Getting a feel for women at work - Do all the same rules and concepts apply?

[BillyPilgrim]

Sounds like a great way to get a call from HR

You can make it accidental (as they often do) or innocent and gauge her response. If OP says she's being playful, he should be able to get away with taps on the shoulder, arm, etc and see if there's any reaction, even if it's subtle on her part. OP also mentioned the "vibe" with this girl, so he might be able to detect any changes in her energy upon touching.

The girl is a unique position to string OP along, and the chances are she knows it. Not sure if I'm buying the "not experienced with men" bit.

 

[corrector]

You could also get fired and become virtually unemployable too

You are out to lunch on this one. I see guys and gals hanging out and going to lunch all the time at work. I'm surprized the OP hasn't gone out to lunch already. You don't have that level of rapport, worry about an outcome like that, and not think that women are satanic level of evil, lol If that's the case and I really believed that, then, if I were the OP, then I wouldn't talk to that woman period and see her as a devil that is out to zap me. That's not how reality works.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You can make it accidental (as they often do) or innocent and gauge her response. If OP says she's being playful, he should be able to get away with taps on the shoulder, arm, etc and see if there's any reaction, even if it's subtle on her part. OP also mentioned the "vibe" with this girl, so he might be able to detect any changes in her energy upon touching.

The girl is a unique position to string OP along, and the chances are she knows it. Not sure if I'm buying the "not experienced with men" bit.

Guys only get strung along if they allow it and interested women don't do that.

His goal if he chooses to attempt this should be to risk as little as possible while getting his answer to that.

 

[Smartone84]

The girl is a unique position to string OP along, and the chances are she knows it. Not sure if I'm buying the "not experienced with men" bit.

You have no clue who this person is. I do as I've spoken and gotten to know her over a somewhat lengthy period of time now. So its a bit odd for you to kind of discount my account of who she is and how she comes across. This isn't the type of girl who's out to string me along. She hasn't even shown one sign of flirtation in all of our 10-12 conversations we've had. Beleive me, I know the type of women you are referencing. They are out there at work. They use their beauty to get attention and all that. This is just not her. She's genuinely nice. Maybe even too nice. As a side note, under no circumstances would I ever go the kino route in the workplace.

I'm surprized the OP hasn't gone out to lunch already.

Well, again, it really wasn't even until quite recently where I finally felt we had rapport of a really solid level of where I'd even be comfortable asking her this. Then on top of that, again, our breaks are usually not at the same time. Yes I could work it out to where I took a break with her, but I'm also only working in her office on average of 2-3x a month and when I do, our hours aren't even always the same. She's more of an office person, I'm a repair/tech guy that only goes in there when needed.

I think it's a no-brainer to ask her out for lunch at this point and see how she responds to you. While it would be nicer if she asked you....she hasn't, so you have to step up to the plate. She will say yes to at least one lunch and it seems natural for it to go in that direction.

I agree at this point that the offer to "go out" should be done during work hours. Lower pressure, easier thing to ask, etc. Since I usually already have had lunch by the time I show up to her office, I'm going to ask her to come get coffee with me down the block. Asking for a more elaborate type of thing outside of work hours grabbing a drink just doesn't feel quite right to me yet. I feel like people might see "6 months", but in reality, again, its only been about 10-12 (sometimes brief) conversations where only recently things picked up. For perspective, we have never even exchanged phone numbers. The bottom line is simple imo- if this chick is even the slightest bit interested in anything more than a platonic/friendly co-worker level, she'll make sure she goes to that coffee shop with me, and if for some reason she can't, I'd assume she'd counter in some way shape or form (i.e. "Definitely next time").

I know some people, myself included, might think that a simple coffee down the block during work hours just won't give me any sign into how she's really vibing me, but for me its more about taking that next step and finally breaking out of the constant conversations within the office work walls. Then if this goes well, asking her to get drinks sometime would feel that much easier and more organic.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yes and this is what I'm afraid of. But still, I just don't know. I still think its very possible she'd go out to grab a drink or coffee with me.

For the most part, I do agree, but I will say that this particular woman isn't like most that I've gotten to know. She's a little "different". She just seems like the overly friendly type, doesn't have too many street smarts, has probably not faced too many awkward or tough situations in life. Still lives at home for example. Think sheltered to put it simply. For example, I wouldn't be surprised if she has never been in a serious relationship. To make sense of all of this, I think its quite possible that she doesn't even know HOW to flirt, let alone execute throwing me IOI's. One of those (somewhat rare) types of women.

Is she a prude? If so, you can often tell if she likes you by how she judges, critiques, or tries to reform your more dangerous/reckless side. It usually means that you're on her mind.

