why do woman respond to "detached" guys?

[PlatoPacks23]

I noticed whenever I'm "detached, unemotional/verging on a robot" with woman emotionally or just in my demeanor it tends to get them more attracted rather than I'm "myself" and more upbeat and expressive if that makes sense.

WHY is that?

 

[itouchyou]

nonreactiveness indicates being unmoved, still, calm - these are signs of strength, that's why women are attracted to it.

simple example, if you're out one day with your woman and there's an explosion in the distance; do you think she'd be more attracted to you if you jumped and started screaming, or if you merely looked over and were nonreactive?

not only that but being nonreactive indicates you're not impressed or overly interested. shows that you have options, shows that you don't get attached easily, and shows that you see yourself as being above the woman - the last one in particular makes her think you are above her.

in contrast to the guy that shows extreme interest and involvement with the woman, that shows that she is above him. future divorce/cheating relationship right there.

 

[BPH]

nonreactiveness indicates being unmoved, still, calm - these are signs of strength, that's why women are attracted to it.

simple example, if you're out one day with your woman and there's an explosion in the distance; do you think she'd be more attracted to you if you jumped and started screaming, or if you merely looked over and were nonreactive?

not only that but being nonreactive indicates you're not impressed or overly interested. shows that you have options, shows that you don't get attached easily, and shows that you see yourself as being above the woman - the last one in particular makes her think you are above her.

in contrast to the guy that shows extreme interest and involvement with the woman, that shows that she is above him. future divorce/cheating relationship right there.

As much as your username concerns me, this is a pretty solid answer.

 

[Ricky]

I think women like it when they can’t figure a guy out completely. Being less predictable makes you less boring and they think about you more.

Detached guys are less likely to be predictable

 

[Bokanovsky]

I noticed whenever I'm "detached, unemotional/verging on a robot" with woman emotionally or just in my demeanor it tends to get them more attracted rather than I'm "myself" and more upbeat and expressive if that makes sense.

WHY is that?

Daddy issues.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I noticed whenever I'm "detached, unemotional/verging on a robot" with woman emotionally or just in my demeanor it tends to get them more attracted rather than I'm "myself" and more upbeat and expressive if that makes sense.

WHY is that?

Nerves of steel/not being easily rattled are an archtypically masculine trait

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Uncertainty

 

[Chow Mein]

I think women like it when they can’t figure a guy out completely. Being less predictable makes you less boring and they think about you more.

Detached guys are less likely to be predictable

Unpredictability has kept the women I date coming back.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Self-sufficiency and confidence are attractive because they create emotional distance, which sparks insecurity in others. When someone appears detached, it triggers a fear of being unwanted or losing their attention, causing possible suitors—or even others around them—to feel insecure and more eager to gain approval. People are drawn to what they can't easily have or fully possess—this taps into vanity and the need to feel desired. A detached demeanor signals that you’re not easily won, making others work harder to capture your attention.

By seeming emotionally distant, you create a sense of challenge that drives others to prove their worth. This dynamic fuels their desire to win you over, as they become more invested in gaining your affection. In love and attraction, the fear of being rejected or losing someone often outweighs the joy of being pursued, making people more eager to chase after what seems out of reach.

 

[Doctor Doom]

It’s called not losing frame. Something men must never do.

 

[jhonny9546]

nonreactiveness indicates being unmoved, still, calm - these are signs of strength, that's why women are attracted to it.

simple example, if you're out one day with your woman and there's an explosion in the distance; do you think she'd be more attracted to you if you jumped and started screaming, or if you merely looked over and were nonreactive?

I know of a LTR filled with arguments, where the man is unresponsive. Even when they are together—perhaps taking a group photo, dancing, or attempting to express emotions—he remains cold. But when He have to scold her or impose him, show aggressive behaviour, and she shut up.

Even when she texts him about marriage, sharing dreams of growing old together and many other things, he continues to be indifferent, simply responding with "OK," "good," or "let's see."

In short, he acts like a computer. And yet, the relationship has endured for 10 years, with its ups and downs.

This reminds me when you were young and cold, and someone like your uncle would come to you to give a kiss, and you didn't wanted, but she eventually find the way to kiss you anyway.

By seeming emotionally distant, you create a sense of challenge that drives others to prove their worth. This dynamic fuels their desire to win you over, as they become more invested in gaining your affection. In love and attraction, the fear of being rejected or losing someone often outweighs the joy of being pursued, making people more eager to chase after what seems out of reach.

So, this is a good point. How do you manage to be sociable, cheerful, and open, while at the same time being mysterious and detached? It's like saying "night" and "day."

I notice that I can be "day" at certain times and "night" at others. Given the scenario.
Does this mean I can handle both, unconsciously?

Also, as someone here on the forum said, we should act like "day" when you want to validate a woman, and "night" when you don't. Anyway, this behaviour should be natural, and not faked.

Also, there is a treshold which if you are too much "night", you'll be labeled as a "robot". So how do you make sure you're not too much on the "night" spectrum"?

 

[The Duke]

Self-sufficiency and confidence are attractive because they create emotional distance, which sparks insecurity in others. When someone appears detached, it triggers a fear of being unwanted or losing their attention, causing possible suitors—or even others around them—to feel insecure and more eager to gain approval. People are drawn to what they can't easily have or fully possess—this taps into vanity and the need to feel desired. A detached demeanor signals that you’re not easily won, making others work harder to capture your attention.

By seeming emotionally distant, you create a sense of challenge that drives others to prove their worth. This dynamic fuels their desire to win you over, as they become more invested in gaining your affection. In love and attraction, the fear of being rejected or losing someone often outweighs the joy of being pursued, making people more eager to chase after what seems out of reach.

