Your father will make your life

[jhonny9546]

I have come to understand the root of my unhealthy behaviors and what has hindered my growth. I realized that I could never consider myself a mature man because a flower was born within me, yet it never blossomed.

At 26, I can say with certainty that I have not had a father figure worthy of the name. My father has always related to me in ways that I do not find constructive. I have observed healthy families and how parents nurture their children like flowers that need watering. While I can work to improve relationships within my family, I cannot change others.

For my own well-being and future, I need to address some fundamental questions:

- How can I maintain my relationship with my father without being negatively influenced?**
- Can I learn from the positive father figures I have encountered?
- How will the absence of fatherly guidance impact my life also after 26 years?

When I see children facing the harsh realities of life, I see reflections of myself. I also observe children who grow up in nurturing environments, encouraged to have meaningful experiences and learn essential values. They confront difficulties with greater resilience, while others may feel overwhelmed.

I wish I had someone to care for me—a strong father who could teach me about life step by step. Instead, I find myself here without a solid guide. The difference is stark and weighs heavily on my heart.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I wish I had someone to care for me—a strong father who could teach me about life step by step. Instead, I find myself here without a solid guide. The difference is stark and weighs heavily on my heart.

Find yourself a father figure.

 

[BaronOfHair]

- How will the absence of fatherly guidance impact my life also after 26 years?

As much as you allow it to

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonny,
You can't expect much sympathy here,more than one in four U.S homes are fatherless,some demographics are more than half!...add to that the effectively Fatherless homes where the Father is a workaholic and is rarely seen...Then consider the guys rendered parentless by the need for both Parents to earn a living...You are one of the Heaven born well educated you live in a cradle to grave Welfare state... Don't feel sorry for yourself,just pick up your bundle and get on with it.

 

[GoodMan32]

It's been pointed out before on this forum that if a man lacked a father growing up or (like in my case) were raised primarily by our mom, we tend to struggle when it comes to soaking a woman's panties.

 

[GoodMan32]

Hi Jhonny,
You can't expect much sympathy here,more than one in four U.S homes are fatherless,some demographics are more than half!...add to that the effectively Fatherless homes where the Father is a workaholic and is rarely seen...Then consider the guys rendered parentless by the need for both Parents to earn a living...You are one of the Heaven born well educated you live in a cradle to grave Welfare state... Don't feel sorry for yourself,just pick up your bundle and get on with it.

I'm in the category where my dad worked long hours (and took frequent business trips). So even though my parents were married, I largely had a de facto fatherless home.

He worked as hard as he did so my mom could focus on raising us. Unfortunately, it came back to bite us romantically. I haven't had free sex in 3 and a half years. My brother (age 30) has, to the best of my knowledge, never had a girlfriend or sex.

 

[Plinco]

I wish I had someone to care for me—a strong father who could teach me about life step by step. Instead, I find myself here without a solid guide. The difference is stark and weighs heavily on my heart.

Learn to be your own father

 

[BaronOfHair]

Learn to be your own father

Or channel one

 

[Bible_Belt]

When I worked in mma promotions I met a lot of fighters. Short man's complex and daddy issues were the two driving forces behind deciding to be a fighter. If a guy was 5' 8" or below, his dad would be his corner man. Above that height, everyone hated their dad, who was never there in the crowd. We were kind of like strippers in that regard.

My dad was a natural born loser his entire life. I always defended and helped him. A few years ago his elderly a55hole of a father died and he went from being broke to being a millionaire, so he of course stopped talking to me. I never asked him for anything, but as soon as he is rich and doesn't need me any more that's the end of our relationship. He's a moron and will probably blow all the money. Maybe I will hear from him again after he is broke.

 

[plumber]

OP; you are likely correct.

This forum likely does not have anyone with a great father; else they don't end up in this forum. we could rename this the crappy father group.

1. deal with it
2. find help
3. wither and die

Men can be found that will help if your goals are self improvement. If the goal is getting women, not so much...

The lead man in a group that your a part of might help. We call them alpha or leader or boss.... If your part of the pack.

If you go it alone, then your on your own.

You are very correct, solving this will really help everything.

No one is coming; you have to find them.

If your in a group; help the weaker ones, this usually results in the stronger ones to help you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This forum likely does not have anyone with a great father...

No one man can provide anyone with everything they need, his own offspring included. It pays to lower one's expectations of his fellow humans, Pops included

 

[plumber]

No one man can provide anyone with everything they need, his own offspring included. It pays to lower one's expectations of his fellow humans, Pops included

yeah, but going it alone is not always fun. getting help from others results in faster improvements.

 

[kavi]

My father is also a major loser. Now this comes back to the point i made in another thread about fathers. The thing is for ppl out threre age around 40 the fathers are boomers they were just normal beta males. Think of all the men you knew and grew up with. What do you think of them? They are just normie loser guys with no power or knowledge of the world. Now you have children who expect these average loser males to be father figures obviously its not gonna work out. Most guys are just average loser guys and as fathers they really are nothing. For every guy who is a father there is 50% chance his son will become smarter than him, so why would the child listen to the father and what role does an average guy as a father really have?