Either way, this seems like a lot of overthinking and analyzing for someone you haven’t even had lunch with yet. The best way to gauge her interest is simply by asking her out for a casual meetup outside of the office. Hopefully, you're talking to other women as well—if not, that might explain why you're so focused on this one situation.

 

[corrector]

You have no clue who this person is. I do as I've spoken and gotten to know her over a somewhat lengthy period of time now. So its a bit odd for you to kind of discount my account of who she is and how she comes across. This isn't the type of girl who's out to string me along. She hasn't even shown one sign of flirtation in all of our 10-12 conversations we've had. Beleive me, I know the type of women you are referencing. They are out there at work. They use their beauty to get attention and all that. This is just not her. She's genuinely nice. Maybe even too nice. As a side note, under no circumstances would I ever go the kino route in the workplace.


Well, again, it really wasn't even until quite recently where I finally felt we had rapport of a really solid level of where I'd even be comfortable asking her this. Then on top of that, again, our breaks are usually not at the same time. Yes I could work it out to where I took a break with her, but I'm also only working in her office on average of 2-3x a month and when I do, our hours aren't even always the same. She's more of an office person, I'm a repair/tech guy that only goes in there when needed.


I agree at this point that the offer to "go out" should be done during work hours. Lower pressure, easier thing to ask, etc. Since I usually already have had lunch by the time I show up to her office, I'm going to ask her to come get coffee with me down the block. Asking for a more elaborate type of thing outside of work hours grabbing a drink just doesn't feel quite right to me yet. I feel like people might see "6 months", but in reality, again, its only been about 10-12 (sometimes brief) conversations where only recently things picked up. For perspective, we have never even exchanged phone numbers. The bottom line is simple imo- if this chick is even the slightest bit interested in anything more than a platonic/friendly co-worker level, she'll make sure she goes to that coffee shop with me, and if for some reason she can't, I'd assume she'd counter in some way shape or form (i.e. "Definitely next time").

I know some people, myself included, might think that a simple coffee down the block during work hours just won't give me any sign into how she's really vibing me, but for me its more about taking that next step and finally breaking out of the constant conversations within the office work walls. Then if this goes well, asking her to get drinks sometime would feel that much easier and more organic.

It sounds like you've got this. Let us know how it goes.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

........ Whether it's at work or not, do you think the same rules always apply?................. Do you guys think it's still all good to go in for asking her out?

No, the rule is "DON'T SHYT WHERE YOU EAT"

Not at all good to ask that coworker out, your better option is to look at yourself in the mirror, slap yourself across the face, and question yourself as to why you have such a scarcity mindset that you have to go looking for love at your own workplace.

 

[Smartone84]

No, the rule is "DON'T SHYT WHERE YOU EAT"

Not at all good to ask that coworker out, your better option is to look at yourself in the mirror, slap yourself across the face, and question yourself as to why you have such a scarcity mindset that you have to go looking for love at your own workplace.

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. While meeting someone at work is not the most ideal scenario by any means, I also find it hilarious just how against it some people are when TONS of couples meet at work. Its not exactly some extreme taboo thing that is frowned upon so hard to the point of insanity. As far as marriages in the US in general go, according to the below article filled with tons of other work relationship stats, 22% have met at work. And while I know many won't beleive me, I've been with my company for over 15 years. I've never felt inclined to ask a co-worker out until now.

Workplace Romance Statistics 2024 And The Impact On Career

Workplace Romance Statistics: 41% of individuals aren't uncomfortable publicly displaying their affection from co-workers.

www.enterpriseappstoday.com

.

 

[Redwood]

Don't trust them up there so no. Especially if it pays well and the benefits are top notch.

 

[JST8828]

I agree at this point that the offer to "go out" should be done during work hours. Lower pressure, easier thing to ask, etc. Since I usually already have had lunch by the time I show up to her office, I'm going to ask her to come get coffee with me down the block.

Based on all you've mentioned about this woman, how she seems overly friendly, is the "sheltered type" and even naive to the fact that you are into her makes me think a "work coffee" idea could backfire. She could just say yes and go with you bc she's being nice and friendly. It wouldn't mean much of anything like her agreeing to get drinks on a Friday night after work for example. Then on top of that she could (and most likely would) end up giving you the same kind of vibes she does down the block in your office. I understand you might want to use the work coffee as a stepping stone to asking her out on a real date, but I just feel like its more filler. You need to try and escalate to the point of truly gauging her interest, and I feel that can really only happen by asking her out for something outside of work hours. If nothing else you should at least exchange numbers at this point to gauge that way. (i.e. See how responsive she is, if she texts you umprompted, etc)

 

[Smartone84]

I understand you might want to use the work coffee as a stepping stone to asking her out on a real date, but I just feel like its more filler. You need to try and escalate to the point of truly gauging her interest, and I feel that can really only happen by asking her out for something outside of work hours.