Thank you for putting this into words. It's a phenomena I have experienced in all of my relationships and never fully understood the effect it has. This is exactly what makes me attractive to women and what bothers them the most in my relationships. I've been accused of everything you listed and they tell me how hard they try to please me.

 

[Hal9000]

Think about it this way, if you're a woman and you constantly have men falling all over themselves to be around you and who will act however you want them to, when you suddenly come upon a high value guy who doesn't do any of those things you're gonna be intrigued as to why not. Women are like cats. You don't have much success begging a cat to come to you, you just have to sit down and act like you don't care about the cat either way and suddenly there's a cat in your lap. Perhaps a bit of an oversimplification but not an entirely without merit comparison.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I noticed whenever I'm "detached, unemotional/verging on a robot" with woman emotionally or just in my demeanor it tends to get them more attracted rather than I'm "myself" and more upbeat and expressive if that makes sense.

WHY is that?

Women thrive on attention. When someone doesnt give it to them, they try to figure out why.

"Am I unattractive?"
"Does he already have a girl he loves?"

And other such nonsense. Treat them like children, their mental model becomes very easy to analyze.

 

[jhonny9546]

Treat them like children.

This is good for short term goals

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

This is good for short term goals

You're obviously not a parent.

When you have children, a mature parent adjusts their communication to the growing maturity in the child. You don't treat a toddler like you treat a teenager (unless they show toddler behaviour), but if you need guidelines on how to treat (young) women, it's mostly treating them as 'young adults', even when they are 30+.

Treating a woman as a 'young adult' doesn't mean you treat them with disdain or arrogance, but like a supportive parent. You don't argue with teenagers, you have to guide them towards understanding themselves and you support their efforts towards maturing. You want to be regarded as a leader, so wise rather than domineering. Like with teenagers, women have to see you as their safe haven, the person they can confide in, where they don't fear you but willingly put themselves in your capable hands.

Treat them like children, their mental model becomes very easy to analyze.

A mature/immature dynamic works especially well with women whose fathers weren't good role models.

 

[jhonny9546]

You want to be regarded as a leader, so wise rather than domineering

I'm pretty sure I'm wise, and not sure how much dominant.
But wise it's also boring. So you can be labeled as boring

safe haven, the person they can confide in, where they don't fear you but willingly put themselves in your capable hands.

I can be that person, even though I often see women "confiding" in other men who are known to thrive on gossip.
If a man gossips about others, how could you form a relationship with him and confide your intimate thoughts?
I never understood this, but I might think it's that "fake" sense of safe haven they feel when confiding, even tho they're doing to the wrong person.

A mature/immature dynamic works especially well with women whose fathers weren't good role models.

Viceversa. But are you saying that for us mature men it's obvious that we won't get mature women attracted, but only immature ones?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm pretty sure I'm wise, and not sure how much dominant.
But wise it's also boring. So you can be labeled as boring

While acquiring wisdom is one of my ambitions, I don't consider myself wise. And while I'm sure you're intelligent, I doubt your wisdom surpasses mine, especially since you seem to think that wisdom is also boring.

I can be that person, even though I often see women "confiding" in other men who are known to thrive on gossip.
If a man gossips about others, how could you form a relationship with him and confide your intimate thoughts?
I never understood this, but I might think it's that "fake" sense of safe haven they feel when confiding, even tho they're doing to the wrong person.

People often show bad judgment. Men and women alike.
Another thing is that these women appear to confide these men, but are they truly confiding in them or maybe testing them to see how discreet they are?
Women confide in me, but their confessions increase in time when they realise I'm discreet and trustworthy. I'm pretty sure that their first 'confessions' are not always true but an attempt to gauge my trustworthiness.

Viceversa. But are you saying that for us mature men it's obvious that we won't get mature women attracted, but only immature ones?

No, because mature men are also attractive to mature women. Ask a mature woman like @BeExcellent if you don't believe me.

 

[jhonny9546]

you seem to think that wisdom is also boring.

Not me, other women.

Women confide in me, but their confessions increase in time when they realise I'm discreet and trustworthy. I'm pretty sure that their first 'confessions' are not always true but an attempt to gauge my trustworthiness.

Would you ever consider "joking" about their confessions?
Let's say your GF likes to read romance/erotica and found a scene of a certain sexual act. She sends it to you right before sex, and then you have great sex based on that scene. Later, you're at a party with her and there are people around. One of your friends is reading a book. You ask, "Hey Clara, what's the book title? I want to let myGF know! She really LOVES reading...!"
In this scenario, "LOVES" is said with a different intonation, implying a flirty tone, and while looking at her in a flirty way. Everyone was hearing and looking at you both. Your woman starts smiling.
Is this a good way to keep the confession private while making a joke about it?
is this a thing you would do with an LTR?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Would you ever consider "joking" about their confessions?

No.

In this scenario, "LOVES" is said with a different intonation, implying a flirty tone, and while looking at her in a flirty way. Everyone was hearing and looking at you both. Your woman starts smiling.

In that scenario you sketch, you come across as mocking her taste in literature. If a woman would start smiling at that, it would be more akin to a grimace than joy. Don't try to joke or entertain, especially not with your lover's confessions. It comes too close to the wrong type of humiliation.

The most I might do is whisper in my GF's ear, "Sounds like your type of book." That would be 'sharing the intimacy of her confession' without putting her on the spot.
I do this regularly, pull my lover close in public and whisper in her ear that my thoughts are not on the lovely art deco table she points out, but on her naked body bending over the gleaming wooden tabletop while I take her hard from behind.