There is no point worrying about loser fathers whether they stayed with or left the family. People who never had a father might feel they missed out but there are so many loser guys as fathers inc myself i actually think its better to be raised without one.

 

[SW15]

if a man lacked a father growing up or (like in my case) were raised primarily by our mom, we tend to struggle when it comes to soaking a woman's panties.

Mothers tend to raise their children more than fathers, even if the mother and father stay together. The degree of involvement that a father has impact.

When a son is primarily raised by his mother, she will tend to raise him as a "beta nice guy" if she's a White mother. The less that a father is present to counterbalance that to a degree, the worse it is for the son in high school and beyond. There are other factors involved too, but the level of involvement from a father is useful.

Boys who have a father who is more active in their lives during childhood will be better positioned to soak a woman's panties. However, these males with a present and involved father often tend to struggle in longer term relationships. They might have seen their father act as a beta during the marriage growing up and eventually be beta in their own long term relationships, ending up in an unpleasant divorce themselves.

I think some other factors matter more for initially getting laid, such as looks (esp height) and social skills than how involved the father was in the son's life. Number of childhood and adulthood relocations is valuable too. The fewer relocations and K-12 school changes, the better the social circle and the overall social skills.

 

[Bigpapa]

I'm in the category where my dad worked long hours (and took frequent business trips). So even though my parents were married, I largely had a de facto fatherless home.

He worked as hard as he did so my mom could focus on raising us. Unfortunately, it came back to bite us romantically. I haven't had free sex in 3 and a half years. My brother (age 30) has, to the best of my knowledge, never had a girlfriend or sex.

What has to do that your father put a lot of effort to give his family a good life, with the fact that you are not able to get laid

man, you are a f8cking loser blaming your father

that you are a loser is your problem, not his. You and your brother having money to go to h00kers is a prime example that your father gave you enough resources throughout your life to live a healthy life and you should be thankful for it

imagine how disappointed your father is, putting all this effort, only for his children to end up total losers. Maybe he should have spent his money on h00kers instead of giving it to his ungrateful children. He would have had for sure way less regrets than now

 

[BaronOfHair]

yeah, but going it alone is not always fun

Anders Breivek and Charles Whitman dictate that this isn't entirely true

 

[Plinco]

yeah, but going it alone is not always fun. getting help from others results in faster improvements.

That's an issue with your attitude. Experience should teach you not to expect to be a success if you are going to be lazy and entitled.

 

[GoodMan32]

@SW15 You're right when you say most kids, even if the parents are together, are raised primarily by their mom.

I've known a decent amount of both White men and Mexican men who were raised on ranches, working closely with their dad. Off the top of my head, none of the men I've known who fit that description have struggled with the ladies. Being raised on a ranch is a highly niche scenario, however.

One thing I'm going to disagree on is the idea that attending the same school system your whole K-12 career helps. In a way, that can hinder you (as if you don't get branded as one of the cool kids, it becomes social suicide for a girl to get with you)

I attended the same district my whole K-12 career. Changing school districts obviously comes with its own challenges (even if I don't know firsthand). I'm not saying changing school districts makes it any easier. All I'm saying is staying in the same district doesn't necessarily benefit a guy in terms of getting cooch.

 

[GoodMan32]

What has to do that your father put a lot of effort to give his family a good life, with the fact that you are not able to get laid

man, you are a f8cking loser blaming your father

that you are a loser is your problem, not his. You and your brother having money to go to h00kers is a prime example that your father gave you enough resources throughout your life to live a healthy life and you should be thankful for it

imagine how disappointed your father is, putting all this effort, only for his children to end up total losers. Maybe he should have spent his money on h00kers instead of giving it to his ungrateful children. He would have had for sure way less regrets than now

Umm, as for your question of "What does my dad working hard in his career have to do with my inability to get laid?," the answer is in the phenomenon @SW15 pointed out, where boys who are raised primarily by a mom are prone to becoming betas.

Don't get me wrong, my dad's lucrative career has given me opportunities I otherwise wouldn't have had. All I'm saying is...in the specific realm of getting a woman, the fact my dad was away from the home for most of my childhood had an unintended side effect (because, again, being raised primarily by your mom makes you prone to becoming a beta)

I never said my brother gets with prostitutes (he might; I have no idea...as far as I know, he's never had sex at all; paid or free)

My brother isn't a "loser" in the same sense as me by the way. He makes 6 figures.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes your Father is important but at the end of the day you can either use imperfect situations in your life as excuses or you can use them as challenges to overcome.

Plenty of pro athletes who grew up with far worse situations than you did made it to the pinnacle of their sport.

Plenty of ones also never made it, some of whom were more talented or just as talented as the ones who did.

What was the difference? Their mindset.

One group used that as an excuse while the other used it as a challenge to overcome.

Everything in life can be viewed that way. You have to decide if you are going to lay down and roll over in life when you get knocked down or if you are going to get up and fight your @ss off Everytime it happens.