I understand your thoughts, but after all this time, going out for a half hour cup of coffee together, even if its during work, would be an escalation in its own right with this particular girl. Also, I would absolutely step up the conversation with her during said coffee outing.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Women generally won't reveal interest until a guy has made the move or has made his motive clear

She wants you too shoot your shot because its a position in which she can't lost

She accepts and she gets a rush of excitement from the male desire and a date with a guy she likes

She declines and she gets a rush from knowing you wanted her

Either way its a win win and something to talk with the girlies about over coffee

In this aspect it sucks to be a man because you have no choice regardless of the scenario to make the move and risk total humiliation

The best players make the move without even acknowledging a rejection

 

[Divorced w 3]

There’s risk but human nature is still human nature. If you aren’t good outside the office, I definitely wouldn’t recommend trying inside. If you can read the room though, why not?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Strong Woman

Strong Woman is the current vice-principal of South Park Elementary, and the mother of the PC Babies. As her name suggests, she is a strong and independent woman who tries to be a role model for little girls. She made her debut appearance in the Season Twenty-One episode, "SUPER HARD PCness"...

southpark.fandom.com

 

[BaronOfHair]

It's not advisable to try to merge a romantic life with a working life if a man works a white collar job.

The best a white collar man can do is to try to get introductions to the friends of his female co-workers

And let's own up to it, fellas: One of our primary(though certainly not the only) motives for going white collar is so to increase access to the most desirable women on the planet

Anyone who's a reasonably sharp observer got past the fantasy of being a police detective like Dirty Harry*, when they not only realized that the pay was sh-t, but got one look at the tavern wenches men in this line of work end up with in RL


*Obviously, moving up the ranks to Captain and the like is a different story. No doubt there are police chiefs out there married to former models

 

[Divorced w 3]

This really tall, pretty 28 year old just gave me the second IOI in like a week, we were going to jump in my car two years ago at the company Christmas party and a guy was like no way order her a black car to her boss (could have strangled him, haven’t said a word him since). She was walking by a few minutes ago and I gave her a high five and kept going, she turned around and engaged me in conversation. I think I am going to go workout, get the adrenaline going I am in a funk today, but that’ll pull me out and see if the moxie is there to get her out after work.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Madone you should have seen the bomb that just got on the elevator with me / make me hit pause in literally everything I just said about the other one

 

[Smartone84]

Minor update: Had another convo with her this past week and I will be honest, I just could not pull the trigger on asking her out. Again, great convo, lots of laughs, a legitimate chemistry from a general standpoint at least, but, the amount of co-worker/friendly vibes only this girl gives me are just too high. After all this time if one was on the outside looking in, you could make a huge bet that she just views me as a co-worker who's easy to talk to and can pass some time with. Its one thing like what @Bingo-Player was saying where women typically don't reveal actual interest until a guy has made his motive clear, but usually, or at least almost always in my history, I will get a few IOI's that are my green light to at least attempt moving forward.

With this chick, NEVER has she given me a true IOI, unless you want to somehow count starting up convos with me or on one occasion walking up to me for a conversation. I just can't mentally move forward with something like asking her to go get coffee with me outside the office when I have never felt anything from her outside of general friendly/fun co-worker convo. As I said before, I do think she's a little naive and a little odd in general though. Definitely not a flashy type of woman who says outlandish things. She's never even come close to talking about things of a sexual nature for example. I also get the vibe that she might not even know how to properly flirt. But, on several occasions now I have thrown her some bait to make it easy for her to grab, and she has never taken it.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Let me echo the don't shyt where you eat sentiment.

I used to ignore that advice. I fukked many women at different workplaces, including an intern and a boss. Since nothing bad ever happened I figured I was golden.

That is until I banged a just out of college, brand new coworker with all kinds of mental health issues. She even had a boyfriend so I figured we were just fukking.

There wasn't even an HR issue. It was just a day to day drama of dealing with this chick's sh*t. It was a source of tremendous stress for me. I put myself in a very weak frame and paid the price. Luckily my reputation at the office was sterling and hers was terrible or she could have possibly ruined me. Instead she screwed herself and I got to breathe a sigh of relief and block her stupid a$$.

 

[pipeman84]

Minor update: Had another convo with her this past week and I will be honest, I just could not pull the trigger on asking her out. Again, great convo, lots of laughs, a legitimate chemistry from a general standpoint at least, but, the amount of co-worker/friendly vibes only this girl gives me are just too high.

What is your goal here? You want to get married? Then she certainly sounds like a good candidate, if she's indeed into you and not just seeing you as a co-worker to pass the time with. The only way to find out which is which is to get her out of the work environment, to a coffee/hobby related activity as previously suggested.