buys and owns a pet that it means they love animals or have even thought through what they are doing to the animal just so they can have the satisfaction of having it around. (Not accusing you of this - some people just don't realize it.) It can be a very selfish act and cruel to the animal if the human has not considered the demands of a pet, especially living in an urban area.

But I don't want to derail the thread and make it about pets so I'll leave it at that.